Hey All. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up. My muse decided it didn't want to show up this week so I've been struggling on and off on this chapter. So here it is. I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY
Drums pounded loudly inside Flack's head, making it feel like it was going to fall off. Actually, he wished it would and maybe the pounding pain would cease. He ran his tongue experimentally around his dry chapped lips; his mouth was so dry it felt like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. Groaning loudly he buried his face in the pillows, but the banging continued till he realized the noise wasn't all in his head. Someone was banging on his front door.
Groggily he threw the covers off and opened his eyes only to slam them shut against the assault of light in the room. I'm blind, he thought both hands clamping to his head as the pain erupted to new levels. Feeling completely disoriented he climbed out of bed, making his way down the hall, hands outstretched in front of him as his guide. As he stumbled through the living room he forgot the arrangement of the furniture and rapped hard into the solid oak beast of a coffee table Jess had insisted they buy.
He cursed loudly as he limped to the door. Great, now I have a throbbing leg to go with the throbbing head. Flipping the deadbolt he pulled the door open with a growl. "Whaddya want?" he slurred.
Danny stared at him. "You look like crap." he said frankly, blue eyes filled with concern.
Bloodshot eyes glared at him. "Yea. Thanks a lot." Flack winced holding a hand to his head. "Don't shout Dan. Can't ya see I'm dyin' here?"
Danny wrinkled his nose at the smell permeating from Flack. "Yea I can tell. You smell like the inside of a liquor bottle. When's the last time you showered?" he asked waving a hand in front of his face. "I like the whiskey smellin' cologne you got on though. It's a nice touch."
Flack groaned and walked away, leaving Danny to let himself in. Flopping onto the couch sideways he asked. "What do you want Dan?"
"I'm here to give you a good old fashioned kick in the pants." He joked before turning serious. "Seriously though, I'm here as your best friend who's worried about you. You're not answering your phone; no one's heard from you or seen you in weeks. You haven't answered the door when people came to check on you. Hell we didn't know if something serious had happened to you."
"Well I'm fine. There, you've checked on me. Now you can run back and tell everyone that you saw me." Flack sneered at his friend.
Danny looked around the room, noticing the empty liquor bottles littered around the room. Mentally he named them of: Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Jameson's, Black Velvet, Crown Royal, Seagram's. He shook his head, eyes full of disappointment. "You gotta stop doin this to yourself Don."
"Doin' what?" Flack asked.
"Stop drowning your sorrows. This ain't healthy…and it ain't you. Don't do this to yourself. You remember what you always told me?"
"Do we have to take a trip down memory lane, or can I go back to bed and nurse my hangover?" he asked acidly.
Danny ignored the attitude. "You told me you never wanted to end up like your old man after your mom died. That you'd never become a drunk like him. Well congratulations bud, you're on your way to becoming your old man."
Flack's eyes blazed with anger. "What the hell do you know? You don't know what I'm going through. I've been through hell!" his voice cracked. "I held the love of my life in my arms and watched her die! So forgive me if I use a little alcohol helps me get through."
"A little alcohol?!" Danny asked incredulously, pointing at all the bottles scattered around the room. "Does that look like a little alcohol to you? You aren't the only one who lost someone! Jess was like a sister to me, I loved her too! And we're all mourning her death, but killing yourself won't bring her back!"
He shrugged. "I'm dealing with it."
"You're dealing with it?" Danny asked incredulously. "By burying yourself in half a liquor store? You're being selfish! You don't care if it kills you…but there are other people to think about besides yourself. Your friends care. Your family cares! I care!" He shouted angrily. "What about us? Are we supposed to lose you too?" His voice softened and he leaned forward blue eyes earnest. "Flack man, Jess wouldn'ta wanted this for you."
At the mention of Jess, the anger boiled over and Flack was up off the couch and pushing Danny hard against the wall hands fisted tightly in his shirt. "Don't you dare talk about her! You don't know what Jess woulda wanted! Don't you dare tell me you know! You don't know anything!" he shouted desperately.
Danny didn't struggle with him; just let Flack hold him there against the wall. "Don I know you're hurtin', but she wouldn'ta wanted you to start drinking. We both know it won't take the pain away; it won't bring her back Donny. And it doesn't honor her memory either."
Tears welled up in Flack's eyes, spilling down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do Danno. I miss her so much it hurts. It hurts and I'm so tired. Tired of hurting." He let go of Danny's shirt, burying his face in his hands. "I miss her."
Wrapping his arms around his friend Danny hugged him quietly knowing nothing he said could make it better. He let him cry till his tears were exhausted. "C'mon Don, let's get you back to bed so you can sleep the rest of this off."
"Don' wanna sleep. Dream…Jess. Don' wanna dream Danno. 'M so tired." Flack slurred leaning heavily on Danny as they walked down the hall.
"I know Don, I know." Danny soothed as he helped his friend into bed. "Sleep for awhile and when you get up we'll get started on getting you back on your feet."
Flack nodded pulling the covers up over his body, and for the first time in weeks, slept peacefully.
