Waste not, want not
Little left, little gone
Wasn't much to begin with
Forgive me, I have forgotten what to say
I will laugh in the face of mortality
Let us live forever and Damn the consequences
I would suffer the fate of Sisyphus a thousand times over
Just for you to smile and mean it.
Waste It Not
The gift of being talented enough to be famous allowed for the luxury of the large, Jacuzzi style bathtub, pushed to the corner of the bathroom, as well as a highly polished, top-quality furnished bathroom with all the modern nick knacks, and for this, Shuichi was grateful for.
Earth toned tiles, with greens, blues, browns; light lime green walls; tall large walk in shower with crystal clear glass doors and a shower head hanging from the ceiling; white French doors that opened back into the bedroom, covered with thick draping cloths; old western style dark wooden floors, giving the room an older appeal; all of these things tastefully put together by the very female interior designer.
Shuichi liked it, despite its rather outstanding feminine features. Yuki had taken one look at it and groaned, saying something along the lines of 'a toilet, a shower and a sink would have sufficed just nicely. This estrogen fueled bull shit was not necessary.'
The stars were invisible through the sun roof above Shuichi, thanks to the never sleeping nights of the city, yet still the beauty of the midnight sky was not lost as the moon dominated in all of its full moon glory. Its light only peaked through the window however, and the bathroom barely glimmered in visibility by the four candles Shuichi had bothered to light. It was a hot summer night, and the bright lights of the bathroom would only add to the heat.
The only sounds in the room were the last bits of bubbles that crackled as they popped in the lukewarm water, and the splashing noises as Shuichi kicked his legs up over the side of the tub, sliding deeper into the water as he crossed his ankles.
All in all, a peaceful atmosphere, yet it did nothing to prevent the disaster unfolding in Shuichi's mind.
Problems again; lots of problems. As the healing process of Yuki continued, there would be patterns of time when everything he had worked so hard to obtain in his mental disorders would be lost, and he would turn cold.
Colder than liquid nitrogen, Yuki Eiri would become worse than ever before.
Slamming doors, food that went untouched, long agonizing nights in which Yuki would not come home until mornings; scenarios right out of Shuichi's own worst nightmare book. Slamming doors, because it meant Eiri was beyond angry, as his cool, calm appearance couldn't even be maintained in his wrath. Food that wasn't eaten, because it meant Yuki was sick to his stomach with the pain and the confusion. Long agonizing nights because there was always that lingering possibility that he would not come home.
They were four weeks into this clockwork like cycle, and Shuichi was getting nervous; this was the longest run yet. This also happened to be one of those agonizing, lonely nights.
Yuki was gone out, Shuichi had no idea where, and deep down inside he wondered vaguely if this was it; if there would even be a morning slam of the door and patter of shoes.
The thought curled and burned in his chest, but Shuichi refused to acknowledge it. Yuki would come home, they were over that phase, they just had to be.
Just to be safe however, Shuichi glanced over at the clock on the wall, and decided that in half an hour, if Yuki wasn't back by 2:50, he would go looking for him.
Tears burned his eyes as he knew that he wasn't even sure where he'd start.
Shuichi jumped up, startled when he heard feet shuffling in the bedroom, yet relaxed again when he realized his fears were pointless. The shuffling stopped, and the doors opened wide enough to allow Yuki into the bathroom.
The blond snorted loudly, golden light dimly flickering on his smirking face.
"Figures. Are you sure you're a man? Candles, bubbles and a bath? Shuichi, I'm beginning to think you're deep down a female with ambiguous genitalia." Any other day Shuichi would have rolled his eyes and then begin crying intensely for ten minutes because it had dawned on him that Yuki was making fun of him.
However, not at this moment.
Yuki was smiling, relaxing ever so slightly against the threshold of the French door. He was talking to Shuichi, joking with him even.
So very much unlike the cycle.
Usually Yuki would come out of the lapse slowly, gradually, taking time to adjust back into the light. This sudden abrupt change had Shuichi going from confused, swiftly to anxious.
Something was up.
So instead of responding with hysterics, Shuichi remained quiet.
Sighing, the blond pushed off the threshold, walking into the bathroom. Kicking off his slippers, he made haste work of pulling of his white summer t-shirt. His shorts and boxers were dropped as he stood before the bath tub, glancing down at Shuichi with a tired expression.
"Scoot over," Shuichi complied, moving to the edge of the tub. Despite the luxury it afforded, it was still a one person tub, and once Yuki was settled Shuichi was draped over the taller man.
Both relaxed in silence; Yuki with his arms propped behind him as he laid back, Shuichi on top of his chest with his arms loosely wrapped around the older man's slightly raised waist.
Despite the comfort Shuichi felt in the closeness of Yuki's heartbeat, the intense worry would not go away.
"What's wrong Yuki?" Shuichi asked timidly, hoping that his question wouldn't cause uproar, like it so often did during these times. Instead of a straightforward answer, the man just shrugged, reaching over the tub to dig out his cigarettes from the pocket of his discarded shorts. Finding it, he pulled back, allowing Shuichi to resettle as he pulled out a stick and lit it with the candle on the tile behind him.
