DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from Law & Order: SVU. They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

Fix You

A/N: Again, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews…the more I get, the more motivated I am to keep working on this. Seriously. I mean, I was driving home from summer school today and Holy Water by Big & Rich came on the radio…and the only two songs I really like by them are Holy Water and 8th of November. Anyways…I heard Holy Water and I was just like, "Wow…this is exactly how I feel…what I long for." I fell in love with it…so that's my mindset as I start this…and I don't know that it would be Liv's, but we're gonna say it is, because I don't think I could write it differently.

Also, someone asked me if I was still using the names of songs to title chapters, the answer is, most definitely yes! A lot of television shows use that idea, and generally, the song title is a song I heard while or before writing the chapter. For example, the title of this story (Fix You) is by Coldplay. It's a great song. Tequila Makes her Clothes Fall Off is a song by Joe Nichols…and I heard it shortly before deciding to have Liv go off and drink a whole hell of a lot and drop her inhibitions so she could kiss some random guy that wasn't Elliot. Trust me when I say she would have done a lot more than that last night if he hadn't stopped her – twice. If you'd like, I could cite the song prior to the chapter in an A/N. Someone let me know.

Without further ado…

Chapter 3: One Step Up

Rest was an unfound amenity for both Olivia and Elliot. Crying the entire night through, Olivia had kept her partner awake and forbid herself from closing her eyes and giving way to the tiredness that threatened to overcome her. Eventually, Stabler's guilt got the best of him. He walked slowly into his bedroom without thinking, crawled into his bed, pulled Olivia close to him, and molded their bodies together. He kissed her neck as tenderly as possible, whispering that he loved her and wasn't mad.

Olivia had fallen into the embrace, her tears never subsiding. After she had cried to the time when her body was no longer capable of producing the salty tears, she rolled over to face the man who was offering comfort she clearly did not deserve. She kissed him softly on the lips before pulling back to watch his reaction. While his face remained blank, his eyes spoke volumes. Fear and love was showing through his touch exterior. She looked away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered gently.

"Don't ever do that again," he reprimanded, but managed to keep his voice calm and caring. "I was so worried about you."

Benson nodded warily, "I don't even remember what happened."

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

"Telling you to leave me alone in the park," she answered. "Then I left, I remember getting to the bar, and then I don't remember anything until you were mad at me for something I couldn't remember doing and were sleeping on the couch."

Elliot pursed his lips, searching for the right words to say, "You got really drunk."

"I assumed as much, my head is killing me."

"You called me and I came to get you," he continued explaining to her, attempting to keep his words as flat lined as possible. "When I got there, you were flirting with some random guy and talking about how cute the bartender was. When I told you we should leave, you kissed the guy you had been flirting with."

Despite his attempts to hide it, the hurt shone through on his voice. Olivia pulled back, trying desperately to remember the scenario, but it wouldn't come to her. Knowing that she could have ruined the only thing she had left, Benson made an immense effort to repair the person she had broken. Her voice was small and weak as she apologized, "I'm sorry, El. I am so sorry. I don't remember it. I just wanted everything to go away."

He stood from the bed, not certain as to where to go from there. Olivia continued speaking to him frantically, "I understand if you hate me. I would hate me. I would never speak to me again, but I didn't mean to hurt you, I would never hurt you."

"Sometimes people can't clean up the mess you leave," he retorted.

She sat up in bead, her face clearly resembling the feeling of resentment she was experiencing, "I can't always clean up yours either. How many times have I had to cover your ass," she shouted. He watched her stand from the bed and walk to the door frame, "Too damn many, Stabler. This is done. This is over. You don't have to clean up my messes anymore, all right?"

Elliot's jaw dropped slightly as the yelling ensued. He watched her start to leave the room and quickly piped up to stop her, "I didn't mean that."

As her back continued moving away from him, Stabler immediately regretted ever saying anything. He followed to see her throwing on a jacket and shoes, preparing to leave the house, "Just wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I was just hurt."

"You're hurt," the detective gasped. "I don't care how hurt you were," Olivia muttered, her brown eyes rimmed with tears. She was so sick of being vulnerable. "I'll call Casey and stay with her. Don't worry, I won't be there to bug you ever again. I won't be here to ruin your life. So screw you. Screw you for ruining mine."

The door slammed shut. Elliot pulled out his cell phone and immediately called Novak. His entire body shook as he heard her voice over the receiver.

Novak.

"Casey," he answered, desperation shining through his tone. "Olivia left."

What do you mean?

"I said some things I shouldn't have," he muttered. "She's going to call you and ask to stay with you again."

God, Elliot. What did you do?

He heard the disappointment that lingered in her tone of voice and it took a moment for him to answer her, "I told her that I couldn't keep cleaning up her mess."

Damn.

"I know."

How do I fix this?

"Just be there for her, until she'll let me back in," he pleaded.

You know I will, Casey's voice rang out. Take care, I'll bring her by the precinct for work soon. You should get ready to head in, too.

Nodding at her words, Elliot answered, "I'll be there in about an hour."

She's on the other line. Bye.

