Disclaimer: I own the story line and the inn keeper. That's all. So...don't sue me...please?
My thanks to all of my reviewers (in no particular order): spriterx, JenKonoha, Amaterasu77, Curry Bird, KimiTien, Sakura7403, Lina-Neko, Bobbet the Kitty, Keyblade Ninja- Nye, Raven the Guardian, leanna10123, Solshine, and whoever OO is...
And special thanks go out to: Friglit, and foxfeather1337 who reviewed for both chapters
With super-special thanks to: Little Kunai (who has left a review on just about everything I've ever made), and MangoMousse who leaves awesomely long, constructive reviews!
And if I missed your name or misspelled it please, let me know.
Enjoy
...
To say that Temari was furious as she dragged an unconscious Lee back to their room would be an understatement. A grievous understatement.
If, when God had created the world he had gifted her with the unique ability to shoot laser beams from her retinas several people (namely her brothers, that Hidan person, clone-boy, that fat little cheapskate innkeeper, and the entire) would be missing some very important procreation necessary parts.
Oh, she thought, glancing down at the floor and the small, pudgy dog that had been nipping at her heals since she had left the inn keeper's office, and there would be one less mutt in the world. I didn't think an inn like this even allows pets.
For a few moments she entertained the idea of punting the dog into the nearest room, and even readied her foot, but stopped abruptly when she caught sight of the blue bandana threaded around its neck. Blinking slowly in recognition of the symbol emblazoned on the cloth, Temari unceremoniously dumped Lee to the ground, squatted down, and held out her hand expectantly.
The dog held her gaze for a moment then nodded to itself and began to make retching noises, crouching down closer to the awaiting palm. Screwing up her face as a spit covered scroll appeared in her hand; she quietly thanked the courier, who disappeared in a puff of smoke, and tried to figure out where to wipe the slobber off.
She smiled devilishly when her focus latched onto Lee. The bastard deserves it, the young woman thought running her wet fingers through his hair, effectively turning the bowl cut into a Fohawk.
Moments later, she was pocketing the message as she rounded the corner to their hallway, Lee's head bouncing off the ground as she pulled him along by one arm.
…………………………………………………………………...
If Temari had been furious, then Kakuzu was fucking pissed. Hidan was crouched on the floor cradling the only organs he had been able to find, tears streaming from his eyes, curses streaming from his mouth.
"You fucking asshole! Why the fuck would you do that shit to anyone, seriously?! Not even I'm that heartles-" his tirade was cut off as his own intestine managed to find its way around his neck.
Giving the makeshift noose a sharp tug, the Falls-nin growled menacingly, "You want to see heartless? Just wait until you see how fucked up the other assholes will be when I'm through with them..."
"Now," Kakuzu hissed, actually lifting his partner several inches off the ground with the digestive organ, "tell me who they are."
Hidan's answer came out as a garbled string of choking noises and unidentifiable word segments. Realizing that the younger man's voice box wouldn't work at the current angle his neck was bent in, Kakuzu dropped him to the floor, his impatience for receiving the damning information winning out over his morbid fascination with injuring the Jashinist in ways that no one else on earth could have been able to endure.
After delivering a bone crunching kick to his partner's already bloody abdomen, the parsimonious ninja strutted to the nearest bed and plopped down, staring expectantly at the angry, swearing man writhing on the ground.
"What the fuck was that for?! Bastard!"
"Hurry up and spit it out, Hidan. If I don't find out who's going to pay for this," he brought the torn, stained bill out of his pants pocket and waved it menacingly, "I'll transfer that debt to you. And trust me when I say this, the amount of blood they would have shed? You'll pay triple."
"Why don't you just kill the little shit of an innkeeper?! Solves both our problems! Hell, I'd perform a ritual on the sucker myself if I thought Jashin wouldn't be royally pissed that I sent him such an ass, seriously!"
Kakuzu flashed his partner the look he reserved for only the most idiotic of responses. "Look around. Have you noticed the expensive decor they have, even though the surrounding area is desolate? The distinct lack of bandits? Use that pathetic little pea brain of yours for once."
"Why the hell does any of that shit matter?" Hidan replied hotly, pushing his liver out of the way so he could shove his bruised organs back into his chest cavity.
"This place is run by the crime lords. The inn keeper and the inn belong to them."
Hidan blinked, pausing in his ministrations to glance at the older man.
