Chapter Two: Seed of Doubt
The air was heavy with the aftermath of rain as Shigure walked back to his house. He always took the main path home, preferring the scenic view of planted trees on both sides of the path underneath the moonlight. Sometimes if the moonlight fell at the right angles, the lingering raindrops on the branches would seem to sparkle wherever they are, like crystals. It was almost surreal, like a dream he wouldn't mind revisiting again. More importantly, it was a nice reprieve from his current state of emotional turmoil.
Ren's death had been too sudden. It was a shock to all the members of the Main House. At the time of Ren's death, Akito was the only one present in the room while Ren's personal caretaker, Mitsuko-san, was outside discussing Ren's health with Hatori. Loud shouting and sounds of broken glass prompted Hatori and Mitsuko to enter the room in haste. Inside the room were shards of glass scattered everywhere on the floor from a broken vase, but there weren't any signs of physical struggle or blood. Ren's body lay still on the floor and she was already dead by the time Hatori reached her.
Shigure had his doubts then. Ren was only forty after all. Maybe Akito did intend to kill her own mother. However, Hatori already laid that unspoken suspicion to rest by confirming that Ren's death was nothing more than a cardiac arrest.
Ren's mental health had been in a state of decline since Akira's death and her ongoing usage of psychiatric medications over the years eventually interfered with her body's metabolism. The drugs prevented her body from breaking down the necessary fats and sugars, causing further health problems like high cholesterol and weight gain. In time, her body deteriorated from the inside out like her mind.
Her condition could have been easily alleviated with proper diet and exercise. But knowing Ren's personality, she would rather be cooped up in her room all day long, nursing her hatred for Akito, so it was no surprise when her heart finally gave in.
It was inevitable, Hatori had said.
Shigure smiled inwardly. To think that Ren Sohma had died of a mere heart attack…it was almost too ironic. It was more believable if Akito was the reason she died. Akito had always been the calamity that befell on all members of the Sohma family. Her wrath was famous and feared by all.
They're the same, Shigure mused.
Both women were so similar in ways they'll never admit. They were proud, beautiful, poisonous, and hateful. And yet they were also different. Ren had let her own sorrow and hatred get the best of her, unwittingly sealing her own fate. A fitting end for a twisted woman. She was always a little too weak.
A shame.
"Shigure-san?"
Shigure glanced up at the sound of his name. His contemplative state had carried him all the way to his own home without him knowing it.
Sitting on the porch was Tohru Honda. Her long, brown hair was loose and wavy from the plait it had been in. He could see the relief in her wide blue eyes at seeing him return home.
He smiled in greeting as he walked towards her. "Oh, Tohru-kun, what are you doing out here so late?" Shigure asked, slipping into his cordial mask as easily as a nobleman could into a waltz. "It was raining earlier, you know. Staying out here is going to give you another cold," he reprimanded good-naturedly.
She quickly got up and dusted off her pale blue nightdress, meticulously smoothing the soft fabric over her legs. She then tugged on the jacket around her. "I took precaution and put on a jacket before coming out," she said with a gentle smile. "Really, I'm fine, but thank you for the concern."
"Well, that's very good, but that still doesn't answer why you're up and about in the middle of the night," Shigure said, still a few feet away from the porch. He feigned concern, tilting his head to the side. "Can't sleep?"
Tohru prodded her fingers together. "It's not that, but...Yuki-kun and Kyo-kun told me that Akito-san's mother... They said that her funeral ended a while ago." She looked down, feeling suddenly ashamed. "I guess I was worried because you hadn't come home yet."
A teasing grin tugged on Shigure's lips, which were still slightly swollen from Akito's own dominating mouth. "What's this, then? Can Tohru-kun not sleep without Papa home?"
"N-n-no, n-nothing like that!" Tohru exclaimed with a deep blush, waving her hands frantically. "I-I just thought that, you know, since you must've known Ren-san well a-and m-m-maybe you were really sad today! Oh, b-but I'm being presumptuous now, aren't I?"
