(AN)-Thank you to Missy, Dani, Ainslie, and Amber for helping me polish all the rough edges of this story. And thank you to everyone who has been reading! Your reviews and support make me smile so big I think my cheeks might fall off.

When Life Gives You Lemons: Eat Them

In the cold of the night, the fire burns bright, you long for the unseen
On the edge of the sea, your thoughts run deep, you long for a place you've never been
Is anybody there, is anybody there, you cry to the full moon
As your thoughts run wild, like the thoughts of a child, you wonder if you'll be there soon
I say slow me down, slow me down
I want to hear the sound, slow me down

~Anybody Out There, Civil Twilight

Chapter Three-The Being Bella Blues

I expected California to be full of girls wearing cupcake bikinis and squirting whipped cream at Snoop Dog and his army of gummy bears. I was sorely disappointed. Guess that Katy Perry music video wasn't exactly historically accurate. There was, however, an abundance of sand, palm trees, and scantily clad, tanned girls.

I wonder if Rose will let me live in the car for the week? I wanted to go out into that world about as much as Satan would want to watch a marathon of Care Bears and My Little Ponies.

Rose saw the trepidation creeping across my face. "It's going to be fine, Bella. It's a vacation, not a prison sentence."

"I beg to differ."

She glared at me with motherly ferocity. "You were all optimistic and gung-ho two hours ago. What happened?"

"We got here."

I gasped as nimble fingers reached out and pinched my arm. "Do not doom this trip before it's even begun, Bella."

With a sigh, I resigned myself to the fact that she was right. If I started out surrounding myself in a cloud of negativity, I had only myself to blame if I had a bad time.

Rosalie's cousin lived in a quaint, brightly painted house, which was a ten minute walk from the beach. I hugged my arms to my chest as we pulled into the driveway. This place was too pretty, too much like something out of a magazine. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb.

Naturally, Riley Biers was as blessed in the 'looks' department as his cousin. He came out to greet us in board shorts and a sleeveless tee that barely contained his massive shoulders. He grinned widely as he strode toward us, picking Rose up like she was weightless and spinning her around. "Don't you ever wait this long to come and visit me again!"

"Hey, the road goes two ways buddy. You could come visit me."

Riley snorted. "I'm sure your parents would love that."

I had never met him before, but Rose spoke of her cousin often. At the age of 16, he'd informed his parents that he was gay. They had promptly thrown him out. He'd spent the next two years living with a friend until he'd been able to afford a place of his own. Unbeknownst to her parents, who would have disapproved to the highest extent, Rose had frequently helped him with bills when money got tight.

Now, at age 25, he had a great job, a great house, and did volunteer work at a local support group for teens. The pride on Rose's face was immense as she pulled me closer for introductions.

"Bella, this is my cousin Riley. Riley, this is Bella, the most awesome girl you'll ever meet."

I blushed and hesitantly held my hand out for a shake. Riley smiled and took it in his own, raising it up to his mouth to brush the skin there with a delicate kiss. It was with much chagrin and overall disappointment that I was forced to remind the butterflies in my stomach that he wasn't available to the female species. They ignored me and danced around like lunatics.

"Um…ummm…hi," I stammered.

Ok, note for future reference. Bella can not function around 'boys' period; gay, straight, or otherwise oriented.

Riley helped us carry our bags to the guest bedroom, which Rose and I would be sharing. Then he gave us a tour of the spacious house and its perfectly manicured backyard; complete with a pool, Jacuzzi, and fire pit.

"So ladies, what do you want to do first? I am but your humble servant; for today at least. After that I'll be servant to my job from 9 to 5."

"Let's go to the beach!" Rose declared.

Great. Let's do the thing I'm most dreading first. Thanks Rose.

As we readied for the beach, I stared enviously at the cute red tankini that hugged Rosalie's form. I was wearing a simple one piece, but felt so uncomfortable that I'd added a t-shirt and Bahama shorts on top.

