FF_5/18/2009
Sam stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Matt's face.
At least it was out, now. Sam was pretty sure everyone on the team knew now. He heard his own voice echo inside his head, "I was cleared to fire." Maybe if he heard it enough times, he'd actually believe it wasn't his fault.
Sam shook his head silently. No, he'd always feel responsible for Matt's death. And he knew there were others who would always blame him even if he'd been cleared by the Review Board.
His face twisted as he thought about the digs the Corporal had gotten in during practice this morning. He knew it had to be something from him that'd shaken Ed's trust. And that hurt. He hadn't given anyone on Team One reason to distrust him. Sam shifted restlessly on the bed and forced his thoughts away from that direction. He didn't want to replay that agonizing conversation with Ed again. He'd already replayed it enough times on the way back to HQ and in the locker room – staring at Matt's picture.
Seeing Jules when he came out of the lockers had been a pleasant surprise. He didn't know what was going on between them. He couldn't forget her little speech before practice. And yet… and yet she'd been there for him at the end of the day. She hadn't asked; she didn't pry. She just went out with him for burritos and beer. Maybe she was just being a good teammate – Sam didn't know. But he thought it might be fun to find out.
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