FYI…Ash/fshep sex time ahead
"Till the End"
She's so peaceful when she sleeps. I brush some of her brown hair out of her face and she moves in closer to me. Her hair is beautiful when it's down I always tell her to leave it down more often but she says it gets in the way when she is firing her gun. I guess that's a good enough reason to keep it up. We have ended up in our usual position since we have started to sleep together with her curled up on her side and her head on my chest by my heart and our legs tangled together with my arm wrapped around her protectively. I give her a kiss on her forehead content with just holding her for hours but my kiss woke her up.
"How long have you been awake?" she asks looking up and kissing me on the cheek.
"Not long" I lie it has been awhile since I have been awake. I just love watching over her and she knows it.
"Mhmm..So what are we doing today, Skipper?"
"Well Ashley, today we are still checking if Geth are wondering around in this sector but we both know the Geth are not here so I have other plans that involve us not leaving our cabin" I inform her as I shift and get on top of her and kiss her deeply.
"Is that so Skipper and what do you have in mind?" she all but moans while I'm kissing her down her neck toward her naked chest.
"You will see Ashley" I respond with a smirk.
I start kissing and biting her right breast while my free hand moves down her side and settles on her hip. I work her other breast as my hand moves across her stomach and teasing lower. I can hear her moaning as I kiss down her stomach to where I want to go and where she is begging me to go. I look into her eyes when I reach my destination and I see the desire and lust "Please Amy." Whenever she says my name, it is an insanely huge turn on and that is all the motivation I need to show her how much I love her. I start licking and nipping at her clit while one finger enters her slowly. I can hear her gasp and moan and it's music to my ears. I continue working her clit as I add another finger. I can tell she's close by the sounds she is making. I love the fact that I am the reason she is making those sounds. I know she likes to hold on to me as I bring her to climax so I find her hand right before she reaches her climax while she yells my name. After I help her ride out her orgasm, I kiss her deeply trying to show her how much she means to me.
"I don't know if I can go through that all day, Skipper" she says with a smile.
"Don't worry I'll take it slow" I say with a chuckle as I pull her closer to me.
We are laying down facing each other. Foreheads are touching while I run my hand up and down her side while she is playing with my hair. I decide I need to tell her how I feel about her because I want to have moments like this forever.
"Ashley there's something I've been wanting to tell you…." Just as I'm about to say "I love you" alarms start going off.
"What the hell! Ash suit up I'll meet you by the escape pods make sure the crew gets in the pods. I'm going to send the distress beacon" I can tell she is reluctant to leave my side so, as motivation I kiss her "I promise I'll meet you there"
Right after I send the distress beacon I hear foot steps behind me and I just know its Ashley.
"Joker isn't leaving and I'm not leaving either"
"Ash get to the escape pods and I'll get Joker"
"Shepard…"
"Ash…Go...Now"
After I get Joker in the pod and send it off the ship fired again and I'm blown out to space. I could tell I didn't have air anymore thanks to my suit VI. My last thought before I pass out is Ashley…
I awaken trying to catch my breath like I did when I was spaced. I've had that nightmare multiple times since I've been reborn and it is one of my worst because it's filled with so much regret, pain and loss.
Once I catch my breath I look at the clock realizing I slept 5hrs. That's still not enough I can feel how tired my body is, I need to fix this. I get up to shower to wash away the sweat and the pain but that will not happen. I remember every moment up until I died and it sucks serious ass. Usually I just have nightmares about after I get spaced but on rare occasions I start with that morning with Ashley. I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse.
I check my messages and notice that Miranda did find info about the Shadow Broker and I have a message from Ashley:
"Subject: Hey there.
Shepard-
I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. When I lost you two years ago, it tore me up. I prayed for you every day. I read a lot of Tennyson, thinking about you, just like I did when my dad passed. And then you came back, and it was like my prayers were answered. But I'm not who I was then, and neither are you.
I don't know what's true anymore. Part of me can't believe it's really you. I keep going back to that night before Ilos, our night... I haven't let myself think about those memories in over a year.
I wouldn't have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost there, and if anyone can stop the Collectors, you can. I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck.
Just stay alive out there... Skipper. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't lose you a second time.
-Ash
Death closes all: but something ere the end
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods."
Holy fucking shit there might be hope for us. She still cares about me. I am in a hell of a lot better mood but I have new crewmembers to talk to and an XO to thank. I could get her back, that thought will keep me going until I have her at my side again…..like it's supposed to be.
Deck 3
I'm almost skipping as a go see Garrus. He is the big brother I never had just like Wrex. We all developed into a family on the SR-1 and it is an unbreakable bond. He is calibrating, as usual, on our main gun that we just upgraded.
