SBIGlets

Chapter 3: Isaac Unbounded

Beginning AN:

This is primarly a fic of: The Binding of Isaac.

Author's note I know of this game called the binding of issaac but it is very sad! So I wanted to make a less sad. Anyway, here is the story:

Isaac was an average kid, that no-one understands.
His Mom was trying to kill him, says it's one of God's commands.
Doom and gloom under his room, was broken instantly,
By a magic architech who gives him real respect,
'Cuz in reality! He is the
Odd Jesus, Fairly Odd Jesus-

No. There won't be a musical SBIGlet. If yes, then not for a while, and sure as hell not a longer one like this.

Anyway after Monstro's death Isaac had noticed an angel room opening up. It was a special angel room, though, as it contained Ted Mosby from How I met Your Mother.

"Hey, uh, listen," he said. "I'm really Jesus, so... if you've been reading Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals, this is based on a joke in chapter 13 so it's not as random as it sounds. Yeah. Your life is terrible, and I'm here to make it better. In fact, let me see what item you got from the item room."

"I read chapter 13 of that, skimmed it, couldn't find it." Said Isaac.

"...Nevermind, just accept that but I won't be here for long."

"Okay." Isaac held out the Poop.

"Bad item, too. If I were you, I would just reset until Little Brimstone. Anyway, I have a much better item. Two, actually."

He tossed Isaac car keys.

"This is one item, the keys to a brand new Prius."

So Isaac drove off and drove up and around in his room.

"But my mom will kill me!"

"Run her over. You got a car now. And it's okay about killing people if they're trying to kill you: She's just crazy."

So he did and broke out of the house. And drove towards off the road and down the street of the cul-de-sac he was from, while Ed, Edd, and Eddy watched in shock.

"Holy crap!" Eddy exclaimed, "We couldn't drive because we were 'too young,' and this little boy can? What is he, like, two even?"

As Ted would say, what happened with those guys in the past and in the future might be another story, or actually another stories, if they were connected but I'm still iffy about that. (Read The Eds' EDventure for more on them, these take place in the same world.) For now, let's just go to Isaac. He was cruising along down and escaping from his home. Wait shit, he doesn't live in a cul-de-sac. Um, he wasn't Edd's neighbor as I planned, but he left the hilly house and past the cul-de-sac on the way to look around for houses for rent.

Things seemed to be looking up, but only because he didn't look down at the basement! Because of the huge hole he broke through, there were now monsters and everything flying out of the hole, including the seven deadly sins! And the... maybe-zombies I don't know.

Zombies attacked! And Edd... again, another story. EDIT: On second thought, I already explained the real origin of the zombies, like... twice. Oh! I could just say that those were the zombies at the end of TEE that the Kankers found.

"Here is the other item." We go back to Ted and Isaac in the car, "This is the Ocarina of Innards. It's like an enhanced version of the Balad of Duality. If you have any 'inner friends' or something, this will bring them to life! You seem kind of lonely, so you might need this."

"This sounds even better."

He lifted it, and basically it was all the playable characters except for Blue and the Lost and Kepper. We'll get to them later.

"Okay," Ted said, "Now that I have an audience of more than one person, I feel comfortable telling stories. Like the story of how I met my kid's mother."

We now fast foreward to like this adult years thing. They've all just graduated high school and things were going well, except for the evil Seven Deadly Sins, who were plotting evil stuff.

In their headquarters, Pride was folding his arms over his desk evilly.

"WE were also free from the dungeon!" He said as exposition. "Along with lots of monsters, and WE'RE the bosses because it should always be about US! Now... what the hell - get it because the game is religious themed - have those idiots been doing for their lives? Living NORMALLY? HA! I'll show them! Sins! Prepare yourselves!"

They all gathered around and saluted him.

"Now, we attack!"

They were still kinda living together and adjusting with life outside of being killed in a house. Suddenly, Isaac heard dry gasping from his bedroom and ran in.

Inside Ted was dead! He was stabbed by Wratch, who evilly gloated.

