Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon. (Obviously)
You're another person when you wake up, once you've been asleep for a few hours. The world keeps spinning, everything could change, a disaster could occur, but you stop being a part of it, for a while. It sounds obvious, but as someone who lives off of dreams, sleep, it never ceases to amaze me that this strange state exists. I can remember being frightened by human dreams I consumed when I was young. There is something in human dreams that is heavy, inescapable. Most of them don't feel happy; they are full of anger, fear, unfulfilled desire. I used to wonder how humans survived with all of that living in their heads all the time, and how we survived on a diet of it. When we eat one of their dreams, the human doesn't remember it, we take it away. I know that a lot of humans fear my kind. I wonder why?
It took me a while to remember where I was when I woke up, but seeing Traum sprawled across the table, idly tapping his foot and clicking a pen, brought it all distastefully back. I wondered if he'd slept at all. The human men were still asleep in what now looked like uncomfortable positions, but I could hear the sounds of people stirring in the other rooms, and I wanted to get away before any of them saw me. Traum winked at me as I crept out.
I made it downstairs apparently undetected. As soon as I got outside the cool morning air hit me and I felt pity for Lazlo, who I supposed had slept in the kennel. I hid behind the yard's only tree and watched the house.
The human boy and girl got ready with enough commotion and argument that I could hear it outside. The pauses between their bickering seemed to mark the woman, Kaoru's, interjections, but her voice was too quiet to hear. The three of them eventually left the house and headed to the smaller of the two parked cars. Kaoru scanned the yard as her boisterous offspring settled themselves in their seats, the daughter turning some music on as she shut the car door. I wondered if she was looking for me. They left.
I spent the rest of the day sitting under or pacing near that tree, alone except for my worries and wants. I couldn't fully comprehend what I'd done, with that woman, or what Traum was telling me about what was going on here. I felt like I was standing on a precipice, with all my beliefs, about myself, and humans, behind me, and my current circumstances ahead. It didn't help that every time I thought about it I would become, in order, aroused, disgusted with myself and then ashamed. The more restrained, better parts of my nature didn't want to dwell on my body, or hers. The more base side of me wanted to dwell a bit too much.
Her dream lingered in my mind; it seemed so solid, so much more real than most dreams, the plots of which are usually blurry, skewed and illogical. Hers seemed designed to function in a particular way, to arouse things in the viewer, who obviously couldn't be another human.
Dreams well up from inside, even the dreams of something as simple minded as a Caterpie come from a deep place within the dreamer, they are primal, reduced to the strongest expressions their creator's mind can construct, and they're meant to serve their creator, fulfill their dreamer's needs. We don't dismiss the dreams we eat- we respect them, they're our sustenance, but it's more than a mindful eater's respect for his food. We know what they are; we know what we're taking away. The dreams we eat aren't meant for us. We have to eat them; it's our nature. Without them, even with an abundance of other, more mundane, food, we die. But we know we're interrupting something, intruding on something, between the dreamer and his mind, even if in so doing we're sparing them a night of fear and anxiety.
We dream too. Intensely. The greatest intimacy is eating the dreams of one of our own kind; becoming one with the deepest, most essential, part of their being. The worst, most depraved act in our culture is to do this to someone unbidden. It's a taboo so deep it's rarely spoken of, let alone broken.
Kaoru's dream wasn't normal, but I wasn't sure exactly how or why. Her being able to wake up and catch me in the act of consuming it wasn't normal either. To be honest, she frightened me. I didn't want to get so physically close to a human, know her name, it's not the way things are meant to be. It makes everything wrong. We eat the humans' dreams because we need to live, and other than that we try and keep out of their way. Or at least the sensible Hypno do. If you risk being around humans any more than necessary you end up like me. Trapped.
I wanted to bash my head against the tree trunk, put myself out of my conflicted misery. But, on the other hand, I wanted very much to be alive, and repeating what I'd done last night. The fact that this train of thought kept recurring, no matter how much I tried, really tried, to suppress it, made me wonder what kind of dissolute grotesque I was turning out to be. I didn't deserve to return to my marsh. And as for Oneira, I'd never be respectable enough to even look in her direction again. But in the end, despite my conscience, I knew that, come nightfall, I'd be back upstairs waiting, hoping, for Kaoru to dream another intoxicating dream.
I'm not strong.
After not being able to reconcile my thoughts I just paced, wearing a path through the neatly cut grass. It burned off energy, and gave me a feeble sense of purposefulness.
The day wore on. No-one left the house; Kaoru didn't return, and Lazlo stayed in the kennel, though I wasn't sure if he was sleeping or just ignoring me.