"What can I help you with Shepard?" he asks as he looks over his shoulder.
"We are going to help Miranda's sister and help Liara today, so we are going to be helping people today instead of our usual shoot everyone we find escapades. You in?"
"Don't we usually blow stuff up and shoot people when we are helping people?"
"Yes, but let's not focus on details, so you in?" I say with a hint of sarcasm and Garrus chuckles.
"Of course. Why are you so happy all of a sudden?"
"I got a message from Ashley" I can tell he's surprised because of what happened on Horizon.
"What did it say?" finally turning around and looking at me with shock on his face.
"I have a chance Garrus was what I got out of the message. Now you have a new duty. Your new duty is to beat back all the people that flirt with me. Especially Kelly she always looks like she wants to pounce on me whenever we talk. I guess she didn't hear me when I said we will only be friends when we had dinner a couple days ago."
"Got it, Shepard. Maybe I'll try to distract her" he reply's with a smirk.
"Good idea. Meet me in the airlock in an hour. I have to talk to Chakwas"
I leave the main battery to go see if Chakwas can help me sleep. I love the good doctor like a mother but she also makes an excellent drinking partner. She turns around in her chair and gives me a smile.
"Shepard I am surprised you are coming in here voluntarily. You're usually forced to come here after you have been shot at least 10 times."
"Ha Ha. Very funny Doctor. I just wanted to come and see you because I need your help with something personal, very personal?" she can tell I am being serious and she shuts the blinds to the cafeteria and looks at me, waiting for me to open up to her.
"I keep having these vivid nightmares. Some are about Mindor, Torfan, the Prothean beacons, or even my death but ever since Horizon they have been a lot worse."
"They are about Ashley aren't they" it was a statement not a question and I nod my head.
"I've had dreams that both her and Kaidan died on Virmire, she's been taken by the Collectors or like last night which was a replay of our last moments together and it felt so real up until I died. Every time I wake-up, I have a mini panic attack because I have no idea if she's okay or not. I can't keep going like this. I won't be able to save anyone if I can't sleep. Can you help me Doc?" I ask in a pleading voice.
"I can give you a sedative to keep you asleep longer but I'm not sure it will block out the dreams. That I can't help you with maybe if you talk to Kelly…"
"Hell no Doc, all she wants to do is sleep with me and that will not fly for obvious reasons, so no I don't want to talk to her about this."
"I understand Shepard. When you love someone, you love them fiercely. Maybe you can talk to Samara. She has been alive for nearly a thousand years and she was not a Justicar for all those years. She might have some advice to help you if you trust her. I'd advise to talk to her and every night I will give you a sedative maybe that will help."
"Thanks Doc. I will talk to Samara soon. I know how intuitive they can be after all one of my best friends is an asari." I say with a smirk as a leave the Med bay.
I don't think I'll talk to Samara about my dreams quite yet but I might eventually, she seems trustworthy and wise. I have a quick talk with Thane and Samara to get to know them and understand them better after that I thank Miranda and inform her we are leaving within the hour to go save her sister.
Illium
I just sent Miranda back to the Normandy after we made sure her sister was safe. I was surprised she didn't want to talk to her sister after we took care of the mercs. I would give anything for a chance to talk to my sister again so I pushed her into talking to her sister. She was also a bit shaken up about watching her closest friend Niket get killed and the fact she almost killed him herself so I sent her back to the Normandy, Garrus and I could handle things with Liara.
"Where's the secretary? She seemed nice." asked Garrus as we are about to enter Liara's office
"She's on an extended vacation." I reply flashing a smirk and he shakes his head knowing what I implied.
"Do I even want to know what happened, Shepard?"
"Probably not big guy." I say patting him on the back.
"Shepard, Garrus how are you today?" greets Liara.
"Fantastic we have already prevented my XO's sister from being kidnapped and it's not even 12 yet."
"I knew that was you causing explosions in the transportation area. It was Miranda's sister right?"
"How do you know that?" I ask shocked and glanced at Garrus who was also a little surprised.
"I'm a very good information broker, Shepard. Now what can I do for you?"
"You are full of surprises aren't you Liara. It's more like what I can do for you. Do you want to go after the Shadow Broker? Miranda went through the Cerberus network and found a lot of info. Here's a copy." I say handing her the data pad. She is now the one surprised and she hastily starts reading through it.
"Shepard this is perfect. Thank you so much. I'll get started with this right away I can finally get to him."