Rose eyed my ensemble disapprovingly. "You're never going to get a tan with all that on."

"Don't be silly, you know I don't tan. I go from 'Casper the friendly ghost' white, to burnt, to white again."

"Come on, Bella. The whole point of the beach is to soak up some Vitamin D."

"Oh is it? I thought the whole point of the beach was to scam on other half clad people. Listen, Rose, I'm doing the other beachgoers a public service. Nobody wants an unobstructed view of my flabby fat folds."

Rose released a sigh of exasperation. "You know, I really wish you weren't so cruel to yourself. How do you expect anyone else to see your worth, if you don't see it yourself?"

I didn't have an answer to what was probably a valid question on her behalf, so I became decidedly interested in the fabric of the bed sheets in order to avoid further participation in the conversation.

The beach was a disorganized symphony of sounds; a cacophony of seagulls, people, and the crashing of the waves. I'd been to beaches once or twice before with Renee and found them to be intimidating and a bit boring. I didn't like to go in the water; the roiling waves always seemed to be reaching for me with hostile intent. I was too old to dig in the sand and build sandcastles, and I wouldn't if I could. Those poor sand creations were so fragile, destroyed by the tide or the careless movements of other people within moments of their birth. I didn't like that I saw myself in them.

Rose set up shop on her towel, where she would do little more than roll from back to stomach, like a piece of meat cooking on the grill, for the next hour or so. Perhaps I just didn't receive enough of the girl gene, but it didn't make sense to me. Riley was invited to join a game of volleyball, and made a valiant attempt to get me to tag along. I had to explain to him that I was so uncoordinated that just walking deemed me a hazard to myself and other innocent members of society.

The last time I'd attempted to play volleyball, I'd been a freshman in high school. The gym teacher had been unbelieving of the severity of my klutziness, despite the fact that I had a supporting letter from my middle school gym teacher. The students who had known me from middle school were smart enough to treat me like a live grenade and keep their distance. After the fourth student had been sent to the nurse, within a 15 minute period, Mr. Ford had finally relented and pulled me out of the game.

Bored out of my mind, I was forced to resort to people watching in order to pass the time; which ended up being depressing as hell. Of all the people currently in my range of vision, there were a few chunky individuals; but no one was even remotely close to being as heavy as I was.

One of these things is not like the other; one of these things isn't the same. Great, now that'll be stuck in my head for hours. I've been watching far too much Sesame Street.

I was relieved when it was finally time to head back to the house. Riley made us a fantastically delicious dinner; some sort of breaded chicken with homemade mashed potatoes. Afterwards, Rose insisted we go for a walk along the beach.

"We were just at the beach," I observed.

"You have to see it at night Bella. It's a totally different world then."

She was right. The air was milder now that the sun had set. A gentle light emitted from the moon, giving the surrounding landscape an ethereal glow. To my ears, the sound of the waves now had a calming tone to them, instead of the intimidating roaring I'd heard earlier. Now, the darkness and lack of people created a totally different environment. It was peaceful, gentle, and it put me at ease for the first time all day.

"Therapeutic, isn't it?"

I jumped as Riley's voice startled me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, it's really nice. I have to admit I'm kind of jealous. I mean…you're not much older than me, and you have your life so together."

Riley nodded. "It wasn't easy. In the beginning, when my parent's first kicked me out, I was so angry all the time. I felt lost, and alone and unsure all the time. It's easy to feel like your place in the world has been chosen for you, and that there's no point in fighting it. But the truth is, other people only have the power to define you if you let them. Sometimes, if society doesn't have a niche laid out for you, you have to go out and carve your own, ya know?"

I sighed. "Sure, I can go have my own 'Bella is awesome' party. Maybe I'll believe it at first, but after a while the fact that I'm the only person there will start to weigh down on me. An empty room is an empty room. I mean…I have my mom, and Rose…and they mean the world to me, but it doesn't change the fact that I've never gone to a school dance, or been on a date."