As the sun began to set I was surprised how impatient I had gotten. The darkening of the sky seemed interminably drawn out, and I felt sick with anticipation when I saw Kaoru's car drive up. Her children bounded out, and ran inside, and soon there was a lot of noise from that glowing picture box humans so often dream about.
Kaoru made several trips between the house and the car, carrying bags of what I assumed were groceries. She seemed determined to make the task of bringing all the bags inside take as long as possible. Her long black hair draped freely down her back, contrasting with her prim clothes. Her matching pale blue cardigan and high-necked jumper, and knee length black skirt were in no way the attire that humans have sex dreams about, but there was something about all her clothing that seemed constricting, binding, making the shape of her body oddly conspicuous. On her last trip to the car she stopped and stared at the tree. I'm fairly sure she couldn't see me, but there was something about her slight smile that made me sure she knew I was there.
I watched her in the kitchen, preparing food; all her movements seemed excessive, very controlled, yet forceful. She gripped the handle of the knife she was using so hard it obviously hurt, because she had to stop and shake her hand just slightly before continuing. I admit I enjoyed watching.
Her husband wandered in and out of the kitchen, not seeming to know why he was there. Traum crept after him, affecting a servile manner, like some of the walking Pokémon you see following after their masters. The noises of the house were just loud enough that I felt enveloped in their evening routine. It was strange for me. As an unmated male I'm on the outside of my tribe a little, at least compared to how it was when I was younger. I spent most of my time in the evenings alone. Near to the muted sound of my kind, but not a meaningful part of it. I almost wished I was inside with these humans, but it felt idiotic and I didn't want to play pretend like Traum was obviously doing, as he crouched near the picture box.
They went to another room to eat and the house quieted down. The lights in the upstairs rooms came on, and then finally, one by one, went off. Only then did I creep over and go inside.
I wanted to go straight upstairs. That was what I had been waiting for, but when I got inside, and felt warm again, I paused. I had spent my whole life on the outside of the human world, now I was inside a part of it. There were books everywhere, which I had seen in dreams, but didn't understand the purpose of. Humans hold them in dreams, examine their insides, but when I picked them up, they didn't seem to do anything. The picture box was silent. I am not ignorant enough to think it is alive, as I did when I was a Drowzee, but it puzzled me. Humans get information out of it. But why can't they just get that from other humans they know? For the first time in my life I wished humans could understand my kind, so that I could ask them what they know, and know it myself.
I was sure Traum and the other human raised Hypno would have some idea, but I wanted to hear it from the creatures who had made these things, not just observers of their use. It angered me, this sudden feeling of ignorance and inferiority. I had no reason to care for humans, or what they did or had, I was angry that I had been brought to this place.
I walked through the house as I had the previous night, humiliated by my own sense of wonder. As I went upstairs, the atmosphere shifted, Kaoru's dreaming once again having a seismic effect on me. The door to her room was tantalizingly open. The room far to the other end of the hall was closed, and the two men (had the older one left at all today?) were once again asleep, though I couldn't sense Traum's presence. The two children were sleeping as well. The daughter's dream seemed very anxious, misunderstandings between friends leading to sorrow, and the son's was another action packed fantasy, of himself in a giant robot battle.
Kaoru was dreaming of doors. Immense wooden doors and colossal stone walls. Everything was red, like her room. As I walked in she was lying in the exact centre of her bed, her hair fanned out around her, so perfect I could only assume she'd arranged it that way. As I consumed the dream it was like being submerged slowly in very deep, warm water. The doors opened one by one to reveal more walls, more doors. The mood was heavy, I can't explain it exactly, it was more a physical feeling than an emotional one. I felt like I was being pressed on all sides by this strange place her mind had imagined, but it wasn't frightening, just powerful. I could hear a sound, almost like waves, or a river, steady and constant, like breathing. I wished I could stay in this place. Leave reality, and stay, not in her dream, but in the world of it, in this peace forever. Behind the final door I could hear more sounds, like music, or soft talking. As it opened, so slowly, Kaoru's dream avatar appeared. She was naked, and her hair had grown long enough to trail on the floor. Her eyes were startlingly bright, and once she'd seen me the mood changed, as I turned around the walls disappeared. I watched them dissolve; sink into the ground brick by brick, with some regret.