"Whoa there hun. You are not doing this alone Garrus and I are helping you whether you like it or not." I say as I stand up to block her path. "You are part of the crazy ass Shepard family your stuck with my craziness and a big brother who has an unhealthy relationship with his sniper rifle." I say with a smile pointing to Garrus and hearing him laugh. Liara nods and smiles at me but then gets a serious look on her face.
"Shepard there's something I have to tell you. I gave your body to Cerberus. I stole it from the Shadow Broker to give it to Miranda but in the process, the Shadow Broker took my accomplice, Feron. He is who I need to get back and according to your information he is still alive. I'm sorry for handing you to Cerberus but they said they could bring you back and I couldn't pass up that chance. We were all devastated after we saw you die some more than others. I had to do it. I hope you understand.
"Well that was unexpected to say the least Liara. I'm not thrilled with the strings that came with Cerberus bringing me back but I'm happy to be back. I understand Liara, I would've done the same thing in your place if it was any of you that died and there was a chance to bring a family member back. Thank you." I could tell she probably expected me to scream and yell all sorts of cuss words at her but I couldn't do that because I was honest when I said that I would've done the same thing. She looks relieved that I understood and didn't do what she expected me to do.
"You are welcome Shepard. Now I have to contact a few people to get some leads from the data you gave me. Meet me at my apartment and we can plan from there." She informs us as she walks out.
"I hope this goes smoothly, Garrus"
"Keep dreaming, Shepard. Something always goes wrong." he replies as we walk towards the shopping district.
"Doesn't mean I can't hope. Let's go look at some fish and guns before we go to Liara's place."I say with more excitement than necessary.
"Only you would think of shopping for those things at the same time." He says with a smile
"I'm just awesome like that."
Shadow Broker Base
So nothing went smoothly. Garrus was right crazy shit went wrong. I'm thinking this as Garrus, Liara and I are fighting our way towards the door to get us into the Shadow Broker's ship. The craziness started with Liara possibly being shot in her apartment and missing. Second event was the Shadow Broker agents blow up three floors of the building we thought Liara was located. Third, Liara comes back and tells us the Spectre named Vasir we were working with tried to kill her and an epic car chase ensued. After we crashed into a hotel, we fought through more agents, handled a hostage situation with Vasir then finally ended with a shoot out with Vasir, which we won. Finally after all that and flying across the galaxy, we are at the entrance into the Shadow Broker's base fighting off waves of agents while we wait for Liara's hacking program to open the damn door. I have a super fun life.
"If they attack from all sides they would have a better chance of succeeding." Liara says pulling me out of my thoughts after I shoot a capacitor that releases lighting and kills several agents on the upper deck.
"Really Liara? Who in the hell side are you on?" I yell through our comms.
"I was just making an observation." She responds
"It is not the time to play scientist T'Soni!" Garrus says. Just then, the door opens.
"Get inside, Now!" I order. Although once we are inside, we are greeted with someone with a missile launcher. "Shit. Find cover." The missile misses us and now I am thoroughly pissed off.
"I got one too you fuckers!" I say as I pull out "Big Boy" and fire, eliminating the agents with one shot.
"Well that should by us a couple minutes." I say as a holster my missile launcher and turn to look at Garrus and Liara to make sure they are alright. "Everyone good?"
"I'm fine" replies Garrus and Liara.
"Good. Let's go save a drell and kill a Shadow Broker." I order as I pull out my Locust and start walking following Liara's directions to the holding cells.
Well we found Feron, the drell, but he was strapped to a chair that shocked him if the console is tampered with which brought us to office of the Shadow Broker so we can shut down the power.
"Garrus, assault rifle. Liara use the Locust I gave you. The plan is we ask nicely first than if that doesn't work follow my lead just like old times. Got it?" they both nod yes "Good. Let's do this"
Once we enter the room the first thing I notice are all of the screens then this huge shadow figure behind a desk.
"You are foolish to come here, Shepard." it said in a deep, raspy and creepy ass voice.
"No one ever said I made good decisions. Give us Feron and we let you live. Deal or no deal?"
"Why would I do that when I can give your body to the Collectors, kill the nuisance Dr. T'Soni and hand over Archangel to the merc groups that will pay handsomely for him?"
"You won't be taking anyone! I know what you are." responded Liara. We all still had our guns trained on whatever the hell that thing is, I'm hoping Liara knows what she is doing.
"You don't know anything. I know everything while you fumble in the dark." it responds with a little falter in its voice.
"Is that so? You're a yahg. You were probably the previous Shadow Brokers pet until you killed him because yahg have only every been pets."
