Authors note: Hey! It took me a while to get this done. Mainly because I went out partying and slept for an entire day.. Uh. Also, because I had some moving shit to be done. I lazied out of packing for like a week, so I had to do everything in a day..
Either way, it'd be cool to get some reviews ( possibly including constructive critisiscm ) so let me know what you think.
...
After Roxas' unexpected visit to the coffee shop I work in, it was three days until I saw him again. There hadn't been any sound from his apartment after I told him to keep it down and because I was feeling such gratefulness for that I got this incredibly moronic idea that I would pay a visit to say thank you. God only knows why, but I paced around my apartment for hours that day, trying to figure out what I should wear – I don't know why I was even thinking of such things in the first place – but for some reason I wanted to look good. It may be because my ego had shattered a bit, because I looked like the grim reaper when he first saw me, so the only thought in my mind was that that needed to be fixed. He needed to see that when I so wished, I was fucking hot. Secondly, he was so damn hot that it was hard for me to stomach that his looks surpassed mine. Idiotic, yes, but my ego just needed a damn boost.
After contemplating for long enough, I went for a pair of grey skinny jeans, that I lowered just a bit below my waist, so that the band on my boxers showed – because come on, why would anyone wear Calvin Klein-boxers, if no-one saw that you were a rich-ass motherfucker? Not that I was, but was it really at all relevant if I was, if I looked the part? With those I chose my favourite black dress-shirt and folded the sleeves to my elbows and finished the outfit with a long silver necklace that was an armcuff-necklace and stop laughing, I have my kinks. I put on army-boots and took one last look in the mirror. Yes, good. Dear me, you are so hot it puts fire to shame. Of course, seeing Roxas wasn't the only reason I wanted to look good – we were also going to a bar with Demyx that night. It was Friday after all and thank the lord for that. I nodded at my reflection and walked to the ever-so-dark corridor. It was nine in the evening, so I was pretty confident Roxas didn't have visitors now. I took the few steps to his door and procrastinated. Suddenly, this didn't feel like such a good idea anymore.
Swallowing dryly, I shook my head off the thoughts of just escaping the premises and rang the doorbell. The fucking doorbell.
He opened the door almost instantly about to say something but nothing came out of his mouth when he noticed it was me. He was probably expecting a client. Not surprising, but after looking stupified for a moment he surprised me. He smiled widely at me and hello'ed cheerfully. I really didn't expect him to look so.. happy to see me.
"So, what did you need?" He asked me, eyeing me from tip to toe, clearly impressed with my looks. ( My ego was now back in it's completely ridiculous size )
"Um, I just came by to.. thank you for you know.. I haven't heard the doorbell again. Uhh... I have been able to sleep and that's nice, I guess", damn stuttering, I had thought about what I'd say and suddenly I just managed to fuck up a simple thank you. Jesus Christ.
"You're welcome. Hey, Axel, you wanna come in for coffee? I don't have clients tonight" how could he talk so smoothly, when I was succesfully making myself look like an idiot with no speaking ability?
"Yeah, sure", I said "Will the coffee potentially give me a stroke?"
Ah, so now I wasn't stuttering. Typical. Whenever it's important words don't work, but when I ask about the strength of a coffee I'm a damn smooth criminal.
"Haha, could be! I don't really like non-strokegiving coffee", he chuckled and let me in. Taking my shoes off I followed him into the kitchen and sat at the table.
"Do you have any plans for tonight?" Roxas asked me.
"Um, yeah. We're going to a bar with Demyx.. That's the guy that was at the coffee-shop with me behind the counter."
"The mulleted guy?" he asked, in a rethorical way, so I didn't bother to answer "Huh. I thought you were more of your typical pub-goer"
"In my defense, I didn't choose where we are going and secondly you don't really look like the strong coffee-type", that was true, but I would have chosen some nightclub, just like Demyx had.
"Oh? What type do I look like then?" I watched him put the coffee on and then put two coffee-cups on the table.
"You're more like the average vanilla-latte kinda guy", actually he looked like a vanilla ice-latte kind of guy, but that was beside the point.
"Ha! I'll have you know that I can't actually even stand vanilla latte", he said pretending to be offended "By the way what bar are you heading to?"
"Screen, I heard", it was a new bar in the city-center and I wasn't actually even waiting anything from it.
"Huh. Small world. I'm going there too, today", he just casually drops these surprises at me, doesn't he? Exactly, what are the odds that my neighbor – my prostitute neighbor – was going to the same bar that I was? This is probably where teenage girls would go all fate on the subject, but I'm not a girl and I'm not a teenager either.
"Don't you have.. you know.. work to do?" I snickered at the pun I had sneaked in that sentence, although it was lame as hell, but I'm a sucker for lousy puns.
"No, I have weekend nights off. My pimps not that bad, even if he has a bit of a temper. He lets me take days off and I make decent money", he said in a way that was strangely normal for talking about his pimp, the same one that had trashed his door. "So, see you there?"
"Oh, okay. Umm, yeah sure. Actually.. We could maybe.. Go together?" stupid idiotic moronic split personality that thought that was a fucking great idea. Yeah, Axel, how about that? Let's go to a bar with a prostitute! The best idea ever! "You know, since I'm already here, so we're going the same way anyway."
He got up from his seat and got coffee for us. He didn't say anything until he sat back down. He looked at me in an almost careful manner, as if looking at me would make him burst into flames. Shifting in his seat, Roxas offered me milk, which I accepted and poured some into my coffee while listening to the deafening silence. Stupid split personality.
"... You sure?" he half-whispered and I swear to ever-loving Christ there was a hint of sadness in the tone "You sure you want to go together with.. a prostitute?"
