Disclaimer: I almost owned a Magnus Model 391 Chord Organ, but then someone bid like $60. Oh, and I don't own Super Smash Bros.

SMASHING SHENANIGANS

#3: THE THIEF, PART 2

In the previous chapter, our heroes had entered Snake's house to reclaim the stolen items.

"Right, let's look around," said Captain Falcon.

"Should we split up?" asked Marth.

"No! That's never a good idea!" insisted the pilot. "You ever watched a horror movie?"

"I watched Paranormal Activity," he replied.

"Please, that was a comedy," Captain Falcon pointed out. "And not even a funny one. You split up, and then get killed one by one."

"Alright then, we'll stick together," Marth agreed.

"I think we should check out everything downstairs and then move upstairs," suggested Wolf.

"No, no, again, bad idea!" Captain Falcon blasted. "We go straight for the upstairs because that's obviously where he'd be!"

"NO IT ISN'T!" Snake yelled.

"Stop making so much sense," Wolf told him. "Okay, upstairs it is."

"How does Snake keep hearing us?" asked Marth. Lucario reached under the counter and ripped a small black object off the plaster.

"He's bugged the whole house," Lucario told them. "I can see them with my Aura Vision."

"Can't you use that to find Snake?" asked Marth.

"Umm... No?" Lucario admitted.

"Why not?" asked Wolf.

"Um... Snake doesn't have any Aura," said Lucario weakly.

"I HAVE MORE AURA THAN YOU!" yelled Snake.

"I had an aura for breakfast," Captain Falcon suggested. He took the bug from Lucario's hand. "In fact... I feel it." He held the bug behind himself and proceeded to stink up the entire kitchen.

"That was disgusting," Wolf said.

"At least I'm not walking around nude," the pilot taunted.

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT!" Wolf shouted, storming out of the room. Lucario followed shortly behind, and Marth joined him. Captain Falcon looked down to the bug in his hand before dropping it in garbage disposal and flipping the switch under the sink.

"OH GOD MY EARS!"

Ness sat up straight and looked around the room.

"It smells like cigarettes in here..." he mumbled. "Not that I would know. I definitely don't smoke. Or burn down people's houses." Ness stretched his arms before standing up and putting on his shorts and shirt. Jumping into his shoes and knocking his hat down from the nail on the door, he turned around to pick up his bat.

"Where... Where's my bat?" he asked. Just then, he realized...

"What if a smoker stole my bat? Who in this town smokes? Let's see... Snake... Nana... My sister... Wait, my sister doesn't live here? Um... Does Captain Falcon smoke? It had to be Captain Falcon!" Ness' reasoning skills led him to believe that the F-Zero pilot would have to be destroyed.

Lucario, Captain Falcon, Marth, and Wolf stepped into what seemed to be Snake's bedroom.

"I don't see him anywhere," whispered Captain Falcon.

"Why are you whispering?" asked Wolf.

"So he doesn't hear us," replied Falcon.

"I can still hear you Douglas," said Snake.

"He's close by," noted Lucario. "He wasn't shouting."

"Come on out, Snake!" Wolf demanded.

"Search around," Marth suggested.

"No need," Captain Falcon said. "Watch this... Reeeeeeeed Robin!"

"Yuuuuum!" replied the group in unison as Snake popped out of a dresser drawer to harmonize.

"Damn," muttered Snake. He jumped out of the drawer, punching Marth as he flew through the air. Rolling across the ground, he tossed a grenade over his shoulder as he took off for the stairs.

"Hit the deck!" shouted Captain Falcon, jumping twelve feet into the corner. The rest of the group jumped in various directions to separate themselves from the grenade.

"Guys, the pin's still in there," noted Marth.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Captain Falcon.

"That means it won't explode," stated Marth.

"Not that- Wolf isn't wearing underwear!"

"Can we just go after Snake now?" asked Lucario. He sprung up from the ground and took off out the door. Marth quickly joined him, scooping up the grenade as he went.

"Hey Wolf," Falcon bargained. "We should go look for the stolen stuff while they chase him."

"Or we could help chase him and then just get him to tell us where the stuff is," Wolf added.

"But then we'd have to run," complained Captain Falcon.

"Good point," approved Wolf. "Let's do that."

"No! He's getting away!" exclaimed Marth as Snake hopped over a fence and into the air before clinging to his Cypher that materialized from his pocket or something like that.

"I can take care of this," Lucario responded. He pulled out his own gadget from his pocket (he totally has one) and pointed it at the Cypher. Slowly, the aircraft descended.

"What is that?" asked Marth. Lucario held up a probe of sorts that resembled a laser.

"It's my Cypher Discombobulator," Lucario replied. "Meta Knight got it for Christmas. Fortunately, it was the second thing on my Christmas list."

"What was first?" wondered Marth.

"'Anything but a Cypher Discombobulator,'" replied the Pokemon. "We'd best catch up to Snake."

"Yeah, forgot," Marth muttered, before the two sprung into action and hopped the fence. There was Snake, lying on the ground. He was clutching his leg and shedding manly tears.

"I HAVE A BOOBOO!" he shouted.

"This is pathetic..." moaned Marth.

"Okay, Snake, it's time to return what you took," indicated Lucario.

"IT HURTS SO BAD!" Snake roared.

"Where's the things you took, Snake?!" asked Marth.

"OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!" Snake hissed. Marth facepalmed.

"Hey! Marth! Lucario!" came Captain Falcon's voice. "We found the stuff! Where are you?" Marth turned around and held his sword straight up in the air, waving it back and forth so they could see. Wolf and Captain Falcon joined the two, arms filled with stolen items.

"What's he crying about?" asked Wolf.

"He fell..." revealed Lucario.

"That's pathetic," Wolf indicated.

"We said the same," Marth noted.

"Okay, I'll take care of this!" Captain Falcon said, spilling the stolen items and grabbing Snake. He dragged him along as he cried, stopping at a telephone pole.

"Anyone got some tape or something?" asked the pilot.

"There's this bubblegum he stole," said Wolf, holding up a pack. "Oh wait, that's nicotine gum."

"That'll work," the pilot noted. Wolf tossed the pack through the air, and Falcon caught it perfectly. He opened it up and licked it before sticking it to the pole.

"Alright, up you go," he said, hoisting Snake up and sticking him to the pole.

"How does he do these things?" asked Lucario.

"We don't know," Marth ruled.

"And did we ever establish why Snake stole these things?"

"I don't think we'll ever get an answer," pointed out Marth.

As the foursome left the scene with the stolen items prepared to be returned, Ness appeared in the middle of the road and pointed at Captain Falcon.

"You!" he growled.

"Oh, hey! Ness! We found your bat!" Captain Falcon cheered, waving the bat around. Ness suddenly charged at him, jumping into the air and ripping the bat from his hands. He proceeded to smack Captain Falcon across the back of the head with it, sending his held items flying and knocking him to the concrete. Brutally and repeatedly, Ness struck the screaming pilot with the bat.

"Help me!" shouted Falcon. The other three looked at each other.

"Is anyone else hungry?" asked Marth.

"Starving," replied Lucario.

"Should we go get something to eat?" he questioned.

"Can I put some pants on first?" Wolf pleaded.

"Sure," Marth responded.

Wolf nodded and said, "Great, let's get some food."

TO BE CONTINUED