Well that pissed it the hell off. Next thing I know the desk is flying so I tackle Liara out of the way because she's closer but I noticed Garrus gets the desk full in the face and is knocked out cold. Once we recover, we start shooting at the yahg and find cover. The fit goes well until the damn thing whips out a shield that deflects everything shot at it so I get to have a fist fight with a yahg 3 times my size. My life rocks.
After a couple rounds with the yahg, I hear Liara telling me to get out of the way so I do and the next thing I see is the glass roof holding back lighting is broken biotically by Liara and all the lightening hits the yahg. Needless to say that caused an awesome explosion and the damn thing was dead. I noticed Garrus was moving around so I went to go help him, not noticing Liara heading towards the screens.
"This is the Shadow Broker…" I hear and turn to see Liara talking with an encrypted voice to the agents. Today is just full of surprises. Feron comes barreling and points his gun at Liara just as shocked as Garrus and I.
"You're the Shadow Broker?" Feron asks
"No one knew who he was except for us so why not? I can use his information to help you stop the Reapers, Shepard" she says as she turns to me and I can see tears in her eyes. I turn and give a look to Feron and Garrus that says "leave" and they do.
Once they are gone, I follow Liara towards the screens and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She turns and looks me in the eye. She breaks down as she embraces me as if her life depends on it. I know what she is feeling because I felt the same after I thought I got my revenge on Torfan but I only felt like I lost myself. I wrap my arms around her and try to soothe her the best I can. When she finally stopped crying, she pulled away and looked into my eye's.
"What do I do know, Shepard? I've done so many things to get to this point that I don't feel like me anymore"
"I know how you feel because I felt the same after Torfan all you have to do is find the old you again. The Liara not hell bent on revenge, bring back the shy Protheam expert but now instead of digging up Prothean artifacts you will be digging through a shit ton of information. You haven't strayed to for from yourself I still see the old you in there." I tell her as I pinch her cheek that earns me a giggle.
"Thank you, Shepard. You are an amazing friend. I'm glad your back."
"Me too and its all thanks to you. You should come to the Normandy for some drinks and to catch up. I plan on staying in this system for a little while and rest it's been a tiring couple days. What do you say?"
"I'd like that Shepard. I'll change and head over in a little bit."
Captain's Cabin
Another interesting day in the life of Amy Shepard, there's never a dull moment. We are docked at the Shadow Brokers base and I'm waiting for Liara, who is now the new Shadow Broker, to come up to my cabin for drinks and the talk I owe her. I decide to go with wine for the drink of choice; Liara doesn't need to know about my vodka habit. As I pour two glasses, I hear my door open and Liara walks in wearing a stunning full length dress. If Ashley didn't capture my heart first Liara definitely would've had a shot. I now feel underdressed in just my jeans and blue v-neck tee.
"You look great in that dress, Liara. Did you enjoy the tour?"
"Thank you. Yes I did you have a very nice ship and crew Shepard. Kasumi and Jack were very interesting tour guides."
"I thought you'd enjoy that. They definitely keep me entertained." I say with a smile.
"Seeing the members from our old team was nice. I haven't seen or talked to them since your funeral." She says looking down "I brought something for you…It's your dog tags"
I'm shocked. I never thought I would see them again.
"Thank you, Liara. You have no idea how much this means to me." I set them next to my terminal then walk over to my couch, and take a seat.
"How are you doing, Amy? With everything?" she asks giving me a concerned look.
"I'm frustrated for the most part. No one believes me or is willing to help. People think I'm fucking crazy, well I kind of am but not about the Reapers. I'm stuck working with a terrorist organization because the Alliance and the Council don't believe me which is causing a rift between me and the woman I love." I didn't intend to say that last part but it just came out. I grab my glass and throw back all the wine waiting for Liara to say something. After a couple moments of silence, I look at her and I can tell she's shocked by what I said because I opened up and I can also see pity in her eyes. I do not like to be pitied by anyone best friend or not.
"Look I'm sorry Liara. You don't need to deal with all this stuff it's my burden to bare, no one else's." I say to break the silence as I get up and start pacing.
"Shepard we are your friends, your family. Everyone from our team has your back and will help you at all cost even Ashley." That makes me pause mid-pace and give her a questioning look.
"How do you know that? Garrus told you what happened on Horizon. She acted as if we had nothing like we were nothing. I explained to her about Cerberus and being brought back but she still hated me. I finally told her how I felt she said she moved on. I can't move on from her she's the only one I've let in since my family was killed. Well, I guess except for you because you've actually seen into my head."
