Cold as Ice
(Cloud POV)
I entered the bar. It was dark inside. My hand reached for the switch to turn the lights on. In an instant everything was bright. No darkness to protect me.
I hurried into the kitchen and put everything into the fridge that needed to stay cool. The rest I left standing in the bag on the floor. Just as I turned around, hoping I would not run into anyone and could happily wrap myself into my bed sheets without having to explain where I was, like a teen that had left the house without asking late at night, I found Tifa standing in the doorframe.
"Good Evening." She said in a dry tone.
"I am sorry Tifa. I was caught up. I…" I paused there for a moment. Worry was spread all over her face, not as much anger as I had expected. "I still had some deliveries to do. Sorry I didn't call."
"It's not like you ever call." She said and took a few steps closer to me. I had to prevent myself from backing away, just cause I would usually do so.
(Cloud POV End)
(Tifa POV)
I was a little angry he had not called. But what was I to expect. He wouldn't just change within a few days. Cloud was never one to call. He would always just walk around anywhere like a stray dog. "The kids were worried." I told him, hoping he would at least understand that he can't walk in and out of this house the way he wants to.
"I am sorry." He apologized again. I took another step closer and hugged him. "We are a family now, next time at least let us know." I felt my cheeks getting hot. I avoided looking into his blue eyes and turned around with my head hanging low and left the kitchen. All I wanted was my warm bed now. Oh please, would you just understand? I felt nervous. Like a little school kid. It had been very long since I last hugged you. Couldn't you at least wrap your arms around me? I kept pondering for a while as I tossed in my bed. Maybe I am just expecting too much in a short time. After all, the affection is one-sided. I might just attach more meaning to this platonic marriage than you do. What a fool I was. Thinking this might bring you a little closer. I did it for the kids, they love you. But I did it for me too. I rolled onto my side, a few tears running down my cheek. Maybe I can't have what I am fighting for. Maybe you do not belong to me Cloud. But if you don't want me, then at least stay for the kids.
As I awoke the next morning, my bed sheets completely turned inside out, I felt better. Seeing that it was already past 6 am, I hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I couldn't help but take a glimpse into Cloud's bedroom. His bed looked used, but he was nowhere to be found. Where are you?
I opened the fridge to get some fresh eggs as I heard Marlene and Denzel enter. "We want to go to school by foot today." They told me. "By foot?" I raised my eyebrow. "Why?"
"Today is such a nice day. Tomorrow there might be rain again anyways. Please Mommy, let us go!"
I couldn't help but nod. I mean what kind of a Mother am I if I don't let them breathe the world's fresh air on such a warm day? "Alright. But take care ok?"
"We will." Said Denzel and smiled. I smiled back.
"Where is Dad by the way?" he asked me shortly after. My smile vanished. "He-" I stammered. "He had to do a very important job." I lied. I had no idea where he was. I was afraid nothing would ever change.
As breakfast was over I watched them walk down the street. My babies, I thought. Every day was a day where I had to be there for two beings that needed me. It felt like a task I would wish to do forever. Would there just be a man by my side… It would be my perfect little world.
(Tifa POV End)
"Hey Marlene, come closer to me. Not that a car hits you." Denzel demanded and seized the girl's arm. "Yeah ok." She beamed and hopped closer to the young boy. "Hey what if we pass by the old apartment sector? You know where we had always gone fishing, near the bridge!" Marlene exclaimed happily and hopped on one foot.
"Mom wouldn't be ok with this. She told us to stay on the normal way, or else we might get lost."
"But it's only a 3 minutes difference. We are just passing the bridge a little more west from the school. That I wouldn't consider not normal." The girl spouted.
"It's abnormal, if so." Denzel rolled his eyes but gave in. "Fine then."
Marlene hugged Denzel swiftly and stood still, waiting for the cars to have passed so they could reach the other side of street that was closer to the bridge.
As they had crossed the street, Denzel took Marlene's hand. "Just to make sure you wont run away." He smiled sheepishly.
As they passed past the apartments Denzel suddenly stopped. "Hey, isn't that Fenrir?!" Marlene stopped aswell. "Cloud's bike?"
"Yes." Denzel answered pointed at the black motorbike that was neatly parked on the other side of the street.
"Cloud is just making some deliveries, don't worry." Marlene retorted and pulled Denzel's arm to keep walking. "We'll be late."
"Yeah I guess you are right." Denzel shook his head and giggled.
