Title: Welcome Home
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Olivia continues to work at establishing her family and learning how to navigate motherhood while still serving with SVU. There's lots of challenges for her ahead as she adjusts to the changes in her life, surmounts new situations and legal troubles for her and her adopted children, and tries to find some time and space for herself in it all too. This is the sequel to Hello, Goodbye.
Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.
"I just don't get why I'm not parking," Cassidy said to her.
She glanced at him from looking out the window as he worked on getting them to the departure gates.
"Because it's ridiculous to have to try to find a spot and pay for it for you to walk us to the door," she said again. "It's fine."
He gave her that look that he'd been giving her for most of the drive over. The one that clearly said it was her that he thought was being ridiculous.
"I was going to at least stay with you until you got checked in," he said.
"Brian – I'm fine," she said a bit more firmly.
"With all these bags and a car seat and a kid?" he put back to her.
"I'm pretty sure I've handled more complicated situations with bigger things at stake," she said.
He audibly sighed at that response but turned his attention on getting them pulled up to the curb for the quick drop off. That was what she preferred. She didn't want to make a production of this. Not for her. Not for him. And not for Benji. They'd hardly be gone two weeks.
Brian got out of the truck, switching off the engine. "I'll go find you a cart," he said flatly. "I'll be right back."
She just nodded and looked over her shoulder at Benji. He smiled broadly at her.
"We at the airport Mommy!" he declared.
It made her smile more. At least he was excited about the trip. He'd pretty much been excited from the moment she'd told him – which hadn't been too many days after Jack had left. It had saved some tears about when he'd seen his uncle again but had meant she'd spent almost three months being asked daily – sometimes hourly – when exactly it would be they'd be going to retrieve Jack. It'd gotten to the point that she'd put a countdown on the fridge for him and just told him to go look there. But that had meant that she was repeatedly told exactly how many days it would be until they'd see Jack. She got the impression that Benji would've loved to know the number of hours, minutes and seconds too.
"We are!" she agreed, though, with just as much enthusiasm.
As tiring as Benji's excitement had been over parts of the summer - as much as it meant that she needed to put in extra effort to not just keep him distracted from Jack's absence but also from their pending trip – she was looking forward to it too. It'd been years since she'd even tried to plan a holiday. She couldn't even pinpoint the last time she'd spent in a hotel that hadn't been work related. Planning this trip – trying to balance the interests of a four-year-old with a nineteen-year-old while trying to get in some things she'd like to see and do too – had been hard. But she thought she'd done it. Or at least she'd done enough research to have in her head where things were and what things they might all want to stop at. She figured she'd have to play some of it by ear. See how the boys were doing. See how she was doing. See what was interesting and what was a bust. But she'd also booked a couple things – including a beach house for them to spend the last several days of their holiday at. And, she just couldn't wait.
She wanted to see her son. She wanted to see both of their faces when her boys were reunited. She wanted to watch them enjoy their first holiday experience. She wanted to get to see the ocean and spend time on the beach and just enjoy some time as a family while they weren't dictated by her schedule and Jack's schedule and very soon Benji's school schedule. She wanted some time where she hoped she wasn't exhausted. Though, she wasn't sure that point would come true. She knew the experience would be tiring. She hoped that ending the trip on the beach might sort of help with that. Though, after spending some afternoons and evenings on the beach with Benji around the city, she wasn't sure how much that would play out too. Supervising him could be exhausting all unto itself. But hopefully Jack would help with that and wouldn't tire of his little brother too quickly. Hopefully he wouldn't want a break from small children after a summer of being surrounded by them.
She undid her seatbelt and got out of the car, opening the back door and pushing forward her seat to get access to her son. Cassidy had insisted on putting the child seat in the back and depositing Benji into it. She supposed he got points for actually caring about the safety of her child – but it did mean that now she had to figure out how to get Benji and the seat out of the car. At least it would be good practice for when she had to do it on her own when she picked up the rental car. It wasn't until Brian was working on getting the thing into his truck that morning that she'd realized that it had been him who'd done it when they'd gone up to his cabin too. So she'd pushed him aside and tried to do it herself. Though, he'd ended up having to talk her through a couple of the steps – and then had ended up pushing past her and tightening the thing even more into place with a brute force that she'd never quite have. She hoped she'd be able to get it in place enough for the drive up to Jack's camp at least. Then she could recruit his brute force to make sure it was really secure.
