I changed it

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Abort

Chapter 3

When Emily is finally out of surgery, the doctor comes rushing to his side. She mistakes his fear for worry about his bride. She mistakes his shaking hands for love. But most importantly, she mistakes his wrinkled forehead for concern and she pats him on the arm gingerly. As she touches him, Daniel can feel his regret sinking down his body and shackling him to the ground, chaining him forever.

"You're lucky," is the first thing she says and Daniel can't help but agree. He was lucky he wasn't locked away in jail. He was lucky Emily wasn't really pregnant. He was lucky his mother kept her mouth shut long enough for him to be able to hear about Emily's surgery. He was lucky Emily survived at all. He was always lucky ol' Dan to his friends. But he thinks if he was really lucky, he would have been born into another family. Maybe he wouldn't have turned into the kind of man who tries to kill his fiancée. The kind of man that spends his time mulling over another woman on his wedding day. The kind of man his father would have been proud of.

He can barely muddle through his thoughts in a comprehensive manner. But still, he can register his mother's glowering gaze, his sister's lower lip trembling, and the way his father narrows his eyes in concentration. His father isn't scrutinizing him, but he is assessing the doctor, determining if he considers her overqualified enough to treat the woman carrying his grandchild.

"She's a very strong woman," the doctor continues and Daniel can see his mother's lips purse together tightly in something akin to disgust. "Emily lost a lot of blood but she's going to live." The doctor is expecting them to breakout into tears of joy, to start hugging each other, to do something at least. She has been working this hospital long enough to know what a near death experience looks like and what the patient's family's reactions are supposed to be. She feels a twinge of sorrow for the young Emily Thor-Grayson. It seemed that while she married into a family, she would always remain orphan Emily. "She suffered a cranial injury from the impact of the water resulting in bleeding in the parietal lobe, but she will be fine, she will live."

Instead, only Charlotte brings a hand to her mouth and gasps, tears leaking out of her eyes at an alarming rate. She hiccups into her hand and Daniel glares at his little sister. He hates the way she could love so easily. He hates the way he had lost the ability to truly love. Victoria bares a cold smile, showing her edged teeth and Conrad nods his head, running a tired hand through his hair. Daniel's father had actually liked Emily Thorne, perhaps for the very reason he had fallen in love with Victoria. The husband of a mere few hours blinks a few times then looks at the doctor blankly.

"What about the baby?" Charlotte jumps out of her seat to ask.

Daniel winces at the sound of the B-word. His drunken anger had faded and he was nothing but a little boy who had done something he wasn't supposed to. Who had heard something he wasn't supposed to. Who had hurt someone he was never supposed to hurt. And he was sitting in the darkest corners of his mind, waiting until someone came with the accusing finger, the proof, the gun and the shiny handcuffs. Daniel it seems, hurts the people he claims to love, in the worst ways. He thinks of how many times he spent his afternoons with his head in his mother's lap as a young boy, about how his father chuckled when he wore his first tie as crooked as Charlotte's bottom row of baby teeth when he was eight. He thinks about Sara and the accident, and about how easily she let herself love him. And now Emily and how easily she had let him love her. Emily and the rage, the hurt and the way he hated her for making him love her.

The doctor says something he can't remember before pulling him away from his family. He couldn't walk away himself, not with the chains around his ankles. Emily used to be the one to lead him away from his family, now he had to rely on strangers.

"Your wife is a strong woman, Mr. Grayson and strong women can only make strong babies. You're going to be a father. It is a miracle but the bullets went right through her. Maybe because the baby is so small, only a few weeks old, maybe that's how it survived…" The woman stammers over her explanations, eyes wide with disbelief. "It's a miracle," she repeats again. "I've never seen this before in all my years of work."

