Callie knocked softly on the door to the on call room before cautiously opening it and quietly slipping into the dimly lit room. Seeing an outline of her wife curled in a ball on the bunk in the darkest corner, she locked the door behind her walked over to Arizona, placing a kiss on her cheek and looking into her eyes, "Hey, I came as soon as I got your page. You okay?" Arizona nodded shakily, "Yeah, will you just hold me for a bit?"

Callie nodded, climbing onto the bed behind her wife and spooning her from behind. Arizona's body felt tense against hers; it took all of Callie's patience and restraint not to immediately ask what had happened. Since getting a 9-1-1 page five minutes ago to an on-call room, Callie had been worried sick. But knowing her wife, she knew that Arizona would tell her when she was ready. And she was right, after a few minutes, Arizona's trembling voice broke the silence, "Karev is leaving."

Callie's heart sunk. Knowing how much Arizona cared for the younger peds surgeon, she knew this news would be devastating for her wife, "Oh, babe. I'm so sorry." She could hear her wife sniffling in her arms and held her tighter, resting her head against Arizona's. She felt Arizona take in a deep breath before continuing, "And I flew on a plane today."

Callie froze, her breath catching in her throat. While for anyone else, this might seem like an inconsequential remark, Callie understood the magnitude this event held for her wife. Since the plane crash more than two years before, Arizona had been too terrified to even set foot inside a plane. She passed any organ recovery onto another surgeon, and neither of them had even mentioned the possibility of a plane ride since a full blown panic attack had prevented them from flying to Los Angeles the year before. And yet, her Arizona was telling Callie she had flown today?

Callie gently rolled her wife to face her, unable to stop a beam from spreading across her face, "Arizona, you flew on a plane?" She ran a hand through her wife's blonde hair, "Honey, that's amazing. I mean, you're amazing. This is huge. Arizona, I'm just—"

"Callie…" Arizona whispered, shutting her eyes and biting her lower lip. As Callie looked down at her wife, she could see that Arizona didn't share her joy at this milestone. The smile dropping off her face, Callie began again, "Okay, maybe I jumped the gun a bit there. Walk me through it, babe. What happened?"

Arizona sighed, opening her eyes to look into Callie's concerned gaze, "It was… It happened fast, I hadn't planned on doing it today. I mean, I'd been thinking about it—"

"You had? When?" Callie interjected, bewilderment crossing her face. She knew her wife was a private person, something that Callie, being an open book herself, had trouble grasping. But still, she had expected to be informed of something like this. Arizona nodded in affirmation, "I had been. I mean, I'm a surgeon, and I can't just pass off all my organ retrievals forever. So, I started talking it over with Dr. Wyatt—"

"You didn't tell me that," Callie interrupted again, confusion still present on her face, mixed with frustration and a touch of anger. Arizona gave her a warning look; they had discussed this before. Taking a deep breath, Callie acknowledged, "I know, I'm not entitled to everything you talk about in therapy," she looked at Arizona and responded more vulnerably, "I just thought you might tell me something like that."

Arizona took her wife's hand in hers, the cautionary expression on her face softening, "I was going to, eventually. I just wasn't ready." Callie nodded, accepting her wife's unspoken apology, and squeezed Arizona's hand as an encouragement to continue.

"Then today, all of a sudden, there was this girl open on the table, and we'd just put a new heart in her, but it wasn't working. UNOS located another one in Portland, and before I knew what was happening, I had volunteered to go and get it," Arizona paused, shaking her head, "It was stupid. I wasn't ready. This was something I should have planned. But surgery is so … I just wasn't thinking."

Callie nodded; she certainly understood how the operating room felt. While every decision is loaded, potentially life changing, sometimes you don't have time to think. You just have to take action. "So, what happened?" Callie asked, concern entering her features.

Arizona took in another shuddery breath, her eyes focused steadily on the ceiling above her, "I got on the plane. And it took off, and I just closed my eyes, and tried not to think about it. I was doing the breathing exercises that Dr. Wyatt taught me, but five minutes into the flight, that wasn't working anymore, and I could just feel the panic building…." She stopped, blinking away tears at the recollection, as Callie stroked her hair, waiting patiently for her to continue, "So, I remembered that Dr. Wyatt had suggested distracting myself, or thinking about a good memory on a plane. Well, that made me think of the first organ recovery I did with Karev, so I turned to Alex—"

"Wait, so Alex is on this plane too?" Callie asked, trying to keep track of the details. Arizona gave her a frustrated look and Callie backpedaled, "Sorry, I'll stop interrupting. Keep going."

