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Next time I update I'll post a longer chapter (or two short ones in one go).

She laughed while she embraced me. I was shocked, slowly putting my arms around her. I hadn't seen her in a year.

"Come on, hold me tighter!" she ordered and held me closer. "You're too cool for real hugs now huh, mr hot shot?" she laughed softly in my ear.

So I held her tighter. I closed my eyes briefly inhaling the scent that was Bella. She'd used her strawberry shampoo for years and it was a scent I'd always associate with her. Too soon we let go but she held onto my hands and her brown eyes focused intently on my face as if she was memorizing my features carefully. When she looked at me like that I felt like I was the person who mattered the most to her in this world. Why did she have to look at me that way when she was with Mike?

Bella had been a part of our family ever since she was fifteen and her parents, who were my parents' best friends, died in a car accident. People we knew would be surprised if they ever found out that I considered her to be the love of my life when they had always viewed her as a unofficial Cullen.

This was all too screwed up. Had everything worked out the way it was meant to I would have considered Bella my sister. After all she considered Alice and Rosalie her sisters and they considered her their sister in return. I guess I was too old when Bella was unofficially adopted by our family. I was fifteen. Hormones raging and everything when she moved in with us.

Seeing her now I couldn't hold back. I was grinning like an idiot.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey you," she said giving my hands a firm squeeze before letting go. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," I answered.

It had started snowing now and I looked on as the white snowflakes landed in her dark brown hair.

"So I hear you're doing great in New York as always," she said smiling and I stopped looking at her hair now.

I had to stop zoning out but thankfully Bella didn't seem to notice. I nodded mutely and she smiled shrewdly at me.

"If only you would call me every now and then I wouldn't have to bug Esme all the time."

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's been a crazy year."

While that was true working wise I'd made a conscious effort to cut back on our contact. I told myself that it would make my feelings for her fade away. I even dated the same girl for three months straight in an attempt to fool myself that the feelings I held for Bella was just a stupid crush and something I could control, but things got messy and I realized I couldn't use another person like that. It was unfair and so that ended.

I couldn't pretend anymore. While my plan had failed I still held hope that Bella- withdrawal would be the best alternative.

But here she was and it felt like my feelings had only grown stronger. I mentally smacked myself for not having called her in a while. I had no idea what had been going on in her life lately.

I was about to ask her how she was doing when Alice came running squealing having seen Bella from afar. Bella nearly toppled over but Alice let go just in time to look at me excitedly. Her eyes were practically glittering. I always knew she had news to tell when she looked like that.

"Bella got named teacher of the year!" she announced happily.

I looked at Bella who was blushing profusedly. She was a middle school teacher and I knew she was the best teacher. She loved children and was great with Jaslyn. She was just one of those people who had never ending patience and her voice was always gentle and soft. In the fourteen years I'd known her I'd only seen her lose it once and that's when she found out her parents' had died all those years ago. I shuddered at the memory. Don't go there, I told myself.

"Congratulations," I said. "You've earnt it."

"It's nothing," she said shaking her head. "It's kind of lame isn't it? Nothing like being the "it" architect in New York."

I rolled my eyes at that. "So where's Mike?" I asked casually.

Bella smiled knowingly at me. Although I had never told her she had a feeling I didn't care much for him. She surprised me when she said that maybe he'd stop by later on or he might not. I frowned. While I felt somewhat excited at the prospect of not seeing Mike this year, it sounded a bit odd.

"How come?" I asked curiously.

She maintained her smile.

"He wanted to spend it with his parents," she explained. "We're always here so..." she trailed off. "You know."

There was something that felt off, but I was distracted by Esme who told us all to go inside where she was going to fix us a modest lunch. Modest, meaning she'd prepared all morning. Bella happily hooked her arm in mine for the short walk in. She kept saying how much she'd missed me and how happy she was to see me. I found myself telling her the same things and for a few blissful minutes I forgot all about Mike.

We went inside. I tried ignoring how beautiful she looked. She wore one of my favorite dresses on her. It was long sleeved, flowy and royal blue: the color that looked beautiful with her pale skin. She told me I looked great in the sweater Esme had knitted for me and if I was a blusher like Bella, I would have blushed.

