""Lies Sting, ch. 3Greg

Using bits and pieces of the episode S.7 Ep.8 Small Sacrifices. This happened after the wedding of the colleague in that episode.

"So you actually apologized?" Dr. Nolan asked midway through his meal at the steak house. He sat across the table from House, their dinners still steaming from the grill.

"You don't have to act so surprised about it," House groused.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just meant to clarify." Nolan said kindly.

"Right," House mumbled with a cut of New York strip headed to his mouth.

"As I understand the situation, you told Cuddy a lie and let her believe you weren't lying because of the relationship.

"Technically, I lied to Cuddy about a patient so I could save his life. There wasn't time to not lie and still save the guy's life," House admitted.

"Don't you think that was manipulative?"

"Well, yeah. That was the point."

"So? I mean that's not unusual in your relationship, right?"

"Well, there's more. I kinda lied again to her when she told me she was happy I didn't lie to her about the patient."

"So you lied to her twice?" Nolan stopped his fork midway to his mouth. "Sounds like you had the chance to come clean. Why didn't you tell her then?"

"I ...I...didn't want her to know I lied."

Nolan leaned forward in his seat. " But you had the perfect opportunity to explain yourself but you didn't. Why? I thought it was part and parcel of your work relationship with your boss. You lie. You get caught. Patients live and all is forgiven."

"Exactly!" House grinned. "That's how it's always been but then things changed..."

"Because you two are seeing each other privately. Sleeping together, I presume?" Nolan added.

"Well isn't that the point of the euphemism "seeing each other privately? Seeing each other's privates?" House couldn't help himself sometimes. Nolan shook his head a little but grinned.

"I suppose so." Nolan paused. House glanced up to study the psychiatrist's face.

"I take it you got caught lying? Cuddy found out."

"Well, I certainly didn't confess."

"And?"

"She acted hurt."

"I'm sure she wasn't acting." Nolan pointed out. "Sounds like she felt betrayed, I would imagine." Nolan raised his eyebrows.

"Apparently." House said before slugging some ice tea thirstily.

"You know, women are very smart. Very smart and very sensitive. When you really think about it, sex is somewhat of an invasion beyond the physical for most women. Once they let you 'in' they expect you to take things seriously and that includes being honest."

"That's not as easy as it sounds." House acknowledged.

"I wouldn't advise lying to your girlfriend anymore if you want to the relationship to continue - which I think we both know you do."

House looked up glumly. "I do but I am seriously screwed if I have to be honest 24/7. It interferes with my job, my patients." House explained the facts of the Joe Dugan blood test and the candidate's role in locating the Hepatitus strain.

"Then tell her but be prepared for the fall out."

"That's what Wilson said."

"So what's more important to you? Cuddy or your patients?"

"That's not fair! Why do I have to choose?" House demanded. "I love Cuddy but I am a doctor and I can't not do everything to get them better."

"Do you think Cuddy was being unfair?"

"Well...yeah. I mean she knows I lie to manipulate things so I can cure my patients. Now she's suddenly upset that I lied to her."

"You also lie to avoid dealing with people." Nolan added. "If I understand the scenario clearly, you did lie to her, not once but twice."

House looked surprised.

"Oh, c'mon, Greg. You lied to her about test and then when she came to see you and thank you for not lying to her, you froze up when you could have confessed. Instead, you let her believe you weren't lying to her anymore because you two were in a relationship. Did I get that right?"

House continued staring at the doctor. He was cornered into admitting it not just to his psychiatrist but to himself.

"Yeah."

"So this apology. Did you mean it?"

House looked away. "I meant it. I never meant to hurt her or betray her. It just came out that way. What I don't get is why Cuddy needed an apology." House admitted.

"Hold on. You don't understand why? or You don't understand why you didn't want to apologize?" Nolan attempted to clarify.

"Well, since you put it that way...uh, both," House had run out of ice tea and was trying to catch the waitress's eye and avoid Nolan's stare.

"What did Wilson say?"

"He told me if I lied to Cuddy I'd have to face the personal consequences. If I didn't lie to her, I'd have to face the professional consequences - i.e. a very likely dead patient.

"I see," Nolan said flatly.

"What?" House asked.

"When you put it that way, it all makes sense you'd lie to Cuddy."

"Of course it does!"

"But Wilson did point out there would be hell to pay with your girlfriend."

"Right. And I weighed it very carefully before making the decision to lie."