It was odd that he seemed so upset now at his career-choice, when he had told about it without much thought, like saying he was a cashier at Walmart. I had thought he was OK with his choice, seeing how comfortable he seemed to be talking about it. But now, he sounded like he thought of himself as some lowly creature, who didn't have the privilege to even walk together with someone. I didn't know why, but that made me.. not pity him, even though I should have, but sad for him.
"Yeah, why not? I mean, I don't know shit about why you do what you do and who am I to judge?", I wasn't anyone, but I was judging and that stung a bit.
Roxas smiled softly at me and there it was again. The damn interest. It might have been because he was a blonde or because he had these gorgeous big blue eyes, or the fact that he was shorter than me or the fact that he was just so downright adorable, but I got a huge urge to kiss him. I shook the urge off, telling it to go fuck itself, but it wouldn't. Suddenly, walking with him was a terrible idea. I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of finding myself crushing on the kid later. Sure, he was hot and sure, he was actually nice and sure, he was just so fucking kissable-looking that I just wanted to crush my lips on his AND GODDAMNIT BRAIN SHUT UP.
"Thanks. I appreciate that. What time do you want to leave then?" he asked, this time sounding like the same Roxas that I had met on Monday night.
"Around 10:30?" I suggested, all the while giving myself a mental beating for even thinking of kissing him.
"That sounds good. Hey, do you want to watch Orange is the new black with me? We'd have time for one episode. I still need to change" Ok, so, the urge to kiss him was back. He seriously could not watch OiTNB. He just couldn't. It was my favourite show on the motherfucking earth and he had just asked me to watch it.
I don't really know what happened next. I guess I downed my coffee and watched OiTNB with him - a great episode, I'll have you know – and then he changed his clothes, while he was small-talking with me. We left his apartment and walked outside, making our way downtown ( I wish I could recite thousand miles here, but that would be tacky ) and when we reached a bridge near the apartment complex we lived in I stopped dead in my tracks and took his hand.
And then I fucking kissed him.
I don't know why I did it. I don't remember. I can't even make any sense of it. I didn't even know if he was gay. The kiss itself, really, was nothing sort of unnecessary. It was a bit sloppy and weird, as neither of us really saw it coming and only lasted for a couple of seconds. We stood there, frozen, for a good minute or two inches away from each others faces just.. staring.
Then he broke the silence.
"What was that?" there was no tone in his voice. No surprise, no anger, no sadness, no joy.
"I... I.. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. Hell, I don't even know what just happened..."
"Um.. Okay..." he said, gaining some tone in his voice, that I could not understand "Listen, Axel.. I would really like to be.. friends. I don't really have friends outside prostitution-rings.. And.. I can't.. I just.. If you... If you just want.. sex.. Then.. I can't do that. I'm sorry. I just can't. I.. I'm not good with that. I don't want that. I want you to be my friend, not my client."
It made me angry that he thought I was after sex. But I figured, he probably really did not know shit about actual human-feelings. He had told me, earlier at his apartment that he had never been in a relationship. He hadn't even had sex with anyone besides his clients. So I understood where he was coming from, but it still angered me.
"Roxas, I don't want to be your client!" I said a bit too loudly "Jesus Christ... Look.. I just really don't know what happened, okay? I just.. kissed you. I don't know, I guess I find you interesting, but mother of all that is holy, I do not want to be your client."
He looked scared. Not just some "ooh, I'm scared", but legitimately scared. Why that was was beyond me, but the look was there nonetheless.
"...Okay", he finally whispered.
"Listen.. I don't know why I did that. I really don't. I'm as confused as you are. I'm sorry I raised my voice and I'm sorry that I kissed you. Fuck.." I was just repeating myself at this point "Shit.. Let's just forget about that."
"I can't forget about that! Axel, you kissed me. I have never been kissed by anyone but clients! How do you expect me to forget? And you just said that you're interested in me! I-" he cut himself short and then he turned on his heel and started running away. I stood there dumbfounded for a second. I didn't know what had happened. I didn't know what I felt. Of course he would run away – A person who he barely even knew had just kissed him and I felt like running away too.
But I ran after him anyway.
"Roxas!" I tried to get him to stop but it was in vain. He was running mindlessly through the streets, he crossed red lights without even bothering to see if there were any cars. And I did too. Chasing after him didn't make any sense. It just didn't make any fucking sense and the most sensible thing I could have done would have been to let him run and continue on with my life. Everything was a blur by now. We were on our way to being friends and I fucked it up.
He was in the middle of the road and I saw a car speed right towards him. Everything slowed down and I shouted his name again, telling him to watch the fuck out. He froze at that and that gave me the second I needed to grab him by the arm and pull him from the road to the sidewalk and I held him tight.
"You idiot! What were you thinking?! It was red lights! You could've been killed!"
He was trembling now and trying to fight his way out of my grasp, but I wasn't allowing him any room to succeed.
"What would have it mattered?! I wouldn't have had to do any of this shit anymore! I wouldn't have to take clients and I wouldn't have to be scared anymore! You should have just let me run!" I was taken aback by this, because I didn't think he would react to almost dying like that. Like he would have rather died. I knew he probably wasn't glad to have to be doing what he did, but it never even crossed my mind that he would sooner die than do it anymore. This was all so confusing and it was hard for me to stomach that in less than a week I had found my way into a situation where I was holding my prostitute neighbor in my arms, the same one that I found myself strangely interested in and he was kicking and screaming that I should have just let him die.
His fighting died down eventually and his screams turned to sobs. And then he was there, in my arms, crying his eyes out, clutching onto my shirt. He didn't talk anymore, he just cried. The people that passed us by were staring now and I tried to hide Roxas as well as I could. Holding Roxas tighter I tried to hush him and tell him that it was okay now.
Even though I knew it wasn't.