See Ch 1 for disclaimers. Warning: Strong language.
"Whoa, Frankie, looking sharp," said Frost from his desk as Frankie walked in to the bullpen.
"Shut it Frost."
"Frankie, you look nice. Why are you dressed up, though?" asked Jane.
"While you are on desk duty, Cavanaugh has assigned me to be your street walker, so I get to be in normal clothes for a few months."
"You make it sound like he's a pimp," said Frost as he and Jane started laughing.
"What's so funny?" Korsak asked, walking in.
"Frankie is my hooker," said Jane, laughing harder.
"What?"
"Frankie is going to be my field replacement for a few months. Cavanaugh temporarily promoted him."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up Janie," said Frankie, although he really didn't mind it since it got her to laugh. He was going to respond with more, but the pizza arrived, pushing all other thoughts from his mind.
Jane grabbed the pizza and headed towards the conference where the BAU had set up. "Ok, guys and gals, we have a couple meat lovers and a cheese pizza," she said, putting them down on the edge of the table.
"Thanks, detective. How much do we owe you?" asked Hotch.
"Our treat," she said, shaking her head.
"Then why don't you join us," said JJ, who was texting Garcia that dinner was here. "Might keep us from talking about work, and give us a much needed break."
"Deal, she said, "let me grab the children, and the other pizzas." She went back to her desk and motioned for the guys to follow her. "Grab a chair, guys." She returned to the conference room with the rest of the food, and sat down. "I like feeling less outnumbered. And I already like you all way more than the last FBI agent we had to work with."
"Yeah," agreed Frost, "you guys are way nicer. And haven't tried to take over."
"Thanks," said Rossi, grabbing a piece of pizza. "But that isn't our purpose. We're here to assist you guys."
Korsak nudged Frankie, smiling. "What's wrong with Janie? She's actually eating vegetables."
"Yeah, something must be wrong with her," said Frost, watching his partner take some of Maura's salad. "Frankie, check her forehead, see if she's got a fever."
"No thanks, I like my arms attached."
"If you three knuckle heads would cut it out, I'm sure the FBI agents would like to eat in peace. I know I would," growled Jane,
"Actually, I'm entertained," said Morgan, laughing.
"They are too, apparently," said Jane, relaxing a little.
"I'm slightly confused," said Seaver. "I can't figure you out."
"Seaver! We don't profile the people we work with," aid Rossi."
"Nah its cool," said Jane. "But, I get to profile you in return. Deal?"
"Deal."
"So, go ahead. What have you figured out about me?"
"Well, you definitely earned your way to Detective. You know your shit. That much is obvious from the case files. You're the oldest child of three or four, probably with at least one younger sibling also following in your footsteps and joining the force. You didn't start in Homicide, probably Narcotics. And you've got a case that still haunts you, even though it's been solved. You garnered a lot of respect for that case, but there are still a few holdouts." Seaver sat back in her chair. "But it must be weird working with your husband in the same unit."
The last observation caused the guys to crack up. "Not bad," said Jane. "But a couple mistakes. Two younger brothers, one is indeed a cop. Started in Vice and I killed my boogey man. I am married, but Frankie's my brother. It's all good," Jane said shaking her head. "You're still new, even though you technically have more profiling experience than two of your team members; they've all been together for a few years. You're also younger than all of them by at least five years. You became an agent not only because you want to help people, but because of a way of atoning for the sins of one of your parents, most likely your father."
"Jane, stop annoying our guests," said Maura walking in, interrupting Jane from finishing her summary.
"Would you believe me if I said she started it?" Jane asked, handing Maura the rest of her salad.
"Jane." Maura shook her head.
"It's true," said Seaver. "I did start it, and she's actually been spot on about everything so far, which freaks me out."
"See, good at reading people. Right, for those of you haven't met, this is Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner. Maur, theses are agents Hotchner, Morgan, Jareau, Garcia, and…" She was cut off as Reid came walking back into the room.
"No way, Emily. You can not be playing fairly."
"Spencer Reid. You have an eidetic memory. You know I am not cheating. You are just distracted."
"I am not distracted, Em!"
"Then why are you losing?" asked Agent Emily Prentiss.
Spencer's phone was grabbed by Garcia, who put it on speaker. "Emily Prentiss, when are you coming back to DC? We miss you!"
"I want to come back for Christmas, but this idiot I work with is taking forever with his paper work. I swear Easter just put Rawson on my team to annoy the living shit out of me."
"Really, because one case wasn't enough, you now have to work with him at INTERPOL." Said JJ.
"I know, right. And the words 'I have a boyfriend, leave me alone' apparently translate to 'I'm single, please flirt with me.'"
"Emily, how long have you been holding out on us?" asked JJ
"Not as long as you did, Jayje," said Emily, "and that's all you're gonna get."
"You will spill, Princess," said Garcia.
Reid, who was trying to find something to change the subject, finally noticed Maura. "Dr. Isles, good to see you again," he said.
"You too, Dr. Reid."
"Maura. I need your number. I got a new phone and it disappeared when I switched them over. I also need to know the best way to kill a man and avoid getting caught." She paused. "Actually, just give Garcia your number; she'll put it in my phone. I'm going to kill Rawson and Easter, so if you don't see me at Christmas, I'm in a London prison. Bye guys. Love ya." Emily disconnected the call, and Reid took his phone back.
"Right, so Korsak knows Agent Rossi and Maura knows Dr. Reid. Anyone else old friends?" asked Jane
"Jane, I have only met Dr. Reid once. But I have known Emily for years."
"Maybe, but Korsak's old, which automatically makes him have old friends," said Frost.
"Hey, Vince and I aren't old!"
"No, but if you can get away with calling him 'Vince', you've definitely been friends for a long time. Only Maura seems to be able to get away with it," said Jane.
"Or one of his three ex wives," said Rossi.
"That's the same number as you, Dave."
"But I bet Agent Rossi didn't forget one of his wives."
"That stopped being funny after the first time, guys," said Korsak.
"Ok, but in his defense, she did send Korsak a 'Dear John' in Vietnam. I think I'd try and forget her too," said Jane.
"Now, that's just cold," said Morgan.
"Rizzoli, what are you still doing here?" asked Cavanaugh, who was walking by.
"Eating pizza and making new friends," Jane responded. "Want a slice?"
Cavanaugh shook his head. "Go home, Jane, if you want to come back tomorrow."
"But…" Jane started to protest, but saw the look on her wife's face. "Fine, after we finish eating. Oh, almost forgot. Stand up for a minute, babe," Jane said, tapping Maura's arm. Jane walked over to her desk, looking through her drawers. "What the fuck?" She grabbed a couple things and walked back in. "Can I kill Crowe yet?" she asked, holding up a harness with fake breasts attached.
"How do you know it was Crowe?" asked Cavanaugh, who looked a little shocked and uncomfortable.
"He's the only one giggling like a little school girl. And the note with it is in his fucking handwriting." Jane dropped the harness in her chair and stalked off for Crowe's desk, Cavanaugh a few too many steps behind her to stop her.