"You just haven't found the right person yet."

There was no joy in the smile that flittered across my face. "You know, people keep saying that to me. It doesn't really make me feel any better though."

Riley didn't say anything after that. He simply stood with me in silence while we watched the waves. I wondered, as I tried to find solace in the churning water, if I would ever feel at home in my own skin. I wondered if there was a 'right person' for me out there. If there was, did he feel as lost in the world as I did; as broken?

Suddenly the darkness wasn't so comforting anymore. It was just empty; empty and lonely, like me. There was no peace for me to find here. I doubted that there was peace for me anywhere.

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No one can say that I didn't try to have a fun time. I tried every activity Rose and Riley suggested. Swimming was the only area where I put my foot down. I would dip my feet into Riley's pool, let the foam on the ocean waves tickle my ankles, but refused to go in any further. Rose would sigh and tell me to get over the 'Beach Bunny Blues'. That wasn't the reason, but boy did I have occasion to feel self conscious.

Riley may have had a 9 to 5 job, but that didn't stop him from having friends over every night. And apparently gay guys attracted girls as efficiently as a shoe sale at the mall. I was forever surrounded by scantily clad girls, and while Rosalie mingled with them flawlessly, I was hopelessly out of my element.

Despite my generally morose attitude, the experience truly wasn't all bad, and there were some pretty memorable moments. Rose and I spent our mornings lounging around the pool talking. We played mini golf a few times, and even though I was awful it was highly entertaining. Though the beach was mostly uncomfortable for me, there was one occasion I would always look back on fondly. Rosalie and I had packed a picnic lunch to take with us. We were sitting on our towels, enjoying our meals. I raised my hand to take a bite of my sandwich, only to have my hand become empty. Here a seagull had swooped down out of nowhere and claimed my lunch for his own. For the rest of the week, any time a seagull got close to us we would yell "sandwich stealer!" and dissolve into a fit of hysterical giggles. So yes, there were moments of honest laughter and amusement. But there was an ever growing black cloud hanging over me, and try as I might I couldn't ignore it. Forget 'Beach Bunny Blues'; I was suffering from 'The Being Bella Blues'.

My weight and lack of physical fitness was a major hindrance. Just keeping up with Rosalie on the boardwalk was hell. I mean, grandmas on power scooters moved faster than me. People stared and laughed when I bumped into others. Worst of all, I put a damper on Rose's plans; needing to stop and rest every other minute, being unable to go as far as she could go. But most embarrassing was the night we went walking with Riley and his friends. I stumbled on the tramcar tracks, and into an unsuspecting gentleman, who was not forgiving of my klutziness. He called me a fat bitch, and Riley, who was already rowdy due to a few beers, jumped to my defense. It was all his friends could do to keep a nasty altercation from brewing. I was mortified and guilt ridden for the rest of the week.

I thought I had gotten as close to the 'finding a rock to hide under' level of embarrassment as possible. Then Thursday, Riley insisted we head over to Mission Beach; which sort of melted into Pacific Beach. He had been horrified to learn that I had never been to an amusement park, and sought to remedy that at once.

Cotton candy became my new best friend. I sucked at the carnival games, but Rosalie won a shit ton of stuff. Cotton candy then became my worst enemy after we finished with bumper cars. I was having fun, till Riley suggested we go on the park's well known roller coaster, the Great Dipper. He boasted that it was one of the first roller coasters on the west coast. This did not make me eager to ride. But I found my nerve and followed the others into the line.

Being an older ride, I expressed concern that I wouldn't be able to fit. Riley told me not to worry. I did anyway. When we got to the front of the line, I saw that the cars of the roller coaster had simple lap bars. It looked easy enough. Rose and I got into the first car, while Riley and his friends took up the three cars behind us. I sat down and Rose barely squished herself in next to me. The nervousness came back full force. A voice over the intercom told us to pull down the lap bars. I heard Rosalie's click into place effortlessly.

