Gwen stopped singing and watched Morgana's leaves land in a heap on the ground. She had come to tell Morgana that she was retracting her offer.
Once Morgana had left the cottage Gwen had got up and hobbled over to the kitchen area to get herself a drink. With Morgana out of the room she felt her ability to think straight rush back. It was horrible. She couldn't believe what she had offered. She had offered to stay, there, with Morgana. What had she been thinking? She tried to convince herself that she had known Morgana would choose Camelot over her, tried to convince herself that it was all just a clever ruse to force Morgana to let her go. But it hadn't been. She had wanted to stay. She had wanted to live in this tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere with Morgana for the rest of her life. Without her presence, all the terror Gwen had felt when Morgana first walked through the door came flooding back, spreading rapidly through her stomach. She ran out the door and threw up.
Then she had hated herself. She slid onto the ground and revelled in her stupidity. She had offered to stay with Morgana. Forever. Morgana. The worst part was Morgana hadn't said no. She was thinking about it. Gwen leapt to her feet. She had to find Morgana. She had to tell her she had had a moment of madness and that she would not stay. This was bound to make Morgana angry, but not as angry as she would be were Gwen to wait until Morgana made her decision. What if she chose her? Gwen felt an odd fluttering in her stomach. She ignored it and set off to find Morgana. As she walked she repeated to herself, I have moved on, I have moved on, I have moved on.
She had walked for some time before coming across the clearing. Morgana was sat, singing quietly to herself and enchanting leaves. Gwen had felt her heart swell. Without thinking she continued the next verse. They dance through the meadow, through the woods and over seas, never stop a'dancing, dancing for my sweetheart and me."
Morgana got carefully to her feet and stood watching Gwen intently. Her face was expressionless but Gwen knew she was wondering why she had followed her.
"I've made my decision." said Morgana cautiously, her face still maddeningly unreadable.
Gwen found herself incapable of speaking. She knew she had to tell Morgana she would not stay before she told her her decision but she could not get the words out.
"I choose you."
Gwen stared. The first feeling that came to her was elation. It was an impossible to suppress joy at suddenly being given the one thing she had been unable to stop herself craving for several years. Then came the rational thought followed closely by another wave of nausea.
"I can't stay." she blurted it out and shot her eyes to the ground to avoid Morgana's expression. "I came to tell you. I shouldn't have offered. I don't know what I was thinking."
Morgana said nothing. She just stood. Eventually Gwen was compelled to glance up and try and gauge Morgana's thoughts. She was smiling.
"You're joking." Morgana practically beamed. It was at this point that Gwen truly saw what Morgana had become. She was not evil. But she was not the woman Gwen had known. She was destroyed. Every person she had ever loved was either dead or had betrayed her. She was broken, verging on unfixable. Everything was reflected in that smile. She was so far into denial that she wasn't even slightly aware of it. She was incapable of believing that Gwen would not stay.
"I am so sorry." said Gwen. She walked briskly forwards and enveloped Morgana in a tight embrace. The two sunk to the ground and Gwen cradled Morgana in her arms. Morgana was shaking violently. Seeing her like this was killing Gwen. For the first time there was nothing she wanted more than to stay, to help the one person left who she truly loved but seeing her like this was taking everything Gwen had not to run, not to hide not to break down herself. It was killing her and she knew it would be unfair of her to pretend she could deal with trying to save Morgana.
"I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you." she whispered into Morgana's ear, "I'm sorry about Uther, and about Morgause and I'm sorry I didn't help you. What I'm most sorry about is that I won't help you."
Morgana pushed Gwen roughly away from her.
"You're not sorry," she hissed, "If you were sorry you wouldn't leave me."
"I can't cope!" Gwen gave up and let tears stream down her face, "I can't see you like this, Morgana it's killing me!"
Morgana stared at her. "Why are you here? Why didn't you run, why did you come and tell me you wouldn't stay. You could have just run."
"Because I wanted you! I still want you. But I can't be what you need I'm not strong enough. You're too far gone and I can't help you."
"Then it's not fair to ask you." Suddenly Morgana was on her feet. She was icy and curt and terrifying once more. She spun on her heel and began walking back towards the cottage.
"Morgana, wait..." Gwen began. She had no idea what she was going to say, just that she couldn't bear Morgana to go.
"Leave!" Morgana screamed, losing all composure once again, "If I see you around here again, I will kill you."
"Do!" Gwen half screamed half cried, "Kill me, kill me right now! Morgana I can't leave you but I can't stay and I don't know what to do."
Morgana turned a looked at her. "Everything's ruined." she said quietly, staring off into the distance. She seemed suddenly like the Morgana Gwen remembered. Sophisticated and noble and oh so beautiful. "We've both lost everything. Our fathers are dead. Our brothers don't want to know us. We have been exiled from our homes and we have no where to go. I'm not saying it's his fault but everything has gone down hill since Merlin arrived and I just wish we could go back to the way things were. There are so many things that are lost to both of us forever, but no matter how completely spoiled our lives and our relationship is, I'm here and you're here and I think it would be stupid to throw that away without even trying to help each other."
Morgana walked over to were Gwen was sat and sunk to the floor next to her. She took Gwen's hand and said in a barely audible whisper; "Please stay with me."
Gwen watched Morgana's fingers gently stroking her own. She knew that this was stupid, that there were so many reasons she should leave but what Morgana had said struck something deep inside her. There was a logic to it too. This, the two of them alive and in the same place and not trying to kill each other, was the only real thing that either of them had left. She had left Camelot with an idea to begin a fresh life, cutting all ties with her old life, but Morgana was a link to a time when she was happy and she found that right now she wanted to cling to that link for as long as possible.
Gwen cupped Morgana's cheek with her free hand. "You're right." she said, "If it doesn't work I'll leave. If it's too much I'll leave. But because of right now, because it's all I've got, I'll stay."
"Thank-you." Morgana muttered and the two made their way back to the cottage. The whole way back they did not speak but their hands remained firmly interlocked.