Thanks so much for the added support! So here's another post, let's see what you readers make of this…
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Special thanks to the following readers for their reviews, you guys make it worth posting!
Katoo, Cazz x, Matt Smith-The REAL Doctor Who (Edwards my lion-I'm his Lamb), KimberlyAnnT, twilightfreak6323
SM owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.
All credit for the lyrics go to Bloc Party.
No copyright infringement intended.
EPOV
"You ready?" I asked her, snapping my seatbelt into place. I checked all the mirrors, mentally checked to make sure I didn't forget anything, and turned on the windshield wipers since there was a steady rain outside. It was a normal Washington day, cloudy sky and tall green mossy trees everywhere.
"Yep. Do you mind if I put on my IPod?" She asked, already connecting it to my stereo.
"Be my guest." I said, waving my hand.
"There's only one condition." She said mock seriously.
"It's my stereo and you're giving me conditions?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her. We had pulled out of the parking lot and were well on our way back to Forks now.
"Yep." She said simply, smiling at me.
"Fine, what is it." I gave in.
"We are going to listen to this song the entire way home on repeat."
"Why?" That was an odd rule.
"Because it's my favorite and because it's Bloc Party, they need no explanation." She shrugged, as if it were common sense.
"Okay, whatever." I said, focusing on the wet road ahead of me.
Minutes passed, and we were still silent. She seemed to be silently singing along to the song, and I had to admit, I wasn't really paying attention to it. Yeah the band was good, but I couldn't concentrate on anything else with her here. I still don't know how I lasted an entire night sleeping next to her without a breakdown.
I've been head over heels for this girl for years now, believing it to be one-sided, when all of a sudden she tells me she feels the same. It just blind sighted me. I wanted answers, she couldn't just decide she loved me just like that; I wanted to know more…
"So…" I wasn't sure how I was going to go about getting answers just yet.
"Yes?" She asked, looking innocent.
"Well we're going to be in this car for the next 30 minutes, we might as well talk." I said awkwardly.
"Okay, talk about what?"
"Hell Bella, you pop up out of nowhere and say that you love me, I think that's a good place to start." I say exasperated.
"What's there to say that hasn't already been said?" She asked, and I could tell she was nervous.
"What made you change your mind?" I asked quietly. My mind slowly wandered with the verse of the song that had been on repeat, vaguely trying to follow along…"I will not let you get further from me, you must fight for me"...
"I always loved you Edward, just not the same way you may have at the time. We were best friends before graduation happened; I loved you as a friend. Then we…well you know, we did that and things changed. I still loved you, I just couldn't figure out how. It's like my heart felt more for you then my mind would allow. That's why I got so scared and left, I couldn't figure out how I felt about you." She whispered.
"But why didn't you answer my calls or write back to one of my emails?" I prompted.
"I was embarrassed, ashamed of how I had left. And when I finally realized how I really felt, I just figured you wouldn't want me anymore. I'm just plain old Bella who went to college to be a school teacher and still has the same old rusty truck from high school. You're Edward Cullen, indie rock star and amazing, inside and out. Who would want me when they could have anybody?" She asked, blushing.
"I would. You don't see yourself clearly Bella," I said, reaching over to take her hand. She smiled shyly at me, and I decided to not let go… "Oh-oh, it was a funny feeling to be wanted. So, it was a funny feeling we only ever notice when it seems like all is lost"…
"Well, I didn't know that until I talked to Alice a week ago." She said, smiling and blushing even more, bringing forth a smile to my lips.
"Oh, and what did she say?"
"Well, aside from starting her own line, she decided to tell me about a new song that you had written, one that she was heartbroken at reading the lyrics to. She went on and on about how she wanted to know who it was about, so I asked her about it and she repeated some of the words. They were the lyrics to the last song you played last night. Only someone deeply affected by someone else would write lyrics like that. I just hoped you still loved me more than hated me. That's why I went to the show, so that I could see." She explained, pausing and blushing every so often.
I sat for a minute to let it all seep in, the song on her IPod still on repeat in the car... "I still see suns in you, my suns and suns in your eyes. This love's not over. This love's not over"…
"I never hated you…well that's not true. I thought I hated you, but I realize that I just blamed you, and you never deserved that. You could have gone about being scared a whole lot better, but I get that it was a lot to take in. I just can't believe we wasted 4 years." I sighed. "But I still think we should take things slow. We need to rebuild our friendship, we're different people that who we used to be, Bella. Trust is a big part of what we need to build, I need to know that you won't run if you get scared again."
"I promise I won't run, you can trust me." She said eagerly, holding my hand tighter, the song drifting in the background… "And we can make a raft from all the dead trees and set sail for better times to a time when this love was not poisoned. I was kind"…
"You say that now, but you never know. Let's just take it slow, nothing too rushed or forced."
"Okay, I can do slow and steady." She agreed, relaxing slightly.
"Oh I know…" I said smirking at her. Her blush was instantaneous, and I felt a little guilty.
"Edward!" She said, trying to hide her face.
"I'm just kidding." I apologized, trying to get her to look at me again. Finally she did, and we settled back into a comfortable silence.
"So what is allowed in this slow and steady business?" She asked. "Obviously holding hands is okay?"
"Sure. Um...Well I guess dates, like coffee or lunch. Just hang out like we used to. I want to get to know you again Bella, see what you like and dislike. I want to take you out and show you my world, music and the gigs and stuff." I said, shrugging.
"So nothing physical?" She asked, sounding slightly relieved and yet disappointed.
"No, not yet." I frowned. It was definitely something I wanted, but I didn't want her to run again, so I was definitely not going to take it that far for a long while. "It's going to be hard Bella, and we will fight, but I think we can make it through this and hopefully start over. I think we can make things work after everything that's happened." I said, hopeful.
"I think we can get past this too Edward." She said, smiling softly at me. "So what do we tell everyone?"
"Well no one knows about what happened after graduation, so we can just tell them we're old friends getting reacquainted." I offered.
"Sounds believable." She commented, and I smiled as I pulled into her driveway. My ears picked up on the repeated Bloc Party song as it ended and I could hear, "This is my atonement. It will be hard, my love. It will be hard but it can be done."
"What is this song Bella?" I asked as she disconnected it and started to gather her things.
"It's Atonement from Bloc Party. It fits how I feel about you. Look up the lyrics sometime." She said, getting out of the car. Before heading up to her door, she stopped and leaned in through the window, and with a smile said, "Oh and Edward, thanks for the ride." And quickly turned and ran up to her home.
She is going to kill me someday. Death by Bella, I think I can handle that. It would make a good song name…
Should I continue?... Please read and review :)
Songs are…
Bloc Party- Atonement