A/N: OH MY GOD. That tag team match last night brother... it was the tag team from heaven.

"You know what, man, let's go buy some beer," Shannon said tiredly, staring at me over his dining room table. We were all sitting in there for some reason, Jeff smoking and Kyle making wedding plans, while Jill puttered around, munching on cookies.

I nodded. "Good idea. Let's get drunk."

"Uh uh," Kyle said sternly, looking up from her legal pad. She pointed at Shan. "You. You have to stay here and help me figure out this guest list."

Shannon groaned inwardly, but smiled. "Okay, honey."

"Fuckin' whipped already," I muttered, turning to Jeff. "You want to go to the store with me?"

Jeff frowned. "Does it look like I want to go to the store with you?"

"Not really."

"Take a hint, brother."

I sighed, turning to Jill. "Hey, blimp."

Shannon laughed obnoxiously, quieting down when Kyle stared daggers at him. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Jill pouted, stamping her small foot. Her proportions looked hilarious with that belly of hers. "Shannon Moore, stop makin' Matt call me that!"

"He doesn't make me do anythin'." I grinned at her. "Actually, Shannon doesn't do anythin' for himself anymore, so you shouldn't even make that assumption."

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Shan," Kyle said flatly, bent over her papers.

"Okay," he grumbled, glaring at me when I smiled.

Jill pulled out the chair next to me, breaking her cookie in half. "What'd you want, sugar?"

I looked at her. "Huh?"

She blinked.

"Oh! Yeah, I wanted to know if you'd go to the store with me. This pussy over here needs to figure out what kind of dress he's wearing to the wedding - "

"Asshole."

" - and Jeff seems a little... "

"Blind?" he said dispassionately.

I shrugged. "For lack of a better word."

Jill wrinkled her nose, licking chocolate off her fingers. "I guess I'll go with you. I want something to eat."

"Jesus Christ, do you ever stop?" Shannon asked incredulously. Kyle's hand came out of nowhere and whacked him against the stomach, her eyes on the five hundred person - and counting - guest list. He stuck out his tongue at her, rubbing just under his chest. "I'm goin' to report abuse on you."

"Go ahead. They'll just laugh." Kyle looked at him affectionately, tapping the end of her pen against the table. "I love you, Moo."

He was grinning, but he rolled his eyes. "Don't call me that queer ass shit."

"Shannon," she hissed. "That's inappropriate."

"I can't do anythin' right, can I?" he asked angrily, eyes practically slits.

"Doesn't seem like it." She went back to writing.

I blinked, glancing at Jill. She was smiling, biting on her fingernail. I sighed. "Well, fatty over here is practically eatin' her hand, so I guess that's our queue to go."

Shannon snorted, looking over Kyle's arm, reading what she wrote.

Jill slapped my shoulder. "I told you to stop callin' me that!"

"All in good fun, honey." I stood up, helping her out of her seat. She wobbled slightly, gripping my arm for support. "You steady?"

She nodded, flushed, smiling. "Yeah. It's just hard to get up sometimes."

Shannon laughed loudly behind us. Jill turned to glare at him. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You're a pig."

"I'm not the one who can't get out of my seat!" Shannon bent his head back and let it all out, practically crying from the humor. He looked at Jill with watery eyes. "Oink, oink, motherfucker!"

"Shannon, stop it!" Kyle barked. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You're such a fucking asshole sometimes."

"Yeah, and you're a bitch."

Kyle stared at him, disinterested.

Shannon bit his lip awkwardly. "All the time," he sneered.

Kyle shrugged, putting her pen down. "Fine. Do the fucking list by yourself."

Shannon's eyes rolled back as she got up, heading into the other room. "Kyle, come back here."

"No. Do it all by yourself. I don't care."

Shannon stood up. He looked at me, patting his hands on the headrest of his chair. "Get lots of beer, okay?"

"Shannon likes this kind, doesn't he?" Jill patted the top of one of the sickest beers in the business.

I grimaced. "Honey, no one likes that kind."

"I know." She grinned evilly.

I smiled, picking it up easily. "Well, you're payin' for it, then."

