Feels Like Tonight

A/N: Chapter 3 :-) I wasn't a fan of the actual situation in this chapter, but oh well. It didn't come out so bad :-P

Rachel unlocked Ross's apartment door and let herself in. As she threw her things down onto the couch, she looked around curiously. Where was he? She knew he had taken the day off of work to play with Ben, but neither were anywhere to be found. She listened to the silence for a moment, but heard nothing. The apartment had a weird air about it.

"Ross?", she called. No answer. "Ross, where are you?"

She wandered the apartment, checking the small kitchen and bathroom. Finally, she reached the bedroom. For some reason, the door was closed. And even stranger, it was locked.

"Ross?", she called again as she knocked on the door. "Are you in there?"

Still no answer. She jiggled the doorknob, still knocking and trying to figure out who was in there. "Is everything okay? Ross, open the door!"

Somehow, she jiggled the knob so much that it unlocked. As the door swung out in front of her, the worst sight imaginable came into view. Ross was in bed, making passionate love . . .to another woman.

She stood there, stunned, her jaw hanging open. She felt tears sting her eyes.

"What is going on?" she hollered.

Ross finally turned to look at her, opening his mouth to answer.

Riiiiiiiiinnnggg...

Rachel bolted up in bed, a cold sweat beading down her forehead. Her movement caused Ross to immediately wake up next to her, sitting up quickly to make sure everything was okay.

"The alarm usually doesn't wake you," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Ross . . . oh my God."

He noticed how she was shaking, her hand on her chest. All the makings of a startled, frightened Rachel. He drew nearer to her, wrapping his arms around her and gently pulling her to lay her head against his chest.

"Shhh, it's over Rachel. Did you have a bad dream?"

She merely nodded, too stunned with the dream and still upset over it. She knew, now, that it wasn't real . . . but the surprisingly realistic image was fluttering through her mind, and even though Ross's strong body was supporting her, and he was kissing her forehead, she could only think of him causing her pain. He would never hurt her like that, why was she so upset?

"What happened?", he whispered. She pulled away, shaking her head to signal that she didn't want to say. But he noticed how a few stray tears seemed to find their way out of her eyes, and he softly brushed them away with the pad of his thumb. "It's done now, I'm right here. Are you okay?"

She sunk back into his embrace. "Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

Sniff. "Please, just . . . promise to never hurt me. Okay? Don't . . .", she trailed off, stifling a sob into his shoulder.

He froze. Did she . . . no, she couldn't have. In her sleep? Of course not. Her dream just must have been about someone hurting her.

"Of course not, Rach," he cooed. He broke out into his own sweat at the words. He couldn't keep doing this, not for long.

-----

It had been a little over a month since the incident of the "break". They tried hard to work past it, becoming closer by the day, making time for each other and their relationship. Rachel was already fine, though Ross noticed an increase in her affection and a certain neediness that hadn't been there before. But nothing serious was wrong. He's successfully masked his own predicament, finding it easier by the day to forget about it.

Every step assured him that, maybe, he was doing the right thing.

After a few days, he could kiss her without worrying.

After a week, he could make love to her without feeling guilty.

After a month, he could watch her sleep without shedding a tear.

The dream, however, erased all the steps. Once again, he hit rock bottom. What had happened in that dream? He had no idea, only that it caused Rachel to cling to him like a frightened young child. And every word of condolence he whispered in her ear felt like he was feeding her lies off the tablecloth.

Now, more than ever, he was determined to keep his secret under lock and key. Maybe she wouldn't find out. Maybe, just maybe, he could grow to be the old Ross from before. Innocent, sweet, and adoring. The Ross that Rachel fell in love with. Not this monster he'd become, cheating and lying.

What had this done to him?

And, even more mysterious, what happened in that dream to shake Rachel so much?

-----

Rachel lounged on the couch in her apartment, staring at nothing in particular while Monica cooked them a light dinner in the kitchen.

"Sweetie, you just have to remember that it was a dream," Monica tried to convince her distraught friend. Rachel had told her about the dream, opening up about the worries and anxieties and insecurities the dream had brought her.

"I know that, Mon, it's just . . . it felt so real."

"But it wasn't. He was right there when you woke up, right? I mean, Ross isn't cheating on you. I think we both know that."