Flack slowly opened his eyes and glanced cautiously around the room, noticing the position of the sun had moved sending shadows stretching across the room. He stared at the ceiling for a moment doing a mental check of his body to see what hurt. The pain in his head was down to a dull throbbing instead of pounding.
Getting out of bed he stumbled to the bathroom immediately turning the shower on so it was hot. Shedding his shorts he got in the tub, and leaning his head under the spray, let the hot water wash away the grime and smell of alcohol from his body. Taking his time he washed slowly and shaved the couple week's worth of growth on his face, enjoying the water beating down on his muscles and the heat soaking the rest of his hangover away.
Shutting off the water he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower, surprised to see a steaming mug of coffee sitting on the counter. He hadn't heard Danny come in and leave it for him. Must've been more out of it than I thought, he mused as he rubbed a towel over his hair. Wiping down the steamy mirror he stared at his reflection. He knew he looked better than he had in awhile, the beard gone, and the redness fading from his eyes. Leaning forward slightly, he could still see dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. Time for a haircut, he thought running a hand his shaggy hair. He sighed knowing there wasn't much else he could do at the moment and pulling on some clean sweats and a t-shirt he headed out to the living room, sipping his coffee.
Danny looked up from his spot on the couch and grinned at Flack as he turned down the sound on the TV. "Welcome back to the land of the living."
Flack sank down next to him and taking another sip of coffee sighed, feeling almost human again for the first time in weeks. "How long was I out?" he asked quietly setting the mug on the table.
"Awhile." Danny glanced at his watch. "It's almost 3. And I got here at about 10 this morning."
Rubbing both hands over his face he sighed again. "You been here the whole time?"
Danny nodded silently.
"Thanks Dan." He said his eyes silently thanking his friend for much more than just the coffee.
Danny nodded solemnly, understanding what Flack was silently saying. "Don't worry 'bout it." He clapped him on the back. "How's the head?"
"Still hurts a little though the shower and coffee seem to be helping. Nothing some ibuprofen can't cure."
Danny nodded and they sat in awkward silence for a moment before he addressed the elephant in the room. "You can't do this to yourself anymore Don. The drinking, keeping yourself locked in the apartment like this, cutting yourself off from the world. Jess is gone and I know you're hurting, but you can't stop living. She wouldn't want you to do that."
"I know." Flack nodded. "You're right. She'd be ashamed of me; disappointed in me. I just don't know how to go on living without her. "He choked, tears welling up in his eyes.
"You take it day by day…step by step." He put both hands on Don's shoulders forcing him to look him in the eyes. "And you don't try to do it all by yourself. You lean on your friends 'n family an' you let us help you."
Flack nodded wiping his tears with the back of his hand.
"And no more drinking. You need somethin' to help you get through you call me. I'll bring the guys over with some pizza and we'll play pool or catch a game on TV or somethin'. No more drowning your sorrows. Please, Don, I don't want to end up buryin' you too." Danny's eyes clouded with tears at the thought. "You're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
Flack clasped one hand behind Danny's neck, his eyes filling again at the emotion in his friend's voice, and pulled him into a fierce hug. They both pulled away awkwardly, sniffing and wiping the tears from their eyes.
Danny sniffed again before clearing his throat. "Anyway, the reason I stopped by, besides checkin' on you, was to invite you to the house for dinner. We're barbequin' and everyone's comin' over. Mac 'n Stella, Adam 'n Kendall, Sheldon 'n Addy. And your new niece of course. She's getting' so big." He said excitedly. "We'll eat lots of food, maybe toss a football around, play some pool, and just hang out. It'll be good for you to spend some time with friends."
Flack was silent for a moment before nodding with a small smile. "Alright. I'll be there, but there's someone I gotta talk to before I come over." He paused. "I need to go see my Dad…let him know I'm still alive."
"Good. He's called the house a bunch of times cuz you weren't answerin' the phone. Was about ready to send a rescue squad if he didn't hear from you soon. He's been worried 'bout you." Danny stood pulling on his jacket." You tell him he's welcome to come too."
"Sure." Flack stood too, walking his friend to the door. "Thanks Dan…for the kick in the pants…for everything." He said seriously.
Danny flashed a crooked grin. "What're friends for? No worries Don. It'll get better, I promise." He wrapped his friend in a tight hug before stepping back and slugging him in the arm. "Catch ya later Flack."
"See ya Dan." He closed the door behind his friend and headed to the bedroom to get dressed. Pausing in the doorway he closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing at the ache in his chest. He spoke quietly, head still bowed. "I miss her so much…you gotta help me here Lord. I can't do this on my own anymore. Please help me get through this." As he said the small prayer a sense of peace filled him, making the pain in his heart ebb for the first time since Jess's death.
God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Btw is anyone else freaking out about what's gonna happen in tonight's episode as much as I am??!! I'm so excited to watch it and yet I'm so totally dreading it! I'm gonna be seriously pissed if the rumors are true…which I have a bad feeling that they are…
Ok anyway sorry for the freak out moment…I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks so much for reading! Please review and tell me what you think! I love reviews they keep me going!