"If they own him, why was he so fucking scared of you when you were buying a room here? The dude nearly shit himself. I could almost smell it, seriously."
"He must be new, someone who isn't completely sure of his own power yet. By the way, you owe me sixteen thousand yen for the room, on top of the four million that that scuffle will cost you."
"Fuck you, asshole. The charge was only three million yen."
"The extra is a processing fee. But, I'll tell you what, if you let slip who exactly the other people involved in the fight were, I'll reduce your debt to two million sixteen thousand yen."
"You fucking scrooge. One of these days I'm going to shove that fucking wallet of yours right up your ass. Fine, it was some blonde bitch. A real feisty, proud one too."
Hidan rose slowly, kicking away an empty box of band-aids before continuing, "She's not too tall, only comes up to about my shoulder. I got poked in the Goddamn eye by her fucking hair though. Spiky as hell."
"Her hair gave you the black eye?" Kakuzu replied dryly, his gaze drifting across the fresh sunrise marring his partner's face, one of the few areas he himself hadn't obliterated in his tirade.
"What? That bitch didn't give me a black eye! It was her fucking partner, some idiot in a green jumpsuit, dumb bastard. Leave that asshole to me. I'll shove his tongue so far down his throat he'll be able to lick his own hemorrhoid."
"No. I'll handle this. I've seen the outcome of your work already." Came the Falls-nin's dry reply. "Here, I think you dropped this."
Hidan cursed as a gall bladder hit his face with a wet thwack.
...
"Not good."
Shrewd forest eyes narrowed slightly as they continued flitting further down the scroll. The messily written script -Holy shit! This guy has almost the same writing as Gaara- relayed the Grass Country Daimyo's desire to move the meeting with the two diplomats from Suna and Konoha up to-
"-tomorrow night?! What the hell is that pompous asshole trying to pull?"
She knew very well, however, why he had chosen to move the date. It was a common practice of both Daimyo and Kages to reschedule the meetings, forcing the traveling shinobi to speed their treks considerably.
Not only did it confuse and tire out novice ambassadors, reducing them to babbling masses of exhausted muscles and muddled thoughts, allowing the leaders to gain the upper-hand at the bargaining table, but also provided an insight into just how skilled as shinobi they were. That was why Temari, a level headed, elite ninja and veteran emissary (not to mention the Kazekage's own sister) had been chosen from Suna.
Lee, she could only surmise had been chosen for similar reasons, although, it was a known fact that this was his first diplomatic mission, so perhaps he had been chosen for his boyish charms?
The Suna native glanced over at her unconscious partner, sitting propped up in the chair next to her, (God it had been like pulling teeth trying to heave him up there), a long stand of drool connecting his slumped head to his shoulder. Okay, maybe not.
Perhaps he was some sort of mediation super genius? Not with eyebrows like those.
Or, she mused silently as a snot bubble formed from his left nostril, maybe Konoha just doesn't care that much.
Temari snorted and switched her gaze back to the scroll, rereading it a final time. In order to make the deadline they would have to leave in the next two hours and travel without stopping for breaks or camp and even then it would be cutting it close.
With a dejected sigh, she rose from her chair and strutted over to the messy cubbyhole, her eye twitching in agitation when it rested upon her fat coin purse. It was about to get a lot lighter. Which might just be a good thing considering the growing likelihood that she would have to carry Lee in addition to both of their packs for the first few hours of their journey.
Well, there go my vacations for the next four years, she thought darkly as she finished counting out the bills she would need to pay to the inn for reparations. Setting the sizable stack of yen to the side, Temari began to systematically shove whatever she could reach into the two empty packs strewn across the floor, her anger, temporarily alleviated by the arrival of the messenger, returning full force.
Gaara's never going to live this down. First he sets me up on a mission with spandex-man, who just can't seem to wrap his tiny little brain around the mysteries that are contractions, to the godforsaken land of Grass, where giant freaking insects reign supreme, so that I can meet with some pompous blueblood Daimyo to make sure that the Suna-Konoha alliance gets that large shipment of popping corn they need so badly at a reduced price!
What the hell kind of ninja eats popcorn anyway?! At that thought, an image of Gaara, Baki, and Kankuro, along with the rest of Suna's council dancing happily around a large wooden conference table with bowls of buttery popcorn held aloft over their heads flitted through her mind. An orange legwarmer hit the bottom of Lee's pack violently.
