Thanks for all the reviews, they're really great! If I don't post another chapter beforehand, Merry Christmas! Oh and this chapter contains strong language, from a fairy godmother with tourettes.

Chapter Three – Frgfwbvljhecdwkgfl

The Kingdom of Frgfwbvljhecdwkgfl,much like the neighbouring kingdom of Nibble, was very peaceful and there was only really a slightly strained atmosphere when bread became a bit too pricey. This King of Frgfwbvljhecdwkgfl was called Bernard, and his son was called Liam.

King Bernard and Prince Liam lived quite happily in their peaceful little kingdom, shooting unsuspecting pigeons for fun and criticizing the residents of the local kingdom of Nibble. No one was really sure why King Bernard hated the Nibbleonians so much. Liam had a hunch it may have been due to the fact that King Bilp had once beaten him at 'Blind Man's Buff' although he couldn't be sure.

Whatever the cause, Bernard hated Bilp so much that whenever the words 'Nibble', 'Bilp', 'Blind Man's Buff' or 'seventeen thousand excruciatingly beautiful daughters' were uttered, Bernard would fly into a huge sulk and not speak for several days. Sometimes, when he was getting a bit sick of his father, Liam would slip one into conversation on purpose (the last one was fairly tricky to do casually), so that he could have the next few days Bernard-free.

Liam himself was a bit of an anomaly. As far as princes go, Liam wasn't much cop. Princes were handsome, dashing and courageous. Liam was timid, conservative and had the sex appeal of a wet tissue. As the only son of King Bernard, Liam would one day have to rule the kingdom and Bernard found himself despairing over the very idea that his son may one day have control over more than what he had for breakfast.

On that special, fateful, destiny-shaping day, Bernard and Liam were sitting in the great hall of the castle, busy comparing dead pigeons, when a squire marched in.

The squire was sporting the House of Nibble emblem on his tunic and Bernard flew off to his bedroom to have a sulk, leaving Liam to deal with the arrival.

"Why hello there!" Liam waved.

"Hello." The squire replied. "I have an invitation to the Royal Ball taking place at Nibble Royal Palace."

"Why, thank you." Liam extracted the invitation from the squire's leather gloves.

Dear Arch Nemesis,

I understand you may be taken aback at being invited to my ball, although you'd better get over it quickly as I have important matters of bisniss biseness buisnrss important things to discuss.

Your son is now about seventeen, I gather. Old enough to marry. Around nine thousand of my daughters are that age also and so he will have plenty to choose from. If we one day decide to do anything about our hatred, it will probably be war and that would be messy. Instead, I propose a union between the Houses of Frgfwbvljhecdwkgfl and Nibble. In other words, marriage. You should be glad, really. My daughters are all excruciatingly beautiful while your son has the sex appeal of a wet tissue. I'm enclosing the standard invitation as well. If you are pondering accepting my invitation, bear in mind the fact that my army is a lot bigger than yours.

You'd better bloody come,

King Bilp of Nibble

Liam gulped and read the invitation.

"Desserts will be shot?" He asked.

"It's a typo."

"Oh, right." Liam gulped again.

"When is it?" He asked.

"In about an hour." The squire answered and turned on his heel. "We expect you to be there. Goodbye." He left.

Liam went up to his bedroom in a state of shock. He would have no choice but to go of course, not unless he wanted the country flattened by Nibble's army. And by the looks of the depth of the sulk his father was in, he would be going alone. But how on earth was he to come across attractive to a group of excruciatingly beautiful women? In a fit of anxiety, he pushed the door to his room open.

On the bed, was a fat old woman, picking at a spot on her chin."

"Who the hell are you?" Liam asked, shakily.

"I'm your f****** fairy godmother, you tit!" She barked. At the look on Liam's face she added, "Tourettes."

"Oh, right."

"I'm here to make you look hunky for that f****** ball."

"I see." The Fairy Godmother sat him down in a chair near the window and got to work with a pair of scissors she pulled out of her pocket.

"I'm going to give you..." She sang as she worked. "...a f****** side fringe and a f****** rumpled look."

"I see."

"I'm going to use this f****** hair gel to kind of flumf it f****** up a bit. Do you f****** mind?"

"Not at all."

"F****** good."

A few snips and a million 'f***'s later, Liam's hair was finished.

"Can I look now?"

"No. I want you to only f****** see it when I have done the whole f****** lot."

"Oh, ok." The Fairy Godmother clicked her fingers and he had a six pack. "Wow." Liam said. "You're handy..."

"I f****** know!" The Fairy Godmother said. Almost out of nowhere she pulled out a mirror.

"Oi!" The mirror said. "I belong in Ted's room! Put me back!"

"Shut the f*** up." The Fairy Godmother said.

"Ok." Said the Mirror. Liam was speechless.

He now had layered, highlighted hair that was tousled in a kind of bed-head way that didn't make him look like a hermit. His body had lots of muscles popping out from all over the place and he was actually on the border of fancying himself.

"Wow..." He said, checking himself out again.

"Now be back before f****** midnight or....erm...bad things will f****** happen."

"Alright." Liam left the Fairy Godmother with the mirror, went downstairs and climbed into his Aston Martin.