"So what did your dad say about tonight" Elena was fidgeting with her handbag and looking out the window of Bonnie's car.

"Well my mom sort of convinced him, but I have to be home at 1am so...I'm gonna make the most of it" she smiled looking over at bonnie, who looked amazing tonight.

"Good" they giggled.

"You look dashing bonnie bennet!" bonnie smiled and swung her shoulder's up and down comically, showing off her strapless dress.

"Thanks, but driving in stilettos is a bitch!"

"So how are you feeling after...near death rollercoaster experience" she tried to put a nice swing on it but automatically saw Elena's face change once she said it.

"To be honest I still feel pretty shaken up" she turned her head to look out the window again.

"And...Stefan...he saved me"

"Yeah talk about weird coincidence" bonnie slowed at a stop light "Do you remember?" bonnie asked, Elena wondered whether she should tell bonnie the weird happenings of that night, escaping a massive wreck without a scratch, the weird object that veered them away from the bridge's waters, and Stefan's wrist at her mouth.

"Can we talk about something else?" Elena suggested, this conversation would become a whirlwind of questions if she let bonnie think there was anything peculiar about him, she would never let it go. She already thought she was psychic, what next, would she think her crazy grandmother came to rescue her from the bridge and cast a spell on her. It was all pretty absurd, Bonnie's family and her supposed clan of Saylem witches, she wondered if Bonnie really did believe in it all, had her grandmother really rubbed off on her that much? She had been talking about strange numbers and coincidences for weeks now.

"So, how's you and matt doing?" Bonnie asked anxiously, swiftly changing the conversation to another cringy subject.

"Were okay, maybe things will be different now after the crash and all" Elena looked over to bonnie for her reaction.

"Or maybe you should just be honest with yourself Elena", she didn't look convinced at all, and why should she be? Things had not been good for a while, why would anything change how she felt.

"What do you mean?"

Bonnie sighed, "I mean I saw the way you were looking at Stefan today in History, what's the deal there?"

Elena smiled for a second remembering how she had watched him in class, how she was just so perfectly content to sit there forever and watch him.

"I don't know...I mean with matt, I don't know how I feel, Stefan...he saved me, and I just want to get to know him." What a complete lie, but if she admitted it to Bonnie, than it would mean that it's true. The fact that she has feelings for someone else and that it's completely out of her control, and that means dealing with it. Not tonight though, she needed to think about something besides boys just for one night.

"Uh huh" bonnie raised her eyebrows "sure ya do"

"Stop!" Elena giggled swatting her with her hand as they pulled up to the Lockwood mansion. The place was hopping with people, it was buzzing with excitement, people were already messy and falling around. God its only 9:30 Elena thought.

"Bonnie I thought this was going to be small"

Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows in confusion "me too..."

The house was packed, music was blaring from the garden, and people were wrestling on the lawn, and draining beer from kegs into large plastic cups. Caroline spotted their car and waved them over to where she was standing, next to the booze, and the majority of the football team.

"You made it wooo" she was already hammered, they could tell, it was when her voice reached another octave and she started celebrating about anything that happened no matter how miniscule it was.

"Hey babe" matt wrapped his arms around Elena, "you look great" he kissed her, hugging her closer.

"aww look at you two" Caroline tilted her head, and flung her hand to her heart

"Your first, straight from the sandbox" Elena frowned, she was way out of line, saying that in front of the football team, who in turn all laughed and teased Matt.

"Little matty and Elena" Caroline said again, matt laughed and wrapped his arms tighter around her waist.

Elena shrugged out of his grip "I'm gonna get a drink" she tried her best to smile, but she knew she looked bitter, how dare Caroline go on about her and matt like that, her fist time, in front of the football team. It's none of her business, and if people only knew how many people she had been with, they would certainly have an opinion about her.

Elena made her way to the keg, pouring herself a beer and downing the first cup quickly before pouring another, she knew she shouldn't, but heck she needed to take her mind of Caroline.

"Hey" she turned, mid gulp of her drink.

"Stefan" he smiled, dragging his eye's down her body and back up to meet her eye's again.

"You made it" she smiled again, noting how his eye's seemed to be glued to hers. Once again. Wow.

"Yes, I made it" still his eyes were attached, that thing was happening again, where she forgot where she was, her heart started pounding, she needed to look away quickly.

"How did you find your first day?" she asked, as he made his way around her to pour himself a drink, he brushed her hand slightly and it took everything inside her not to gasp at how close he was to her.

"Mr Tanner is a strange person", he filled his cup and leaned against the wall watching the happenings around the room, people making out, smoking, messing with ornaments around the expensive mansion.

Elena giggled, "Yeah he's a character alright"

"Wellll what's going on here?" Caroline slid her hands around Stefan's waste and grabbed the drink out of his hand,

"Thank you Stefan" she smiled overly happy to be claiming him as her own.

Elena's heart fluttered into her mouth, seeing Caroline wrapped around Stefan had set something off inside of her. Had Caroline actually managed to nab Stefan tonight, she could feel a lump forming in her throat. Why did this hurt so much? Why was she letting it get to her, maybe it was the alcohol but one thing was for certain seeing Stefan with someone hurt. It hurt like hell. Elena set her drink down, she was lost for words, couldn't even explain herself as she turned to leave, avoiding eye contact with Stefan was all that mattered.