"HE FELT MY WRATH!" Shouted Wrath. "NOW, ISAAC, THIS IS THE ULTIMATE DUEL BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL! IF US, THE SEVEN SINS, CAN KILL ALL OF YOU, WE'LL ABSORB YOUR POWER AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

"Oh that doesn't sound good." Said Isaac.

"YOU BET IT DOESN'T!" Yelled Wrath. "NOW! FACE THE HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE!"

Yes the Sins are minibosses and the Horsemen are full bosses but I thought it would be cool that Wrath is the violent sin so he has the powers of the apocalypse people. Plus just throwing bombs isn't a very cool way of attack. Anyway, the Horsemen tore through the walls and were floating and firing things after Isaac. Pestilence was making bugs come after him. War was shooting a gun because that's what was is. And Death was throwing those annoying scythes and havign too much HP. Famine was just going in to the fridge and stealing all the food like a jerk.

Issac took off in a run at first but then heard the shower water turn off and something rushing. Then Eve, who was using the shower the whole time, jumped out with guns and a towel and shot the horsemen dead! Except Death who had too much HP, so then Eve ran to the motorcycle and got on and told Isaac "Come on!"

This adult Eve had kept her emo style and still liked the eye shadow thingy (although now you can't see it she was in the shower so it washed off) and had a really hot curvy body with large boobs and butt. In fact her butt was sticking out from her towel when she jumped on the motorcycle and before you're thinking "Wow Isaac's lucky" reminder that they're brother and sister so it's more like "Ew a butt" and not "Yay hot butt."

Anyway Isaac did get on behind Eve awkwardly and then Eve drove off after Death, while Wrath got on Death's horse thingy and they had a high-speed chase that quickly took them to the freeway. Eventually Eve kept shooting at Death but then managed to shoot the horse instead which made Death and Wrath fall off, Death tumbled a bit until he ended up ramming in to a propane truck that exploded and killed him. The driver, a cameo from Hank Hill, was flown out. Don't worry he's not going to die yet, but this version of him does die in Act 5 Vs Act 6 so spoiler warning. Also spoilers that EDventure and Kids Fight the Trolls are linked in some way.

Wrath was there and still alive because, ironically (you can turn his bombs against him) he did not get blown up, but then Eve walked over to him and stepped on his head and aimed the gun at him.

"Ha ha I can see up your towel. Ew." He said. Remember they're biologically related I think, so he doesn't find this hot.

"Tell me who sent you."

"How do I know you won't shoot me in the head?"

"I will if you tell me."

"So why should I tell you?"

She aimed the gun at his balls.

"OKAY OKAY! Pride sent me, leader of the Seven Deadly Sins! Here, take this paper their adress is written on it." He got a paper out from his... suit... thing and handed it to them. He's the only one of the sins with clothes. "It's the ultimate tower. Go there and no more Sins should bother you."

"Okay."

She shot him in the head. One Sin down, six to go.

But the gun's knockback caused her towel to fly off and get blown in the wind. Eve said "Oh shoot, I'm gonna have to carry my gun on hand the whole time."

"Should we get the whole gang here?" Said Isaac. "Also, Ted Mosby is dead. :("

"We should." Said Eve. "If what Wrath said when he meant 'seven' is foreshadowing, there's 7 of them, so more numbers will be better. Now, get your phone out and call them, we're going to this address." She started going to the motorcycle with edge.

"Aren't you gonna put on clothes first?" Asked Isaac.

"There's no damn time." Eve replied, because she's edgy. "We must get there fast. Wrath showed that they are not above attacking our house."

"...I'll tell the others to just pack clothes and stuff, then."

"There's no time for even that! It's an emergency! Have Azazel stay because he's overpowered and can easy wipe them if they end up coming home!"

So then the rest of the gang got there, except Azazel, who was nervous and figiting which is kind of something he always does, but he was just prepping Brimstone blasts anyway. Er, mini-Brimstone.

Anyway, on their way to the adress (which they used Google to help get there, it's called product placement) to drive there with the cars that the group brought and looked at the massive building ahead of them.

"WOW that is huge." Said Isaac. Sometimes he points out the obvious. That's his quirk. "Now what?"

