Caught Between Love and Like

mystic mizu

She knows how she feels about her. Just watching him walk away, thinking that he loves her more than she does, just kills her inside and out. Tears started to flow down her eyes, the feeling of emptiness and pain knowing that she is the cause of his pain. When did she started questioning this love of theirs?

She always dreamt of going back in his world, back in his arms. It drove her mad. Five years of no contact, no vision, just blurred dreams of a dark-haired angel, catching her whenever she falls. Every night she cry herself to sleep. She knew he is real. She can still feel his warm embrace. She can clearly remember his focused gaze, his tight grip on her hand, his smell like the field. Van Fanel, her love, her life, her angel.

But then, she realized that there is no point in waiting. He is probably just a fantasy, a dream that is too good to be true. A man of her dreams that she probably made just to escape the painful reality that her ex-captain is in love with her bestfriend. But why was she never mad at them? Why did she long for Van Fanel? Why does the image of this angel still hunts her every night?

So she started to run, run as fast as she could, so nothing can catch up to her, nothing will reach her. Leave everything behind, there's no reason for her to look back, she just focus on where she is going.

"I was so close." She whispered to herself as she stared at the twilight sky, where the blue moon shone so brightly. She can still remember it. The cheering of the crowd, the heavy pats on her back, the heat of the sun, the sweat that's slowly sliding down on her cheek. She was right there, near the finish line, near to reaching everything she planned.

He wasn't part of it. College, athletic scholarship, world fame, and the dream of becoming studying medicine in a good school. The perfect plan. Set aside the feelings, it will only make her lose her focus.

10.25 seconds, she's gonna make it. And then one blink, everything is gone. She found herself in a middle of an unfamiliar meadow. She looked up at the sky, then she knew, she was back.

She's confused on what she should feel. Five years of working hard to achieve her goals and in one second, it was all over. On the other hand, the lover of her life is there, standing right in front of her, welcoming her home.

These past few months with him made her forget about the whole almost reaching her dreams issue. The wedding certainly made her happy, seeing some old friends, enjoying the peace they fought for. But after the wedding, there are less to do. She didn't study law, she had no idea what the laws are in Fanelia. She doesn't know their beliefs, their gods, and their culture. It's like she's a no one in this world.

She tried to study everything that she needs to know, to understand the country that she is running.

"Oh you don't need to study that my queen. The only thing that you should do, is to provide the king with an heir to the throne. And of course, to show him your love and support. And also, to understand you people."

I didn't study almost my entire life just to give birth and to understand. Stupid advisor!

Suddenly, she lost sight of her purpose, of her direction, of her track. What happened to world fame, athletic scholarship and med school? What is her purpose here on Gaea? On this strange land. She never saw herself as an alien to this wolrd, not with Van by her side. But in an instant, all her knowledge that she learned on earth seems so pointless here.

A knock on the door interrupted her thinking. A young hand maiden came in. "Excuse me my lady, the king asked for your company for dinner."

"Send my apologies, tell the king that I need to rest. Tell him... I'm tired"

AN: i can understand how some readers dislike Hitomi's character in this fic, but I hope this chapter helped her gain some sympathy from you guys. :)