Rivka and Locke smiled wistfully at me, the former wrapping her arms around me in a tearful hug. The three of us had been inseparable throughout our three years of training. Locke, my oldest friend and closest confidant, defender and protector. And Rivka, cunning and benevolent, whose friendship was hard-won and true.
We had made it out of a lot of sticky situations together and, though I was beyond exhausted, I still had it in me to feel a pang of despair at the thought of being separated from them. Locke gave my shoulder a squeeze and smiled at me, though beneath the veil of confidence, I detected a hint of concern. I would have to look after myself and guard my own secrets from here on out. But was I ready for it? Perhaps I gave my own doubts away when I found myself unable to return his reassurance. I turned my gaze down, holding my wrist fretfully.
Together, Locke and Rivka walked off, joining their new squad at the other side of the room. I withheld a whimper as they filed out the door.
After a few moments of sniveling melancholy, I became aware of figures standing around me, the most alarming of which was Levi, whose contempt was palpable. I shrank away from him guardedly, determined that I wouldn't say anything to him other than 'yes, sir' and 'no, sir' ever again.
The first person to speak up was the copper-haired woman, whose petite frame and cute, friendly face one couldn't help but find welcoming and reassuring. "Welcome to squad Levi!" she said cheerfully. "I'm Petra Ral. This is Eld Jinn, Oluo Bozado, Gunther Schultz, and, of course, you know Captain Levi."
I smiled back at her automatically, shaking her offered hand for a few seconds before realization hit me. Welcome to the squad? SQUAD LEVI?
I dropped her hand as if I had been caught stealing it and turned to look at Captain Levi, my expression like shattered glass. He scowled.
"Let's go," he commanded. "We have to get back to HQ for training."
He sailed past me like a wraith. Training? But my legs were jelly sticks! My lungs, shriveled raisins!
"B-but I ran all night! I haven't slept or eaten!" With a gasp, I slapped my hand over my mouth. What happened to my vow of silence?
The others looked on in surprise. He glared at me. "Didn't I tell you that you wouldn't get to sleep in today? This is what happens when you mouth off. Do you think titans care whether you slept well and had a nutritious breakfast?"
My sight began to fog over with tears. Yes, indeed, by his own admission, my new Captain, who was entitled by contract to my unquestioning loyalty, had as little compassion as a titan. Where was my fiddle now?
The creases between his brows grew more severe by the second as my eyes grew ever more wet and rotund. Petra suddenly inserted herself between us, chuckling sheepishly to diffuse the tension. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, Currer, you can take a nap in the carriage!"
I turned my gaze up to her, a light beginning to grow behind my weary eyes. She was like the glorious face of god, and as I looked into her gentle visage, I could almost hear the singing of angels. But alas, even the Whore of Babylon was said to come with such graces enveloping her deception. In an instant, that welling light was snuffed, for Levi scoffed:
"Don't be ridiculous." He firmly craned Petra out of the way and glared down on me. "The carriage is reserved for those who show their worth, not their lip. You're going on foot."
"Captain, please reconsider!" Petra exclaimed, sprinting after the Captain, whose stride, despite his short stature, was brisk and relentless. He ignored her in the same manner and the others followed his lead, shrugging and sighing out: 'if the captain says so, it can't be helped'.
I trailed far behind, now changed into my new jacket and cloak, sadly thumbing the outline of the wings of freedom embossed upon my breast pocket. I had been dreaming of these wings for three years. I had to stay strong. Maybe he wasn't screaming in my face, looming over me like a titan and showering me in denture spit, but this was really just Drill Sergeant Shadis version two, right? I remembered it well.
As he swept up and down the ranks, my eyes were trained on the boots of the boys in front of me. I saw the fluttering of his long jacket between their legs, but dared not look up. I recognized him. If he looked into my face and saw not another sniveling maggot, but Frayda Valentine, the fugitive daughter of his former Commander, I was finished.
Beside me, Locke swayed to one side and bumped my shoulder with his. I looked up and met his gaze, his eyes urging me to stand straight and look forward. But I didn't understand his mouthing, his frantic nodding. All I could do was shake and swallow down the dryness in my mouth.
"And what do we have here?"
I yelped as Shadis snatched my jacket collar, hoisting my puny frame an entire foot off of the ground. I grabbed onto his fist, trying feebly to lift myself up, legs flailing pathetically. My heart was pounding, but not because of this mishandling; rather, because of the way his beady eyes, beaming out from what seemed two craggy wells of darkness, scanned my face. He dropped me almost instantly and, as soon as I regained my balance, he grabbed me by the skull and craned my head up, gaze boring into me.
"What's your name, worm?"
I gulped, shaking in my boots. I looked over to Locke, who was gesturing madly until Shadis' corpse-like glare paralyzed him. He trained his eyes back on me and my mouth began to move soundlessly, as if compelled by some unnatural force. I let out a wheeze.
