A/N Sorry to everyone who wanted an extended blackout. I'd like that too but my story had other ideas. I've had a crazy week and a lot of thoughts about where this was going and where it should go. Now I'm back to following it instead of directing it I suppose. And a word of warning ... I am leaving this chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger xx
Thank you once again for all the reviews/favourites/follows. It is so good to hear what people think xxxx
Chapter 3
When Lizzie wakes in the morning it's with thoughts of Red. Maybe it was his scent, maybe his shirt on her body or maybe just his close proximity but she dreamt of him the whole night.
She dreamt that he hadn't left her last night and that he'd done the things he alluded to earlier in the evening. Even the memories of the dream make her hot.
She washed and dressed and tries to make herself presentable. When she goes downstairs she finds him in the dining room, breakfast already underway.
"Good morning" she greets him a bit sheepishly.
"Good morning. Did you sleep well? He asks.
She can't help the blush that rises; she thinks she slept a little too well. But she just mumbles a yes and reaches for a glass of water. He watches her closely, wondering about the blush and her lack of eye contact. But he doesn't push her, he wants to give her space to decide what she wants; what she's wants to tell him and what she wants the future to hold.
"How's the weather looking?" She asks him.
"Better today. Last night's snow fall wasn't as bad as expected. However your power is still out so you're stuck with me for a while yet." He tells her.
She just smiles and nods her head while she sips the water. When she continues to sit quietly he moves to get her something to eat. He fixes her a plate and brings it over, leaning close as he places it down.
"Thank you" she says breathlessly. Red hears her tone, raises an eyebrow but says nothing.
They pass the morning, conversation slowly increasing as the day wears on. It doesn't yet feel like it did but more like a foundation for something more. A number of hours later Dembe comes in and quietly speaks with Red.
"It appears your power is restored and I have no reason to continue to keep you here" he says with a smirk.
"I can go?" She says, then, "Sorry I didn't mean to sound so surprised".
"You'd be welcome to stay of course but it might be wise to check your apartment for burst pipes, given the frost. Before you go I think we should talk more about what was said yesterday" he says turning his body to face hers.
She suddenly feels nervous, unsure of what to say. But then he told her that the future is up to her so she just has to tell him what she wants.
"Red I don't want things to continue as they are. I understand what you said about my safety and I appreciate that you were trying to protect me. But I want things to be like before" she says nervously looking at him.
He just looks back and after a few minutes says, "very well".
"I need time to think about the other things you said. I still find it difficult to believe given how things have been of late." she says quietly.
He stands and offers her his hand, pulling her from her seat. "I understand" he says in response. "Why don't we get you home?"
"I'll go and get my stuff" she says.
"No need. Dembe has everything in the car already."
They make their way to the door, he helps her put on her coat, his hands lingering on her. Dembe drives them cautiously back to her apartment. Despite the snow last night, the conditions seem the same. She wonders how quickly her apartment will warm.
When they get there Red accompanies her inside. He brings a small overnight bag that evidently holds her extra clothing from the day before. Inside her apartment the restored power has begun to take the edge off the chill and Red seems happy enough that her apartment in now liveable again.
"I'll take my leave now. However, if the power goes again I expect to hear from you" he says smiling softly at her.
"You will" she replies smiling back.
He steps close, as he did last night and she thinks he's going to kiss her again. For a long time he just regards her, not moving or touching her. Finally he leans in, leaving a gentle kiss on her lips before silently moving away and leaving her. It's not enough for her but it's also just right, she told him the truth, she needs time with this.
Later she unpacks the overnight bag and finds his shirt packed away with her belongings. She sleeps in it again that night, and most nights thereafter.
The temperature changes and it seems the capital begins to heat up. With the thaw comes the asked for thaw in their relationship. Things return to something more akin to their previous state. For her it's comfortable, familiar and everything she needs.
For Red it's also a relief. He'd worry about her regardless, but this way he gets to be close to her and knows he's not hurting her.
