Dear Fanfiction,
I'm absolutely disgusted at the kind of things I've read. When Harry told me he'd found something called fanfiction, I thought it would be nice romance stories about Ron and I like the books that lovely woman J. K. Rowling wrote. But- but smut?! It's horrifying! And it's not even with Ron! He's my husband and I love him, thank you very much. I can't even imagine doing -that- with anyone else. He loves me and would never cheat on me. We have two beautiful children and if you sad idiots don't stop writing love letters between me and- well, other people- we will hunt you down. I know where you live.
What is it with me being Zabini's sister? I've never even spoken to him! I mean, seriously, people! And me and Malfoy? I read this disgusting oneshot where we were sending each other letters and he asked me out. And I accepted.
I hate you all.
And me and Snape? Or Lucius bloody Malfoy? OR BOTH?! THAT IS DISGUSTING, PEOPLE. I repeat, I know where you live. And if this doesn't stop, you won't be living much longer. You have been warned.
Hermione Granger