As we drive back to my mansion, I feel a twinge of guilt. It's you. Everytime I am near you, I feel your feelings. And you wonder why I have gotten so distant in recent years. I knew I should have never drank from you. Your blood intertwined in my bones. Forever. Even after death, you will still linger on inside of me. I wonder, if i will burn in hell, I wonder if my soul is forever tainted by you.

It was about this morning wasn't it? When I scolded you for being my office? I sigh internally looking out the car window. I should apologize.

"Integra?" Samuel questions. I look at him, blinking. "Are you all right?" he continues.

"Yes, i'm adequate." I say, turning back to the window. He puts his hand on my thigh. He rubs up and down, giving it a squeeze ever so slightly. I do not object. In fact, I quite like it. I like the warm feeling of his flesh on my leg. So I indulge myself and him more. I open my legs, giving him better advantage. He knows what I am doing, and he rewards me with hand going further up my thigh, but he does not dare try and touch my sacred place. Instead, we enjoy each other's affection. I feel so good. I have not been touched in so long, that I want to recede into Samuel's lap. But I fight the urge.

Once we arrive at my mansion. The overwhelming sense of guilt takes ahold of my chest. There you are again, peaking your ugly head in my life, just to remind me we existed together at one point in time.

I really should apologize.

I take Samuel to my din. Trying to get the thought of you out of my head, I shut the door behind him and I. I immediately kiss his lips, He gasps, stumbling back a couple of steps, but he accepts my kiss. He wraps his arms around my waist. I shove him onto the couch, and continue to kiss him. He manages to say my name. He body is hard, and buff. He does have muscles. I wonder if he works out for a brief moment, before he turns me over underneath him. His rough hands glide over my breast. I whimper into his mouth, as he opens it with his tongue. I wrap my legs around his torso, and start to grind upwards. I feel him get hard between my legs. Electricity runs through my body, I moan softly.

He starts to grind into me as well. All the guilt I felt earlier now gone, as his body collides with mine in passion. I undo his suit jacket and shirt, letting my hands feel his muscles. They are hard, but soft, as human flesh often is, nothing like you. You were hard all the way through, and your skin was cold.

No, This isn't about you.

My hands continue to explore his body, to his belt, I start to undo it before he stops, grabbing both of my hands, He tells me no. I frown. 'Why?' I mouth.

He shakes his head. "No, Integra. I'm sorry." he gets off of me. "I think we should stop." He says while buttoning himself back up again.

There he goes again. Why does he do that?

"But Why?" I ask.

"We have only know each other for a few weeks, and while I do find you very attractive. I do not want things to move too fast." He explains.

I move away, and stretch the back of my head. My cheek red. "I guess you're right." I admit. "I'm sorry for-"

He cuts me off with a wave his hand. "It's all right." he smiles at me. Then takes his hand a places it on my cheek. "You know, I've thought about you." he leans in closer, kissing my ear. "Lots and lots about you, Integra."

A shiver runs down my spine.

Don't stop, Samuel.

"Have you?" I ask. "Have you thought lots and lots about me?" I chuckle.

"Yes. You wicked, wicked, temptress." He says in my ear. "I find it hard to resist." H kisses my ear again.

"You know what Jesus Christ says to the men who cannot advert their eyes?"

"What is that?"

I chuckle and say. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. Matthew 5:27."

He begins to laugh hardly, letting go of my cheek, and pulling away from my ear. "You literally just attacked me." his eyes tears up with laughter. "I think someone is feeling rejected."

I peer at him. He notices. His grin gets bigger as his laughter subsides. "Did I strike a nerve?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I almost groan, I cross my arms. "Maybe." I said calmly.

"I'll take that as a yes." he says.

I roll my eyes, but give him a small smile. If it was anyone but him, I would have cast them out. But for some reason, he was different. He wasn't you. He was human. He was not damned.

"I told you, you aren't making this easy on me."

"I could say the same thing for you, little lady." He nods at me. I feel a slight twinge in my brow upon. Did he just call me 'Little Lady.'

"What did you just call me?" I start to stand up slowly, I start to tower over him. My eyes peering at him, like an animal, stalking its prey.

His eyes go wide, once he realizes he as done something wrong. "I uh… Integra… I meant it in the best ways" He stutters. "Like- Like Like- a term of endearment!" he nods and snaps his fingers, like he has gotten himself out of trouble.

"Not good enough!" I shout. He jumps at my voice.

I got him now.

"You know what happens to those who dare insult me in my house?" I raise my eyebrow

He shakes his head.

"They get…" I trail off, my eyes with heavy lids as I lean down and kiss him again. He relaxes, and I feel him chuckle against my lips. I smile. Knowing I had gotten to him. I sit in his lap. I am on top of him now. I am in charge now. He is mine.

My hands run through his thick, black, curly hair. It's corse, not like yours. His hair is of a man. My hands keep traveling all over him once more. He does not object, but he does not touch me either. I furrow my brow.

I pull away. "You know, idle hands are the work of the devil." I say.

"And I said I wanted to take things slow." He replies.

"But you are letting me touch and kiss you." I point out.

"I wasn't going to let you get that far." He says.

"Oh really?" I say. A smirk on my face. My hands snake up his button up, fiddling with one of his buttons.
He removes my hand. "Play nice." He warns.