More silence followed as he pulled the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply.
"Nothing, actually," Yuki said, blowing smoke from his lips in an exhale. It was such an odd response.
"You're not going anywhere, are you?" Shuichi pressed, deciding to not skirt around it and just get straight to the point. With that however, Yuki angrily stubbed out the glowing cigarette against the tile and flicked it carelessly across the floor.
"If I was going to to, I would have already done it."
Shuichi gasped ever so slightly and his heart raced along with Yuki's frantically beating chest. Looking up from the pale body of the taller man, Shuichi came face to face with Yuki's deep glare.
Yet, the glare, it wasn't angry or mad like so many of the rest. It held an intensity that was unshakable.
Now Yuki's cycles went as such; for long, long periods of time he would be mean and cruel, as usual, yet without the slightest trace of malice. He would share his bed with Shuichi, check up on him to make sure 'the brat hadn't died,' make dinner as well as eat it, and would in general be a somewhat acceptably stable human being. Then he would fall into these weeks of time when his remarks held a wrath that made sin incarnate shiver, and his bed would all together be empty as he never stayed in it and neither would Shuichi. Freshly bought groceries went untouched as dinner was not served, and Shuichi would find himself spending hours upon hours alone.
This, intensity, rash honesty, hell, sincerity was never included in this cycle.
Water splashed harshly around the two as Shuichi groped Yuki's face, kissing his lover as hard as he could. Strong arms around his waist, pulling him closer as he was kissed back with just as much fierceness.
Yuki Eiri was a smart man, and he was not the type to waste empty gestures on people just because.
Shuichi was overloading with adrenaline. He could hear his heart beat thudding throughout his body, his blood pumping, overheating him. Smoothe hands dragged roughly down his soap slicked body, one stopping at the very small of his back, the other curving along the high back of his thigh.
Then realization overpowered his initial excitement, slamming into him like a high speed train. Yuki Eiri never wasted empty gestures, not on anyone, and not on Shuichi.
Shuichi untangled himself from Yuki reluctantly, sitting back in his straddling position. Yuki tried to follow the retreating body, hands firmly wrapped around Shuichi, but the smaller of the two pushed back on Yuki's chest.
"Yuki, I am not Kitazawa. I will not put up with the bull shit, so stop." The tendrils of anger and hurt began to nestle themselves into the pit of Shuichi's stomach.
Yuki merely sighed and knocked Shuichi upside the head.
"I know idiot."
Yuki never, as a fucking rule, ever wasted gestures, words, affections, anything at all, without a reason. Shuichi hoped this vital law would hold true as he searched Yuki's eyes with his own pleading ones.
The older blond sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"Now that we've got that cleared up, this tub water is cold and gross, and uncomfortable. And if I remember correctly, you have some ambiguous genitalia that needs thorough investigating. Bed now,"Yuki commanded with a growl.
Without wasting so much as another beat, Shuichi scrambled out of the tub, grasping Yuki's hands and dragging him up and out from the bathroom. Water spilled all over the wooden floors as the whirlwind of energy flung himself and his lover from the room.
As Shuichi was lifted and harshly tossed on to the bed, a heavy mass soon following to cover his own body, he vaguely noticed that the candles had been put out.
Lips found their way harshly to the base of his neck, making their way teasingly along his flesh and down to just below his navel. Shuichi could feel those lips curve into a smirk as they altogether skipped the part Shuichi wanted so bad for them to notice, to instead drag along his inner thigh.
Quickly, too quickly, Yuki left the tortured skin of Shuichi's still wet thighs. Shuichi eyes opened in confusion as the man on top of him stilled all together.
Yuki hovered over Shuichi on his elbows, golden locks tickling the smaller mans' face slightly. He breathed deeply, as though trying to calm himself, pace himself, restrain from unleashing some sort of thing.Shuichi mildly understood what it was.
"Yuki, this is me, this is you. I love you very, very much. You are not going to hurt me." Shuichi had said it so many times, as it had become an automatic addition to these sort of situations.
"I know." Yuki responded, dipping down to press his lips against Shuichi's, once again dominating his mouth.
Shuichi's fingers wove their way around the long shoulders, burrying in blonde hair.
Yuki never wasted anything, and as Shuichi analyzed these moments, despite the rather distracting talents of Yuki's tongue, maybe Shuichi was becoming one of those things.
Deep down, vibrating from every microtubual of every cell in every part of his body to the very hairs on his skin, Shuichi hoped and prayed it was so.
Shuichi never knew what made Yuki's cycles cut off so ubrubtly as it had, but he didn't care, for the cycles ceased to exist.
The blond's temper wouldn't, which was proven by the very angry growl as it became apparent that Shuichi was thinking to much about something else and to little about the physical, and deciding a sharp bite at his waist was the most sufficient method of showing his displeasure. Shuichi came back to the reality with a smile, reacting properly to Yuki's expertise for the rest of the night.
End.
I rarely write unrealistic semi-happy fics for Eiri and Shuichi, and I really wanted to. So I did, therefore this latest addition.