Author's Note: The new chapter is up and I hope you all enjoy it. I can't put into words how surprised I am by the response I have received from people about this story. So thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart thank you.
Disclaimer: Nope, Arrow still isn't mine... however season two premier is in one month and as day (HOORAY!).
April 1st, 2016 2:45am
Dear Journal,
I had my first memory! Speedy had a friend over and I walked in on them in the kitchen and her friend was wearing this perfume or something and the smell brought back a memory. It wasn't much but it was something.
I remembered the same smell, but on different flesh. I had my left hand closed around her right that was resting against my chest over my heart and my right hand rested on the small of her back as we danced. She was in this deep green dress and I didn't look at her face because I had my cheek a fraction of an inch away from hers and was looking down at the skin on her shoulder not hidden underneath fabric. I remember thinking how good she smelled and smiling at her rambling on about something I didn't hear because all I could think about was her smell and how badly I wanted to press my lips to her skin, but I didn't. I remember reminding myself that I couldn't kiss the base of her neck because she wasn't mine to kiss.
That's where the memory ended. The memory played in my head like a clip from a movie, I saw the whole thing and nothing at the same time. I felt a rush of contentment and then sadness. I can't help but wonder if she is the one the ring is for, but why would I get a ring for so someone who wasn't mine? I thought having a memory return to me was going to make me feel better, but it doesn't. I guess this is a perfect example of be careful what you wish for you just might get it... Wonderful, I'm going through some sort of hell and I'm being forced to learn bull shit life lessons. I can say though that if she is the one I had the ring made for it wouldn't surprise me very much. From just that one memory I think I can tell you that I was very in love with her, whether or not she knew it or if she loved me back.
I have a date with Laurel tonight, so I'm going to go for now and I'll write back later.
April 1st, 2016 10:50pm
I'm just got home from my date with Laurel and I had another memory come to me while I was with her. I found myself taking in her smell to see if her smell was the one I remembered this morning, but it wasn't. The smell that brought on that memory was fruity like some sort of melon, while Laurel has more of a floral smell and it didn't bring on a good memory. It must have been right after I got back from the island because she was telling me she wished I spent more than five years in rotting hell.
It was a nice night though as far as dates go I guess because I refused to let the sad memory ruin the night for me. We had dinner, we talked about the good old days, but like always when I brought up Tommy she ended the conversation immediately. She actually said, "Oliver I don't want to talk about Tommy. It took me almost two years to stop crying, it took me three to except his death was my fault and almost five years later I'm still trying to come to grips that he is gone. So I'm sorry, but I'm not going to talk about him with you."
I'm not even going to try and lie... That pissed me the hell off. I'm really trying to except that they had this thing going on between them and I'm trying to be sympathetic that he did die saving her life... I really am. But in my head though Tommy and I were together yesterday eating sushi off leggy Italian models talking about how life doesn't get any better than it does right now or was right then I guess, I'm having a hard time shifting from present tense to past tense. In my head past tense IS present tense.
Anyways I'm getting off track. Besides her not wanting to talk about Tommy conversation seemed kind of forced and it took a lot more concentration than I remember. I asked her questions about our interaction after I returned from the island and that wasn't a smart idea. She went on talking about how much she hated me because Sarah and I ran away on the yacht together and she died because of me. Yeah what a great conversation for a date huh? Pretty much when she said all that I changed the topic again to something more positive.
We talked about her work and the cases she was working on at the moment. She told me about how she was working toward catching the Green Arrow, has been for a few years now. I asked her why she was so set on catching him and she said it was because despite all the good people thought he was doing, he was a murderer and needed to be brought to justice.
I invited her to the dinner thing that Speedy wants to put on in a couple days as my date. I'm not a hindered percent sure that was the best idea, but I guess we shall see. I'm hoping a memory of two might come to me before or during. I'm also interested to see the kind of people that I called friends before my accident. I know I had more guests while I was in my coma than I have since I have woken up, and I know that my lack of guests was my own doing. I didn't want to overwhelm myself with these faces I didn't know so Speedy and I have decided that this dinner for my birthday was the best way for me to reintroduce myself to these people I apparently once called friends. And hopefully I might have a couple more memories, maybe a memory leading me to the woman who I had the ring made for.
I'm seeing a lot of "maybes" in this plan, but it's the best I can do for right now. I'll write back soon hopefully with good news for myself.
Oliver