The Guide to the Emo-Avenger Bastard: Sasuke Uchiha
Chapter 3- First Impressions
First Impressions are important. He keeps a notebook, which I like to call, "The big book of Emoness," in which he categorizes everyone he knows into a list. Don't try to go look for it, because it's under the most tight security. Believe me, Kakashi tried as a "challenge" for Gai and here's what happened the next day;
"…nee, Kakashi-sensei, why is your hair blue and has chicken feathers in it?"
"You also forgot the Uchiha sign painted on his back and the sign that says, "I just got emocized the Sasuke Uchiha," …oh no you didn't!?!"
"Yes, Children, that is why when you see a guy in green spandex and bowl-cut hair, you should run far far away."
"Kakashi-sensei, I've told you many times NOT to try to read that book of his, your lucky he isn't here to take pictures."
"…you needs Sasuke with cameras when you have Naruto with a camera?"
"…Just hold still, Sensei. On second thought, strike a pose!"
Yeah, the next couple of days were not pretty. Sasuke tried to hurt Kakahi-sensei, but Kakashi-sensei did a "Thousand years of Pain" on Sasuke for the paint that took weeks to come out, and then did it on Naruto for posting those pictures all around town, while I just stood far far away from them.
But I regress, so unless you want to end up on some unknown column on Sasuke's list, I suggest you listen up. There are many things that you need to do and things you can't do, all of which are very oddly specific and require a tomato…just joking about the tomato part, though it might soften him up.
1) When talking to him for the first time, stand 5 feet away from him. It ruins his "breathing air." Pssh yeah right, he's just trying to find a reason to make himself better than he actually is, but for now play by his silly little rules or else you might end up like Shino. You didn't actually think Shino was born that strange did you? Shino was actually quite a chipper and active kid when he was little…that is until that day. That day that ruined his life forever and scarred him as weird. The day he decided to cross Sasuke Uchiha…
Back on the first day of Acedemy-
Shino is skipping along wearing a t-shirt, yes believe it! No jacket that covers his mouth, and be prepared to be even more shock…he's not wearing sunglasses!! EVERY ONE RUN FOR THEIR LIVES!!! Just joking about the running; serious about the no sunglasses. That's how much he was scarred. He did the unspeakable…
"HI, I'm Shino Aburame! Who are you!?!" Shino said, loudly, grasping Sasuke's hand and shaking it. There were instant death glares around him. Evil eyes appear, "How dare you do that!" Then unspeakable things occurred…poor Shino, no kid should go through that torture at such a young age.
So remember, 5 feet away if you want to play it safe make it 7 feet. If you go too far, he won't hear you. Actually he can, he'll just ignore you.
2) Bow before and after you talk to him- Remember, I said these little rules were stupid, and they still are now. He's so arrogant that you do have to bow. His head is so big that I'm surprised that he has room to store anything in his house. Really, he give Neji's head a run for its kunai, but don't tell him that or else it'll get bigger and he'll fall over on his side like a turtle.
3) Don't look him straight in the eyes or else will have a horrible urge to go kill yourself slowly and painfully. Seriously, every time he sees a stranger, he purposely makes his eyes as blank and evil as possible, at other times, they're just pain creepy.
4) For now, treat him like a semigod and say what you need to say and then leave. That's it, nothing more.
All of these rules seem silly, but they have reasoning behind it. Trust me, I had to learn the hard way and so did poor Shino…they had to make a grave for his lost childhood. It was a very sad moment.
A moment to morn the loss,
Sakura