Stefan tried to reach for her, and she could vaguely see his hand as he reached for her, but she was gone, her gut clenched, her eyes burned. Am I going to cry...holy shit.

"Elena" she could hear in the distance, keep walking Elena she told herself. What was wrong with her, why was she feeling like this, she had never been jealous before, there was nothing to be jealous about, she always calm and collected and god she wished her sub conscious hadn't picked this exact time to be overly emotional, but it seemed to overpower her. She could still hear him calling her name in the distance, but she didn't even want to know why.

She found another keg and downed another drink, and another and then another.

"You okay?" matt put his hand on her shoulder and she turned to kiss him, deepening their kiss, pulling him closer until there was no room left between them.

"Wow! Where did that come from?" he was smiling so wide, she knew he felt so much for her, why couldn't she figure out what she felt for him.

"I know" she smirked, reaching for his hand and dragging him upstairs. When she finally found an empty room, Matt already knew what they were doing and he locked it before reaching for her again and kissing her. Elena tugged on his shirt and he ran his fingers through her hair, still nothing, she felt only his hands, his lips moving against hers, conventional and mundane, why?

She took the lead for more and pulled him to the bed, his hands sliding up her dress and he kissed down her neck, Elena getting anxious now, she pulled his shirt up and he helped her. She could tell he was getting carried away, panting and moaning against her as he reached over her underwear. Why couldn't she loose herself like she did when she stared at Stefan, what was wrong with her, did she want something she couldn't have, would it be this way with everyone?

"I love you" he whispered in her ear and Elena bit her lip, why was he saying this, 'make me feel something' she was screaming inside, she flipped over straddling him, his hands reaching for her underwear now, doing what he usually did. Elena pretended like she was enjoying it, she kissed his neck and encouraged him, but nothing, still nothing.

"Say it" he whispered, and she looked him in the eyes and he looked desperate, she kissed him again dismissing it and he rolled her over, going deeper with his fingers.

"Say it" he begged again, and he was nearly hurting her now.

"No" she said abruptly and he pulled away from her leaving her there.

"Matt don't" but he was fixing his shirt and getting ready to leave.

"Why did you bring me up here Elena? Because you're drunk?"

"No matt" she didn't sound convincing, even to herself. She never did things like this, she didn't feel herself right now, whenever they fooled around it was his initiation not hers.

"Because you saw Stefan and Caroline? I saw you Elena, what's going on?" Elena looked down, this was it, if there was ever at time, it was now.

"This isn't working matt" and he looked genuinely confused.

"What? I wasn't breaking up with you Elena I-"

"No matt, I can't do this"

"Seriously Elena?"

"You do this every time!" she shouted, her temper getting the better of her, she pulled her skirt down and fixed her shoes back on.

"I don't want to say it unless I mean it matt, and you put that on me, you pressure me every time I'm with you"

And after that he stopped, he looked so heartbroken as he stood for a moment to look at her and left the room. Elena let out an exasperated breath, she couldn't believe what this relationship had turned into. What do you do when you've reached a peak with someone , when it's not what you want, and friendship is the only thing keeping you from ending it. Tears started welling up, she needed to leave, she wanted to go home. This was certainly not the night she had envisioned when she agreed to come to the party.

Elena found her bag and skipped down the road making sure no one could see her, fresh tears were streaming down her eyes, as she carried her heels in her hand. It was still spring but there was a cool breeze, the branches on the tree's around her blowing violently in the wind. She was somehow really aware of her surroundings as the music and talking began to dissolve in the background. It was a long walk back to her house. She could feel her phone vibrating but she ignored it.

She walked further down the dark path, seeing no light in the distance, and suddenly the sound of branches breaking made her stop in her tracks. It sounded like someone walking, who else would be here? She looked around, her heart beating faster, as the wind died down and the quietness surfaced. She walked again and heard steps on hollow earth coming closer, she began to run. The sounds got louder, from both sides of the path, Elena panicked and let out a scream, tripping on a branch, she fell violently down a hump beside the road and into the ditch.

"Hello?" she heard a voice as soon as she got her bearings and realised she was stuck in a pile of nettles. Ughh

"Help me!" she called trying to pick herself up, having scratched her knee and knotted herself deeper into the thistles of ivory next to a tree.

"Elena" she heard a calm voice come nearer, her eyes needed to focus about 4 times before she realised it was Stefan.

"Elena what happened?" her fresh tears obvious, he wiped them away with the base of his thumb

"I'm sorry" she whimpered, and let him lift her to her feet. Ouch. There was nothing to disguise the pure mortification of this moment.

She gathered the remnants of her things back in her bag as he helped her, her phone still ringing; she shoved it back into her back aggressively and walked away.

"Thanks Stefan I have to go" she walked away trying, needing to leave.

"Please" he ran in front of her grabbing both her arms.

"Please let me walk you Elena" her eyes met his and she instantly felt safe, for a moment they stood there, his grasp on her shoulders strong and sure, she remembered his arms on her, the night at the bridge, so confiding. She nodded hesitantly, how can it get any worse? And they began walking.

Okay so don't hate me! Remember she didn't sleep with Matt, she didn't want to...maybe she's saving herself for someone :p

Your thoughts?