"So, I start to talk to Alex about the first time we were on a plane together, and he's all like, 'Let's not think about the last time you were on a plane.'" At that detail, Callie visibly cringed, "Jeez get a clue, Karev." Arizona nodded, rolling her eyes, "I know, that was kind of the last thing I needed to hear, so I tried to keep telling my story, but he just jumps right in about how he's doing what's best for him, taking the private practice job, and he doesn't want a lecture from me."

Callie scoffs in disbelief, "I swear to god, that clueless, self-centered prick. I mean, is everything in the world about him? Well, the next time I see him—"

"Calliope," Arizona cut her off gently, "It's okay. He didn't know. And it actually kind of helped. For a moment, I was so freaking annoyed with him that I forgot to be scared." Arizona smiled softly, but quickly looked away, her tone dropping again, "Just for a moment though."

Callie bit her lip, fearing the worst. "What happened next?" she asked her wife cautiously, giving Arizona's hand a squeeze. Arizona closed her eyes and said nothing, which only elevated Callie's concern. "Arizona, did the surgery go okay? Did something happen to you in the operating room? Did—"

"No," Arizona cut her off, snapping her eyes open to look at her wife. "Callie, the recovery went fine, I somehow managed to fly back, we successfully transplanted the heart into the kid. I mean, not the same kid, but—"

"Not the same kid? Babe, slow down, you aren't making any sense," Callie coaxed gently in an attempt to keep Arizona calm, but her efforts were futile, as Arizona sat up in frustration, the bed creaking slightly at her sudden movement, her body beginning to shake as she continued, "Callie, I had no business getting on that plane, and then being in an OR! I was so scared. I was… I mean, I just…."

"Hey," Callie sat up next to her wife, placing a comforting hand on her back, "Everything was okay. The transplant was a success. The kid is okay, and you are okay."

But Arizona just continued to shake her head, gripping the sheets tightly beneath her, unable to take in Callie's words. "I couldn't stop shaking," she whispered, unable to meet Callie's eyes, shame coursing through her body. Callie ran a hand through her hair, confusion crossing her features, "What do you mean? In the OR?"

"After," continued Arizona, releasing the sheets and instead playing with the laces of her scrub pants as tears slipped from her eyes, "After the surgery, it was like it all hit me. The plane and the surgery and Alex," her voice cracked on the last word, as she wiped away a couple tears before continuing, "I didn't talk to anyone, I couldn't talk to anyone. So, I came here and I just… I couldn't stop shaking and I couldn't breathe and I was nauseous and I felt like something horrible was going to happen."

Callie tilted her wife's face upward, forcing her to meet her eyes, "Arizona, that sounds like a panic attack. You've survived them before. You're okay now."

"But what if it had happened in the OR?" she shot back, slapping her hands against her crossed legs to emphasize her point, "Callie, that can't happen in an OR. You know it—"

"Yes, but it didn't," Callie insisted, running another hand soothingly through her wife's blonde locks. "Arizona, you started to panic on the plane, and then what did you do? You used the techniques that Dr. Wyatt taught you to get it under control until you were done operating." A smile crossed Callie's face as she continued, "Sweetheart, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but today went well. You were awesome."

Arizona forced herself to smile, but was still unable to look Callie in the eye, "I don't feel awesome. I feel terrible. I feel like I never want to get on another plane ever again."

Callie took her wife into her arms, planting a kiss on her forehead, "It will get easier with time. It won't always be this hard." Arizona sighed into her wife's chest, "You don't know that, Calliope."

"Maybe I don't," Callie admitted, but continued anyway, leaning her back against the wall as she slowly rubbed circles into Arizona's back, "But I know you. I know that you are awesome." Against her chest, Callie felt her wife's lips forming into a smile, small but genuine. It solidified the confidence she had in her wife—whether Arizona believed it or not, Callie knew she would be okay.