Ch 3: You Should Be Dead
"Well, uh, hello." The Doctor said to the soldiers as he pulled out the psychic paper, "I'm the Doctor, President of the Planet, I guess of Earth One."
"You should be dead!" A voice bellowed followed by the sound of heels clacking towards the TARDIS.
"I keep telling you people," the Doctor said as he put away the paper and started to squeeze through the wall of soldiers, "I'm the original, I'm the one who regenerates. On that note, when did Meta-Me become so chummy with UNIT?"
"We may not have Daleks as often as you do," Kate Lethbridge-Stewart said as she stopped in front of the Doctor, "But we do have some kind of monster every other week, and what better way to fight them then the one in our own backyard?"
"Oh, so not chummy," the Doctor said, "More like respect mixed with anger."
"Now you get the idea." Kate said as she led the Doctor and Rose into her office, "Now then, how did you get here in the first place?"
"He doesn't know." Rose said.
"Well, it's not as simple as that." The Doctor started, "The TARDIS brought me here, I guess to pick up my spirits. I recently lost my companion, Clara Oswald. Put me in a bit of a funk, then I wind up here with no idea how or why. Also, how do the Osgoods know me so well?"
"The who?" Kate asked.
"What I still don't understand," Rose said, "Is how you didn't know where you were going until you got here."
"Well the TARDIS can control itself," the Doctor said as he and Rose sat in front of Kate's desk, "taking me where I'm needed most. Apparently I'm needed here on Earth Two."
"Earth what?" Kate asked as she sat at her desk.
"There's a theory," the Doctor started, "well I actually proved it. Anyway, the theory states that there are multiple Earths spinning through time and space at the same time and place but on separate dimensional planes. Let's say my world is Earth One, this would be Earth Two. Somehow, the TARDIS found or - hopefully not - made a breach in the dimensional plane allowing passage between Earths One and Two."
"Like a wormhole?" Rose asked.
"Or even a black hole." The Doctor replied, "Contrary to popular scientific belief, pretty much any hole in the fabric of space is some kind of portal."
"God, he even sounds like ours." Kate said while refixing her brown hair, "Look, I don't care how you got here, I just need you to go home."
"What about my dead counterpart?" The Doctor asked.
"He could help us revive him." Rose said with somewhat an excited twinkle in her eye.
"Fine." Kate said as she stood. "But I want to be involved in everything."
"Understood." The Doctor said as he and Rose stood up to walk out.
As Kate walked to the door, the Doctor leaned in to whisper.
"What do you know of Zygons?" The Doctor asked in Kate's ear.
"Besides that it's a made up word?" Kate asked, genuinely confused.
The Doctor looked deep her in the eyes, turned around then followed Rose back out to the hanger where the TARDIS resided.
"Where is Dead Me buried?" The Doctor asked a nearby soldier.
"Under the boss's office." The soldier replied.
"Oh this should be fun." The Doctor said as went into the TARDIS.
"What's going on?" Rose asked.
"I'm sending an email to Her Royal UNITness," the Doctor said as he typed away, "asking for permission to park and set up shop in her office."
"If she says no?" Rose asked.
"I think we both know that answer." The Doctor said with a smirk as he looked at Rose.
Rose giggled and brushed her hair again as the Doctor sent his email. Seconds later, Kate responded with a no. The Doctor flicked a few switches, pushed a few buttons and threw the main throttle forward. The TARDIS appeared in the vacant corner of Kate's office, opposite the door and opposite Kate's desk.
"I said, 'No!'" Kate practically screamed as the Doctor exited the TARDIS leaving the door open.
"And you know me," the Doctor said as he put on the sonics and scanned the office floor, "When there's saving to do, I do what I need to get the job done so everyone can go home happy."
"Just don't mess up anything." Kate sighed.
"Don't worry," the Doctor said as he took off the sonics, "I'll clean up after myself."
"No, you won't" Kate said as the Doctor stepped out of the office with Rose in tow.
"Alright, here's what I'll need," the Doctor said to a few soldiers outside the office, "Shovels for a five man team, as well as pickaxes, a pulley system big enough for a coffin and a team of people ready to help Dead Me come to grips with how long he's been gone."
Two of the three soldiers went to get the supplies while one stayed in place, not looking the Doctor in the eye.
"What're you waiting for," The Doctor asked looking at the name patch on the soldier's uniform, "Captain Ramirez 89456?"
"I don't take orders from the dead." The soldier replied smugly.
"But you do take orders from me," Kate said, "And I'm telling you to do what he says."
"Yes ma'am." The soldier saluted before following the other two.
"Just as I thought," the Doctor said, "Fun, fun, fun."
"Is that your complaining voice?" Rose asked with a smirk.
"You better believe it is." The Doctor replied, "I'm proper Scottish this time around, I can complain about anything and it immediately seems like a big deal."
"Please, just get to work." Kate said before walking away and down a hallway.
"Earth Two humor leaves a bit to be desired." The Doctor said as he used his sonics to temporarily uplink the TARDIS computer with the UNIT computer.
Kate made sure no one followed her, then opened the closet door, locked it shut behind her then activated the false wall and went down the stairs to the underground lair. Hundreds of Zygons lurked down here in the shadows, some in human disguise, others in normal appearance.
"What have you found, Commander?" The heads of the council - both Osgoods - asked.
"The Doctor is suspicious of us," Kate replied, "And he means to revive the Meta-Crisis."
"We cannot allow this." The Osgoods said in unison, "Throw him off the scent of both us and Meta-Crisis."
"Yes, my lords." Kate said as she bowed.
She walked past the pods with the real Osgood and Kate inside, then walked back up the secret stairs.
END CHAPTER THREE