What's wrong with me? Seriously. Bella made me feel like a adolescent when really I was an adult and had been for quite a while. But I guess that's what love does.

Before joining in on the lunch I went to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water again. I felt like I was losing my head.

Fives minutes later we were all seated around the huge wooden table in the dining room.

"So Edward," Alice said casually. "Have you met someone?"

And here we go. Alice had started up the process that I had to go through every year. Not that I really blamed them. I had never brought a girl back home. There were all kinds of theories. Some of them spoken out loud, some of them not. Was I gay? Was I depressed? Was I asexual? Did I have a giant wart on my back that kept the girls running away from me?

"No, I haven't since you last asked," I answered.

"When was that?" Alice frowned.

"Yesterday," I reminded her.

Alice had called me right before I'd boarded the plane asking me if I was bringing someone. I had told her if that was happening she'd see it on full display on signs all over Forks. She hadn't found that funny at all.

When I delievered my usual answer that I hadn't met someone this year either it was mom's que to enter this year's bachelorette. Every year she invited single women simply by accident to the Cullens' "the day before Christmas party" and called them friends to the family although most of the time none of us had never met them before.

"Maybe Tanya will be here this Christmas again..." She said meaningly.

I raised my eyebrows. I was Impressed. Tanya actually was a friend to the family although my mom had tried to get us together a little too many times now. It was starting to get uncomfortable. Especially since I'd used every excuse possible to make myself as unavailable to her as possible but she wasn't getting it at all.

"Lovely," I said my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Didn't you tell Tanya you were gay?" Jasper recalled laughing.

I smiled widely at Jasper.

"This year I'll be even gayer," I decided.

He chuckled, but Alice didn't appreciate my joke.

"I just don't get it," she said frustrated.

"Me neither," mom agreed.

"It's alright girls," Jasper soothed. "It will all be alright."

"You're handsome, talented, smart!" Alice told me.

My mom nodded.

"Amen."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"You're picky, that's it!"

"That's it," I said.

Bella who had been quiet all lunch suddenly spoke.

"Obviously Edward doesn't want to date. He has a lot of work and he likes to spend his time there, right Edward?" Bella said looking at me smiling.

"Thank you," I said gratefully. "You should all listen to Bella more," I said scoldingly.

"But she's wrong!" Alice whined childishly.

"Calm down honey," Jasper said.

Bella always came to my defense and Alice was right - she was mostly wrong, but how could she possibly know? I imagined telling her now. "Actually Bella, I want to date you." I wondered how that one would go.

After lunch we baked gingerbread cookies with Jaslyn. For a few hours it felt like bliss. We acted like kids and ate too much dough while talking about nothing too heavy. When the cookies were in the oven Bella asked me if I had a minute. We went inside the livingroom where we sat down. She folded up a paper she'd been holding in her hand. She straightened it out and I noticed it was the sketch of her house I'd done years ago.

"I can't believe you kept that," I said chuckling.

It looked like it had been bathed in coffee and dirt. Bella smiled a little.

"I still think it's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me," she said sincerely. "And it wasn't I who spilled coffee over it. It was Mike. I swear to God I almost hit him," she said laughing.

I noticed her laugh sounded a bit strained.

"Probably an accident," I said.

"Right," she agreed.

I picked up the sketch and eyed it carefully. I had done it some years ago. Bella had told me about her dream house and I'd stayed up all night to make this one for her. I smiled realizing I had improved quite a bit since then.

"It would make a lovely house," I admitted.

She wanted a modest house. She enjoyed gardens the most so that's where she wanted most of her space. I liked the picture she often painted for me whenever she spoke about the life she daydreamed about. Bella in the garden planting flowers and picking apples without a care in the world. Drinking lemonade on a porch overlooking a garden full of colorful flowers. I wondered where Mike fitted in there. If she was alone or if he was sitting beside her holding her hand.

She took a deep breath, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Do you think we could make it happen?" she asked sounding slightly nervous.

I frowned at the sketch.

"You've decided to build a house anyway?" I asked her.

Bella shook her head and looked at me with a peculiar expression.

"Did I tell you I had a nightmare?"

"No," I answered.

She frowned.

