It was a slow night at the Gravity Falls Armoury Store. Nobody came to buy guns at midnight, on a weekday. So, naturally, Steve, the clerk at the shop, was sleeping. "Oh, hoh, hoh… Now is my chance…" an entity said, watching. Once he had fused with this strange dimension, there was no going back. "Dorough, you're gonna wish you'd never done it…"
It was once again another fine day, or 2 o'clock in the morning, I should say, and Dipper and Mabel were just getting out of bed. Their great uncle Stan had called them down for breakfast. Pancakes, as usual. Dipper sighed. "I miss last summer. Nothing interesting is happening. Grunkle Stan, you haven't even taken us on any fishing trips!" he exclaimed. "Yeah, well, that's life kid." Grunkle Stan replied. Mabel was rubbing her eyes, still half asleep. "Grunkle Stan… It's not even light out…" she complained. "Yeah, well, the police stole my car. Said it had traces of illegal pugs or something… You kids get to make me a fake ID so i can get into the dealership! Think of that as a fun experience!" The Grunkle replied, raising his eyebrows at Dipper, who just sighed again.
The entity was about to switch dimensions. Knowing that the change would be bright, he went into the broom closet behind the desk and begun his transformation. A blinding white light filled the room, and with it, he began to morph out of what could only be described as an invisible wall in the air. Once he was done, he plopped onto the ground, instantly feeling the bizarre sensation of what we know to be gravity. He looked at his thin, white limbs, balling his stubby fingers in, then out. After teetering around a bit in a failing attempt to walk, he came to terms with the fact that in this dimension, there was something constantly pulling you down. Finally, he looked at his pin to make sure it was still intact. It was, after all, his favorite thing. Sure enough, the pin was in tip top condition, the word "BILL" written cleanly on it.
"That's right. Hurry up and finish that fake ID before the cops find out I'm making you two do this." Grunkle Stan said, gorging on snacks. Dipper and Mabel, of course, where much less thrilled at the situation. "Grunkle Stan… Why can't you make your own fake ID's? Why are you making me and Dipper do it? And you're not even letting us have fun with it…" Mabel moaned. "Believe me, I would, but I don't think the dealership will accept an ID with stickers and glitter on it." The twins sighed, the ID almost finished.
The cheeky roll of paper walked up behind the store clerk, pulling himself up on the back of the chair to get a better look. With an inaudible laugh, he grabbed the top and bottom of the clerk's head, and with one quick yank, the clerk's neck was snapped. The being laughed sadistically, before grabbing the most dangerous, easily concealable gun he could find, an Uzi that was already loaded and hidden behind the desk, slipping it into himself where his rolled up-ness ended. With that, he walked out, remembering how hard it was to move in this dimension, and began his trek towards a tourist trap in the woods.
"Aha! Good job kids! It almost looks like it would fool Blubbs and Durland!" Stan said, patting his great niece and nephew's heads. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a car to steal!" The kid's Grunkle said, walking out the door of the mystery shack. Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and shrugged. It wasn't light out yet, so they decided to play a board game.
The roll of paper was walking through the woods, taking in the strange scenery. He was observing a rather peculiar mushroom when some shaggy, disgusting creature that had a pointy hat and limbs attached to its head popped out of a bush, along with about 5 versions of him that had white beards, and smaller heads. That is, except for one, which had a messed up eye, and looked like it had… seen some things... "Hey, hey! You! I, Jeff of the gnomes, declare, STOP EYEING MY MUSHROOM! IT'S NOT COOL MAN!" The entity didn't even say anything. With one curious look, he pulled the uzi out of himself and began firing at the gnomes, injuring a few but mostly just scaring them all away. "WOAH WOAH WOAH! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!" He heard the leader gnome say before they scattered into the bushes, making squealing noises. No person or No thing was to get between him and the U.S. Constitution.
It was finally light out. "I win! Again!" Dipper shouted to Mabel, who gave him a bored look before suggesting that they have a water balloon fight outside. Dipper still had no idea he had died just a couple days earlier. The twins started filling up water balloons in the sink, talking about what they were gonna do with Grunkle Stan when he got back from… stealing a car… (You can't say that in a cute way, it just does not work.) They were finally done, when they walked outside. Dipper walked down the steps of the mystery shack, eyeing the scenery. "Wow, Mabel! It's a beautiful day!" Just then, he felt pressure on his back, followed by cold water running down his shirt. "Tag! You're it!" Mabel yelled before running around in sporadic directions. With a laugh, Dipper grabbed a balloon and started chasing Mabel.