Jill shrugged, putting her arm through mine as we headed down the freezer aisle, looking for a few choice beers. It was too late for the liquor store, so we were stuck with the supermarket. A few people milled around, eyeing us, trying to figure out who we were. It was pretty funny.

"How about this one?" I said, jerking my head towards the cases. "Mike's is always good."

She sighed sadly. "Yes. It is."

"Miss it, huh?"

She frowned. "Yeah. A ton."

I put the joke beer on top of the Mike's, taking both into my arms. I was starting to lose feeling from the cold. "Well, pretty soon you'll be drinkin' again."

Jill rubbed her stomach subconsciously. "About five months. Maybe four and a half."

I whistled. "Damn. You're huge already - what're you gonna look like then?"

It was innocent banter between us, so she didn't really get mad. Her mouth set, but her eyes danced. "You have about two pounds of glass in your hands. I could kick you in the nuts right now and both of your feet would be broken."

I hitched the stuff up, smiling wickedly. "Then you'd just have to take care of me."

"I already take care of your brother, I'm not dealin' with you." She said it lightly, but she quieted after that, eyes scanning the shelves sadly. "How about this?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I hate that stuff."

"Okay." She went down further, playing with the zipper's on Jeff's hoodie. "How about this? This is good - I remember."

"Meh."

"Well, pick something, Matt!" Jill looked over my shoulder and stopped, staring. A slight smile spread. "There's someone looking at you like she's going to take your head off."

I furrowed my brow. "Huh?"

"Are you following me?"

I smiled. "I know that voice."

"And I'd know that big goon look anywhere."

I turned and stepped back a little. Darcy had a bag of Doritos and a small case of Mike's in her hands - same as mine, just tinier. Her bangs were pinned back off her face and she was wearing glasses, but her eyes were as clear as day as she looked me up and down, a frown twisting her pretty lips.

"You didn't answer my question," she said.

"Which was?"

"Are you following me?"

My eyes fell to the white track pants she was wearing, the waist band rolled up like they were too big for her. Where was her sexy teacher outfit? It didn't really bother me - I could see the glitter of a belly-button ring where her shirt ended.

"Asshole, my eyes are up here."

I met her gaze again. "Huh?"

She sighed. "Stop looking at my crotch and answer my question."

"No, I wasn't looking at your - No, I wasn't following you."

"Then how did we just... magically end up running into each other three times in the five hours we've known each other?"

I shrugged. "Call it fate."

"Bull shit." Her hair reached her chin, cut in that asymmetrical way that only the prettiest faces could pull off. She was definitely one of them. "Stop following me - you creep me out enough as it is, don't add to it."

"Why do I creep you out?"

"Because you won't stop looking at my stomach."

"It's a mighty fine stomach, honey."

She rolled her eyes. "You're such an asshole."

My gaze fell to her chest - not because it was extraordinary, but because of the words stamped diagonally across the left corner. 'Crude, Lewd and Tattooed.'

She followed my eyes, looking down, then back up at me. She smiled sinisterly. "Anyone you know?"

I licked my lips. "Maybe. Is that why you hate me?"

She shook her head. "Are you kidding? I'm not that petty."

"Then why?"

"Because you're a dumb southerner." She grinned, sliding past me, her hips swaying sexily. "And I never said I hated you."

I whirled around. "Then you like me?"

"I didn't say that either," she said airily, turning down an aisle.

My mouth was open. She was supposed to be mine in three days - but by the looks of it, she already had me wrapped around her little finger.

"Who the hell was that?" Jill asked snidely, crossing her arms.

I sighed. "Darcy Fuller."

"Well, she seemed like a bitch." She wrinkled her nose at me. "Wipe that stupid smile off your face - you look dumb."

I pushed the beer into Jill's arms, practically dropping it on her feet. Her hands came up and slapped onto the sides, saving us from disaster. "Stay here," I said quietly, heading down the aisle. "I'll be right back."

"Matt, I'm pregnant. You can just throw booze at me and expect it to - "

"Darcy!" I jogged down the way, smiling when she turned around and stared blankly at me. I caught up to her. "What are you doin' tonight?"