Oh no.

I struggled to suck my gut in and pull the bar down. But I couldn't get it to click. Two attendants were coming down each side of the coaster, doing safety checks.

Oh God, please click, please click.

The attendant on my side was two cars behind me.

Click you stupid metal piece of crap!

The bored looking teenager was next to me now. I wished for some sort of flying object to come take me out. The guy grabbed my lap bar with two hands and roughly pulled it into my stomach. Close, but no cigar. I could feel the stares now.

I will not cry, I will not cry.

"Miss, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to get off."

That's cool. As long as there's someone waiting to bludgeon me to death on the platform.

"Bella?"

I could hear the impatient sighs, the whispers of the other passengers and those waiting in line. Them I could deal with. But I knew I'd lose it if I saw the look of pity on Rosalie's face.

Trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, I struggled to find an encouraging smile to flash at Rose, looking towards her without meeting her eyes. "Stay on the ride. I'll wait for you guys down at the exit."

I could feel the embarrassed flush, bleeding across my face; my stomach felt twisted and my head dizzy as I hauled myself up onto the platform. Without looking at anyone, I marched my way to the exit, and shakily took the stairs down to the ground. I found a bench within view of the exit and sat down, trying to breathe my way through the sobs that were curdling in my chest.

I did not cry.

The others didn't say a word when they got off the ride, though Rose glanced at me worriedly the rest of the night. I was quiet and tense until we left the brightness and noise of the park behind us, and returned home. I could tell Rose wanted to talk, but I didn't want to hear her well meaning words of comfort. Changing into my pajamas, I sought the silent comfort of cool sheets and a soft pillow.

Only when Rosalie's breathing had evened out into sleep, did I let the muted tears fall.

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Riley and Rose tiptoed around me the next morning; as if I'd crumble to pieces if they breathed too loud. For all I knew, maybe I would have. Once Riley had left for work, Rose did her best to lighten the mood. We stayed in the house, playing card games and watching Sci-Fi movies that were so bad they ended up being funny. That was how Rosalie worked. When things were bad she didn't go for deep, soul searching conversations. That was left to the depresse-e to start. Until otherwise signaled, Rose went for the subtle approach. One would suddenly stop and wonder 'hey, when did I start feeling better?' There was this uplifting and vibrant energy to her, which sunk under your skin and cheered you up without you even realizing.

We puttered around the house noncommittally until Riley got home from work. Since it was our last night before Rose and I headed back to Phoenix, it was going to be just the three of us. He made an awesome dinner out on the patio grill; ribs, corn, baked potatoes and some homemade coleslaw.

Afterwards, my two companions went for a dip in the pool while I sat on the side and soaked my toes.

"Seriously, Bella. What's with your aversion to water?" Riley asked, grabbing onto my legs teasingly. I jolted back, afraid he was going to pull me in.

"I just don't like the whole submerged, weightless feeling," I said defensively.

Riley gave me a look that said he didn't think he was getting the whole story, but didn't pursue it.

"Hey," Rose called. I turned my head and saw she had left the pool and was drying off by her chair. "Since it's our last night and all we should celebrate."

"We're leaving early tomorrow, Rose." I warned.

She gave me her 'don't be such a party pooper' smile. "Just one drink never hurt anyone." she answered, as she disappeared inside the house.

There was a splash of water across my legs as Riley hoisted himself to sit next to me. "I'm not the type to stick my nose where it doesn't belong," he said softly, "but I know a wall when I see it, and I just want you to know that I'm a really good listener."

I fidgeted uncomfortably, staring at the way my feet were distorted beneath the blue liquid of the pool. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, I was overwhelmed by the desire to tell him; which was unusual for me.

