WENDYBIRD CHRONICLES

III. DRIVE — HALSEY

Nineteen, and Karin sinks into a deep depression.

She couldn't figure it out after all, and the worst part is that her feelings for him haven't faded.

Karin is practically an adult now and Toushirou still looks like a child and she doesn't know what to do with the fact that things are changing between them. Even if they remain unspoken.

She's getting older, he remains the same, and the reality is hitting Karin harder than she thought it would.

You can't fight time, Haru had said, and Karin wishes that she'd listened, wishes that she hadn't been so convinced that she could. Her past self seems so foolish now, and Karin yearns to go back in time and confide in Haru once more, about her fears and dreams.

About what she should do now.

Maybe Haru wouldn't understand either, the way Karin is convinced that no one else does — but at least that would be better than the listlessness she feels, her chest filling with anxiety, and she can't breathe —

Nothing helps, except —

"What's going on with you, Kurosaki?"

Karin slams on the brakes hard, not expecting to hear the source of her problems' voice, let alone have him appear in the passenger's seat from out of nowhere.

"What the fu — Toushirou!" Karin shrieks, angrily, her heartbeat irrational as she glares at him, shock causing her freeze. She breathes out, and starts the car again. "You scared me."

"Did I now," he says, blasé, not in the least bit remorseful.

"You know I hate it when you do that," Karin mumbles, deciding it's better not to look at him, when she should be focusing on the road ahead at such an hour.

"Do what?"

"Don't be a brat," Karin mutters, pressing her mouth into a thin line, refusing to answer him.

"Do what, Karin?" Toushirou repeats, ignoring her. "Do what?"

Why does he have to be so annoying?

"You really expect me to believe you're older than a hundred if you're acting like that?" Karin snaps, temper flaring for a moment before she clamps down on it and keeps her eyes on the road

(Another reason why it could never work out —)

He didn't used to be this petty, she swears.

"I knew your dad before you even born, so yeah," Toushirou shrugs, infuriatingly not even phased by her outburst. He watches her for a moment, before he asks again, softer. "Answer the question, Karin. What's going on?"

"I…" Karin falters, fingers drumming the steering wheel. "I don't know."

Yes she does. It's just that Toushirou is the last person Karin wants to discuss it with.

"Karin."

"Look, can you just let me… drive for a while?" Karin asks, quietly, a note of pleading slipping through. "I know a place we can talk."

"Fine," Toushirou agrees, and Karin releases a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

So they drive into the night, and even with the company, Karin finds that she's able to relax, enjoying the silence and mysteriousness of a darkly lit Karakura Town. And it's nice, to have Toushirou by her side. She'd forgotten what that was like.

Her mind drifts and she attains the calmness that seems to be only possible in the midnight hour.

They sit in silence, and Karin decides that she's ready to talk, that they were getting close to the place she usually drives to anyway, because she's always liked that particular view at night.

It's always made her feel like she's the only person awake in the world, and part of her basks in that loneliness beneath the stars.

They get out of the car, but Toushirou doesn't say a thing.

He's waiting for her to speak, she realizes belatedly.

"Lately, I've been… wishing I could turn back time," Karin admits, and breaks the silence.

"Karin," Toushirou looks at her, illuminated by moonlight. "You're too young to have regrets. What would you even change, if you had the chance?"

Well, she might have kissed him, for starters.

"Nothing, I guess," Karin says instead, looking away with a sigh. "It's… it's not so much as wanting to turn back time and undo a mistake, really, it's more like… wanting time to stay still, for a single moment. You know?"

She laughs, self-conscious, because she knows how ridiculous that sounds.

Wouldn't it be nice though, for time to stand still and yet stretch on endlessly?

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what to do with my life," Karin confesses, throwing her hands up in the air. "I keep… waiting for a sign, but I'm getting nothing, Toushirou. Nothing! And — and I just — I feel stuck. I'm going out of my mind and the only thing that helps right now is these midnight drives."

"Is that why you've been pulling away?" Toushirou asks quietly.

Karin stiffens.

"What?"

"Yuzu called me. Said you'd been acting distant for a while," Toushirou tells her, and something shatters inside of her because she didn't know that. Why hadn't Yuzu talked to her? "And, the thing is, Karin, when's the last time we hung out?"

"… a while," Karin says, hoarsely. She can't remember the last time, honestly. When's the last time she even sent him a text?

"Yeah," Toushirou nods. "You remember the promise we made?"

"… friends forever," Karin sighs, recalling as her heart grows heavy, and she folds her arms over her chest, disappointed that she discarded the sentiment so easily. "I'm sorry."

"We're still friends, Karin," Toushirou says, dryly, and somehow that gets a laugh out of her. "That hasn't changed, just because we're drifted apart."

"Yeah, well, it's a two way street," Karin sighs, glancing away. She was so afraid that Toushirou would somehow cut her out of his life, that she hadn't even realized that she had been doing it instead. "I'll do a better job from now on. I swear."

"You know, you can talk to me about anything, right?" Toushirou asks, and Karin hates the way her stomach jumps when he gets too close her, but somehow, they've always been good at gravitating into each other's space. Like they can't help but do it, too drawn to each other to truly stay away. "You used to call me up at night, and we'd talk about nothing for hours on end."

"I did, didn't I?" The corner of her mouth quirks into an almost smile. "Really, this isn't much different than that."

"Truthfully, I… I wouldn't mind doing this again," Toushirou says, and Karin wishes it wasn't so dark. She can't be sure in this dimmed light whether his cheeks have reddened or not. "Driving at night, the aimlessness of it, it's… I think… this has been… surprisingly nice."

"Oh?" Karin raises her eyebrow. "Do you have problems too?"

"Excuse me?"

"I know why I'm awake at three am," Karin says, lightly, and tries to look at him — really look at him, peering into his soul if she has to. "Why are you?"

"I — that's none of your business, Karin!"

"Oh, but I have to tell you what's been bothering me lately?" Karin challenges him, while he splutters, and she can't help but feel a surge of affection towards him all the same. "That's how it is now?"

"No!" Toushirou retorts. "It's just —"

"Next time, huh?" Karin interrupts, smiling fondly at him. It's worth it just to catch him off-guard. "We'll talk about it next time."

"Yeah," Toushirou agrees, almost inaudibly. "Okay then. Next time."

Haru used to say that life had a funny way of working out. It might not be how you expected or even wanted it to work out; but somehow, the pieces would line up and find a way to work.

Somehow, Karin feels like she's found a way to move forward, to breathe a little easier.