"How you doing there?" she heard behind her and just nodded.
She managed to get Benji's belts undo while he was already yapping at her at about going on the plane and going to California and skateboarding and the ocean and Jack. It was the never-ending topic of conversation. She was sure everyone around them was sick of hearing about it too. She lifted him out by the armpits and deposited him on the ground next to Cassidy and turned back to working on getting the seat out now.
She could feel his eyes still watching her and probably wanting to push in and do it himself but he apparently managed to restrain himself.
"Guard the cart, Big Man," he said. "I'll grab your bags."
"It like a scooter," she heard Benji rambling and out of the corner of her eye saw him starting to push it.
She turned around. "Benj – do not push it. You don't want to hit anyone. … Or Brian's car."
"It a truck, Mommy," he said and moved, this time to stand on it like a scooter.
She straightened and put her hand on the luggage cart. "Benjamin, do not stand on it either," she said more sternly.
He looked at her with big eyes that looked a little sad. He always did that when she said 'Benjamin' – unless it was at his bedtime tuck-in.
She sighed. She wasn't bad at him. She just wanted to get out of the area as quickly as possible. Technically it wasn't supposed to be much more than a kiss-and-go slot. She could see the traffic officers already eyeing them and they hadn't even been there two minutes. But the area definitely wasn't designed for off-loading a pre-schooler and a woman who'd never travelled with one before. That was likely why Cassidy had wanted to park. But it was also exactly why she didn't want him to park. She wanted to do this on her own. Her sons. Her family. Her trip.
"I just don't want you to hurt yourself," she said. "Just …" she pointed back near the handle. "Stand there."
"OK, Big Man," Brian said, again having emerged from the rear of his pick-up with their two suitcases in tow. He dropped them on the ground and hoisted Benji up. "Let's put you in for a ride."
Brian started to maneuver her son around, trying to get his legs into the holes of the seat on the luggage cart, but when Benji realized what he was doing, he started to kick.
"Buy-in!" he protested. "I not a baby!"
Olivia looked again as she finally managed to get the seat out of place. "It's fine," she told Brian. "Just put him down."
Brian gave her a look. "It was busy in there," he said. "You've only got two hands."
She rolled her eyes. "One for him and one for the cart. Put him down."
Brian shrugged and put the boy's feet back on the ground. Benji huddled against her at that and gave Cassidy a dirty look. He ignored it, though, and just took the car seat from her and put it onto the cart, piling the two suitcases behind it.
He gave her a small smile at that. "All set," he said in his typical emotionless manner.
Olivia returned. "Thanks, Bri."
He just nodded and flipped the passenger seat back into place and closed the side compartment.
"So have a good trip," he said.
"We will," she said and stepped in, giving him a loose one-armed hug that he returned. "See you in a couple weeks."
But whatever that hug was or wasn't was immediately halted. "I TELLIN' PEEDG!" Benji yelled at them.
She looked down to see him pointing his finger accusingly. She snorted at it and rubbed her eyebrow. She wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes she felt like responding to any of it would only egg Benji on further – whereas if she just ignored it, by the time Benji talked to his brother next, he'd have far more interesting and important things to tell Jack.
But it'd been like that all summer. She wasn't sure if Jack had put some bug in Benji's ear about reporting back to him on any interactions her and Cassidy had while he was gone or if the little boy had just picked up on Jack's uneasiness about their relationship. It wasn't a secret, though. Both times she had taken invitations to go to Brian's cabin for the weekend, she'd let Jack know. And, there had been several other interactions that her and Benji had had with Brian throughout the summer that Benji had reported back to Jack on. Though, she didn't get the sense that any of them had been maliciously. Benji had just been excited about their outing and having a play-mate. A grown-up playmate who a lot of the time seemed to have a mentality that made him about Benji's age.