"I was in a car crash," she said. "Mike was with me in the car... Instead of thinking..." She moved her hands while she was trying to find the right way to put it. "Oh, I dont know. Maybe that I was afraid to die or that I didn't want Mike to die, I thought..." She blushed now and looked at me quickly before her eyes darted back to focusing on the sketch. "I'm ashamed really".

"Tell me," I said.

She frowned again.

"I didn't want to die with Mike. See, death doesn't scare me. I've lived with it my entire life. I just don't want to face it with someone I don't truly love," she said. "I remember wishing it was you..." she said suddenly looking at me.

Then she looked away. My heart skipped a beat.

"Or Alice," she added.

Oh.

She smiled innocently.

"Isn't that horrible? That I wished you were dying with me? What does that say about me?" She asked looking on the floor now.

But my mind was still on her words she'd said seconds before.

"Someone you don't truly love?" I repeated. "You don't truly love Mike?" I asked.

Bella blushed again.

"Did I say that?" She said shaking her head as if trying to clear it. "Point is..." She said looking thoughtful again. She left this subject far quicker than I wanted her to. "I need to do what I want to do and I want this house to be built". She sighed. "I bought my parents' house. I think I needed it at the time. I mean I've needed it until now, but I have to let go. I'm an adult. I'm twenty-eight years old, Edward. I can't spend my life living in the past right?"

I nodded.

"So where do you want to build it?" I asked.

She frowned.

"I haven't thought about that. I'm not entirely sure I want to stay in Forks. If I need to start fresh maybe I need to move, you know?" She paused, a small smile playing on her lips. "Somewhere that has a bit more sun maybe."

I drifted off not sure what to make of all this.

"Sure," I said absentmindedly. "Let me know when you've figured it out and I'll help."

She smiled while putting her hand over mine.

"Thanks, Edward."

"No problem."

We fell into silence both of us looking at the sketch.

"Who would you want to die in a car-crash with?" she asked suddenly.

A horrible spontaneous thought came to me: Mike. Just because then he would die.

She laughed.

"I mean if you don't think about that person dying, but you know. If you have to have someone beside you."

I was quiet for some time before I answered, contemplating it seriously.

"I'd want to die alone."

She looked me deeply in the eyes.

"I knew you were going to say that," she said sounding unhappy. "That makes me sad."

I wanted to ask her if something was going on between her and Mike, but right when I was getting to it I heard a booming voice from the hallway shouting "Merry Christmas, Cullens!" Bella looked at me smiling.

"Emmett!"

We went to the hallway only to be suffocated by Emmett doing some kind of group hug with us, by that I mean he was pressing both of us against his chest.

"You look great Eddy!" he yelled in my ear. "You too Bells."

"Hey Emmett," I answered finally getting air when he let go.

We all but stiffened when we noticed Rosalie just taking off her coat in the hallway. Bella and I looked at each other grimacing slightly. Emmett however looked excited as if he had a surprise for us. Esme showed up. She was always the first one to greet Rosalie and she always knew how to best keep her in a good mood.

But when Rosalie came towards us it felt very wrong.

She was smiling.

"Hey guys!" she greeted happily throwing her arms out as if expecting us all to throw ourselves at her like we did with Emmett.

It felt like a trick or some kind of horror movie. What could she possibly want?

"Come on, I don't bite!" She urged.

"But you do!" Alice called out.

She was standing a few meters away looking very skeptical.

"That was years ago, my dear sister," Rosalie responded sweetly.

Alice looked at her narrowing her eyes suspisciously. Then her mouth fell open and her eyes went wide.

"You're pregnant!" she exclaimed.

And then I witnessed something I thought I'd never witness. Alice, Esme and Rosalie all ran towards each other squealing.

I noticed that Bella made no move to join them.

Joining in on the mess however was Emmett hugging them all, his very manly squeal standing out in the chaos.

Jasper showed up next to me looking pretty much horrified.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Rose is pregnant," I answered.

"While this is terrifying to witness, that's great news," Jasper said.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Sure is," Bella agreed but her voice sounded odd, too upbeat.

I looked at her and she smiled back at me swiftly before approaching Rose to congratulate her.

"Do you think she's alright, man?" Jasper asked nodding in Bella's direction. "She's not squealing or anything."

"I don't know. I'll talk to her," I answered.

Something was definitely not alright.