Then, she was literally throwing wads of clothing, weapons, and various survival tools (some with very suspicious green and orange handles) into the bags now: Just when I thought I found my saving grace,I somehow manage to end up at the most expensive inn on the whole damn continent and when I go to take one simple, hot bath, I meet the biggest jackass the world has ever seen!
The timber flooring underneath the tatami mats protested loudly as she stomped her way to the table, slammed the stack of yen down and snatched the little scroll that had dredged up the worst of her temper off the wood tabletop, snapping it shut with an audible click before shoving it into a side compartment in her knapsack.
Realizing belatedly that the pattern of aching back, double pack, metal fan, large heavy boy would not exactly be the most comfortable travelling arrangement, she unbuckled the bags and placed them on the veneered wood next to her fan then made her way back to Lee.
With an unladylike grunt, Temari tried to lift her unconscious comrade onto her back, but to no avail. He ended up hitting the floor (somehow he had missed the chair) with a hard crack and the blonde was left wondering just how she had managed to flip him over her shoulder earlier that morning.
"Okay, clone-boy," she crouched down irritably next to him not quite sure if she was ready to feel him up to find the source of his unearthly weight, "let's see what you got." A green spandex ones-y was not the best place to hide large heavy objects.
Silently steeling herself for the upcoming unwanted groping that would have to be done (for the sake of the mission), she gripped the man's chunin vest and held his upper body off the floor with one hand while the other shot out to search his chest pockets.
Scarlet flashed up the back of her neck before settling on her face. If Kankuro had seen her now, all but molesting her unconscious partner, he would have been thrilled. Yet another source for insults (as if her...unique...hairstyle and love affair with fishnet was not enough)! Gaara would just stare at her as if she had grown a second head, which was pretty much how he looked at her all the time.
But, she decided grumpily as her thumb slid underneath the Konoha forehead protector tied around his waste, she would persevere and she would survive this ordeal and would get those sniveling Suna-bastards their popcorn at half price and she would be that much stronger for it!
Everything seemed normal behind the hitai-ate, so Temari quickly moved her hand away from that area and down to his left legwarmer. It seemed that luck was not on her side, however, when her fingertip brushed against his lower abs on the way down and Lee gave a sharp mumble while arching towards her.
The Suna-nin drew back as if she'd touched a poisonous snake (albeit one wearing an orange tube sock), and watched the brunette warily until he seemed to settle down. Gingerly, she tried the legwarmer again, this time keeping a large amount of space between her hands and that over sensitized danger zone.
This time she was successful and she let out a triumphant shout as her hand closed around the weight tied to his...bare leg?
"Shit!" Temari exclaimed as her hand met bare skin and she swiftly pulled away again. Curiously, she nudged the orange knit fabric down around his ankle and pulled the dark lead off of his leg and onto the floor, revealing the extremely muscular calf of a taijutsu specialist.
Every ninja, unless they possessed the extreme healing power of a Jinchuriki or were so powerful that no one could get within three feet of them without bursting into flames or being attacked by various small woodland creatures, had scars. If a skilled medic-nin was part of their team, the scars would be lighter and the skin smoother, but the warped flesh that accompanied the shinobi profession would still be present.
As hidden villages went, Suna was one of the worst in terms of their medical facilities and health care provision. Due to its desert location, medicinal herbs common in Grass and Fire were rare and had to be saved for life threatening situations, and even then only if the life in question was worth saving. So everyone in Suna, civilian and ninja alike, had scars.
Everyone that is, excluding Gaara. Which was just another way -his opponents would say- he wasn't normal and therefore another reason that he shouldn't be the one in charge.
But even though Temari had grown up around infections, oozing wounds, and grisly scars, she had never seen anything like this.
The skin of Lee's leg was rippled with what looked like pockmarks on both sides and long claws of dark scar tissue curled cruelly up and around his calf, disappearing into the soft green spandex resting just above his knee.
Slowly, she placed her hand on his skin. His muscle was hard and well formed, but in some places there were bumps and raised stripes of something. Perplexed, she ran a calloused fingertip over some of the bumps and realized glumly what exactly they were.
Bone shards. That meant the welts were tendons and muscles that had snapped and hadn't been successfully reattached.