Suddenly, all the Sins except Pride and Greed burst out!

"SUDDENLY STOP!" Shouted Sloth. Get it, because lazyness. "THIS IS A STICKUP!"

"That's not what stickup means dumbass." Replied Envy. "Then again, what you lack in brains you make up for in bombs. I'm jealous."

"You're a fucking annoying boss." Eden said, I guess let's make them the swearer. "You have nothing to be jealous about." PS I can verify this, after unlocking lots of stuff on Wii U I've just been dicking around wasting my Eden tokens. I made Enby like the Newman to Eden's Jerry Seinfeld, on a shitty stats like low tears he's a pain in the ass to fight.(A)

"Well screw you! And you can be anything random, pulling abilities from your ass! I'm envious of that!"

So Envy was the first to charge after the group and fight, but then Eve shot him, and it seemed like it was all over and good... UNTIL ENVY SPLIT INTO TWO!

"URGH!" Eve shouted as she kept shooting at him, but he kept splitting into smaller pieces. "Dang it, let's get rid of our home defenses! I'm calling Azazel!"

Back home the phone rang.

"H-hello...?" Asked Azazek.

"Hi it's Eve, we actually do need you after all to stop this guy from multiplying and just multi-wipe him out or something like that there's probably a better word for it."

"Okay."

He flew but was then distracted by Greed being there, offering him a pill.

"HI THERE!" Said Greed sneakily. "Would you like this pill to enlarge your brimstone range? Only five bucks!"

"Okay!"

But it was actually a speed down pill!

"Fugde I'm slow!" Shouted Azazel as he tried flying! Greed was a jerk! And went to the house!

"No, wait!" Shouted Azazel. "Noooooo!"

But he was too slow to catch up and watched as the house blew up in an explosion.

Judas had actually saved the day by using Book of Belial and just wiping out Envy's tiniest splits. Okay, two down. "Wow you're annoying." He said.

"COME OVER HERE!" Shouted Lust. "I'M KIND OF YANDERE FOR YOU ALL!"

She just chased after them but then tripped. Cain rolled his eye without the patch and kind of stabbed her with a knife thing they brought with them. Not Mom's Knife I don't really like that weapon too much. Now that's three, I really want to move things along.

"Kay, that one's done." Cain said.

Greed came back in a motorcycle and was evil and laughing a lot. "I made Azazel's flying speed too slow so now he's having trouble... I guess you could say CATCHING UP TO HIM!"

"...I don't get that, is that even a joke?" Asked Isaac.

"Eh... kind of." Said Greed. "Now, your OP monster won't stop me!"

"Just because he is strandificated and outcast to the void of being set backwards does not mean you are absolutely invincible." I hate dumb blonde character stereotypes so here, I made Magdelene into a genius (also she has the most complicated name), so she's the one that said that.

But then Greed's motorcycle flipped on a rock and he was flying on a crash-course to Sloth.

"SLOTH MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!" He shouted at Sloth.

"Um... no. I'm too lazy, that's my flaw."

And it was a fatal flaw as it got both of them killed when the motorcycle crashed and exploded and killed them both! Otherwise, if Sloth had moved out of the way, then his weird green flammable goop stuff would not have been ignited by the motorcycle's feuls and did not blow up, which just means Greed would have just hurt a leg or something.

"NOOOO!" Angered Greed's ghost. "AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOU GUYS! THE KEEPER AND EVERYTHING!"

"Ha ha, NAH." Said Eve. "Now, just two more..."

Gluttony had no idea what to do. He just went "Uh... eat lasers?" And opened his stomach and fired a lasser beam. But because I wanted this to be realistic there's no way this wouldn't kill him, so he ended up actually firing out his insides and stuff and died there. Ew.

Isaac got on a determined serious face. "All that leaves is Pride, the worst sin." He said as they went on forth and inside and up the elevator to his office.

there was Ride, standing there in aa swivel chair with his hands folded like he was ready to fight.

"Yes, did you enjoy my building?" He asked. "In fact, I didn't even add any foundation to it!"