"So, you knew Cuddy would be upset when she found out but instead you let her continue believing you were being honest. Why did you lie to Cuddy afterward when you had a chance to come clean and let her know?"

House stared at Nolan for what seemed to be a long time before speaking. "I didn't want to disappoint her. She seemed so happy that I just couldn't do it."

"But she found out anyway and she was unhappy, disappointed and hurt." Nolan sipped his ice tea and paused before continuing. "What confuses you about this?"

"Didn't we cover this already?" House deflected lamely. "Cuddy knows I routinely lie to save patients! End-run her constantly. What's so different about this time?" House was on edge.

"Uh, your personal relationship for one thing," Nolan said dryly. "Relationships are built on trust and if she can't trust you, she's either going to be very unhappy or very gone."

"Well, I told her I wouldn't lie to her again when I apologized," House said quickly.

"Which was very likely another lie, given your modus operandi at the hospital."

"Look, this personal relationship stuff is complicated enough! Throw in that I'm sleeping with my boss and it makes it impossible to do things right without it affecting my job ...my patients."

"Sounds to me like you and Cuddy need to talk this through. You need to let her know the only reason you'd ever lie to her is to save a patient. Then you have to stick to that."

"This isn't helping," House fumed. "Besides, I caught her in a lie!"

"Really?" Dr. Nolan watched House closely. "Are we talking big lie or little white lie?" Nolan cajoled.

"By little white lie does that mean you think big lies are 'black?'" House teased. "What is it with you black guys always dragging race into everything."

Dr. Nolan rolled his eyes at House's need to deflect on what was a tough topic for House to discuss.

"Well, which was it?"

"A big ole black whopper."

"How so?"

"Cuddy was married before."

"Interesting."

"I know! She never mentioned it, like, ever!"

"So how is it a lie exactly?" Nolan asked.

"I lead her down the path and sure as hell, she lied about it to my face."

"You manipulated her into lying?"

"I mentioned something at the wedding and one thing led to another in the conversation."

Nolan was intrigued. "What did you 'mention'?"

"We were watching the bride and groom dancing at the reception and I asked Cuddy about the bride's dress - which was purple by the way - and asked her what she imagined her wedding dress would look like in so many words."

"Interesting. So you brought it up to see if she'd bring it up?"

"You're sooo on to me!" House said sarcastically. "Cuddy said she always liked the idea of a white dress. So, I pointed out its usually reserved for young brides getting married for the first time and she said even though she wasn't young anymore, it was still going to be her first time."

"Which was a lie." Nolan stated.

"Exactly." House enunciated carefully. "And I told her so."

"Why do you think she lied about being married before?"

"I don't know. She didn't say." House replied. "She just walked away."

"Did she say anything?"

"'Yeah. 'Well-played'." House answered making air quotes with his hands.

"Interesting."

"Stop saying that."

"It sounds like Cuddy felt as if you played her, Greg."

"I guess I did but I proved to her she lied to me and told her I forgave her."

"You expected that little exercise to cause Cuddy forgive you?"

"It would have been the logical thing to do," House said

"And did she?"

"No."

"Seems like she didn't appreciate the logic." Nolan said flatly. " So when did you apologize?"

"After that."

"Did you ask her about the former marriage?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I kinda got the feeling she didn't want to talk about it."

"Glad to hear you didn't push. That's progress, Greg."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Besides, there's time for finding out the juicy details later," House's eyes twinkled.

"Trend gently. She obviously isn't proud of it." Nolan advised. "So explain to me, Greg, how exactly Cuddy being married once before has anything to do with your situation?"

"I thought it proved my point that everyone lies. Even Cuddy."

"Have you ever asked her if she was married before?

"No. I also never asked her if she was on the grassy knoll when Kennedy was assassinated."

"You think she's holding out on you?" Nolan was intrigued at House's paranoia.

"Well, if she lied about this, maybe she's got other things she wants to hide from me."

"So that's what this is about," Nolan murmured to himself. "Hiding the truth for fear it will hurt the relationship.

House watched Nolan's every twitch and smirk.

"You realize there's a real difference between these two 'lies,' House." Nolan said louder making air quotes on the word lies.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you lied to her twice to let her think you were doing what she wanted. She lied to you by omission and when you forced her to address it, she lied to you to keep a secret."

"So how's that any different?"