"What are you going to do about it?" I again grab one of his buttons. He removes it again, then I go in for the kill once more. He stops me before I could reach it.

"Ms. Hellsing, you aren't making this easy on me." He say, in a concern tone. I smirk at him.

"I didn't get to where I am because I made it easy on people." I state. Sitting up, I cross my arms.

He laughs. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing." He says my full name slowly. "Please, make it as hard on me as you want. I enjoy a challenge. Just don't expect me to make it easy for you, either." He quirks his eyebrows.

"That's fine." I give him a half smile.

I remove myself from his lap. The fun was over for now. I am admittedly a bit sad that it was over. I want to touch him more. But I must resist. I keep my hands in my lap. Avoiding his gaze, knowing if he were to look into my eyes, I would I not have the self control to contain myself. I remember when I couldn't contain myself around you. I use to jump into your arms after missions, and how I would lock us in my office, making sure to be quiet as to not alarm Walter or the guards. I remember all of the times you would lay me down on your coat and place your tongue between my legs.

But now, I want him to lay me down on his coat while we do undecent and ungodly things. I want to replace all of the memories we have together, and if he asks, I will tell him he is the only one I have been with, he does not need to know of you, and what you have done to my body.

I'm sorry.

He and I stay in each other's company through the night. Until the early morning hours. We didn't talk anything of substance. Just our ramblings. Oddly enough I enjoy hollow conversations with him. I just like to talking to him.

"Integra, I must go." he says, I frown a little bit. I don't want him to go.

He notices my frown, and says. "You'll see me to tomorrow." He gives me a reassuring smile. I say nothing, but give him a small smile back, I look into his blue orbs. How beautiful they are.

I walk him down the hall, he has his arm around me, so tightly. Like he was claiming me as his. It makes me feel good, to have his arms around me.

"I had a nice time. Integra." He says as we approach the door at the end of the hall.

"So did I." I tell him. "So I will see you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Yes, 12:30 pm sharp." He tells me.

"Very good." I nod. I pat him on the shoulder. And bid him good night. He does the same, and he takes his leave.

Something was missing from that goodbye. It felt so incomplete.

A kiss.

I shake my head, trying to supress the thought. Take things slow. I can do that. I think.

I sigh to myself again. I walk to my bedroom, I get ready for sleep, But there is something that stops me. You.

Earlier, I had lost my temper. When you were watching over me. I cannot rest until I rid myself of the guilt. You didn't deserve that. You are just a curious puppy and I am the vicious master. I make my way down to your chambers. There you are. Sleeping peacefully. You look so at peace with your eyes closed. The devil at rest is such a beautiful sight. I am nervous as I approach you. I wonder if I wake you, would you be able to smell him? Would you be able to know I kissed him while I straddled his lap? My breath shakes as I place my hand on your shoulder.

"Alucard." I say, my eyes wide, I step back as you wake. My hands behind my back. I watch your eyes open slowly.

"Yes, my master." You say. I notice there are bags underneath your eyes. I wonder if you had a bad dream, or pleasant memories.

"I'm sorry." I say, spitting it out as quick as I can

"Master what for?" You say. I almost sneer at you. I keep myself collected, even though I am dreadfully nervous.

"For… Earlier, I shouldn't have lost my temper on you." I clarify.

You raise your eyebrow, but then I see it click on your face. You begin to laugh.

How dare you!

I see you notice the look of frustration on my face.

"Excuse me, my master, I did not mean to make a mockery of your apology." You say, giving me the smallest of grins. I relax.

"Why do you laugh then, my servant?" I ask, quirking up my eyebrow.

"Because I am your servant, my feelings don't matter in the end. I am yours to use." I see your grin grow wider. I almost feel bad. You are more than just a dog Alucard. So much more than that.

"Yes they do, what master would I be if I didn't care for my servants?" I explain I slip my hand out of my glove, I take my hand and gently stroke your cheek. Your skin is smooth, and cool to the touch. It is made of wax. I like it.
"Do you like that?" I ask. you nod.
"Oh master." youpurr. You pull me close, but I resist. "No, Alucard." I say, pulling away. But you don't let go.

I start to panic. Not like this, my servant. You cannot have me like this. You can never have me again…

I'm sorry.

"Enough Alucard!" I scold you.

You let go this time, Although, as much as I was pulling away, I did not want you to let go, But I know it is for the best if you do. I hear you whimper, and you look at me with soft eyes. I sigh.
"I think I indulged you too much." I take my hand back, "I shouldn't tease you like that." I shake my head.

"Anyway…" I quickly change the subject. "I'll be gone most of tomorrow on business." I tell you.

"Business of what kind?" You ask.

It's him.

"That's my concern." I state firmly.

I see the look of annoyance on your face, it does not fit you well. "Are you sure you do not need my assistance?" You ask.

"I am sure." I nod at you. "I will be safe, if I need you i'll call you." I say as I turn away from you, you hold your hand up. "Behave servant." I say to you before leaving. I did not want to spend anymore time in your presence. Although I have a apologized for my actions. I still feel guilt. I still feel as if I have done wrong by you. That I have betrayed you.

Because I have… I have broken the bond between the human and the vampire. I have kissed another man. And that other man has my heart within his hands. I have been unfaithful.

But, I want to be unfaithful, no matter how much it kills me to hurt you. I must hurt you. I must never be with you again. Even if it hurts us both.

To be continued...