"...Guys I'm an architeckt." Said Lazarus. "Let's get out so that we'll die as minimum times as possible."

So they did as Pride kept laughing at his creation.

But then the building just fell over and killed him.

"Well I guess that's it for now!" Cheered Isaac. ""Now we can go back home if it wasn't blown up!"

Then Azazel finally caught up to them! He worked out a bit and now he's faster.

"Guys! Bad news! R-r-r-r-really bad news!" He said. "Satan is awake!"

"Huh?" Asked isaac.

But then he felt a soul-handish thing on him that grabbed his very soul, and pulled it out, and that was the Lost. His body fell down because blue, and turned into the souless Quewstionmarks.

"MWAH HA HA!" Shouted Sattan. "I now have Isaac's body and soul separatred, and I will use his body as my evil zombie minion! Burn in hell! Except my version of hell is more black and bones than it is red and fire!"

He flew off with Questionmarks.

"I might not be able to see them," Said Lilith. She lost her eyes in some unrelated accident recently. "but I can sense them with my super other senses. They're over by the beach."

So at the beach, everyone was in swimsuits and partying because this was also a party. By everyone I mean the bystandards, it would be stupid for Isaac and co to dress up since they're not swimming they're SAVING THE WORLD and also because Eve's still naked.

Anyway, Satan flew over with Questionmarks making a lot of evil fly enemies.

"ATTENTION FUCKING TOWN CITIZEN PEOPLES!" Satan yelled. "I AM SATAN, RULER OF HELL! SEE YOU IN HELL! BURN IN HELL! BLAH BLAH BLAH THE WORD 'HELL' MAKES ME SOUND COOL AND EDGY! OH, AND QUESIOTNMARKS IS A STUPID NAME! BLUE GUY! YOU ARE NOW LORD OF THE FLIES EVEN THOUGH I THINK THAT'S JUST ANOTHER NAME FOR ME! BECAUSE IT SOUNDS COOLER IF MORE NAMES ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENT DENOMS! AND WE ARE DEMONS FROM HELLLLL!"

He started firing blood lasers everywhere. I would say that he also blackened the sky and blood reddened the ocean but I already did that in Homestuck Thanksgiving Special. Oops that was a spoiler that gave away that there was in fact blood and dark stuff in it, so I might as well say that its real name is Kids Fight the Zombies.

When the Isaac crew arrived, Satan looked annoyed.

"BLACK!" He didn't say it like the color it was more like "Blechk!" when he says something that grosses him out. "What the hell are you doing here? Get it, Hell, because I'm Satan?"

"Your place is called Sheol, Satan." Said Eve as she lit a cigarette. She always packs cigs in her motorcycle, that explains how she had time for that but not clothes. "I'm the edgy one, I studied this stuff."

"...Are you telling me about my own job?" He asked.

"Well you're clearly shit at it, I mean." Eve replied. "First of all, where's the tormented souls? All you did when you came out was waited until the Sins - who are like your buddies or something - to die, then you just took a random soul. And, no offense Isaac/The Lost, but I think my body would be more appropriate for taking because I'm the edgy and badass one. Sorry, but you're an awful villain."

"Hey..."

"Worse written than Lord English."

"HEY! YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE HOMESTUCK! NOW I'M MAD! I'LL KILL YOU! AND THEN RIG THE JUDGEMENT SO THAT IT SAYS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN FRAMED FOR MURDER, SO YOU'LL ALL GO TO HELL- oh wait you said it was Sheol - AND TORTURE THE hell OUT OF YOU! (GET IT?). Oh wait, no, I think I should say things like "AND TORTURE THE shelo OUT OF YOU!" ...Nah, that doesn't have as good of a ring to it..."

"Quick!" Shouted Samson, "Let's rush his goat ass! ...why are you a goat, anyway. If there's any animat I'd associate with the devil, it woud be Cockroaches. I hate those things."

"I AM A GOAT BECAUSE... UH... I AM BASED OFF OF SATAN FROM THE BIBLE? AND HE'S A GOAT? YEAH!"