"When I was 12, my mom went through this phase where she wanted to be a daycare teacher. So she got a job at this place, and in the summer she enrolled me in their summer school program. I was the eldest there, and one of only two girls out of 14 kids. The camp counselors took us to this public pool once a week to go swimming, and well…the other kids didn't like me very much. One day at the pool, a group of boys ganged up on me, and held me down under the water and…"

I paused for a moment, to take a shaky breath, "I thought I was going to die. I could hear them laughing above me, and the water distorted the sound in this creepy way. They finally let me up, and when I told the counselors they told me not to be a tattle tale, and that boys will be boys. So I…never told anyone…not even Rose. Mostly because I was embarrassed that I'd been harassed like that by a bunch of 9 and 10 year olds. Ever since then I just don't feel comfortable in big bodies of water. It just…gets me panicked."

Riley was silent for a moment, his eyes on the windows to the house, through which we could see Rosalie putting the finishing touches on our drinks. He leaned over and put his hand on mine. "I'm sorry that happened to you Bella. I hope karma kicked those little punks in the ass."

I smiled slightly, and lowered my eyes. "It wasn't the first time shit like that happened, and it wasn't the last. I'm an open target, not easily missed."

"You guys look too serious." Rose was approaching us with the drinks she had made.

They looked to be rum and cokes, complete with lemon wedges on the rim. The again, with Rosalie you could never be sure. I took the glass she offered me and sipped carefully. When the flavor hit my tongue I grimaced and swallowed quickly. "God Rose, do you like a little Coke with your rum?"

"I said I was only having one. Figured I needed to make it count," she said with a wink.

She is so lucky I love her.

The rest of the night was calm, and quiet. We took one last moonlight walk along the beach. I kept looking out at the water, with this growing feeling in my chest; the feeling that I was looking for something, but didn't know what it was. I felt like I was missing something without knowing what part of me had a hole in it. There was something maddening, yet strangely freeing about it. Because identifying that there is a problem is the first step to solving it.

Right?

We left early Saturday morning, pumped up on about 4 cups of coffee each. I believe that there is some magical law of physics that makes all return trips home feel like they are ten times longer than the trip to the vacation spot. I was so relieved to get out of the car and on my feet when Rose dropped me off, that I spent the next hour walking around the house to stretch my stiff limbs.

Around noon I ordered out for some Chinese, the fridge having been left rather empty for my week long excursion. I happily dug into my sweet and sour chicken and vegetable lo mien, but my enjoyment was interrupted as I heard the sound of my phone ringing. When I was unable to find the source of the noise I began to frantically search. It wasn't in my coat pocket…it wasn't in my purse….where the heck had it gone? The ringtone cut off, most likely gone to voicemail, but after a few moments it started back up again.

I finally located it, hidden between the cushion of the couch.

"Hello?"

"Is this Isabella, Isabella Swan?"

I frowned. "Yes, this is she. May I ask who is calling?"

"This is Billy Black. I'm…I'm a friend of your father's."

I knew the name was familiar; Charlie talked about him all the time, but it had been so long since I'd been over to Forks that I couldn't put a face to the name. In any case, why was he calling me? How had he even gotten my number?

"Um… Hi, Billy. What's up? Is everything okay?"

"Bella, I'm at Forks Hospital right now. Your father…"

After that, I heard only garbled Charlie Brown speak. Ice filled my veins and shattered inside of me, sending shards into every cell of my body.

"Bella? Bella are you there?"

My mouth…I needed to move it. But it was frozen…I was frozen…and if I moved...I would surely shatter.

"Yes…I…what's wrong? Is Char…is my dad okay?"

"I don't know, Bella. He's had a heart attack. He's…with the doctors now."

Ice. I was ice; hard and cold and numb.

I finally forced words to pass through my frosted lips, though they were choppy and shaking. "I'm on my way!"

(AN) When Life Gives You Lemons: Eat Them is in a competition on The Lemonade Stand blog, to determine three fics that will get rec'd next week. If you are so inclined, you can vote for me, or any of the other amazing authors at www . tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com (Make sure to remove the spaces). I will see you guys next week!