Daniel takes a step back and exchanges a side long glance with his mother before asking, "so the baby is fine?" his voice cracking. He spoke slowly, eyebrows furrowed and head searing into a furious headache. (He thinks he deserves it. He thinks he deserves so much worse than he ends up getting.) He blinks and the doctor is gone; he is hearing Emily and his mother. "Faked the pregnancy," he heard it. He knows he heard it. His mother was gloating too, finally happy her suspicions were confirmed. So Emily must have been telling the truth when she said she wasn't pregnant, right? He can feel the yacht swaying upon the water, left-right, left-right. He can see Emily in her wedding dress, her eyes darker than he has ever seen them before. He blinks again and the doctor is standing in front of him, her eyes wrinkled in concern that she will not voice.

"You're going to be a father, Mr. Grayson," she pats him once more on his shoulder in out of sympathy more than anything else, before scurrying away leaving him chained to the past and his mistakes.

His chest is sounding all sorts of alarms and he feels something he hasn't really felt in a long time. Guilt. He often does many things he regrets, but it isn't often he feels badly about doing them. It isn't often he takes responsibility for his actions. But Emily always held him accountable, so he tried as hard as he could to sew himself back together, no matter how crudely. He could only do his best when standing next to a woman like Emily Thorne. With everyone else, it came effortlessly but he felt her examining him sometimes, probing him with questioning eyes and deep gazes until she found the answers she needed. It used to worry him how she never seemed satisfied. Sure, she smiled and held his hand but he could feel the underbelly of her disapproval growing between them.

"Daniel," his mother drawls out, her eyebrows arched and her spine straight as a board, "is everything okay?"

"How's the baby?" Charlotte prompts again, ignoring their mother. Conrad shakes his head but still inches closer, his hands now hidden deeply into his pockets.

"It's fine," he chokes out. His mother's eyes widen in surprise and she turns her head. (Her nails are digging palms, forcing herself not to care. Emily Throne was- is a liar. She said on the boat she faked the pregnancy, yet here was the doctor telling Daniel he was going to be a father. And while Emily Throne (never Grayson) is a liar, she is also carrying a part of her son inside of her, not only her son but a piece of Victoria and Conrad as well, no matter how small.)

"Daniel that's great news!" Charlotte launches herself at her older brother and wrapped her arms around his lifeless frame. "I'm so happy for you."

"I'm going to be a father," he sobs into his sister's shoulder.

His eyes are closed and his sister is rubbing circles into his back and he is on the boat again. The first thing Emily does is look down at her stomach before she looks back up at him. It's one of those moments he used to love, when she stops pretending, when she stops acting; when he can read everything about her as easily as he would like. She doesn't look hurt. She doesn't look betrayed (not like he did anyway). She doesn't look confused, (maybe because she always knew one day he would rip his stitches out and make a bloody mess of them both). She looks worried. She is gasping, slowly mouthing words he deciphers easily. He wants to know her last words. She has one hand flailing about her and the other rests on her abdomen. To stop the bleeding, Daniel remembers thinking.

"I'm sorry baby," she mouths and Daniel remembers gritting his teeth at the way Emily still thought she could call him baby. Gritting his teeth at the sight of his wife bleeding in her wedding dress, not even a day old. Gritting his teeth at the way his stomach lurches because he isn't sure if to run to her and hold her in his arms or if to watch her fall down down down and out of his life.

Charlotte pulls away from the hug and gazes up at her brother, her smile growing smaller and smaller as she notices his expression. "Danny, are you okay?" She asks lowly, almost as if she's afraid to hear the answer. Daniel's eyes are still closed. He is on the boat again and he sees himself shooting the woman whom he, only a summer ago, claimed to be his soul-mate. He sees her rubbing her abdomen as she cries out large apologetic tears, "I'm sorry baby," he sees her tell their baby.

And down down down Daniel Grayson fell, he tumbled over his feet and smacked his lovely cheekbone against the cold, hard tiled floors. He wondered if this was how Emily felt when he shot her. When he tried to kill her and their baby.

He wondered if he could ever hurt himself as much as he had hurt her.

"How is this possible?" He heard his mother say.

(He got his wish; he didn't turn out like his father. Instead, he turned into something much worse.)

down down down he tumbled, wishing he could stay in the darkness forever

(because at least he didn't try to kill his own baby down there, right?)

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you think after shooting someone you just married, you would feel a little bad about it after...

that was hard idk