disclaimer; i do not own lab rats, or the show Lab Rats
Touching
"If I could touch anything in the world right now, it would be your heart. I want to take that piece of you and keep it with me." Jessica Verday
Leo had this thing about him that always got him into some kind of trouble or another. Bree couldn't figure out what it was but as annoying as the trait got sometimes; Bree couldn't help but find some of the situations he wrangled himself into amusing. So as Janelle and Tasha ran after her youngest brother and father, she couldn't help but laugh. It came surprisingly easy to her. A half an hour earlier she thought she may never laugh again. But now she never wanted to stop. So she laughed, because her brother was home safe and sound, because she didn't have to worry about Douglass attacking her family anymore, because Leo's antics were funny and just because. Bit by bit the weight she had been carrying removed itself from her shoulders. She had adjusted to the weight and didn't realize how heavy it actually was until it was gone. Its absence made her lightheaded. Then she caught Chase's eye and it all crashed down on her shoulders so suddenly her knees almost buckled underneath her. The air ran from her lungs faster than Bree could ever hope of going.
She wanted to hit him for all the worry he caused them. She wanted to hug him for coming back to them. She wanted to hate him for leaving. She wanted to love him for choosing them. She was angry, relieved, sad, happy, hurt, guilty, and confused. She couldn't meet his eyes. He had said that the reason he went out was to prove himself to them. It wasn't. It was for her and Adam to prove themselves to him. Bree couldn't decide if they had succeeded. She sure didn't feel like it. She didn't see it in his eyes. Bree and Adam had been caught in the middle of that snow storm for hours, but they had given up on finding him, they had left before they found him. Bree didn't consider it a total failure on their part, after all, there really wasn't anything to find and it would have been pointless for them to keep looking. But if that was the case then why did the guilt upon her shoulders keep increasing in weight? Bree felt Chase's eyes on her but couldn't find it in her to look Chase in the eye. It only served to remind her of the guilt she felt on the ride back home when she was so certain that it was her fault they couldn't save him. Bree was a middle child in every respect, smarter than Adam and stronger than Chase, a balancing point between them. But it wasn't enough, Bree wasn't strong enough to keep running but she wasn't smart enough to stop. Speed was what Bree was best at, but she wasn't fast enough.
She couldn't keep up with the slew of thoughts and feelings that pelted her consciousness at mind blowing speeds. Each one made her dizzy with guilt and the weight of Chase's stare almost sent her to her knees. She should be happy, her brother was with her, but she thought she had lost him twice today alone and the hurt was coming at her in waves with no hope of release. Considering her tendency to run into solid objects at 50+ miles per hour, Bree was no stranger to pain, but this was near unbearable. Bree shook her head to try and free her mind from the chains of negative thoughts rushing through her, but it did nothing. Bree did what she did best, she ran. Well, not run per say, with the tirade of emotions she was feeling, Bree was certain she would glitch again if she tried plus her dad had recommended against using her bionics again. What she did do was move herself away from the situation causing her stress. Her gigantic snow boots were heavy and made her feel slow and clumsy and she didn't really know where she was headed. She thought about going to the lab, but if she was completely honest with herself, Douglass freaked her out. Even trapped in a block of ice, Bree wanted nothing to do with the man. Without even realizing what she was doing, she walked around the counter and went for the kettle. Ever since she and her brothers were allowed out of the basement, warm milk had always been her go to when she was stressed.
Bree was smart enough to realize that there was no running from the elephant in the room. She just wasn't ready to face it and there was no rule saying she couldn't stall at least for a little bit. Not everything she did had to be fast. Either way, she figured that if they were going to have to talk, it might as well be with warm drinks. She opened the fridge and grabbed the milk, hating how weak her grip was.
Across the way, she heard Adam say something to Chase, but she wasn't really paying attention. Adam sounded disheartened. Bree shivered, she had thought she had enough cold for one day, apparently the universe had different plans. If Adam told Chase what had happened… She didn't know. She glitched before; they all had. They got emotional and their bionics malfunctioned, it wasn't anything new. Except for the memory Bree couldn't shake of every muscle in her body deciding that it didn't want to go on and shutting down on her. All she saw was white as her world faded to black. Bree didn't want to go back to that, but how else could she explain to Chase that they didn't just abandon him. She knew in part how that felt and it wasn't pleasant.