He heard the dial tone as she hung up. Relieved that someone would be there for his best friend and partner, Elliot took a shower, taking his time as he cleansed his body. He allowed tears to fall from his blue eyes and tried to find the strength to face the brown eyed woman he had hurt that morning.

Olivia stepped out of the shower at Novak's apartment and wrapped a fluffy green towel around her slim frame before stepping out of the confines of the restroom. She passed Casey as she entered the bedroom and offered the ADA a simple nod. Aspirin had already been administered, and her headache was fading quickly. The general hangover feeling still lingered over her, but Benson knew that a cup of coffee would clear it up in good time and she was determined to get over it as quickly as possible.

She slipped on work clothes – blue jeans and a light blue sweater – and quickly towel dried her hair, resigning to placing it into a tight pony-tail to avoid messing with her hair dryer. After applying her basic makeup, she stepped out of the bedroom and glanced at her friend who was watching the Headline News on CNN. Olivia cleared her throat and Casey flipped her head around.

"You're ready already," Casey asked, shocked at how quickly the brown haired woman in front of her managed to prepare herself for work.

"Yes," Benson nodded. "We should leave; I don't want to be late."

Novak rose from the couch, straightening her clothing and grabbing her briefcase, "You want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

Casey sighed softly, "I don't know, your testimony, the drinking, the fight with Elliot. Any of those work for me."

Olivia looked slightly agitated as she walked out of the door in front of Novak. She wanted for everyone to simply let her deal, but it seemed that it was too difficult for them to do so. As Casey shut and locked the door behind them, Olivia started walking down the hall.

"Look," Novak continued, "if you refuse to talk to me, talk to somebody. It's eating you up – that much is obvious."

"I hate you sometimes," Olivia muttered.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," the female detective ended the discussion with a harsh conclusiveness in her voice.

Casey drove to the precinct in silence and walked Olivia up to the bull pen. Elliot had already arrived and she sat across from her partner without saying a word. Both were slouched over and obviously uncomfortable with the other's presence. Casey sighed softly and shook her head, wishing with all of her might that the two could work out whatever was eating at their relationship.

"I'm going to watch the remainder of the trial," Novak announced. "Anybody want a call when they send the jury to deliberate?"

Olivia looked up, obviously nervous. Casey smiled as her friend nodded cautiously, "I'll let you know. I take it you want to be there for the verdict?"

"I have to hear it for myself," the brown haired detective let herself whisper.

Casey offered a reassuring look as she answered, "I'll let you know, then."

The ADA left the squad room as Cragen left his office. He gave Olivia a placid pat on the shoulder before speaking, "Someone tell me where we are on a Harrison case."

"Nothing new," Munch stated boldly. No one wanted to tell their captain that no leads had been caught, but it wasn't as though any of them were too focused on work the day before.

"So start looking," Cragen growled.

Fin was the next to fight back, "The woman gave us nothing, waited two months before reporting it, and nothing matches the MO she described. Captain, sometimes we just have to let it go."

Cragen nodded, "Keep looking, but I understand. Any solid leads with any other cases right now?"

"I was speaking with Ashleigh Bryant yesterday, the MO of her attack as well as her physical description matches David Absalon who was convicted in Brooklyn last week on two counts of rape," Munch responded.

"Set up a line up," Cragen ordered.

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh, Fin looked up from the paper he'd been examining on his desk, "Benson, talk."

"You're seriously letting the Harrison case go? You're suggesting that we are not going to find the guy who attacked her? She's pregnant, you moron," Olivia spoke angrily. "Do you honestly think she's lying?"

"Liv, I don't know," Fin countered. "It could be sex gone wrong, or the tru-"

She, however, cut him off before he could finish his sentence, "You be the person who walks up to her and has to tell her that because she was too scared to come forward when it first happened that we're pretending like it never took. Be the next person to betray her. After all, who cares, right? It's just one rapist. One guy who got away with it and we'll get him when he strikes a second time, right?"

"That's not what I meant," the ex-narcotics detective fought again.

"Forget it," Olivia muttered. "I forgot that we only solve the easy cases in this unit."

Feeling caged in, Benson quickly stood up, pulled her jacket from the coat rack, and made her way to the roof. She walked quickly, praying that no one followed. As soon as she opened the door, her feet carried her to the edge without thinking about it. Staring out over the city, the brown eyed woman made every attempt she could to calm herself.

She knew what they were going off of on the Harrison case was little to none – it had been tearing her apart, though, from the day that eighteen year old had stumbled into the bull pen two weeks ago. For some reason, Olivia had taken a special interest in Krystal. The girl reminded her of her mother, and even a bit of herself. Scared and broken, the teenager had confided in Benson, who had gotten too attached.

"Damn it," the detective yelled off of the side of the building.

Pulling the coat that was shielding her from the cold February wind around her small body, the brown eyed detective swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat. Don't cry, she thought. You're stronger than this, don't let yourself break down.