She looked at the stuff in her hands, then back up at me. "Watching a basketball game. Why?"

"Would you like to come over? I mean, not to my house, but to my friend Shannon's. We're havin' a small thing - "

"No thanks." She turned and started for the cash registers.

"Matt!"

I turned and saw Jill struggling to keep the boxes upright, coming toward me. Darcy was getting away, and I had no other choice. I ignored Jill and went after her. "Darcy, hold on."

She whirled around, eyes tired and worn-down. "What, Hardy? What now?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"I'm busy."

"Doin' what?"

"Making a quilt." She turned away, but I caught her arm, holding her back. She looked down at my hand, then at my eyes. "Take your fucking hand off me, Hardy."

I let go. I never realized how much shorter she was than me. She had to practically tip her head back to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry. I just... I want to get to know you, and - "

"Well, I'm sorry, Hardy, but sometimes, things don't go the way you want them to. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

"Darcy - "

"Listen!" she hissed, flipping around. She poked her finger against my chest. "I'm not a slut, okay? I don't drop to my knees at the sight of a Hardy. I'm not from North Carolina - I don't owe my loyalty to you. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not interested. And besides," she jerked her head, gazing up at me, "you're an absolute pig for trying to pick me up in front of your girlfriend."

"My girlfriend?" I looked where she motioned, noticing Jill's glare. I started laughing. "Jill? That's not my girlfriend! That's my brother's... " I faced her again, struggling for a word. "Significant other."

"Whatever."

I sighed. "Darcy, come on. I'm a nice guy. You don't think it's the least bit strange that we keep runnin' into each other?"

"Of course I think it's strange!"

"Then why don't you see it as a sign?"

"Of what? That you're a creep?" She held up her hands. "I'm done, Hardy. Have a nice life."

"Wait. Come on." I smiled easily, stepping up to her. "If you won't come with me tonight, how about Monday? I'll come to the school."

"It's nice that you actually want to learn how to use the English language, but I think you may be a lost cause."

"I'll bring you coffee," I said slyly.

She stopped, eyes burning into mine. Her mouth twitched. "Fine."

"Aw, come on now - Wait, what?"

"I said fine. I can't say no to coffee. Ever. Bring me coffee, then leave me alone."

"What if I took you out for coffee?"

"No. You bring it to me, then you leave."

"We can't even talk?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't try to fuckin' pull one over on me, Hardy. I know your tricks."

"Do you now." I grinned. "Which ones?"

"I'm not going to flirt with you, so I won't answer that. Coffee. After school, too. I don't want the kids in my class to go apeshit because one of the fucking Hardy brothers is there."

I held out my hand. "It's a date, Ms. Fuller."

She just turned and walked away.

I watched her carefully, noticing the slight change in her demeanor. She kept running her hand over her face, into her hair. She shifted her footing a lot, like she was anxious to get out of there. I felt myself smiling. She was really somethin' else.

"Did you ask her out?" Jill asked stoically, munching on an open box of cookies.

I looked at her, barely capable of tearing my eyes away from Darcy. I noticed what she was eating and frowned. "Where'd you get those?"

She smiled. "We'll pay for them, don't worry." She knocked the side of my arm. "But seriously. Did you?"

I shook my head. "No."

She turned with me as I went behind her, bending down to grab the drinks. "Well... Did you get her number?"

I glanced at her. "No."

She didn't walk with me for a couple of seconds, but then I heard her soft footsteps. "Then... Why are you so happy?"

I kept my head straight and my pace even, but my heart was beating a mile a minute. Honestly, I didn't know why I was so happy. Darcy was a bitch, just like she had been when I first met her. But there was something about her that made me go crazy.

I shrugged, smiling. "She's aesthetically pleasing."

A/N: KDJGLKSDJH. What the fuck. I think I have a problem. I just get so enraged for absolutely no reason, and now is one of those times. I'm so fucking angry. I threw a paperweight at Frank because he deleted something off the DVR. I need counseling. Review if you please. It'll make me feel better.