"Yes I have I've seen what you've been through and I also saw you with Ashley. I understand your relationship but you didn't see her at your funeral. She was broken, Shepard. No one could console her not even her family. She didn't speak for months she barely ate all she did was lay in bed. I tried to stay with her as long as possible but I left so I could find your body after Miranda contacted me. I don't know what brought her out of her depression. We haven't talked since I left. She's in shock now give her time and she will come back to you so do not give up on her."
I just stand still in the middle of my cabin trying to absorb everything Liara told me. I can't believe I caused her so much pain. It's tearing me up inside. I should've told her how a felt earlier maybe it would've helped her. Liara got up from the couch and stood in front of me and putting her hand on my forearm, which broke me out of my train of thought. I give her a hug which I know surprises her. I don't usually do the hugging.
"Thank you for being there for her and for me. I owe you everything Liara."
"We are family. I'd do anything for you just like you have done for me." She says into my chest as she returns the embrace. I pull away a little to look her in the eye because I need to ask her a favor.
"Can you keep an eye on her? Being the new Shadow Broker you're the only one who can do it and you are one of the few people I trust." I ask in a pleading voice.
"Of course I will have an agent on her all the time. I promise."
"Thank you Li." I say as I give her another hug. "It's late so I should let you go. We are leaving in the morning to go help members of my ground team finish up some personal business and I believe I am going to find Tali as well before we go get the Collectors."
"You better come and see me before you get the Collectors and you better come back after you destroy them." She tells me as we pull away from each other's embrace.
"I will I have a family to come back too, right?" I say with a smile.
"Yes you do Shepard. Yes you do." She responds as she walks out of my cabin.
Well today has been an emotionally and physically crazy ass day, I think while a grab my vodka and sit in front of my terminal. Ash is going to get an earful tonight. I feel I need to talk to her more than ever tonight just to feel closer to her after I what Liara told me. I read her message again to feel that closeness I'm craving. I debated earlier about whether to message her back but after hearing what Liara told me I need to but not until tomorrow. Tonight I will inform her of my crazy ass day as I used to when we were together.
"So Ash today was an insanely crazy day which was kind of unexpected. I started today reading your message, which made my day better just knowing you are still willing to talk to me. I'm going to come back to you Ashley, I promise. Garrus was happy to hear you messaged me. He still cares about you even after what occurred on Horizon, he always will care about us he's the big brother neither of us have had. I talked to my new team member's Thane and Samara today. Thane is an assassin with a disease that is slowly killing him. He is going to help me because he wants to do something good before he dies. I respect that but I still feel like he is holding something back as to the real reason why he wants to help stop the Collectors. Samara is a conundrum. She is almost a thousand years old and like Liara you definitely can't tell. She is a Justicar. There is a Code that she follows and if anyone breaks it they die by her hand. There is no gray area its all black and white, that's why she had to make a vow to me so she wouldn't be forced to kill me if I break her code. We had two missions today the first was to save Miranda's sister from her crazy father, which was a success. Miranda was surprised I took the time to help her. Once we made sure her sister was safe I pushed Miranda to talk to her sister. I of all people know how important moments are with your family. After that Garrus and I went to help Liara with her Shadow Broker issue. It definitely didn't go smoothly like I hoped. We ended up being blown up, involved in a car chase, killed a rogue Spectre, and battling a yahg who was the Shadow Broker. I would suggest you look up what a yahg is on the extranet because I can't even begin to explain it. I also found out Liara was the one to give my body to Cerberus so they could bring me back. I…we owe her a lot, Ash. She told me what you went through after I died and I am truly sorry for the pain I caused you. I have been having more and more nightmares now that were not together. I've started to have more about you and it's tearing me up because I have no idea if you safe or not. I had a dream about you last night of the morning before I got spaced where I wanted to tell you I loved you. It felt so real everything we did up until I died. I felt it all. My last thought before I died was you and how I regretted not telling you sooner that I love you. I need you Ash. I'm going to send you a message tomorrow.
Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,
Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,
Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,
Till then shall I love thee,
Till then shall I live in joy."
I turn my terminal off and look at my dog tags. They represent everything I was before I died. They represent the way I met the woman I love. They represent who I am so I take them out of the display case and out them back on. Dr. Chakwas left the sedative she talked about on my bedside table because I couldn't see her tonight. I decide I shouldn't take it tonight since I've been drinking so I will take it tomorrow night. Hopefully, I will dream about Ashley again even if I have to relive my death.
Sorry this took an extra week. I hurt my right eye at work a week ago and yesterday was the first day I could do anything except for listen to music and stare at a wall. My vision is still a little blurry so I apologize for any mistakes I tried to read through it a couple times to catch anything. I've been thinking about ideas during my bed rest so I should have another update by the Sunday at the latest.
Hope you enjoyed it. Please review!