"Hey wait!" Denzel shouted.
Marlene spun around. "What's the matter?"
"See he's leaving." Marlene turned around to face the front door of the apartments. "And there's a woman!" Denzel hissed. His little heart was racing. "Why is he meeting a woman? He loves Mommy doesn't he?"
Marlene stood there in silence. "Of course he does." She finally spoke. "Come on, let's go. We will tell Mommy about it later!" she stormed away.
---
(Cloud POV)
"Thanks for the tea." I said as I stood in the doorway along with Ashe. "You are welcome." She smiled and leant against the doorframe. "I'd be the one to say thank you. You repaired my dishwasher." She giggled.
"I guess I should get done with my deliveries now then. If you still need anything, let me know."
"Of course." She patted my shoulder.
It was awkward as we stood there, looking into each others eyes. I felt upset. Why? Because I hadn't seen her in a year?
"Well good bye then." Ashe said and pulled me close for a hug. Reluctantly I moved my arms to respond to it. As she drew away I turned around and waved goodbye, not turning around to face her. "Bye." I simply retorted.
I felt like I was put back into my teenage years. All the confusion, rush of emotions. That's where it came to me. I had never kissed anyone. I didn't even have my first kiss. I don't think kissing that girl back then in Nibelheim when I was only 6 would count as a first kiss. A first kiss was supposed to be filled with passion. Or so I was told but the woman's man Zack. He, of whom everybody thought he would have had like a thousand girls already, was just the opposite. It was his attitude and his passion to be flirting that made him seem that way. Many girls would either like to 'play' with him, or they were put off by his behaviour from the beginning. Yet he was nothing like that. He had kept everything until the woman would walk into his life he would like to give it up to. His first kiss, virginity. Everything. Maybe one day, it was my turn to find this special woman.
I had completely forgotten to check on the paper where my next client was headed. I had went pretty far north, though I was sure I was supposed to head south.
(Cloud POV End)
(Ashe POV)
I closed the door behind me and thudded onto my couch. Wearily I looked at the used cups and the tea pot that was still standing on the table. And there was this letter still too. What would be inside? I was sure, Cloud wouldn't have written a letter. Slowly I got up from the couch. Brought the cups and the tea pot into the kitchen and reached for the letter. I hovered my finger over Cloud's neat handwriting on the envelope where he had written my name. For a second I wanted to open it, but decided to put it away. I could still open it later.
(Ashe POV End)
(Tifa POV)
It was time for some cleaning once again. I opened the door to the room where Cloud would usually work. When you were still around. Papers were lying everywhere. They nearly covered the phone. Suddenly my gaze fell upon the picture we once took again. Me, Cloud, Marlene and Denzel. Though he wasn't exactly wearing the happy expression, Cloud did seem somewhat happy. He just smiled on the inside.
I piled several papers up, so the desk would at least be visible. I missed one paper and it slowly sank to the floor next to my feet. Sighing I bent down to pick it up as my eyes met a strange looking box. Dusting it off a little, I figured it was an old shoe box. What might be inside?
I opened it, only to find it empty. But no, there was one single photograph lying face down. I sat down on the cold wooden floor and turned the photograph around. It was from back then. Me, Zack, Cloud, Sephiroth. I smiled weakily. That's already long ago, I said out loud. Twitching a little that I had said this out loud, I calmed immediately. I am alone here anyways. I giggled. I had not liked him back then – Zack. How could someone like you cause a mess like this? I laughed, though there was no humour in my laughter. To me he seemed arrogant. Yet there must have been something very likable about him which caused Cloud to be so wounded about his death. Yes, I felt a little sad too, but wasn't it mostly because I felt sorry for Cloud? In all honesty, I would wish he was here again, just so that Cloud would be happy again. Everything would be so different. I sighed. Secretly I smiled to myself. What would it be like? Was I this desperate already for a happy Cloud? A Cloud Strife that was not a wreck?
I put the picture face down back into the box and placed the box where I had found it. For some odd reason, finding this had made my day. Maybe it was just, because I knew now the reason for his behaviour. Over all these years I seemed to have forgotten about it. I wasn't as angry at Cloud anymore as I had been earlier, I had to admit.
I picked up cleaning again. But after a few minutes it seemed useless. A mess was a mess. Just suits you my dear. I exited the room again and left the mess on the desk to itself.
(Tifa POV End)
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