Disclaimer: I own nothing from Star Trek and I make no money from these stories either, believe me, I couldn't even if I tried.
Rating: Some cursing so I'm going with a 15+ (ish), nothing too bad though.
Warnings: Light cursing, relationship between two women and suggestive adults
themes, as well as being un-beta'd (which is probably the worst one out of all
of it honestly)
Well my fellows, attempt to enjoy…Another Murphy's Law Day!
Ch 2: Engineered Fun
B'Elanna was long since sick of hearing everyone call their day a bad day. This was mostly due to the fact that she always had bad days, and today was the worst of those bad days. Her day had officially hit its 30th hour right when Q had come on board. She'd spent the earlier part of her day chasing unstable signals through the computer, and guiding it away from any essential parts of the ship. This had effectively saved the ship, no one had to worry about the environmental controls trying to kill them or the engines exploding, and yet no one seemed to be the least bit pleased by this.
Forty seven, it was the exact number of complaints she'd received about the replicator system. Of course she did have an advantage in that arena, she could not only eat Neelix's cooking without fear of pain or death, she occasionally enjoyed a meal prepared by the flamboyant Talaxian. She decided that this turn of bad luck for the crew was revenge considering how she lived uncomfortably everyday. This ship was too cold and too bright, not that anyone seemed to give a flying rat's ass how she felt on the ship.
B'Elanna's day had been looking like it was going down the crapper when Q had disappeared, but then Vorik had began to say some awful pick up lines to her. Joe had suddenly, and miraculously, re-grown that spin he'd lost during the first month of their voyage home. To top that off Susan Nicoletti was this close to simply grabbing the nearest spanner and playing mistress with the closest person to her. The odd thing was that none of this really bothered her. As a matter of fact, B'Elanna Torres was feeling rather centered and content. Her day even looked like it was starting to get better. She supposed she should have been much more worried about it, but who was she to complain?
"Janeway to Torres."
Well, maybe she could still complain a bit. Janeway wasn't exactly someone she enjoyed hearing from, mostly because it ended with Voyager being promised great harm, her Engineering crews being promised great harm, or being told that Seven of Nine was on her way.
"Torres here, please don't send Seven down here. I'm actually managing to have a nice time in Engineering." B'Elanna shrugged off the weirdness of having extra information added into every conversation.
"What the hell do you have against Seven? Good Lord! It's not like she wants your department." Janeway snapped over the line.
"You don't know that," B'Elanna took a deep breath, she needed to find out why Janeway had called and not argue over stupid things with her, "What's the what O mighty Captain?" She couldn't help but wince at the words flying from her.
"…hmm, I kinda like that title-wait, aliens, right. B'Elanna, we were just contacted by alien races; I want you to review the communications log we had with them and work with Seven for a solution. I'm only sending her down because you don't want her there. Janeway out."
B'Elanna smiled slightly; she just couldn't seem to bring herself to feel angry over what was happening. She was actually looking forward to seeing what the blonde woman would have to say. Shaking off the feeling that something ridiculously good and bad was going to happen when the ex-drone arrived B'Elanna accessed the logs.
"Halt, I am Iksakjn of the Nbupane. Why are you invading our space?" The alien was a good head shorter than B'Elanna was, and seemed to be making up for it with a rather gaudy display of birds nestled into his hair.
"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the star ship Voyager, we weren't aware we were invading anyone's space. Why do you people always assume we're invading your space?!"
One of his birds let out a terrible squawk before he answered. "You weren't aware-did you miss the signs? We have them posted every three light years-you must have missed them!"
"Oh…" Janeway scratched her nose, "I ignored them, but it's only because I will do anything, anything to get this crew home. Well, almost anything. I won't have anyone's baby. But almost everything else. And if you don't let us through your space…" she paused for dramatic effect, but B'Elanna had a pretty good feeling the next words weren't the ones she'd meant to use, "We'll just go around then, what's a few extra weeks anyways?"
The alien on screen smiled smugly before answering, "You poor things! Here, we'll not only give you a free pass through our space, we'll also give you any supplies you need." He seemed rather shocked himself at his words. "However, we do have a bunch of sentient robots flying about threatening people, beware of them. I meant to demand payment from you, man this is annoying! Here's your stuff catch you later Captain." He ended the transmission.
B'Elanna blinked several times before realizing there wasn't really a solution to be had. It was only then that she remembered they had talked to a second race of beings, so she accessed that log as well.
"Bzzzzzz-we are in need of assistance-bzzzz-offer it or we will slowly perish without help-pop-we can't really make demands-bzzz-but we have large guns!" Demanded/pleaded what looked like a coffee percolator.
"Hah, we don't have big guns, but I'd bet I like shooting mine far more than you like shooting yours! Let's do this, old west style!" Janeway jerked her thumb lightly at herself.
"You would fight us, even with our superior technology? Bzzzzz-this is madness!" A small hand mixer squeaked from the back of their bridge.
"THIS…IS…VOYAGER!" Janeway howled at them before clearing her throat, "But, I'd
be happy to help you as well, prime directive or whatever. What's the problem?"
The percolator wheezed as some smoke trickled out of a nearby panel. "Our computer is-bzzz-in overdrive! Someone, not that I'm naming anyone, Toaster, put a freaking floppy-bzzzz-into the CD drive."
"I didn't mean it…honest…"came the petulant toaster's grumble.
"We'll figure it out, don't worry we have the two hottest women on board and they happen to be brilliant. We'll have them figure out and then try to get some jell-o wrestling done." Janeway said with a smile.
"That would be hot!" Tom chirped.
"Shut up Tom. We'll send you our results when we're finished." Janeway said before the log ended.
B'Elanna scratched the back of her neck slightly. She had never been good at 20th century technologies at the Academy; she'd hated the class so much she'd caused a few…accidents to happen to her professor. They were all given A's for the trauma of seeing him injured. While that was all fine and dandy, she had no freaking idea how to fix their computer, and was rather relieved when Seven arrived with a padd and a smirk.
"Hey sexy, Captain wants us to fix some robots thingies with our whatsits and such." B'Elanna blinked a few times in surprise before continuing, "While I don't like the idea of showing Tom anything hot I think we should consider this jell-o wrestling thing, could definitely be fun afterwards when we help clean each other off."
"Indeed, I have already set up a small pool for our use in these matters. Once more I am more efficient than you-what now sucka?" Seven tilted her head before handing her padd over to the laughing Chief.
"Alright," B'Elanna began to type in her calculations as she spoke, "we first need to double check if their computer is plugged in, after that we should make sure it is actually turned on. If it is we need to issue the following command: computer, CTRL+ALT+DELETE. If that doesn't fix the problem then we are getting vaguely screwed, and we're going to have to call tech support." B'Elanna hissed while she passed the padd back to Seven, "I hate those guys."
"Lieutenant, your calculations are incorrect. Once we establish that their computer is plugged in and on, all we need to do it use a paper clip to open the CD drive and removed the floppy disc. Good try though, your effort is appreciated. Now, will you please become angry so I can drool over you?" Seven tapped the small device against her hand.
B'Elanna grabbed it back and after staring at the complicated mathematical equations she had to concede, "You're right Seven, my calculations were wrong. Now all we need is Doc's help."
"Why do we need the Doctor's help? Please don't make me go there, he insists upon spraying a new suit on me every time!" Seven looked rather desperate.
"Sorry Seven, but as a sentient hologram he might have some interesting insight. And if he wants to paint a new suit on you, I'll happily do it for him." B'Elanna nodded resolutely before deciding to do something adventurous, and lightly slapped Seven's bottom.
Seven rubbed her backside before nodding. "Acceptable."