Behind them was an ocean, something I'd seen in other human dreams, but never like this. The water swept up towards us in one huge wave, drowning us. The water was bright, clear, and tactile. It felt like it was exploring my body, with warm, inquisitive fingers, it was invasive and initially shocking, but then pleasurable, and finally imperceptible. Kaoru was swimming through it, her hair swirling around her. There were other creatures in this water, Tentacruel. Kaoru swam up to them and they extended their tentacles around her, in a fairly vulgar way. She seemed to enjoy it, and the dream reverberated with what she felt; my own skin prickled with second hand pleasure. The tentacles left pink welts all over her body and twined into her hair. I felt myself sinking slowly into the depths of the ocean she'd created, watching her rise slowly to the surface. The tentacles reached out to me, and wrapped around my body. It burned. I had imagined something enjoyable, but this was excruciating. Kaoru's hair seemed to have developed a life of its own, and it too started to bind me, twisting around my legs, my neck, choking me, reaching into my mouth, down my throat. The feeling of fear this provoked was almost enough to jerk me out of her dream world entirely. Kaoru stared into my eyes. And then the ocean was gone.
I was back as an observer. We were on land. The atmosphere was superficially light and safe, but I was on my guard now. This place was like a stately garden. Flowers grew from tender soil as I watched, blossoming under a bright sun. Kaoru was wearing a long pink and green dress, and her hair was (mercifully) tied down by little flowers and strings of beads. This didn't seem as real as the past scenes and the edges of it seemed to blur into one another, giving the impression that I was trapped in a bubble. Kaoru began to writhe, in what seemed to be part erotic paroxysm and part seizure. The ground seemed to shift, very slightly at first, then the tremors became stronger as I struggled to keep my balance. Tiny cracks began appearing in the ground, spreading into the sky, which shattered, raining shards down on us. The flowers grew with sudden vigour, becoming fleshy monstrosities, hacked by falling splinters of the breaking heavens. Kaoru's dress was quickly shredded and she began to bleed from numerous tiny cuts, but her blood wasn't red, it was golden, like tree sap and oddly fragrant. She continued to convulse in what was obviously ecstasy, until finally the ground cracked asunder and we fell into darkness.
The last scene took a while to resolve from inky darkness. We were facing another wall, much like the one from the first moments of her dream, but this was golden. It seemed almost molten as the sun beat down on us. This place simmered, making me breathless. I could hear vague sounds, like singing or sighing. Kaoru was wearing a long silvery kimono, which seemed almost to be made of dewdrops. The wall was exuding some sort of liquid, it dripped down slowly. She was kneeling, licking this stuff off the walls, her hands pressed into the walls, getting covered in the sticky juice. It was a strange, entrancing scene. I could feel all of this, I could perceive what she was feeling, the almost painfully hot golden wall beneath her fingers and tongue, the taste of that fluid, sweet but metallic at the same time, feel her arousal, and my own. My body seemed to have melded into this scene, every nerve ending was firing, my flesh felt like waves, ripples. In the heat of the place, I felt like I was gasping for air. She turned to face me, but just before I could see her features clearly, I was out of the dream, my knees buckling.
She was sitting, very composed, in her bed, watching me. Her bed-sheets were twisted and in disarray, and only her long hair preserved her modesty. A half malicious smile curled her lips.
"I knew you would be back." She rose, languorously, from her bed. "Let's wash you." As had happened the night before, I lost my ability to do anything other than dumbly follow her commands. She walked me down to a small bathroom in one corner of her bedroom. When she turned the light on my eyes hurt from how blindingly white it was. There was a small shower, and a very large mirror opposite.
She pushed me into the shower, which seemed unpleasantly claustrophobic. She turned it on and I was blasted with cold water, though it slowly warmed. I didn't like the feel of it initially- it was like being rained on. But slowly I relaxed, it was refreshing. She seemed determined to wash my whole body, scrub off some layer of me she found unappealing, which I felt slighted by. But I didn't resist her; her hands were very soft, not roughened by a life in the outside world, and, in the end, I enjoyed it.
When she'd, apparently, cleaned me to her satisfaction I stood in front of the mirror, regarding my body with a frankness that had never been possible in the still pools of water I has used as mirrors in the past. Even though we were the same height, I realized Kaoru was able to stand far straighter than I can; my legs appeared, for the first time, bandy. Next to her body, mine appeared coarse and unrefined, my limbs were larger, and my nose and ears seemed alien to me. She had the look of a stone smoothed by years in a river, but I looked rough, poorly constructed. Animal.
But none of my newly discovered angst seemed to bother Kaoru. I was very soon discovering exactly what her dream represented. In the end, feeling weak in the knees and dazed, I was abruptly told to leave. I had fulfilled my job requirements for the night.
After closing the door to her room I sank to the floor, trying to catch my breath. Something touched my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Traum, of course.
"Well, I see you're covering yourself in glory, amongst other things. How fortunate everyone here is a heavy sleeper. Come, you should meet the others. Spending all this time with the human, you'll lose touch with your roots." He laughed for a moment. I followed him down the stairs.