The entity had finally made it to the shack. The twins were now having a full on water balloon fight, the liquid spraying everywhere. Some landed on the eavesdropping paper entity's feet. He didn't know what it was, but it stung like a bitch. He let out a quiet sound of anger. It would be even more satisfying when he pumped the two full of led. Mabel was just about to splatter a water balloon into Dipper's chest at point-blank range, when she saw something in her peripheral vision, looking to see what it was and dropping the balloon into her own sweater, gasping. Dipper looked. The entity now had full attention on him. Mabel started to approach him. He was about the same size as the twins, maybe half a foot smaller. "Who are you?" Mabel exclaim-questioned. "Well, I could explain in song." The entity said.
I'm just a Bill!
Yes I'm only a Bill!
And I'm sitting her on cap-
"HEY! THAT'S JUST LIKE THE CHANT I USED TO RES-" Mabel shouted, cutting herself short, remembering that Dipper was right behind her, thankfully oblivious. "Hmm…" Dipper thought out loud. "Mabel, I have had bad experiences with living paper before…" He said. "Oh, how rude of me. Lemme introduce myself. My name is Bill, and I can assure you I am here on no malicious intent. Infact, I just want to be a law!" Bill explained. Dipper seemed to be reassured by this. "Alright. How can we help you?" Dipper said, wanting to lend a hand to the clearly helpless creature. "Well, If you can get me to the airport, I could catch a flight to D.C.!" Bill said. "Ummm… We… really aren't in the position to do tha-" Dipper was cut short by Mabel. "Dipper! Don't you see how good of an opportunity this is!? We could actually say we helped a living law!" Mabel exclaimed. "Bill. I am only a Bill." Bill corrected her. Dipper sighed. He knew at this point there was no turning back. When Mabel wanted something done, it would get done. "*Sigh* Alright, I'll go wake up Ford and we'll drive him there in his truck." So, Dipper and Mabel went into the shack to wake up their sleeping Grunkle Ford.
It definitely took some bickering, but eventually Ford agreed to drive the smiling roll of paper to the airport. They were in Ford's truck, which Stan refused to use, hence why he was stealing a car. Dipper and Mabel were sitting in the backseat, with the enthusiastic paper-roll between them. "Hey! Finish your song!" Mabel exclaimed. And without further hesitation, Bill complied
I'm just a Bill,
Yes i'm only a Bill,
And I'm sitting here on capitol hill.
While, it's a long, long journey,
To the capital city,
With alotta other bills, just like me
But I know I'll be a law some da-
"Please, please! Stop that!" Ford yelled. "I can't drive with that song in my ears!" He yelled again. "Jeez, grunkle ford! Stop being such a sourpuss!" Mabel said in a scolding way. They had finally gotten to the airport. Dipper and Mabel stepped out of the car, along with Bill and Ford. "Well, here we are! Good luck becoming a law!" Dipper said to the little scrap of paper. "You too!" Bill responded. He laughed heartily as he walked to the door of the airport. However, as he got closer, the laugh became less happy, and more maniacal, until it turned into a full on evil laugh. Bill suddenly stopped and turned around, pulling out the Uzi he had been keeping inside of himself. And with a surprised and startled gasp from the Pines, He began firing it in their general direction, completely destroying the car and sending pedestrians scrambling. However, as Mabel was slower to duck then Ford and Dipper, he locked right onto her, filling her with at least 17 bullets. She coughed up some blood, before falling to the ground. "Oh hoh hoh! Looks like someone got vetoed!" Bill said before prancing into the airport. Screaming could be heard from inside. "MABEL!" Dipper shouted, holding clutching his barely alive sister tightly. "YOU LITTLE PAPER BASTARD! I'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!" Dipper screamed, running at the airport entrance. However Ford grabbed him by the back of his sweater. "DIPPER NO! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!" He yelled. "GRUNKLE FORD LET ME GO HE JUST SHOT MY SISTER!" Dipper said. "Dipper, I started this, I need to end it. You need to get Mabel to the hospital asap. Ford ran in. Dipper couldn't drive. He just knelt down next to his sister, crying, helpless. Just then. However, someone pulled up. Stan. "Hey Dipper! You look like you might need a ride! Hop in back! This things only got room for one person up front." Dipper was overjoyed, so without hesitation, he lifted Mabel and put her in the back compartment of the truck, getting on himself.
Inside the airport, Bill was going on a killing spree, laughing as blood was splattered everywhere. He shot one pedestrian after another, making them flee like animals. With every splatter of blood on the wall, his laughs became more and more crazed. He looked up to see the available flights. "74 TO PENNSYLVANIA" It was close enough. He would just hijack the plane. With another evil laugh, Bill exclaimed "Constitution, here I come!" just as Ford burst in.