A/N: Slightly longer, this, it's all Red Alert's fault, he kinda took over what was originally just supposed to be a short interlude. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it seems like it just wants to be this way.
"Right, so these monitors show the entrance of the Ark."
Red Alert pointed to the screens in front of him.
"Yes", Hound said. "As I just said–"
"And these", Red pointed towards another set of monitors, "are covering the main hallway."
"Yes. Red, we've been through this three times already, don't you think–"
"And then we have this screen," Red Alert continued, totally ignoring Hound, "showing–" he paused and looked up at the scout, who fidgeted slightly under the gaze. "Yes, showing what, exactly?"
"Er, the rec room?"
"No!" Red yelled as he slammed his hand into the console, making the green mech jump slightly.
"No? Then what?" Hound asked, perplexed. He peered at the screen again; making absolutely sure it was the rec room. Yep. No mistaking that tv set. He looked at the security chief who seemed to be close to a breakdown. Primus, this was so not in his job description!
"Show Red Alert the Security Office", Ironhide had said. Inform him of our security routines. Then take him to the rec room to get some energon before he can start working." It had sounded so straightforward and easy. But no, during the time Red and the other newly awakened Autobot's had been in stasis, Hound had apparently managed to forget how thorough (some would say obsessive) Red Alert was. He wanted to go through everything. Twice. And then again, just in case. And he had comments. Even Hound's infinite patience was starting to crack slightly.
"Can't you see it? It's obvious!" Red's voice cut through again. "See?" He pointed at the screen as though it was offending him.
"…there's something wrong with the couch?" Hound ventured.
"The couch! The couch! Why is that camera trailed on the couch, and not at the door, or the appallingly uncovered vents, where a possible intruder could enter?"
"Uh–"
"And those cameras outside the Ark… who put those up? They're not overlapping! There are huge holes in the surveillance where Decepticons could enter! In fact, those cassettes could be infiltrating the Ark right now!"
"Take it easy, Red. Security's worked pretty well so far, and I very much doubt the 'Cons are sneaking in at this very moment. I don't really see–"
"That's exactly the problem. You don't see it. You don't understand the importance of good security. Primus knows it's a good thing I'm here now…" He started tapping on a keyboard, calling up data about old routines, checking firewalls and virus protection, all the while muttering under his breath.
"…don't even change the passwords routinely… need a lot more cameras… is there a reason the Ark don't even have a front door?"
Hound just sighed and sat back for a moment, watching the newly awakened security chief work. He had a feeling it would be a while before he could pry Red from his screens and convince him to come to the rec room to refuel a bit. Dammit, it was a nice, sunny autumn day outside! He should be out there, enjoying the nature of this planet, not in this stuffy office with a security chief who seemed to become more and more neurotic with every passing moment. A small sound by the door shook him from his dreams of forests, clear skies and the earth beneath his wheels.
"Hound?"
"Oh, hi Spike!" Hound turned cheerfully to the new arrival, glad for any distraction from Red's mumbling commentary of the shortcomings of the Autobots' security defenses.Spike opened his mouth to say something, but was beaten to it by the security chief who spun around in his chair, staring at the human.
"What's that?" he asked suspiciously, looking at Spike who seemed to be a bit taken back by the scrutiny of an Autobot he hadn't met before.
Hound chuckled. "Spike, this is Red Alert, our security chief. Red, meet Spike Witwicky."
"And I'm not a what", Spike said, slightly offended.
"He and his father Sparkplug are allowed to come and go as they wish. Surely Optimus must have told you about that during your first briefing on our situation?"
"Hmm", Red said, still a bit on edge. "He might have." He turned to Spike with a pensive look. "Spike, right?"
"Uh, yeah", Spike answered, somewhat intimidated by this strange mech who seemed overly suspicious of him. Red just nodded to himself.
"I guess that's all right then. But I want you to know one thing. From now on, no one – and I mean no one – comes into my office without A, calling ahead; B, proper clearance and C, my direct approval."
"No one except Inferno", Hound injected with a smile.
"No one except In–" Red repeated before realizing what he just said and shut his mouth with an audible click. "Shut up, you." He scowled at the green scout.
Spike frowned, wondering what that was about, but decided not to ask. Red turned his attention back at the human. "So, what did you come here for, Spike?"
Hound turned to him as well. "Yes, was there anything special?" he asked kindly.
"Oh! Yeah, right. See, thing is I'm missing something, and I thought, hey, you're pretty good at finding stuff, right?" He looked at Hound with a hopeful expression.
"Depends on what you're missing, Spike", Hound said.
"It's– well, it's my box of paperclips."
"Paperclips?" Hound sounded confused.
"Yeah! And I know that normally it wouldn't be a problem, but I've got a report due tomorrow and I really could use some paperclips to keep those papers from falling apart and getting everywhere and– never mind. Point is, they're gone, and I know they were in my drawer the last time I checked! Someone must have stolen them from me and I'd like to get them back." Spike finished, looking up at Hound.
"Stolen?" Red Alert had turned towards Spike again with a frown. "You mean someone took something from you? How? Don't you have a code to your quarters?"
"Umm… no?"
"No?" Red leaned forward in his chair, one hand clutching a horn on his helmet tightly, as a small spark flew from it. "Well then", he said weakly, "maybe the culprit has been caught on camera. Which one gives the view of the hallway outside his quarters, Hound?"
H grimaced. "Actually… there is no camera there, Red."
This time a larger spark flared from Red Alert's horn, and he brought his other hand up as head, keening softly. "No… camera?" he managed to get out. "The implications… anyone could have been there… how are we ever going to find those paperclips now?" He leaned back against the console, looking weak.
Spike looked at the security chief, faintly worried.
"Hey, don't sweat it. It was only a box of paperclips… it's not like someone's been shot or anything." Spike said, trying to calm the neurotic officer.
"Just a box– that's exactly the kind of attitude that leads to lax surveillance and breaches in security, and eventually to our doom! I can't take this anymore, this place is a joke!"
"Come on Red", Hound said gently, hoping to defuse the situation before Red fritzed. "Let's just go get some energon, and then–"
"No! I cannot leave with security so evidently below any civilized standards! I must try to at least plug some of those abominable holes. As it is we're practically inviting Decepticons to come in here. It will take ages to get this place running as it should… I just hope the 'Cons won't attack before that and kill us all." He shook his head slowly as he fixed his attention on the console in front of him. He was totally absorbed by it, seemingly forgetting Hound and Spike.
"Okay, Red… I'll get some energon for you then?"
"Just leave it outside and I'll take it", Red muttered. He seemed to have plugged himself into one of the consoles and was almost oblivious to anything else.
Hound sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with the security officer when he was plugged into the system.
"Right. Come on Spike, let's go find your missing paperclips."
A/N: I'm not too fond of fics that portrait Red as just paranoid and neurotic, with no other qualities (after all, he does do his job well), but eh. Besides, I figure he would be rather upset if he woke up from stasis to discover the security so below par. Poor thing.