Thanks for all the reviews and favorites, everyone! As promised, here's Thad's funeral. This chapter is pretty long, but it's also pretty sad, so I apologize in advance. I also don't really know much about military funerals, so everything here is from research on the internet, and I'm really sorry if I got anything wrong. Anyway, here's chapter 3.
The Funeral
October 18, 2010
Neither TC nor Jordan speaks on the drive to the funeral. TC's wearing the black suit she had the foresight to shove into a garment bag before she rushed to the airport, and she's wearing the first black dress she found in her closet the morning everything started. Jordan wishes that the funeral could have happened sooner, just to have it over and done with. They put off going back to Baltimore until after the funeral, but it had taken much longer to get Thad's body released than anyone was expecting.
She's been out of fresh clothes for 3 days, TC for almost a week. They've been living in a state of limbo, and she hopes the funeral will close the door and allow them both to begin the process of moving on. She knows that TC hasn't accepted it yet, and she hopes moving and starting their new life together will let him. They've just been waiting around for something to happen, neither of them working or doing much beside sitting in their hotel room staring blankly at the television and arguing with people on the phone. Planning this funeral was exhausting, half because it was difficult and half because TC refused to let her help him. She'll be glad when it's all over.
They aren't having a church service, because Thad was agnostic on his good days, an atheist on his bad ones and TC falls somewhere in between the two, so a church was not high on the list of anyone's priorities. The service is taking place entirely at the cemetery, and as far as Jordan could tell from eavesdropping on his phone conversations, was going to include a traditional military burial.
They still don't speak as they pull into the cemetery and get out of the car. Jordan grabs TC's hand and interlaces their fingers as they walk towards the gravesite and blinks back tears when he squeezes back like his life depends on it. They are some of the first people to arrive and once they settle into the first row of chairs, people begin coming up to TC to offer their condolences. Jordan stays mostly quiet, but keeps a hold on his hand, hoping that she can ground him even a little bit. Every once in a while, he squeezes her hand and she squeezes back in a silent show of support.
Eventually, everyone has arrived and settled into the chairs set out on the grass of the cemetery. The officiator is standing next to the grave, and Jordan realizes with a jolt that the funeral is about to start. She forces herself to look up, where the man is standing next to the coffin, draped in the customary American flag. She's been focused on TC since they got there, but now it's time for her to focus on Thad. Her stomach clenches and she grips TC's hand tightly when the officiator starts speaking.
"Francis Walker once said, 'We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them.' I think this quote is particularly appropriate today as we say farewell to Thaddeus Callahan, a brave soldier, loving brother, and trusted friend. We should not mourn his death, but rather praise his service and thank him for paying the ultimate price," he starts.
The officiator continues to talk, but Jordan can't focus on his words. Her head is swimming and she's having trouble believing that this is really happening. If it weren't for the death grip TC has on her hand, she doubts she would be grounded at all. She tunes in and out as the man continues to talk, catching pieces of him praising Thad's life and spouting nonsense about how death isn't the end. If she were paying closer attention, she's sure she would scoff. As a doctor, death certainly seems damn permanent and a lot like the end. Before she knows it, his speech is wrapping up.
"I'll end with this quote, by Minot Judson Savage, in hopes that it brings comfort to all those Thad left behind. 'The brave never die, though they sleep in dust."
People start applauding lightly, and Jordan realizes that it's her turn to speak. She swallows and tries to ignore the nerves she feels.
She squeezes TC's hand tightly once more before she rises and walks slowly up to the front. Her hands are shaking as the priest steps aside and allows her to take his spot next to the grave. A lump forms in her throat when she catches sight of the coffin gleaming in the sunlight. She quickly averts her eyes and tries to ignore the fact that Thad is inside and that he'll stay there forever. She swallows the lump in her throat and looks out into the sea of tear-stained mourners. TC catches her gaze, and the look on his face makes her want to cry.
"Hello," she finally says, and her voice cracks before she can finish the word. She takes a deep breath, and starts again. "I'd never had a brother before I met Thad." She stutters when she says his name, but continues on. "I'm an only child, and I accepted fairly early on that siblings weren't in the cards for me. But then I met Thad…" A tear streaks down her cheek, but she wipes it away and keeps talking.
"And suddenly I understood what all my friends with older brothers had complained about. He was obnoxious and loud. He teased me mercilessly and he regularly messed up my hair. He never let me live anything down. He pretended to throw up whenever TC and I kissed and he was in the room." She lets out a watery chuckle, along with a few of the people in the audience, and she sees the corner of TC's mouth twitch upwards for a split second.
"But he was also a wonderful man. He was a great big brother for the brief period of time I was blessed enough to have him. He picked me up when I fell down, made me laugh when I wanted to cry, and always tried to protect me, sometimes to the point of ridiculousness. He was brave and strong and good and he was taken from us too soon.
"I'm sorry that he's gone. I'm sorry that left behind a family who loves him. And I'm sorry that I never got the chance to tell him how much he meant to me." By this point, tears are streaming down her face so rapidly, she doesn't even bother trying to wipe them away. Instead, she lets herself cry for a man who didn't deserve to die, for a hero who fought for what he believed in, for a fallen soldier, but most importantly, for a brother.
"I'm going to laugh a little less without his jokes to cheer me up. My life is going to be a little more muted without his laugh to fill it. And the world is going to be a little darker without his smile to brighten it."
