Career Day!
Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh.
Author's Notes: I am just writing this story to take a little break in between chapters of my other main project. I got this idea a few weeks back and it just refuses to die quietly. Fear not, I shall be back on track with the other story soon, I just needed to change gears for a bit. (I really am working on it!)
This is a piece of lighthearted insanity that has nothing to do with the events in my story Is This Love That I'm Feeling? Well, they are both Azumanga Daioh, but you know what I mean.
Chapter three is a one-chapter story that should probably sit by itself in the corner. I could add on additional short story arcs later if I get bored.
Warnings: You should probably keep a bucket handy to scoop up your brains after they are melted from reading something this stupid. Any shoujo-ai-ness is just here for comedy, as this is not a romance story. Oh, and can you say "Random"? Yeah.
Chapter Three - Chiyo's Father
Miss Yukari walked into the classroom. "All right everyone. Take your seats. We will continue today with another parent who has come to tell us about his work. This morning we have as a very special guest, Chiyo Mihama's father. So be good and say hello."
She walked over to her chair by the window, but first she opened the window up wide. Immediately a large orange cat-like creature with flexible arms flew in. "Good morning every-nyaa" he said with a big smile.
All the students rose and bowed to the new visitor. "I am Chiyo's father," he explained. "I have made a special trip here today to discuss career paths with you and mention some possible job opportunities that you may not have heard about yet."
Miss Yukari smiled at the visitor, then pulled out a large inflatable shark. Curling up in her chair, she hugged the shark and fell asleep, quietly sucking her thumb.
From somewhere behind himself, Mr. Mihama produced a large red hat that he placed on his head, apparently tailor made to fit over his gigantic cat ears. "I am Santa Claus. In my line of work, we are always looking for new employees, either in the toy construction industry or in the sleigh-pulling field."
Osaka raised her hand, "Don't ya have ta be a reindeer to pull the sleigh?"
Santa said sadly, "As global warming continues to reduce reindeer herd sizes, we have to stay ahead of the curve and come up with alternatives. Therefore, I have an extra pair of antlers and specialty roof-gripping snow boots for any interested applicants. Male or female. We have no sexual discrimination when it comes to dragging multi-ton objects through the sky."
All the students were of course dressed in their school uniforms. Except for Tomo Takino who was wearing a green camo-print bikini. However, no one seemed to notice this (except for one person). Tomo got up from her chair and began doing stretching exercises.
Santa continued without paying any attention to this new development. "I am very happy to announce that we have decided to open a branch office on the South Pole this year, to reduce travel times and improve global service, especially to Australia, most of Africa, and the Asia-Pacific rim, including Japan," he said with a smile.
"Excuse me," Sakaki asked, "but since Japan is so far north of the equator, isn't it still better time-service to get here from the North Pole?"
Mr. Mihama began changing to shades of blue and red as he vibrated back and forth, "Are you saying my diversification plan might be an error?"
"Uhh, no! I just meant that Japan is farther north than any of those other places. I'm not sure if it would save any time to come from the South Pole for us. Uhhh... I'm sorry."
"No, that is quite all right. It's just that this is such a good plan. Would it be easier to push Japan farther south?"
He suddenly reverted to his "normal" color as a new thought hit him. "Oh! Perhaps this would make up the difference. You must see the new uniforms we have invented for all the new South Pole employees. Chiyo, would you be so good as to come up and model this for us?"
"Of course!" she said with a smile and jumped up to the front of the class. She was now wearing a blue penguin suit.
"You see? Every new employee will have their very own penguin uniform."
Tomo was now doing cartwheels along the edge of the classroom, still in her swimsuit. "Oh Santa? I thought all of Santa's helpers were elves or something."
"Yes, that's true. But I decided to go for Penguins on the South Pole and Elves in the North. That way no one gets confused."
He suddenly smiled, "The pay is very generous, and since it is all paid for by the government, you will be offered the finest of government employee benefits. Free ice water and an all-expense paid ski trip to Hokkaido!"
Tomo jumped up onto the teachers desk and continued performing her stretching exercises there. "What about dental insurance plans?" she asked.
"Don't be silly," he replied, "Everyone knows that penguins are birds, and birds don't have teeth. However, every Tuesday each employee is entitled to all the kippers they can eat." Chiyo held up a big metal bucket of fish.
Tomo attempted to do some toe-touching stretches while standing on the desk but lost her balance on the first try, which sent her crashing to the ground. Mr. Mihama said, "Well class, I am afraid that's all the time I have today. So be good little boys and girls. Remember, I can see you when you're sleeping and see when your awake. I am watching all the time. Especially you," he pointed at Sakaki with a wink.
As he flew back out the window, Tomo began running down the aisle (yes, that is the classroom aisle, not the isle. If I said isle, that would be running across Japan, right?). Where was I? Ok, Tomo went running between rows of desks and jumped flying into the air, throwing her legs out wide to leap over Yomi's desk as if it were a vaulting box. She landed sitting on the desktop with one bare foot on either side of the back of Yomi's chair, trapping her in place. With a mischievous grin, she handed her startled friend a brown plastic bottle.
"Could you rub some suntan lotion on my legs? I just don't seem to be able to reach them today."
-
Yomi woke up with a start and looked around her darkened bedroom. What the hell kind of dream had that been?
A/N - Does this chapter really need any? Wow, my brain hurts.