Olivia actually thought that Cassidy might just like that he didn't need to hold conversations of any sort of substance with Benji. With the time they'd been spending together, she'd definitely realized that Brian wasn't much of a conversationalist. It was funny because she remembered him being rather talkative back when they were young detectives. Not that she'd ever thought he had much of substance to say back then and a lot of what had come out of his mouth had annoyed her. But it was almost like he'd just taught himself to shut up. Brain seemed perfectly content to just sit with her and watch Benji while he played on a playground or ran around as his soccer practice. Or sit on her couch and drink beer while watching a weekend ball game – if he was lucky – or Rescue Bots or a Disney movie, if he wasn't.
At first Olivia had found it a little strange to be spending time with him but to not actually be doing much in the way of speaking. But as a visit (or two or three) from him over the summer became part of their weekly staple, she'd started to just accept it. It was just nice to have some adult company and an extra hand, even if it was a silent one. Though, she could've done without the questioning looks (and occasional comments) that she got from Alex. And the all-out feeling like she had to hide it from Nick, lest he go off the handle about it. But there really wasn't much to hide or say about any of it. They weren't dating. At least she wouldn't call it that.
There'd been moments when that had been hard in the summer. Times at the cabin where they had alone time after Benji was in bed. Times at her apartment where he easily could've stayed into the evening. But he hadn't. And she hadn't made any move either – as much as part of her had screamed at her she should.
But there remained the fear that Benji might catch them – no matter the where or the when of it all. She wasn't sure how'd he react if he did: if he'd be scared or if he'd be confused or if he'd barely bat an eye. What she did know, though, was that he'd seen and experienced enough in his young life that she didn't want to be adding to that – however accidentally it might happen. She also just didn't want to have lied to Jack. She'd promised him that she'd let him know when she was dating again and that they'd talk about it. She was sticking to that.
Brian seemed to be respecting all of that too. He hadn't bugged her about it. It was like when they had that wayward kiss in the spring he said his final bit and now he was waiting for her to decide what she was going to do about. She hadn't really decided yet but he also hadn't really indicated he was giving up on the possibility yet either. He was still there. As far as she knew he wasn't seeing anyone else. And for the most part he seemed to be giving her physical space too. There'd been a few small slips – that she'd actually allowed – that seemed to suggest he was still interested. Sometimes as they were walking his hand would find hers. There'd been a few stray hugs and half hugs. Some small pecks on the cheek in hellos or goodbyes. And, one time at the cabin while they were sitting and looking at the fire after she'd gotten Benji to bed, his hand had wordlessly found its way to her knee. She'd let it sit there for several beats while her mind reeled – while she decided if she was going to wait for him to go farther or if she even wanted him to go farther. But then she'd taken his hand in hers and they'd just was silently sat there gazing at the flames.
There were moments that summer where she'd wondered exactly how dating Brian might work. What it would look like? If it could be possible? He was good company. He was good with Benji and Benji seemed to enjoy having him around. But Benji also enjoyed having Alex and Nick and Zara around. After he got to know someone and decided they weren't likely going to disappear from his life, he became her usually happy-go-lucky little boy around them. So she didn't necessarily think that Cassidy was getting any sort of special treatment. Still, though, they were kind of cute together. But a good boyfriend? A good long-term male presence for her boys? She wasn't so sure about that.
There were times she thought that it might just evolve into dating him, though. Because he was there. Because he was available. Because the boys knew him. Because she had needs. But that thought bothered her too. She knew that neither her nor Brian really wanted a fuck buddy in the long-term, even though that's sort of what they felt like they were moving towards. She suspected if Jack got the sense that that was what was going on that he'd be even more appalled than she told him that she was ready to have a life beyond mom and wanted to start dating again.
But considering all the things she'd pondered about with Brian. Considering the things she'd done with him in the past. Considering Benji had certainly been around while they'd held hands over the summer and that the little boy, himself, had flopped against Brian while watching TV or passed out after running like a crazy man in the park only for her to let Cassidy carry him for her. It was a little funny that out of all the things he could've accusingly pointed fingers at her about – it was this. An innocent goodbye hug that was barely even a hug.
"Yeah, you aren't telling Jack," Cassidy said when she hadn't reacted.
Benji nodded hard. "Yes. I tell Peedg."
Brain shook his head and dug his wallet out of his pocket. Olivia really rolled her eyes at that.