"It's just . . .", Rachel sighed, letting her head lay back on the cushy pillow and closing her eyes. "I've never even thought of him doing that. It never even crossed my mind, you know? I mean, it's Ross. But, what if . . . what if he did? I know he probably wouldn't, but-"

"Would you stop talking crazy?", Monica interjected. "Ross adores you so much, Rach. He would never want to hurt you on purpose. You could probably do the worst thing imaginable to him, literally rip his heart out, and he'd still want you. He'd still love you. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"It's just the thought that he could, Monica," Rachel said weakly, her strength on the subject wearing. "Chip did it, Barry did it, Paulo almost did it. Who's to say Ross couldn't? Who's to say he's not the same as everyone else."

"You, of all people, should be the one to say he's different than them," Monica scolded. "You know for a fact that Ross is nothing like those asses. He was going to take you to the prom when Chip was late! He helped you get through the Barry fiasco because his marriage fell apart too. And who was there after you broke up with Paulo?"

Rachel smiled, remembering that night three years ago, out on the balcony. He'd been the first of them to console her, to hug her, to make her feel like she was so much above someone like Paulo.

"You're right," she agreed. "I don't know what's going on with me, but I'll try to get over it. Now," she stood up. "Done with dinner yet?"

-----

After Monica and Rachel ate up the last remains of their meal, Phoebe jubilently made her way through their door.

"Hey, guys! Crap, you had dinner already. I was hoping to score some food!"

"Leftovers," Monica replied, pointing to the fridge. Phoebe went to help herself. "Oh, the lasagna has meat in it, but there's some mixed vegetables. I'm sure Joey will come for the lasagna soon, anyway."

When Phoebe had warmed up the last scraps of the vegetables in the microwave, she turned to do some typical girl chat with her friends. Immediatly, with her inane but keen sense of atmosphere, she realized something was still bugging Rachel.

"Whoa, what's with your aura today?"

"She had a dream that Ross cheated on her," Monica volunteered.

Rachel threw her an annoyed look, knowing Phoebe would undoubtably make her talk about it again. And it was really one of the last things Rachel wanted to relive, because despite what she told Monica, she was still bothered by it.

"Really? Ross cheating? That's pretty intense."

"Yeah, thanks," Rachel sarcastically replied.

"Well, why do you think it bothers you so much?"

"Because there's just the thought that he could! I mean, Ross is such a sweet guy, I know that. But I just can't shake the feeling that it's possible. I mean, if he ever did, I'd be so heartbroken . . ."

Her voice cracked, as she scrunched her face to prevent any more tears from escaping out her exhausted eyes. Phoebe got up to stand in back of Rachel, hugging her shoulders from behind.

"It's okay, Rach. I know you've been hurt before. Just know that Ross, he's the one that's not going to. He's the one that's gonna stay, honey. He is so much different from anyone else."

"I know," Rachel managed to croak out.

"Just know we're here for you," Monica chimed in, joining Phoebe and making the hug a group hug.

"And you could always talk to Ross about it," Phoebe suggested.

-----

Ross turned the corner, striding home from the train station he'd taken to the Village form work. He felt like making doing something for Rachel tonight, considering all the craziness of the early morning. He stopped quickly into a small video rental store, picking up Weekend at Bernie's, Rachel's favorite movie. Maybe a quiet night on the couch was all they needed to calm down. Just them, a bowl of popcorn, and a warm blanket to cuddle under.

As he stood out on the street, waiting for a cab, he realized what he was standing in front of. The copy store.

He didn't even stay long enough to decipher the figures moving quickly behind the windows. He turned on his heel, frantically continuing his way down the street. It took quite a few blocks for him to realize he was headed the wrong direction. He signaled at a passing cab, quickly getting in and giving him directions so he wouldn't pass the copy store again. He didn't think he could bear to see her. Not Chloe. Not now.

He got home, noticing Rachel was still at her place. He called her up.

"Hey, are we still at my place tonight? Cause I rented a movie and I'm popping some popcorn right now."

"Sure, sweetie, I'll be right over. Just let me get some stuff."

"Are you okay? You should a little shaken."

"Yeah, I'm fine. But you do, too . . . everything okay?"

He winced. "Good as gold."