In sharp contrast to all the times she had witnessed Gaara's sand techniques in action, she had not once been able to see the after effects of one, especially such a long time afterwards. No one had ever made it out of one of her youngest brother's attacks with their limbs in working order (the usual consistency of the body parts afterwards made Jello seem like a sturdy building-worthy material), and she had only known of two people who had escaped with their lives. Here is one of them.
Carefully, in an almost reverent fashion, the Suna-nin rolled the legwarmer back up and performed the same ritual (minus the embarrassing leg caress) on his other calf. The floor gave a loud groan of protest and buckled slightly when Temari piled the second lead weight onto the first one.
Sucking her bottom lip idly, she grabbed her partner's arms and manipulated them so that they curled up around her shoulders and crossed in front of her neck. Making sure that his large hands didn't drift too far below her collarbone, she clasped his wrists together so that she could drag him over to their discarded packs and her fan.
After fastening the bag straps across Lee's back and her chest, effectively tying them together, Temari thrust her fan through the back of his vest and tied hitai-ate, silently thankful that her weapon seemed secure there.
Her movement would be limited enough already with a man tied to her back, she didn't need to be unarmed as well.
Casting a last lazy eye about the room to see if there was anything that she had missed packing, (she stubbornly ignored the leg weights, because like hell was she moving them again), Temari slid the ornate screen door shut and shifted so that majority of her burden was being carried by her upper back and shoulders.
That meant Lee's nose was tucked firmly against her neck, his short cool breaths fogging up the steel of her hitai-ate, while his eyelashes tickled the tops of her clavicle. The Suna-nin decided to ignore the rather intimate position of his head as she marched off in search of the inn keeper.
...
Temari found the small man curled up in a tiny red armchair behind the check in counter, his nose stuck in a tattered edition of Home and Garden. Unable to ring the service bell (because someone had decided to begin kicking in his sleep and she needed her free hand to keep his foot from breaking her freaking rib), she settled for an unsubtle cough.
The inn keeper's beady little eyes darted up to the young woman and when he realized who she was and what she was carrying, his frown deepened slightly. He stood slowly and placed his magazine face down on his empty seat before grumpily asking, "What?"
A single blonde brow twitched as she answered him in an equally grumpy voice, "Do you want your money or not?"
His face brightened considerably at this and he eagerly reached for the stack of paper clenched in her hand. She backed out of his reach before his grubby fingers could even slip off the edge of the currency.
"Hey, I want to talk to you first. As you can probably tell, my partner and I are leaving. Since we haven't actually spent the night here, I don't see any reason to pay for the room. So, what we have in this large...pile...of...money," Temari emphasized each word by thrusting the yen forward then retreating when he reached out for it, "is the money you demanded that we pay you for your perceived damages. And that is all you'll get out of us."
He opened his mouth indignantly to protest, but she cut him off.
"You have no idea just who the hell you're messing with, shortstop. 'Cause I'm positive if you did you'd just shut up and be grateful I decided to give you this much. Do you have any idea what I could get my brothers to do to this place? I guarantee you'd never have another guest."
She had apparently struck a chord of some kind, seeing as the inn keeper's skin had just turned to the color of paper. Mint colored paper. He looked like he was about to throw up.
Suddenly, the little man lurched forward, vaulted over the counter and tumbled to the ground in front of her. With a strangled cry of surprise, Temari threw herself backwards and struggled not to fall on her ass as she reached for her fan.
Her hand closed around the hard frame and she reveled in the feel of the familiar...cotton?
"Damnit!" She swore as she released the starched collar of Lee's chunin vest and began to frantically search for her weapon. To the eye of the common observer it would look like the young blonde woman (or human packhorse, take your pick) was going through an epileptic fit while at the same time suddenly discovering she had a bad case of turrets.
Her flailing stopped abruptly when a sob rang out.
"Lee-san? WHAT'S WRONG LEE?!"
"FORGIVE ME PLEASE! I...I...didn't know who you were! Please, forget about my request! I should be the one paying you, honorable miss!"
"Eh?!" Temari swiveled around to stare at her "attacker" who was lying prone on the floor weeping into his shirt sleeve. The man crawled forward until he reached her foot which to her utmost chagrin he tried to kiss.
She sidestepped him deftly and retreated to the opposite corner of the room. To her utmost horror, he tried to follow.
"Honorable miss! Please don't tell your brothers about this mix up! I'll give you anything you want, just don't tell them! Have mercy! Please, have mercy!"