Sometimes, she found herself wondering if life was worth it. There were many days when Olivia wanted nothing more than to end it all. It hurt to just be, and her existence seemed to be spiraling out of control. While she had Elliot, her significant other, companion, and rock, it felt like for every step she took forward, something pushed her two steps back. Never before, though, had she been without her blue eyed partner by her side. Yet, after her actions the previous night, Benson was positive it would be impossible to gain his love back.

Not that I deserve it, she thought, but I desperately want Elliot here to hold me.

Benson was smart enough to know that her continued valiance toward not consuming food was weakening her with each passing day. She knew that it was an unhealthy way to deal with her stress, but it didn't stop her. She ate enough to get by – half a bagel some mornings, a little salad at dinner – but she never allowed herself to consume enough to become full. Elliot had pushed her to eat more on a daily basis, but she always ignored his requests, insisting that she was fine. Olivia found herself lost in thoughts of satisfaction when she managed to go an entire day without putting anything besides water and a glass of coffee into her body. She thought of the safety she found in Elliot's strong arms. Trying to regain her sense of self, Benson even allowed herself to remember her happiness prior to the attack.

She let out a deep breath that she had been holding in an attempt to prevent tears from falling. Finding her composure, Olivia turned to leave the roof. Her nose was losing all feeling and she knew someone would be up to find her soon. While she didn't know how long she had been standing in the same spot on the roof, the bitter cold that coursed through her veins was enough to prompt her return to the squad room.

Grabbing the door handle, Olivia prepared herself to face her colleagues. Yet, as she began to open the door, someone pushed from the other side. She found herself face to face with Elliot.

"Casey called," he whispered.

Olivia allowed herself to swallow hard once more, "Oh."

"The verdict will be in soon," Stabler informed her as she stepped inside of the building. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to warm her frozen body. She let out a muffled sob into his shoulder as she fought whatever emotion was trying to erupt from inside. He rubbed her back gently, "Come on. I'll drive."

And they walked together to his car hand in hand. On the way, he told her that Munch, Fin, and Cragen had all left already. He assured her that he wouldn't leave. While he was still hurting, nothing mattered more than getting his friend through the next obstacle. She clenched onto his fist as he drove to the courthouse and broke the contact only to get out of the vehicle.

She saw Casey speaking with Cragen and Munch with his partner off to the side. Elliot held Olivia's small body close, providing her with much needed heat and comfort. They approached Novak and their boss. Don smiled gently. Olivia attempted to return the gesture, but could only manage to reveal a scared grimace.

A nod from ADA Proctor signaled that they should enter the room. Olivia nestled herself in the front row behind Proctor in between Casey and Elliot. The rest of her coworkers were behind her and Lisa Lassen sat down the row a few seats from Casey. Benson noted how her hair was pulled into a tight bun and no one was there to support her. She silently thanked the heavens for her friends, each of whom had a grip on a hand as she squeezed.

The jury slowly filed into the room and Olivia began holding her breath. Elliot glanced at her, offering a silent companionship. He felt her begin to shake as the defendant was asked to rise. Her clutch tightened as she heard Judge Petrovsky question the jury about reaching a verdict.

"We have, Your Honor," she could hear a female voice ring out. She mentally analyzed the voice, hearing soft undertones of anxiety but sensing an overall confidence. She decided the woman sounded kind.

Benson could make out Petrovsky's voice again as she closed her eyes and felt herself falling into Elliot. She could feel his lips grace her forehead as she took in another breath once the first had been let out. Running over each scenario in her mind, Olivia prepared herself for the worst. She forced herself to understand that Macedo may walk and believed with all of her heart that he would be acquitted. Before she could contemplate anymore, the juror's voice filled the court room.

"We find the defendant," there was an unnatural, lengthy, gutted pause before the woman let the verdict fall on their ears, "guilty."

"Defendant remanded to Riker's until his sentencing," Petrovsky announced. "The jury is dismissed. Thank you."

Her body went limp as her head fell to Stabler's lap. She let out a twisted sob of relief. Casey gently rubbed her back and Elliot did his best to shush her while having one hand occupied by hers and using the other to soothingly tousle her pony-tail. Proctor faced the group behind him. Lassen had moved closer. He tried to smile as he saw the brokenness that was in a heap before his eyes. Cragen, Munch, and Fin were all watching with concern as Olivia fell victim to her emotions before them. The looks of pain and worry from that crossed the make-shift family's faces was enough to break any soul.

Nodding to everyone in a professional manner, the prosecuting ADA found his voice in order to speak, "It's over everyone. This is finally over."

A/N: So there it is. Chapter 3. Now for the rest of Olivia's healing stuff…it's gonna be hell, but she and Elliot were too close for me to let them stay mad at one another. I was going to have her hate him until after the verdict was announced, but I could see her sitting there, losing it as she had a death grip on Casey and Elliot's hands, as she was trying with all of her might to stay calm and composed. It was my dream from moment one…when I first wrote Not a Day Goes By. And I couldn't let that leave. I just couldn't.

Please review and tell me what you think…I don't know that I like it…it felt all over the place. I know what I'm doing next chapter…I think it should be up in 3-4 days…I'll have some free time this weekend! (Thank god.)