"...So you're not the real Satan you're saying?" Asked Samson.

"SHUT UP AND DIIIIIEEE!" When he said "DIEEEEEEEE" he shot out Bad CGI FIre from his mouth and moved his mouth back and forth.

This was a stupid attack because it didn't even hit anybody. The beach goers didn't take him seriously; they just kept playing along.

Eve rolled her eyes and went up to try to fight but then got blocked by Questionmarks. I mean, Lord of the Flies, that's his name now.

"We're gonna do that one-on-one thing where the second-good guy, you, and the second-bad guy, me, have one-on-one kung fu. Unrelatedly, ever heard of The Man Who Saves the World, AKA Turkish Star Wars?" LOTF hissed and wheezed.

"Uh... no. Oh wait, is that the thing Isaac watches with the Indiana Jons music?"

LOTF nodded. And then, the Indiana Jones theme started playing.

So Eve and LOTF had a little hand-to-hand combat scene and there were flips and the like. And Eve was throwing stuff that exploded randomly (Turkish Star Wars). Meanwhile, the rest of the gang had THE SATAN DEVIL HIMESELF to deal with at the beach.

"Okay, how are we going to do this?" Asked Isaac/Lost.

"I think I can handle this guy completely by myself." Said Azazel.

"...Okay try it." Said Lost.

Azazel flew up to Satan and prepared a Brimstone blast, and then to his surprise it didn't immediately kill him.

"HA HAH A!" Laughed Satna. "I AM THE FINAL BOSS! IT WILL TAKE MORE DAMAGE THAN THAT TO FINISH ME OFF!"

Eve currently had LOTF pinned down and was doing some kind of move where she sat on him and pulled his leg.

"Hey just keep hitting him a lot of times." Was Eve's advice. "He'll die ventually."

Oh yeah! New person for Afterbith +, Apollyon. I feel like I should round off the not-undead playable characters before ending this fic. Anyway, Apollyon's thing involved items themselves... I don't want to make this TOO Much like Isaac so I'm not completely sure how to put items in here... uh...

Apollyon just got a beach ball or something and transformed it by eating it with some kind of void powers (Afterbirth + isn't out yet, bear with me) and that was randomly turned to a speed up.

"EAT THIS OKAY!" Shouted Apollyon as he now had super speedo and rushed around and slapped Satan in the face several.

"OW OW OW! LET UP!"

And meanwhile, to add on to the way Satan was losing, suddenly Eve just kind of pile-drived (AN I don't actually know what that is it just sounds cool) LOTF on the ground and used some kind of demon ritual to seal Lost back in. So now IUsaac was just Isaac and not at risk of dyibng instantly or being used to TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD( this is an Animaniacs reference).

"Now we can enter super mode together and finish him off!" Shouted ISaac.

"What?" Asked Magdalene.

"What?" Asked Lilith.

"WHAT?" Asked Eve, even she the badass doesn't know what's going on with that.

"Oh yeah, you didn't know?" Asked Isaac. "I think... we actually do have this kind of super mode. I remember reading about it online. We just need these sort of things called ritual powers or something like that, all gathered around here and together..."

"Okay, where do we find them?" Asked Eve.

"ROAR!" Shouted Satan.

"Shut up." Said Eve.

":(" said Satan.

"Anyway," continue Isaac, "according to Wikihow, they're found by a beach when a demon is around, naturally forming when sand, water, and evil mix. The stronger the demon, the better."

"HA HA HA!" laughed Satan. "GOOD LOOK FINDING A DEM- oh what the Sheol. I'm screwed, right?"

"How powerful do you think you are?" Asked Isaac.

"Really?" Replied Satan. "Pride is the worst of Sins, the devil of sins, or so I've heard. So I'm like... the ultimate pride beast thingy. So I think I'm really powerful. Because I TOTALLY AM!"

Then a bunch of these glowing cyan coin-looking things started being noticeable on the beach.

"Okay, we can take those coins and make some kind of bow with Zelda-like silver arrows and beat him like Ganon. And this didn't come out of nowhere, Binding of Isaac is really Zelda-like inspired so that's the foreshadowing."

