Seven Years, Two Days, & A Moment

III. One Night

Freddie's heart began to race as he pulled into Carly's driveway and put his car into park, shutting off the lights and then the engine. He sat there in the dark for a few moments, trying to slow down his heart rate and convince himself that he wanted to do this.

He knew if he didn't do this tonight, he would regret it for the rest of his life. He just had to know.

He took a deep breath and opened his car door, stepping out and shutting it behind him. He quickly walked up to the front door and knocked, not giving himself a chance to back down. There was no backing down this time – this was his last chance.

The muffled voice of Carly called from inside, "Coming!"

Freddie shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The door finally opened and Carly smiled at him from behind her screen door. He moved aside and she pushed it open, stepping aside to let him in.

"Hey, Freddie," she greeted happily, shutting her door and standing before him. "I was just about to get ready for bed. What's up?"

"Uh, I just needed to talk to you about something, Carls," he said, still feeling nervous.

Carly raised her eyebrows in interest then gestured towards the kitchen. "Okay, well come sit down and we can talk. You want something to drink?"

"Sure," Freddie agreed, following the brunette into her spotless kitchen. He took a seat at the bar and folded his hands on the flat surface in front of him, watching as Carly went to the fridge.

"What did you want? I have water, tea, milk, juice, soda – "

"Water's fine."

"Okay," Carly pulled the water jug from the fridge and retrieved a glass, then set it in front of Freddie and poured him a glass of water. He accepted it graciously and took a long gulp while Carly put the water jug back and seated herself in the stool across from him.

Freddie set the now half-empty glass down beside him and swallowed, finding his mouth to still be somewhat dry. He smiled weakly at Carly and cleared his throat, unsure of how to start.

"So… what's going on?" Carly finally prodded, her smile faded and a look of concern on her face now – she could tell when he was nervous or something was bothering him.

"Um, well… you know tomorrow is me and Sam's wedding…"

"Oh, gosh, Freddie… I told you, if I could make it, I really would. I'm so sorry that I can't, it's just – "

Freddie put up his hand to silence Carly. "No, it's not that, Carls. That-that's fine. We understand, I promise. You don't need to apologize anymore."

"Oh… then what is it?" she asked, looking confused now.

He paused a moment, trying to look for the right words. But he found himself unable to. He had absolutely no idea how to ask her without seeming like a total scumbag. He cleared his throat, his eyes averted from Carly's patient gaze.

"Well… uh, y'see…" he started, tripping over his own words. "Carly, we've known each other since sixth grade. A-and you've been my best friend since we started doing iCarly. I mean, our friendship even survived through those years that we were apart for college, and… and I know you've always known how I felt… about you…"

Carly's face was beginning to drain of its color, but she remained silent, wanting to give Freddie the chance to finish and not jump to conclusions.

Besides, she thought, Maybe he's finally assuring me that his crush died a long time ago, just to make it official that he's moving on.

"But, um… Carly… here's the thing," Freddie slowly drew out his words, staring down at the marble top of the bar rather than up at Carly's face. "I… I never stopped liking you. In fact, if anything, I only fell in love with you even more over the years. Those years we were apart at college were the worst, and-and to be honest… I started dating Sam because I was trying to force myself to move on from you and give up on the idea of an… of an us. I thought for sure that if I dated Sam, I would eventually fall out of love with you and I would fall in love with her, and everything would be okay."

The words were flowing uncontrollably now. Freddie wasn't sure where they'd come from exactly, but he was finally getting everything off his chest after years of keeping it inside and it felt good. He got a burst of courage and finally looked up, staring into Carly's wide brown eyes as she listened in shock, her mouth slightly agape.

"But it never happened... It-it never happened, Carly. I still love you just as much – no, I love you even more now - than in high school. You're the only woman I could ever see myself with who-who could make me truly happy. You're the only woman I could be with who would completely and totally understand me and who I would do absolutely anything for. You're my only one, Carly. Believe me, I've tried to disprove the fact, but after this many years…? What other answer could there be? You're the only one for me. I-I love you, Carly."