"Goodbye, Thad. I'll miss you," she manages to choke out through the sobs fighting their way up her chest. She hears polite sounding applause as she makes her way back to her seat, but all she can focus on is TC. He looks terribly nervous now that it's his turn to speak. She squeezes his shoulder reassuringly when she reaches him, and her touch brings him back to the present. He rises and makes his way to the podium she just abandoned. By the time he reaches the front, his mask in back in place, and his voice sounds calm when he starts speaking.
"Hello," he says, and she's sure she's the only one who catches the tiniest hint of a tremble in his voice. It's there, though, and all she wants to do is run up and hold his hand. "Thank you all for coming. I'm sure if Thad were here, he'd be bragging about how many people showed up to this thing." A few people in the audience laugh lightly, and Jordan lets herself smile because he's right.
"Then he'd make a joke about how I wouldn't get as good of a turnout as he did." A few more people chuckle at that. "He'd probably be right. Thad was the one that everyone liked. He was always ready with a smile or a joke, and he spent his life trying to be serious for as little time as possible. He was the jokester who could make friends with anyone in the room. It's part of what made him such a great leader. That, and his propensity for dishing out patrol duty." A few of the soldiers from their platoon glance at each other and laugh in agreement.
"I don't think Thad had a malicious bone in his body. Well, for anyone who wasn't me, at least. I got plenty of beat downs when we were kids, and the teasing followed me all the way into adulthood. But he also supported me, protected me, and loved me unconditionally, and for that I will be forever grateful. Good and bad, he was everything an older brother should be, and a whole lot more." He pauses for a moment, whether to reminisce about Thad or to decide what to say next, she's not sure.
"Thad was the one who convinced me to enlist with him. It took him a while to wear me down, though. I was fairly attached to all the amenities at my American hospital, to be completely honest. But he finally got me to agree, and once I got there I realized how important the work I was doing was." He takes a deep breath.
"I'm not sorry that I agreed. I do wish things had turned out differently," he says, and his voice wavers slightly, but he continues. "But I'll never regret joining up. And I know that Thad never did, either. He believed in the work we were doing, and he was proud to serve along side all of us. Not once, even for a second, did he worry about himself instead of the people he was protecting. He woke up every day knowing that it was going to be dangerous and difficult and that he might not make it home." His voice cracks on the word home, but he doesn't stop speaking. "He was – no, he is a hero. And I'm proud to be his brother and I'm proud that I had the honor of serving next to him. But most of all, I'm proud of him for all the good he did, and all lives he touched. And I'm sorry that I didn't get the chance to tell him that while he was still here." His eyes are glassy by this point, but no tears fall. Jordan, on the other hand, has tears streaming down her face, along with most of the others in attendance.
"I'm going to finish with a poem. I'm not really a poetry kind of guy, but I'm also not super eloquent." He shrugs his shoulders awkwardly. "So hopefully this works." He clears his throat and then begins to recite the poem, his voice clear and calm. "May your tortured mind be clear and calm, and your tender heart be warm. May you have no need for strength now, may there never be another storm. I'll wear your memory proudly, my brother, my true friend. May my love for you reach heaven above, until we meet again." He speaks slowly, and his voice never wavers, but a single tear makes its way down his face.
"Thank you," he says, and then he walks steadily back to his seat. He drops into it like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he grasps Jordan's hand like it's his lifeline. Everyone rises as two soldiers make their way to the coffin. They lift the flag resting on top of it and begin the process of folding it. All of the soldiers in the crowd, including TC, bring their hands up to salute. The soldiers stop in front of TC and offer him the folded flag. He reaches out to take it, and Jordan can see how badly his hands are shaking.
Someone yells a command, and a line of soldiers get ready for the 21-gun salute. Jordan flinches each time they fire. TC holds the flag in one hand, the other brought up to salute, his back ramrod straight and his jaw clenched tightly. The soldiers stop firing, and all of the soldiers salute. TC stares down at the flag in his hands like he can't quite believe what's happening. Jordan knows she can't.
She reaches out and grabs his hand again. He grabs on, and she squeezes back just as tightly as they start to lower the coffin into the ground. He lets go again as music starts to play, bringing his hand up to salute once again.
Suddenly it's all the way down, and she realizes its time for them to toss the dirt into the grave. Each of the soldiers from Thad's unit takes a turn, shoveling a small amount of dirt. Before she knows it, the last soldier is handing her the shovel. She takes it with shaky hands and scoops a shovelful of earth from the pile next to the grave. She lets it fall slowly, trying not to completely break down. Once the shovel is empty, she turns and hands it to TC, who grips it so tightly his knuckles turn white. He takes his turn, a few tears falling along with the dirt, and then everything is over. People start to disperse, and a few come to offer their condolences or compliment them on their speeches. Jordan talks to Topher briefly, but for the most part she stays quiet, speaking only when absolutely necessary.
Eventually, everyone is gone but her and TC. They stand side by side at the gravesite, staring at the coffin, not speaking. After what feels like forever, Jordan reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay to cry," she whispers softly, and that's all he needs. His face crumples and tears start streaming down his face. After a few moments, he drops to his knees, his head bowed as he cries. Jordan sinks onto the ground next to him, folding her legs under her and wrapping her arms around him as best she can. He clutches her desperately and she can feel his tears wetting her shoulder. She runs one hand through his hair and clutches his back with the other. Tears fall silently down her face as he sobs into her, finally mourning his brother. Her heart breaks over and over with every sob that erupts from TC, and she wonders how they'll ever survive this.
Sorry! I hope it wasn't too sad. Follow and favorite to vote, and I'll be posting Chapter 4 soon!