"Don't you dare," she said.
Brian didn't even look at her as he riffled through his bills. "What's the big deal?" he mumbled. "Buy him some food for the flight."
"I eat Skit-tells on the plane, Buy-in," Benji declared, already seemingly starting to forget what he was even supposed to be remembering.
"Oh yeah?" Brian muttered again and then glanced at her. "I've only got twenties," he said and handed a bill down to her little boy. Benji gazed at it big eyed. It was likely the most money he'd ever seen. Or at least the most he'd ever gotten to hold. "Don't tell Jack," he instructed seriously.
"That's great, Cass," Olivia rolled her eyes. "Now my four-year-old has $20 and my nineteen-year-old is STILL going to find out you touched me, you know?"
Brian gave her a serious look. "It was you that touched me," he contended. She rolled her eyes harder.
Benji looked up at him. "Buy-in? How many Rescue Bots this buy?"
"Ah, maybe one?" he suggested.
Benji shook his head hard at that statement. "DAT NOT ENOUGH!" he protested.
Olivia looked up at the sky for a moment – almost wishing she was on a plane on her own now, taking off on some tropical vacation far away. "Benj, you already have every Rescue Bot imaginable."
"NO!" he near yelled at her. "I do not have Whole-ist, Med-ix, Bades or Ax-ill!"
Part of her wanted to laugh. It wanted to smile. It wanted to be relieved. Her little boy who a year ago thought only rich kids had toys, who didn't think he was good enough to get present, who was afraid to open gifts – now had a rather extended wish list. Only it sounded more like a greedy-gumlets demand list to her in that moment.
She looked at him seriously. "Benji – you have enough Transformers," she told him sternly.
She didn't know how many more Transformers he could have. She felt like their apartment was full of them – and she feared his approaching birthday when she was sure more would be flooding his play space and her living room and floors. She wondered if she could ban anyone from giving him anymore.
But then Brian added: "There's no such thing as too many Transformers" and there went that idea. If he was still showing interest in them at the end of September, she was sure he'd be one of the culprits who'd be giving her son another one of those damn robots. She wouldn't put it passed Alex and Nick either.
"Yeah! There no such thing MOMMY FOX!" Benji nodded hard in agreement.
"OK, Big Man, so if you can afford two Rescue Bots, you won't tell Jack?" Brian asked, looking seriously into Benji's eyes.
Benji scrunched up his face in thought at that for a moment. "OK. Two Rescue Bots," he nodded.
Olivia let out a small laugh and shook her head. "This is going to really help you get your shield back, Bri," she said. "Bribing a pre-schooler."
"Almost a kindergartener," he said.
"YEAH! I ALMOST IN KIDER-GARDEN!" Benji said firmly.
The two of them, Olivia thought. Sometimes she couldn't win around them. It was almost worse than when Benji repeated anything that came out of Jack's mouth as gospel.
"But you got ahead and call IA on me if you want," he said drily. She just rolled her eyes and he looked back to her little boy. "OK, bud," he said. "I'll give you another twenty bucks if you don't tell Jack and you get into the cart for your ma."
Benji really scrunched up his face at that and shook his head hard.
"Com'on, Big Man," Brian said. "It's like a ride. Liv will push you fast."
Her little boy looked at her and seemed to consider it. "It a ride?"
"Sure," Brian suggested. "Somewhere between swings and skateboarding."
Benji thought about that another moment but then nodded in agreement and Brian again reached for him and this time managed to deposit him in the seat, Olivia helping to get his legs in place, semi-grateful that she wouldn't have to be keeping her eye on him and grabbing at him – at least for the moment.
"There. Good. Stay in there – and don't give your mom a hard time."
"I be good," Benji said but he was already kicking his feet and causing the cart to drift.
"OK. Don't move," Brian said a bit more firmly and grabbed at the cart with one hand while he handed the kid another bill with his other.
Benji looked at his new found fortune while Brian gave her a smug look, like he'd just solved all the world's problems on her behalf. But then her little boy looked right at the man.
"Buy-in? I tell Peedg after I spend these?" he asked with such innocence and seriousness.
Olivia let out a loud laugh and gave Brian a look. He just sighed.