"C-currer Bell!"
Unexpectedly, he let go of my head and leaned down to my level. One hairless brow arched high. "'Bell', is it?" he asked. Then, he straightened himself out. "You remind me of someone."
With that, he carried on down the ranks and I would have collapsed, but my knees seemed to have been locked in place, impelled to rigidity by fear. Did he recognize me? Did he see through my disguise? Would he rat me out to the Commander? My hands trembled at the thought of returning to that flowery, brocaded prison camp, I the only inmate, where the shackles were corsets, the cages were crinolines, and the warden was my own father.
Shadis, it seemed, hadn't really recognized me, for Commander Valentine never came charging into the training camp, busting down doors and wringing necks in search of me. He also never quite managed to break my spirit, and I persevered through his grueling training, eventually rising to the top of the roster, out-performing all of the other trainees in every measurable way, including Locke and Rivka.
Levi was sure to assert his authority in the same way, I supposed, and I vowed to meet it in the same way as well—as meekly and obediently as possible, until the opportunity to exact sweet revenge presented itself. I paused, looking into the sad little faces of the late autumn blooms. I took a little inspiration from this plain flower which looked so helpless but, despite its humble bearing, dared to laugh in the face of brutal winter.
"Hey, what are you dawdling about for?" The Captain called back as he stepped into the simple, rickety cart. "This isn't the place to be picking your wedding bouquet, Piss Ant."
Eld had taken up the reins while Gunther and Oluo made themselves comfortable. Petra looked at me apologetically from her hay-bale seat, and soon the special ops squad joined the eight-mile procession to the Survey Corps' provisional headquarters. At first, the pace was easy, but as we merged onto the road, I was forced to run faster and faster to keep up. Levi barked insults at me any time I fell behind. Most of the way, I stumbled over my feet and sobbed quietly.
Petra watched, horrified and helpless as the Captain laid his abuse on the newbie, wondering what could possibly have made such an innocent and obedient boy so hateful to the normally even-handed Captain she so admired. She certainly didn't remember being treated thusly when she joined the year before. Could it be simply because he was appointed by the Commander rather than hand-picked as the rest of them had been? In that case, how could he take it out on Currer so selfishly?
"Well, what do you think? He's got spunk, right?" Eld wondered, leaning back on the reins with a smile. He always enjoyed a spirited ride through the woods, but he paled a bit when Petra turned an odious glower upon him. If he weren't driving the horses so hard, maybe poor Currer could take it easy for a few miles! He swallowed the lump in his throat and turned away, effectively rescinding his question, but for the other two, it had already been planted.
"It's a little ridiculous, isn't it? Putting a complete novice among our ranks?" Oluo scoffed. "He'll drop dead the second he lays eyes on his first titan."
Petra turned her glower on him. "Hey—are you trying to imitate the Captain again?"
Oluo turned his nose up in affront. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," he huffed, adjusting his cravat indignantly.
Gunther hummed. "But if the Commander saw fit to make such an unusual decision, there must be something special about the kid, right? I mean, he has managed to put up with…" he trailed off, his eyes slowly drifting to the back of the Captain's head before he snapped them away, afraid to be spotted. He swallowed, whispering conspiratorially. "That."
"I've seen titans with toddler legs who have better running form," Levi declared, his leg propped up on the back of the cart as he sneered at the shambling Currer, who could only huff and puff exhaustedly in retort. "Are you trying to hold your poop in or something?"
Petra sighed. "I have to agree with Gunther. His physical endurance alone is amazing. If I were in his position, I would have passed out already."
"Right!?" Gunther exclaimed, leaning forward. "He must be sustaining himself on pure rage," he offered, abruptly performing a Hail Mary for his own protection. "The Captain might have to lock his door at night," he added.
He yelped when Levi began to turn toward him with a scowl, but was quickly relieved to find that his semi-insubordinate comment had gone unheard.
"Tch. How disappointing," Levi said. "Erwin would have been better off assigning us a chamber pot."
To his surprise, as the words escaped his lips, his face caught the whip of a dirty cloak, its ends dripping with mud, and its collar reeking of sweat. He tore it down, grimacing in disgust just in time to see the defiant orange blur of Currer's buff leather jacket as she raced ahead, keeping pace with the horse and throwing a salute at the grinning Eld. The others looked on in awe. They had heard of second and even third winds, but this was ridiculous.
Levi's mouth only hung open for a moment before he shoved the discarded cloak down and resumed his tirade of abuses.
"Time for a break!" A cloaked horseman hollered as he rode down the length of the procession, clanging on a crude bell. Slowly, Eld pulled back on the reins and I came to a stop at the rear of the cart, bracing myself against my knees as I gasped for breath. I had managed to keep up for four miles, over an hour at no easy pace, and I didn't know if I could make another four.