If anything things feel too normal. Red is giving her time. There have been no more kisses, no more touches and he hasn't mentioned again about how he feels.
After a few months of that she thinks she's ready for things to change but she isn't sure how to bring it up and no opportunity presents itself. Or at least she's too nervous to take any opportunity that does.
Then one night she decides to take a step. She knows from the tracking chip where he is. She knows it's wrong how often she checks his location but then she thinks no one really needs to know about her obsessing.
She parks on the street, some doors down from Frederick's apartment. The memory of her last visit there prevents her from getting out of the car. In her head she knows it's foolish, she knows how he feels and why he treated her like that but she's still hesitant.
She's more or less decides to leave without going in. She drops her head, looking at her hands as one worries the scar on the other. That's why she doesn't see him as he approaches. She's unaware entirely until he opens her door, stepping back and resting his weight on it.
"Hello Lizzie" he says.
"Hi" she responds looking as embarrassed as she feels.
He lifts his arm from the door and steps towards her, leaning over her body and releasing her seatbelt. He's so close; his scent invading her senses, making her close her eyes to savour it.
He takes her hand and helps her from the car. He doesn't release her hand as he closes the door of the car but instead pulls her close and leads her up the street and inside the apartment.
When he closes the door behind them he releases her hand but only so he can pull her body to his. He kisses her deeply, enjoying the feeling of her response. Within seconds he stops, resting his forehead on hers, "Sorry. I've wanted to do that for months and when I saw you outside I took my chance" he says by way of explanation but she's not complaining. In fact she only feels like complaining because he stopped.
He takes her into the living room, pours them both a drink and settles itself beside her.
"Do you want to talk?" he asks when some minutes have passed in comfortable silence.
She takes a few deep breaths, not sure of the answer now that the moment has arrived. "I think I just want to be, and see how it is, if that's ok" she says a little nervously.
He just smiles in response, he's glad she came. She's taken a step by coming here; it's a sign that's she willing to accept him and his feelings for her.
So they pass the night, not openly discussing their relationship but letting it be. During the evening it goes from a non entity to a gentle existence, nurtured by his love and her growing acceptance.
He touches her often, liking how she feels in his hands, the warmth of her body and her willingness to be near him. And when she leaves he walks her to her car, leaning her against it and kissing her with the passion he's been harbouring for her.
It is a promising beginning, one that could have been built upon and expanded if events hadn't taken such an unexpected turn.
It's the events of one particular raid that threaten to stifle what had only begun to develop. They couldn't have predicted how something so routine would take such a fateful turn.
They are in the command truck, Red being there because he provided most of the intel and because he chooses to be close to her as often as he can.
Cooper gives the briefing and they know they will be making a full on assault on a nearby warehouse, looking to end the operations of one particularly sinister Blacklister. But they are hitting the building when it's being visited by his associates, hoping to end more than one deadly business.
Red doesn't like it, he thinks the FBI is surpassing their reach but Cooper is determined that their operation is as far reaching as possible. Red attempts to school him about the danger of ambition but still it's no use. He would leave but he knows Lizzie wouldn't come and he's here for her now more than the list.
"You know how I feel about this." Red says to Lizzie just as she's about to go. What he means is, you know how I feel about you but there are people around and he can't say what he wants.
She just offers him a gentle smile. Having no idea how to convey to him how she feels. Then she leaves him, feeling more trepidation than she's ever felt. She should have taken it as an omen but she didn't.
Inside the building things do not go at all to plan. She's separated from the team almost immediately by gunfire that they generously return. She reports her position and hopes that they'll somehow find a way to rendezvous with her.
She continues to progress, the small updates in her ear increasing her confidence. They have started to take the upper hand, most of their targets reported down. But that's when it happens. She doesn't hear it, nor does she feel it exactly. It's more like she feels the effect; she's robbed of air and energy, she's physically moved as the bullet meets her body and travels inside, the round so powerful it's penetrated the material designed to protect her.
