Kaidan saw the pod eject through the small viewport, causing him to breathe a sigh of relief. He settled back down into the seat, finally starting to relax knowing she had gotten Joker off and was safe. He latched back down the restraint. He felt the impact as the pod hit the planet, he was up and quickly made sure everyone else in the pod had suffered no more than minor bruises. He made sure everyone was secure behind the kinetic barrier he activated before hitting the switch to open the portal and exiting the pod. He made his way to the other pods, checking on the others who had evacuated the Normandy, it seemed most of the crew had managed to escape, only a few were missing. He finally saw the descent of the last pod, he watched until it impacted, then moved toward it as quickly as he could.
Kaidan entered the pod soon after it hit the surface, expecting to see Joker and Shepard, he looked around, seeing Joker huddled, crying… Joker crying, then it dawned on him that Joker was the only one in the pod. "Joker, where is she," he whispered, refusing to believe what he already knew. "Where is Shepard," he asked again, begging the pilot to tell him that she was alive.
Joker looked at his friend, "She's gone," he whispered brokenly. "She got me to the pod, and there was an explosion, she hit the button…" he started, his usually humor ridden voice breaking again.
It sunk in, Shepard is dead, turning he walked directly in front of Joker, "You son of a bitch," he screamed, grabbing the pilot by the shirt, not caring how many bones he broke, he just wanted Joker to hurt in the way he was hurting. "You wouldn't get out of that damned seat and she had to go back after you, it's your fault, I will never NEVER forgive you," he screamed, pulling his fist back to hit the other man, only to have it grabbed in the strong grip of their Turian squad mate.
"Kaidan, it's not his fault," Garrus whispered, "She would have done the same thing for anyone on that ship, it was always more important that we live to her than she did," he said quietly, eyes boring into Kaidan's.
Joker sat down hard when Kaidan let him go. "You're right Kaidan, I killed her," Joker whispered, his own pain mirroring that of his friend. "I wish she hadn't come back for me."
The dam broke in that second, and the tears fell, Kaidan collapsed in a pile of armor and pain, "She can't be gone," he sobbed.
It was Joker that moved closer to Kaidan and put a friendly arm around his shoulders, his own tears mingling with Kaidan's on the deck, "I'm sorry, I would give anything for her to be here and me to be up there," he told his friend, knowing he couldn't help the pain Kaidan felt at that moment.
Kaidan shrugged Joker's arm away. "Don't you ever touch me," he spoke angrily. "Don't you ever talk to me or come near me ever again," he hissed, his eyes boring into Joker's before he closed his faceplate and made his way out of the pod.