Her back (well, actually Lee's back) hit the wall and as she searched her mind madly for anything she could say to make him stop coming closer, something wet hit her foot.
OH...MY...GOD! Well, finding Gi's dirty little secret has just been pushed off the top wrung of my awkward moments ladder.
Before the man could kiss her again, Temari stuttered out in a strained voice, "I won't tell them. I won't tell them if you just...get...off!"
The inn keeper pulled his face away from her as if he had been about to put a hot coal in his mouth and stared up at her gratefully. Still bowed low enough that his lengthy eyebrows brushed against the floor, he crept backwards away from her.
She let out the breath she had been holding and moved away from the wall, glaring vindictively at the small crowd that had gathered to watch the scene as she began to make her way to the door (and more importantly, FREEDOM!).
"Do...do you swear that you won't tell them?"
The innkeeper's voice rang out just as she reached it. Temari turned towards him and, as a repeated foot molesting from the man was the last thing she wanted right now, she forewent her favored reply of "What, don't you trust me? I'm almost insulted." in exchange of the more vanilla "Yes."
With that she slipped out of the building and into the oncoming night, pocketing her rescued wad of cash (YES! Month long vacation, here I come!), with a self satisfied sigh before beginning down the steep hill.
And the young woman was so thrilled at her good turn of fortune (well, she had lost her favorite outfit to the changing room lockers but it was ripped and stained anyway) that she didn't even notice the copious amount of drool oozing from her partner's mouth into her shirt.
...
The ornate screen doors flew forward and hit the opposing wall with a sharp crack before clattering to the floor.
Kakuzu stepped into the entryway and surveyed the area, kunai ready to slice his enemies to shreds.
But when nothing but an errant dust bunny (who was promptly pinned to the hardwood floor) ventured forth from the depths, the Falls-nin turned to send a baleful glare at his partner who in turn blanched and pointed down the hallway exclaiming, "Hey! You were there too. That guy said this was the bitch's room."
"Hidan." There was a promise of castration underlying those two syllables.
"What? Don't fucking look at me like that! You heard the asshole! This is it. Whoah, the fuck is that?"
Hidan shoved past the walking yarn ball so that he could get a closer look at the small pile of black rocks? in the middle of the room. The floor creaked dangerously as he neared the oddity.
"Careful, Hidan."
"Like you care what happens to me, asshole."
"Excuse me, what is going on here?"
Both Akatsuki turned to stare at an angry looking inn keeper. His beady eyes flickered from the two men to the cracked screen doors and the large dent in the wall and back to the men.
"I hope you don't think you're going to leave here without paying for this damage. All of it," he made a sweeping motion with his short arm. "And, I do believe you're leaving today, correct? Yes, I think that's right."
Kakuzu scowled (not that anyone could see it) at the inn keeper's words and turned to glare at his partner who shifted his weight defiantly and glowered right back.
Suddenly, a crack rang out and Hidan let out a confused yelp as he crashed through the floor and was enveloped in a cloud of filth. As the dust settled, an enraged cry rang out.
"Hidan!"
...
Wow, another chapter up. So, I hope you guys like the story so far. Can anyone guess what's going to happen next? How do you think Kakuzu and Hidan will pay the inn keeper? Will Temari kill Lee before the end of the story? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!
...Okay then... I actually meant to have some Kakuzu x Temari and Hidan x Temari in this chapter, but it was just getting too long (this chapter alone is 4,149 words)...so I decided to save that for the next chapter. But, we got some Lee x Temari in this chapter (even though Lee was completely unconscious for all of it) and there was lots of foot and calf loving...which was not really something I was expecting to write...
As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. For those of you who don't want to sign in, that's fine because I accept anonymous reviews. (Although please don't leave an anonymous review like-
UR story sux! I hate u! :p
Signed,
UR WURST ENEMY, SANTA CLAUSE!
Because I'm not sure I'd be able to take that level of rejection)...(or the vast amount of misspelling) ...
Since my goal of 50 reviews before chapter 4 will not be reached (most likely), I shall simply not make any more goals and I will let that one fade away into oblivion. So then, leave me comments, questions, or whatever else you want and I'll be sure to answer. So...I guess this is goodbye...
Waves goodbye tearfully as she is carried off into the sunset by Gai-sensei
Is only crying because it's Gai-sensei carrying her