She returns a plethora of gunfire, emptying her gun of bullets before she's satisfied the danger has passed. But of course the danger remains, and expands like the blood stains on her clothing.
She hears in her earpiece as they finally clear the building but she finds herself unable to respond. She hears her name more than once in her ear but she doesn't say anything. It's taking everything she has to stay on her feet, to go back the way she came, her only thought of getting to him.
"Lizzie" he says into the microphone in the command truck, his tone terse. "Respond to me now".
"I've been hit" she says simply, sliding down the wall because she can make no further progress.
He's out of the truck before the words have time to register with anyone else. His only thought of getting to her. It's a frantic few moments for both of them before he finds her.
"Hi" she says, smiling as he drops down beside her. He doesn't respond, he's moving and removing her clothing and assessing her injury. He grabs her arm, addressing Cooper through the mic on her wrist. He gives their position and demands medical assistance.
She watches him as he tends to her. He's so focused. There's always a conviction to everything he does but not like this. The thought that she might not make it enters her head. But it's more that she won't see him again, won't hear his voice or hear him tell her he loves her even once more. It's this more than anything that breaks her heart.
He's aware she watching, of the frown that replaces her neutral expression, "what are you thinking about?" He asks her, hoping to monitor her through her voice, her tone and engagement.
"I don't think I'm going to make it" she tells him.
"You will get through this Lizzie" he replies briefly lifting his gaze to reassure her.
"You are always so certain." She says a small smile lighting her eyes.
"Lizzie, I will not let you die." He says in the same firm tone.
She's silent as he continues his attempts to stem the flow of blood. Others arrive but she barely notices. He tries to keep them at a distance; he's already doing everything that can be done. She just looks at him and watches his face.
"What would it be like?" She asks him.
He looks up, about to ask her what she's referring to, worried that she's losing her grip on reality but he sees warmth in her eyes, he sees love. She's asking him what it would be like if she let him love her. Not what she's allowed up till now but if she let him love her all the way. What a future would be like if she accepted it fully and returned it in kind.
He stops moving but his hands remain firmly over her wound. He speaks directly to her in a low impassioned voice but he doesn't care who hears, "I would cherish you. You'd know how deeply I love you because I'd tell you and show you one million times a day. There would be no doubt. I'd give you everything you ever wanted because you're all I want. And that's why I won't let you leave me, not now, not ever".
"Red" she says smiling at him, tears swimming in her eyes. "I love you"
"I know honey" he says back.
Her smile widens but her eyes begin to droop down.
"Lizzie, you will not close your eyes. Look at me while I'm talking to you" he demands. Her eyes lift, looking at him, not as bright as before but still there. "Don't do that again".
"God, you're so bossy" she laughs but it quickly turns into a cough. He holds her steady but it drains her depleted energy further.
"Red" she says, fear in her voice for the first time.
"I won't let you die" he says again, as much to reassure her as himself. She nods very subtly acknowledging his words.
He hears commotion behind them and knows help has arrived. They take over his triage but he stays just as close. Now he's free to meet her eyes and he offers her a small smile. The sight of him comforting her like this brings tears to her eyes again but he brushes them from her cheeks as they fall.
Raymond Reddington isn't afraid of anything. He's been threatened, shot at and tortured, just in the short time he's been back working with the FBI, and he has laughed at those responsible, mocked their feeble attempts to end him. But he thinks if she dies it will be the death of him. And he'll go wordlessly, without a fight.
It's a tense journey in the ambulance, she looks at him the whole time, wanting to enjoy what she feels are their last moments together. He wants to touch her more but his hands are covered in blood and he doesn't want to get in the way.
Instead he makes do with speaking to her, telling her more about how their life will be, how he'll love her and how it will feel for both of them. His words are soft and gentle and a comfort. It's all she could have asked for.
His tone doesn't change until she closes her eyes again, then the edge returns, and then the volume, but it's too late. She slips from him into unconsciousness, her last memory, him telling her about his love.