AN: Here is the last bit I have written so far. More will come but probably not till next week. Stay tuned!

The room was dark and humid. Lean limbs stretched out on a teal yoga mat, exposed skin slick with perspiration. Amanda's eyes were closed as she tried to breathe in the very last moments of class; it was Sunday morning and this was her religion. Each week she tried to let go. Let go of the regrets, the fears, the blood on her hands. She liked to visualize it all leaving her body like the sweat she was drenched in - then all she had to do was shower it away.

Since Jesse was old enough, Amanda had developed a Sunday morning routine when work would allow. It was Kim's sole opportunity to watch Jesse as she earned her sister's trust back; so far, it had worked out surprisingly well. Amanda would sneak out to her class then pick up pastries and coffee at Sweetleaf bakery to bring back to her apartment. She would go home to break apart bits of a muffin or croissant for Jesse to eat in her messy, enthusiastic way while Amanda enjoyed her daily dose of caffeine. In those simple moments, she felt peace.

With her hair pulled back in a messy braid and her yoga mat rolled into its strap and over her shoulder, Amanda left the studio. It was a bright, spring morning with just enough chill in the air to feel good against her hot skin. Maybe she could take Jesse and Frannie to the park to enjoy breakfast that day...

Just about to cross the street, she looked up to find Sonny Carisi blocking her path. Shocked and rattled, she stopped in her tracks, now acutely aware of how disheveled she looked. Neither of them had acknowledged what happened the night of Fin's birthday party a few weeks ago, although Amanda hadn't exactly made herself available for conversation. She had actively avoided spending any time alone with Carisi; she kept their conversations purely work-related. It was just too much - to think about, to talk about, to admit. She could acknowledge her behavior that night was a bit excessive, but Amanda was fiery and passionate and everyone knew it. It was the other part - the part where his mouth was on hers - that she didn't know what to do with. That kiss had felt both good and frightening and a thousand other things and she was drowning in it all, not a lifeboat in sight.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her surprise and annoyance apparent by her tone and facial expression.

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his dark green jacket. "I wanna talk to you. You've been ignoring me at work."

"That's not even possible. I can't ignore you, Carisi, we spend all day together," Amanda replied briskly, as if stating the obvious.

He rolled his eyes before clarifying, "you know what I mean. Givin' me the cold shoulder."

"So... what? Now you're gonna stalk me?" she asked with a sarcastic little laugh, crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn't going to deny it: she knew everybody had noticed the tension between them and her obvious desire to keep him at a distance.

"We both know this isn't stalking. This is me... utilizing all my resources. I just remembered Liv mentioned that you come here." There was a small smirk playing at his mouth that made it difficult for Amanda to keep eye contact with him.

Can't get anything past a detective on a mission, Amanda supposed. "Well... I'm on my way to pick up breakfast for Jesse and she's with Kim so I gotta make it fast. I don't have time for you to utilize anything," she said dismissively, beginning to walk away.

"I can walk and talk," Carisi offered, keeping pace with her easily with his long legs. "You can't avoid me forever."

She should have known better: of course he would follow her. Sometimes he was like an annoying little dog with a bone. She kept her gaze straight ahead, only catching sight of him from the very corner of her eye. "Ah, ha, that's where you're wrong, Carisi. If you knew me at all, you'd know that avoiding things is a true talent of mine."

"We really need to talk."

Amanda stopped and turned to look directly at Carisi. "Look, I know I freaked out a few weeks ago. I had too much to drink. I'm sorry if I overreacted." This was the canned excuse she saved for the inevitable moments when she overwhelmed the man in her life. She apologized for her feelings to save theirs, made sure they were aware that she knew she was too much.

"That's not the part I wanted to talk about."

Arms folded over her chest again, Amanda looked at him in silence. His eyes were flickering over her expression like he was trying to interpret something, but years of gambling meant Amanda had perfected a poker face. There was nothing there to see, no matter how hard he searched. It was Amanda who was doing the real observing: Sonny looked so eager, so honest. It was that kind of genuine warmth that made Amanda's heart swell and her skin sprout goosebumps. He had spent so many days making her laugh between tragedies and all those nights giving her the steadiness she never knew she craved. He was a good man and she was a hurricane of a woman; it would be selfish of her to pull him into the eye of her storm... wouldn't it?

She allowed a small smile to come across her lips . Her features were soft now, less defended. "Sonny, I can tell Bridget is a good girl. She's pretty and smart and has it all together. You'd be good for one another."

There was a long pause, the two of them locked in a stare.

"You ever get tired of this bit?" Carisi finally asked, gesturing to her with a wave of his hand.

She furrowed her brow, confused. "What?"

"This 'I'm too fucked up to love' nonsense. It must be exhausting." There was an edge to his tone that she rarely heard outside of work.

Shocked, Amanda felt her cheeks begin to burn as her eyes flitted away from Carisi's gaze. She wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but she couldn't seem to get any words to leave her mouth.

He took a step closer to her as he spoke, his voice lower but no less firm. "Y'see, 'Manda, we all have demons. I wish you'd quit actin' like you're the only one, like you're doing the world some kinda favor by never letting anybody in. You're a broken record. Move the needle to a different song, for Christ's sake, or you're gonna end up alone."

Carisi walked away from her, leaving Amanda breathless and stunned on the sidewalk. Pedestrians maneuvered around her as she stood still, her icy exterior melting ever so slightly in the warmth of the spring sun.