In the middle of her rambling, Shigure couldn't help but tense up at the mention of his relationship, sexual or not, with Ren. But just like before, he was quick to put on a smile, hiding his discomfort.
"I spent some time with Akito," he admitted, his tone just a bit lower, hinting at the serious topic. With a note of mental humor, he added, "She's still in mourning."
At that statement, Tohru's brows knitted together in worry. She fiddled with the buttons of her nightdress in distress. "Oh no, Akito... Maybe...maybe we can all visit her tomorrow," she suggested, steely resolve burning in her eyes.
Shigure burst out laughing. Really, this girl. Tohru was many things but a serious countenance on a friendly face like hers just didn't go together.
Lowering her gaze, Tohru blushed furiously and stammered, "D-did I say something I shouldn't have?"
Feeling slightly admonished, Shigure immediately sobered up, coughing lightly into his fist. "Don't worry, she doesn't need any of that. Everyone at the Main House is attending to her," he reassured with a grin. But maybe this was just what Akito needed. He knew that even though she put up the facade of tolerating and accepting Tohru, Akito still despised the girl with a black heart. What better way to put the salt over her wounds but to bring Tohru over for an innocent visit?
Ah, but I shouldn't put Tohru-kun through that, he thought. She's gullible, but the aim is to hurt Akito. No one else is worth hurting.
Tohru's voice brought him out of his reverie. "I see. Well, if that's the case, then...," she said, returning her gaze to his. Those deep blue eyes, like a well. This abysmal well could've held anything like despair and loneliness. But instead, it seemed to house endless concern for others. The girl was entirely selfless. Not a single bone of selfishness existed in her body. A trait like that should be admired and valued, but Shigure only thought otherwise. He found it revolting.
Just how much of that purity is genuine?
His dark eyes focused onto her intently. Her gown was blowing in the wind, swaying like the sail of a ship in the middle of a tranquil sea. Her body whispered beneath the thin fabric as it outlined her legs and breasts in the gentle breeze. Shigure noted with disinterest that Tohru's breasts were smaller than Akito's, even though they never had the pressure of being tied down all the time to assume a boy's chest.
Hands were suddenly reaching out towards him. Tohru's small fingers loosely gripped his tie, and she tilted her head curiously. "Shigure-san, your tie isn't tied properly. And..." She glanced down but hurriedly looked away. Her face and ears were a tell-tale rosy red.
Shigure inwardly chuckled. Oh yes, in his hurry to leave the Main House, he neglected to check whether his pants were zipped up. Shigure grinned wickedly. Well, at least he didn't forget to wear his underwear. Shigure was fully aware that his whole appearance was disheveled: his dark, ashen hair was unkempt from Akito fisting his short tresses and his white dress shirt was untucked and wrinkled. He hadn't bothered to clean himself up at all because he didn't think that anyone would be awake when he got home. But mostly because he just didn't care. He was coming home a complete mess with obvious evidence of a sexual encounter, but Shigure didn't even think to straighten himself up. It seemed appropriate for a dog like him—even an ex-Dog of the Zodiac. With sardonic humor, he recalled Kyo calling him a dog many times as an insult, but Shigure wasn't the bit slighted. Instead, he quite enjoyed causing Kyo great discomfort and mortification.
"Oh, don't worry about that, Tohru-kun," he said slowly, giving her his secret smile. "It's not something you need to be concerned with."
Her fine brows furrowed together. "I suppose—I'm sorry for prying!" Her hands clasped together before her chest, against her heart. "Are you sure you're okay, Shigure-san? I know it may be forward of me, but still...if there's ever anything I can do—"
"Tohru-kun."
The brunette stopped talking at the suddenly serious tone Shigure's voice had taken on. In his usual cordial gaze was something more mischievous, something that, if Tohru didn't know him better— which she really didn't, he thought—she would mark as sinister. Her wide eyes were completely coining the age-old term "deer caught in headlights."
He chuckled, bringing a hand up to gently caress her soft, pink cheek. His fingers traced her jaw bone, dipping lower until he was cupping her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his gaze. With a predatory grin, he asked, "Have you ever felt love towards me?"