Oluo, dismounting and approaching me curiously, offered an open canteen, yelping as I snatched it up and greedily guzzled its contents. Abruptly, Levi snatched the canteen back and screwed the lid on with a scowl.
"If you're going to drink so hideously, you can drink out of the river with the horses," he snapped, disappearing into the growing crowd ahead with my precious, precious water. I held my hand out for it longingly, but it was gone.
"Chin up, newbie!" Eld exclaimed, and, to my horror, snapped an open palm across my posterior. Yelping, I sprung away, holding my hands aloft in the shape of claws and hissing like a cornered cat. He laughed heartily. "Whoa there, your Tiger Style is looking more like a wet kitten, kid." With that, he tossed me a rag, ruffled my hair, and advised me to wash up before the Captain really blew a gasket.
Puzzled, I watched him as he led the horses off into the woods. What could that mean? Was the Captain not aware of the correlation between physical exertion and perspiration? Did he lack some fundamental understanding of human anatomy? I supposed he did appear to be inhumanly cruel. I mean, his diminutive height seemed safe enough, but maybe he really was a titan after all. Pondering this, I patted my face warily until Petra's smile wandered into my field of vision.
"How are you doing?" she asked brightly. I couldn't help but smile back. It was infectious and revitalizing.
"I've been worse, but I've also been better," I replied. I had actually definitely never been worse. I was pretty sure I was going to start hacking up organs soon. But if I had to throw up, I'd definitely make sure the Captain was in the path of my delivery. Of course, that would only make up for about a tenth of what he'd put me through so far, so my ghost would definitely have to get creative.
"Well, you should probably take care of as much as you can in the next twenty minutes. I wish it were longer so you could take a nap," she hummed regretfully.
"Yeah…" I agreed, my mind mostly drifting to the issue of bladder evacuation. Yawning, I arched my back a bit, shuffling my arms to work out the kinks and knots that had formed long since, and with that, wandered off into the woods.
Thankfully, the arbor seemed devoid of prying eyes, apart from the skittish squirrel or two, and cautiously, I undid my belts and crouched behind a bush. A sigh escaped my lips as the full volume of the Klinesbridge dam finally found its freedom in a hairline crack, soon pried into an estuary. But, as the new river flowed, glistening golden in its path, it dreamed not of finding its end under the deft foot of a silent intruder.
"Currer!"
I froze. Oh god. Oh god no. Slowly, I turned my head, peering over the bush, eyes like saucers, mortified to find Gunther casually approaching. Shiiiiit.
"What'cha doin' back there; taking a dump or so—"
He stopped dead when his innocent trampling found a soft splattering, the strangled cries of my innocent puddle as its sweet freedom was stomped out.
I looked over the bush at him. He looked over the bush at me. On his face was disbelief. Slowly, he leaned over. He had to find out for sure, and I could do nothing to prevent it. After a moment's investigation, he leaned back, but there was no satisfaction for his curiosity after all; only greater demand as his mouth formed ever more elaborate shapes in the hope of expressing his distress.
Slowly, I stood up, pulling my trousers into place and fastening my belts calmly. I couldn't just let this stand. He knew my secret now, and that meant he would have to die.
Perhaps sensing my resolution, Gunther threw his hands up in surrender and backed away warily. "Hey, l-listen, I didn't see anything, alright? Some guys like to crouch when they pee, probably! T-to each his own, eh!" Sweat beaded on his brow.
Menacingly, I stepped over the bush and grabbed him by the broach of his cloak, pulling him down to my stature. I must have looked as scary as Shadis, for he cowered under my gaze like a wet-nosed trainee. My nostrils flared like the caverns of the dreaded wyvern (though perhaps less stocked with gold, as Mrs. Schumer once assured me). This moment was pivotal, and if I was to show mercy, it would have to be in the form of absolute tyranny.
"If you breathe a word to anyone," I whispered, my breath like methane and tongue like a flint, "I will make sure you crouch when you pee, too."
He swallowed hard and nodded enthusiastically as he promised in a whimper: "N-not a word!"
After a few more moments of silent intimidation, I threw him aside, dusted my hands off, and returned to the road, unwilling to let this minor setback shake me. After all, I still had four miles to go.
A/N: No artwork for this chapter, sadly. Sorry it took so long to update. I had to make some huge revisions and ended up splitting the original chapter 3 into two separate chapters. After I get past the next one, updates should be pretty frequent, since there's already about 20 chapters written. Also , I realize I switched from calling Levi "Captain" to calling him "Corporal" in chapter 2 and have now switched back. I promise I'll fix it later. _; Sorry!
Please review! Whether you loved or hated it, hearing your thoughts is a huge motivator!