She heard the powerful thuds of Adam's stride in his boots that looked even too big for him. "Hey Bree, you making hot chocolate because I could go for some right now." Bree knew his enthusiasm was faked, they had all been through an experience that not even Adam could walk away from without some scarring. The only difference was that while Bree knew she wanted everything to be okay, her big brother needed it. Bree had no idea where they were supposed to go from there, but Adam was right; they could all use some hot chocolate right about now. She smiled appreciatively at him through the tirade of guilt, and he took that as her yes. Adam went around the counter and took the milk and kettle from her cold hands. Only when they were gone did she realize exactly how heavy they felt to her. Mr. Davenport had said that it could take some time for her bionics and just her in general to be back at full form. With how fast she normally healed, Bree figured she'd be fine in a few more hours.
A part of her wondered why Adam was here with her and not across the room with Chase. Another part wondered why Chase hadn't followed them over. Bree had thought that neither would want to leave the other's side. For how much they teased each other, pick on each other and got on each other's nerves, they were really close. Brothers to the end. They could hate each other at times (a fair amount of the time), but when push came to shove they had each other's backs. They pushed each other, challenged each other to be the best they could be, and complemented each other to a T. Their relationship was filled with a lot of strife on both sides, but as soon as they could put their pride aside they could learn from the other and both always came out better as a result. They were the epitome of Brain vs. Brawn and when they worked in tandem, it was amazing what they could accomplish. Bree couldn't be a part of that relationship. She was the odd man out. And it hurt. It was brains and brawn, not brains and brawn and speed. It just didn't work. It also didn't help that when they were united, most of the time they were united against her. But as annoying as it was when they ganged up on her, a part of her was comforted by the knowledge that they were doing it together, as they should be. Brothers to the end. Sister could hang back to keep what was between them from breaking.
She grabbed the old tub of chocolate powder from one of the many cabinets in their kitchen and set it on the counter beside the stove where Adam had already used his heat vision to warm the milk in the kettle. The action would normally have brought her some semblance of comfort, but she kept running through her mind that Chase still hadn't followed Adam over. Bree wasn't sure what she wanted him to do. Her emotions were torn and scattered between wanting to talk to him and wanting to avoid him like the plague. She didn't understand. She resolutely grabbed the first two mugs she saw out of the cabinet and set them down. Normally she would have grabbed three at once but she figured, baby steps. Taking two trips slowed her down, which she hated, but the last thing she needed was for another thing to go wrong that day.
She grabbed the final mug out of the cabinet. All the thoughts and emotions were making her dizzy again. Her boots were too big for her liking, she always hated them. Her right foot scuffed the floor awkwardly. It happened faster than even she could comprehend. She didn't even remember falling, but the next thing she knew her hand against the cold countertop was the only thing keeping her up. Her heart raced faster than she was comfortable with, she wasn't even aware why it freaked her out so much. Again she had a tendency to run into things, she fell all the time. She always got back up, no worse for wear. Her eyes caught sight of the shattered mug on the floor, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from it. That's what it was like when something fell and broke. She wondered what she would look like if it should ever come to that.
The sound of heavy footfalls invaded her ears. Chase left, she should go after him. The very thought of moving made her knees weak and she clutched the countertop even harder. She tried taking deep breaths to slow the frantic thumping of her heart. It didn't' work. Her thoughts were everywhere and nowhere all at once. She couldn't focus on anything except the scattered pieces of ceramic on the floor. She pulled herself together enough to shift her gaze to the place where Chase had stood just seconds before. He was gone again. One day and she had lost him three times. She had gotten lucky with the first two not being as permanent as they first appeared. She wondered if her luck would hold out this time. For the first time that day, she allowed a tear to run down her cheek.
Bree felt Adam's arms engulf her. She was almost shocked at how fast the boy had moved. For a half a second, Bree wanted to push him away and tell him that they had to go after Chase. But then, for all of her considerable pain tolerance, she couldn't take the hurt anymore and her knees buckled. Her brother caught her and kept her up. She didn't want to run from what she was feeling anymore. Adam's grip was firm and strong around her, and she found herself wanting to stay in his warm embrace forever where nothing could ever hurt her again. She knew it was selfish, but running was what she was best at. Adam tightened his grip so much it hurt. She hissed in pain and he lightened his grip. She pressed her face further into the material of his mission suit, and faster than she could stop, more tears joined the first. Her shoulders shook violently with her silent sobs. She felt Adams chin on the top of her head and she had to wonder how much he really understood. Her big brother had a habit of surprising her from time to time with just how much he picked up. This seemed like something he would get. The guilt, pain, and sadness were crushing her and there was nothing she could do to stop them; not that she was willing to really try anymore. She had to make things right, but how could she when she felt so wrong? She gave in to the rampaging emotions as she slowly let go of the pain. She would find Chase and as a family they would try to put together the pieces of their shattered spirits. Bree was too scared to think of the alternative.
A broken mug was dangerous underfoot, it would hurt anyone who unwittingly came upon it, and unfortunately, all that could be done was sweep it up and throw it away.