"Eh? O-of course I've liked you!"
"No, not like. Not admiration," he clarified, tilting her chin up. "Love. Like you think you do for Kyo-kun."
Ah, now there it was. Those ocean-deep eyes were now filled with something more to Shigure's liking: trepidation, uncertainty, and fear. Such lost feelings were so perfect on a kind woman such as her. Before Tohru could reply, he pulled back with an impish grin on his face. "But of course I'm joking, Tohru-kun. Ah, you should see the serious look on your face." He lightly bopped her on the forehead. "You're getting a bit old to take things at face-value."
A surge of color rushed to Tohru's cheeks. "Oh."
"Now then," began the dark-haired man as he headed to the front door. "I believe it is high time the both of us retire for the night, don't you think? The night devours the unprepared."
Next Morning
"Shigure, are you seriously up late again?" growled Kyo Sohma. He was sitting on the sofa, his bright autumn hair still slightly wet from the shower he took after his usual morning run. A white towel was propped on his shoulders, which he took off at the sight of Shigure.
"Kyo-kun, you wake up too early," the older man complained after completing his morning calisthenics. "It must be nice to be so young and full of energy."
"Shut up, old man!" exclaimed Kyo, getting off the sofa.
At that moment, Tohru had walked into the room, wiping her hands on the pink, floral-patterned apron she wore. She smiled brightly at the two of them. "Ah, Shigure-san, you're awake. I hope you slept well?"
"I did indeed!" Shigure went to the brunette, wrapping his arms comfortably around her waist. "Has my lovely wife come to greet her loving—"
"Get the hell away from her, you pervert!" ordered Kyo, joined by Yuki, who had also entered the room. They unceremoniously shoved him onto the sofa and away from Tohru, who stood rooted to the spot, blushing in confusion.
"Et tu, Yuki? What is the honor; I thought that you went back to living with your little Machi-chan right after the funeral?"
"I didn't come here for my health. Hatori advised it otherwise," sighed Yuki, crossing his arms. He smiled lightly at Tohru. "I do hope you don't mind me using the front door without knocking? I still have a key, you see."
"No, that's completely fine! How are you, Yuki-kun?" asked Tohru, a huge pleased smile on her face. "Is Machi here?"
"She decided to visit her brother," he explained. "I was going to go with her when I ran into Kureno on the way there. He said he had just come from the Main House, and he had a message to pass along. When he told me who it was for, I told him I would deliver it for him since I was going to drop by anyways."
"Oh, and who was the message for?" Tohru asked.
"That thing right there," he replied, jabbing a finger in Shigure's direction.
"That thing?" prompted Kyo.
"That thing," Yuki averred with a firm nod.
Shigure made a face akin to a pout. "Hey, you two...don't talk about me like I'm not here." He sat up and smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in his yukata, looking up at Yuki. "So what's all this about me?"
The ex-Rat made a face, something like discomfort in his eyes. "It's Akito," he began softly. "He... She requested to see you."
All at once, the air in the room was decidedly thicker, as if a lukewarm fog had settled inside. Shigure knew this feeling well—most in the ex-Zodiac did. Even though the curse was broken, there was still that lingering fear of Akito; still that reluctance to bring up their former god. The bond was gone, but the power she had over them seemed to still be there, or at least, the abysmal feelings she'd evoke from them: the despair, the desperation, the never-ending paranoia that you'd somehow kill yourself and everyone else by loving another other than your god.
"Is that so?" said Shigure lightly, rising from the sofa. His countenance was playful but his tone belied any lightheartedness. Duty calls, Shigure mused.
A/N: I believe I owe my readers an explanation on where I've been in the past three years since the publishing of this fanfic. The truth is: I have been busy with my personal life and college in general.
While writing this, I wanted to make a believable health condition (heart attack) that correlates to mental illness (since Ren is insane ya know?). And there actually is a correlation! I can't post a direct link. Fanfiction won't allow me. The article title is "Mental Illness Linked to Increased Risk of Heart Disease, Stroke." It's pretty interesting.