He paused, taking in a deep breath and continuing to stare into her brown eyes.

"But here's the thing… I'm marrying Sam tomorrow, whether I still love you or not. Obviously, my feelings for you will never change, and one of these days, I'm going to have to stop regretting never being what you wanted… But-but tonight is my last chance. This time tomorrow night, I'm going to be going home with Samantha Benson and that will be it. Through thick and thin, sickness and in health, I'm going to be Sam's husband… And that's why I'm here. I just needed to ask you, Carly… Will I ever have a chance with you?"

Carly pursed her lips at this, not wanting to answer too quickly. She knew the answer in her heart, but…

"Before you answer, I just want you to know… I'd do anything for you. But I can't waste my life waiting for something that will never happen. I'm nearly thirty years old, Carly, and I'm not going to live forever. But if you tell me right now that I may have a chance in five years, ten years – or even in twenty years – then I'll wait. I'll cancel the wedding and I'll leave Sam and I will wait for you. You're the only woman who could make me the happiest man in the world. But I would never even think about forcing you into something you didn't truly want. So-so if you tell me now that you've never loved me and that you never will, I'll drop it. I'll forget about it, I'll move on, I'll marry Sam tomorrow, and that will be that. Eventually, I'll stop loving you, and I'll sure as hell stop waiting for you, and I'll move on with my own life… with Sam by my side."

He sighed at this, glancing back down then up again. "I-I guess what I'm trying to say is… there have been so many countless mixed signals throughout the years, Carly, that I still don't know what to believe. So I'm finally asking you straightforward, and all I want is a straightforward and honest answer: do you or will you ever love me?"

They were both silent. Freddie's heart thumped in his ears and he could feel the sweat building up on his palms. After a couple of moments, he added quietly, "This is your last chance, Carly… this is my last chance. All I'm asking for is the truth, and you know I'll take it to heart."

Carly's lips remained pursed as she stared at Freddie in silence. Her hands were shaking in her lap and her heart was racing. How was she supposed to answer this? She knew the answer in her heart, but… it was all so wrong. She'd tried to keep herself busy for so many years, drowning herself in her career and trying to forget. But it never worked. And now was her last chance? No. Her last chance was during college, when she was hundreds of miles away and dating that stupid frat boy who ended up – well, she wasn't going to think about that right now. But the point was, her chance had been gone a long time ago. From the moment he and Sam had started dating, her chance had disappeared.

Because you don't take your best friend's boyfriend/fiancé away from her, and you sure as hell don't take him away the night before the wedding.

It wasn't even one of those obscure "girl rules" – it was just a known fact. What kind of a "best friend" would she be if she caved in after all these years and took Freddie as her own? After all the years of rejecting him and denying it to herself and to him…

Sam was so happy, too. She was finally getting married, and to one of her best friends. What else would Carly be besides evil if she took all of that away from her best friend since second grade?

It wasn't right. Carly had denied any sort of feelings besides friendship for Freddie because, well, he was one of her best friends and he had always been such a dork. Plus, she'd always thought that it would just never work out for them because, along with Sam, they were a trio. And how selfish would it have been of Carly to ruin the dynamics of their friendship by dating Freddie and making Sam the third wheel?

She'd gone to that separate college to get away. She'd wanted to experiment, to search, to see what was out there in the world. She was still a youth and she wanted to explore all of her options – not be tied down to a high school sweetheart. She wanted to see what kind of a world there was outside of Spencer, the loft, Sam, and Freddie. And she had… and she'd learned that the world out there was nothing compared to what she had in Seattle.

But by the time she'd learned that, Sam and Freddie had already realized it and taken advantage of it, and she was left behind. She'd brought it on herself, though.

So what was she supposed to say right now to her best friend of nearly fifteen years, who was sitting in her kitchen proclaiming his never-ending love for her on the eve of his wedding to her best friend of nearly twenty years?

"No, Freddie… I've never been in love with you. I'll never love you as anything more than my best friend. You do need to move on, and you need to marry Sam and be happy."

It was the hardest thing she'd ever had to choke out and pass off as honesty.

to be continued…