"She wasn't covering up an earlier lie to you. There is a difference." Nolan pushed his cold plate away. "Besides, do you really think that was the best way to 'out' her...at a wedding, in public, instead of a private, intimate conversation just between the two of you?"

"No."

"Exactly. I think you could have handled your situation better instead of trying to make Cuddy feel guilty about needing the apology," Nolan teased gently, reeling in House's attention. "You could have tried explaining things better, communicating with her on a level that addresses the private and the public roles you're in."

"Like...?"

"Like explaining to her that your first lie was intended to protect Cuddy professionally from any fallout. That your second lie was about protecting yourself from her disappointment, but that you felt terrible for doing it." Nolan seemed a little too pleased with himself for House's tastes.

"You actually think that would work?"

"It would if those were the real reasons for lying," Nolan stated. "Were they?"

"I did it because I thought I had to and didn't want her to get mad at me."

"So you care what she thinks of you? You care how she feels?"

"Of course I do!"

"Did she forgive you?" Nolan prodded.

"I think so. She seems happier, but...why do I still feel like crap?" House wanted to know.

"Because you know what you did was wrong then and now. Trying to trap her in a lie so you could justify your lies was not the best way to fix it" Nolan explained. "I believe Cuddy's need to hear you apologize was in character for her - doing what she's always done with you and that's set boundaries. That's why she needed to hear you apologize to her. She doesn't want to be a push-over now that you're together."

House seemed to understand the point.

"So lets get to the root of why you didn't want to apologize after you were busted."

"Do we have to?"

"Hey, you called me, House. I presume you don't want to screw up this relationship. If that's still the case, lets examine your need to hide your mistakes from Cuddy."

"You make me sound whipped."

"Are you?"

"No! I just ...hell, I don't know what the hell I'm suppose to do."

"Yes, you do. You know exactly what you're supposed to do. If you didn't you'd never have called me to discuss your guilt complex."

"Oh, now I have a complex?" House said sarcastically. "I don't think so. I just don't want to piss off my girlfriend when the rules need to bend."

"If I'm not mistaken, Cuddy's bent lots of rules for you in the past. Do you really think she's the root of the issue."

"No." House sounded glum.

"What do you think is the at the root, then?" Nolan waited.

"I don't want to lose her."

"Then the best way to keep her is to be honest with her. Don't hide things, don't lie about lying. Remember, its usually the cover-up and not the crime that gets you convicted. Nolan hesitated next. "Did you mean it when you apologized?"

"I did at the time."

"You don't, now?" Nolan was frowning.

"I feel like I lied again just to get her forgiveness."

"You sort of did. Here's the good news. This time you put her needs ahead of your own because you care about her. The important thing is to recognize that you did apologize. because it was the right thing to do in this situation and that you're working to keep the relationship alive. That is great progress."

"Yeah but I lied again."

"Yes you did. You used the handy dandy little white lie, verrrry different from the big black whopper lies." Nolan grinned. "It's a nuance that you're starting to understand is necessary even if it doesn't seem 100% logical to you. I'm proud of you. You understood what was necessary and you put her needs above your own. That's what love's about."

"This is very confusing, when its okay to lie and when it's no."

"Lying isn't really the issue here. It's about trust." Nolan confirmed. "If you'll lie to get people to trust you and go along with your plans, you have to expect they'll get angry with you when they find out they can't trust you. If you want to gain the trust back, you have to admit you made mistakes. If you recognize your faults, they will too and very likely forgive you. That's how you earn the trust back."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. pretty much." Nolan waved to the waitress to place his dessert order.

xoxoxoxoxoxooxooxooooox

The drive home to Cuddy's place seemed to go quickly. House allowed himself to feel better before he began pondering why Cuddy would have gotten married, why it only lasted 6 days and why she never brought it up. Yes, the woman had her own secrets. That was something new and rather unexpected. Another puzzle to pursue and he just loved puzzles.

xoxoxoxox

I hope this version helps explain better to those who feel Cuddy was wrong to be upset with House. It's not the lies, it the trust that matters. Cuddy feels she can trust House now that he's apologized. If he doesn't abuse that trust, lets hope he does get to see Cuddy in that white dress REAL SOON! : )

Hope you like this direction. I doubt we'll find out why Cuddy was married so briefly anytime soon on the show but I intend to speculate. Let me know your thoughts on why she would have quit on marriage after just six days. Lots of thoughts and ideas floating in my head. Appreciate your feedback before the next chapter comes.