So anyway crafting the light arrows wasn't that hard. And with them-

Shit, I KNEW this was something I already did. Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals. Also had light arrows. Oh wait, I called them silver arows. Nevermind, it's completely original aside from the Zelda reference, but that's an easter egg so it's okay.

So yeah Isaac because he's the main character aimed to kill Satan but he was a bad shot, so he gave it to Eve who did the honors instead.

"NO!" Shouted Satan. He isn't bolded now because the silver arrows took away his dark evilness as it killed him. "YOU'RE KILLING ME! BUT WITH ME DEA, WHO WILL RUN HELL? BWAH HA HA!"

"Outsourcve Hell then." Said Lazarus.

"YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!" Shouted Satan as he exploded.

"Uh... yeah, I'd say we did." Said Eve. "Now, let's go drink or something. Smokes on me. Because I smoke and drink, because I'm edgy."

So then they all happily walked off, and perverted beach goers oggled the naked Eve.

...But then, a red hand stuck itself out through the beach, and a strange red skinned face (not Loki) looked around and then looked out the ocean to an island behind her...

Footnotes:

A: This is based on my actual Rebirth playthrough.

Closing AN:

Anyway, with this out of the way, all of my at-least-yearly quotas (crack crossover (Paper John: Sticker Star), an update of Total Zeksmit Plains ("Campers Vs the Future"), maybe something 360-related on 12/12 (361 Striking Degrees on Fictionpress), a new SBIG story until the entire series is over (Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage) and an update of SBIGlets (which you're reading right now)). But that does not mean that I am done with this year just yet. I've still got an update of run:gifocalypse to go to. And a big one, at that. And even then, I might be able to squeeze out Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER as well. As for right now... I'll finally get back to working on chapter 3 of naruto the guy with the ninja. Wow, I almost felt like saying chapter 4. An update for that, I believe, is long overdue, so long that in my head I'm thinking that I'm already on chapter 4. I should not get ahead of myself, however. Especially in a fic like that...

Anyway, for the next story... I'm not completely sure. It might be some dumb spinoff interquel set in the Journals verse. Fun fact, this was originally (and, according to my computer's files, still titled as) the fifth SBIGlet instead of the third. The original third one was going to be... "Gym Class," some Homestuck thingy about John, Jade, Jane, and Jake trying to make it home but eventually being roped in to a conflict with North Korea... I don't really want to talk about that anymore. Number four was something called "Ship But Not Romance," a kinda crossover between Gravity Falls and Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals that sorta kind of rips off a bit from Sonic Zombie Doom Ship. I don't really want to talk too much about that either, just like early-Journals I wrote that before I really knew knew Gravity Falls. It might have had the honor of being my first .GIFfany-free Gravity Falls story if I did go through with it (can't remember if she appears or not, and I really don't want to look through it). Well, here's something else. Anyway, originally I had it planned that a character that was from a story that would be heavily involved in next chapter would cameo in the current one. Monoko makes an appearance in 5word, the next story involved Yume Nikki. Aradia is the patient of Dream House, the third story was going to be about Homestuck. Since I might change around the order of the stories, as I did here, I decided to drop that. So, no more "future peek cameos." After all, even I can't decide what I want to do with them.

This story itself went through some major plotline changes. Originally, the fight with the Sins would have been a knockoff of a scene from the Gurren Lagann movie where they take on all the four generals at once (except the first guy, he was already dead). Then there would be some sort of second time skip, and they would deal with the Great Mighty Poo or something. I settled for a simpler, shorter plot that made more sense and was a bit more... uh... "in tune?" with Binding of Isaac itself.

As for that "odd cliffhanger ending," that may or may not (I'm not trolling around, I legitimately don't really know right now) be tied to a non-badfic Isaac thing that I might start once I run out of Eden Tokens on Rebirth for the Wii U. I'll announce more of that once I hit... about six or so tokens. Or, if I have a day where I keep dying, if I finish my run with six or less tokens. This AN is already long enough as-is, I feel like cutting it short at this point.