I think I am dreaming.
People are shouting my name while I lay in darkness. Far away, I keep hearing beeping sounds that makes everyone sighs in relief. But periodically, the beeps turn to a long drone that has everyone shouting my name again.
I feel my skin tingle. . . But with what? Pain? No. The pain from my injures has gone away, but it does come back sometimes - but not as intense. Pleasure? Maybe.
I have to force my eyes open into dreams when I wonder what became of Prim. I dream of the same dream, and instead of ending, it just starts over.
I see Haymitch standing by my bed. The drugs must be strong.
"Haymitch, how's Prim?" I ask him every time the dream starts. "Is she eating?"
"Of course, Katniss." Haymitch watches my face carefully every time he answers my questions. "She's fine."
I stare at him with hopeful eyes. "Peeta too? And Gale?"
Haymitch plays the charade. "Gale? Your cousin?"
I nod slowly, feeling my neck try to stiffen.
"They're all fine." I start rambling about Prim's goat and Buttercup when Haymitch tries to leave. After I tell him about Buttercup and our relationship, he sends in the strange redheaded Avox.
"Wait!" I say as she moves toward my IV. "Can I take it off? I want to see if Prim is here."
The Avox shakes her head and injects a needle in the IV tube.
I shudder. "I don't want to sleep." I always have to tell her this.
She moves away, sadness in her eyes, then leaves the room.
My eyes close. I hope far away in my mind that the dream has finally ended.
I open my eyes to a loud drone. Sounds are distant and are more of buzzes.
I see Haymitch's eyes stare into mine and he seems to be shaking me. "Katniss! Look at me!"
I try to move my eyes over to him, but my body seems heavy. My mind drifts to the color of Peeta's eyes and Prim's smile.
Capitol nurses walk across my bed and near my IV, every few seconds. Haymitch looks anxiously at the source of the drone. My mind seems to cloud, staining the precious memories.
"Any change?" He demands, staring at my face. It's as if I'm watching ouside my body. I can't move my head to see around me, but I'm watching everything.
"Katniss!" I hear my name. The voice yelling it sounds sad. "Katniss!" I know that voice. Peeta?
"Clear!" Someone yells. Hard electricity hits me hard. My body jolts up. The drone becomes a soft stutter for a few seconds then turns back into the long drone.
"A little higher." "Clear!" Harder electricity hits me, making my body jolt. My chest seizes up then relaxes.
After a few long moments of tense silence, the drone turns to a steady breathes a sigh of relief.
Haymitch moves away as the Avox checks my vital signs. "It's the shock of her injuries." He murmurs to himself. "She's fine."
The Avox moves to my IV.
I get sent back into sleep.
I sit up on my bed with wide eyes. I look at my hands and see that the scars are gone. Not only the scars of the arena, but several years of hunting in the woods with Gale. The scars that were across my chest, on my arms, legs, and throat are gone. I look flawless, which almost disgusts me.
Effie bursts through the door with my prep team. "Good morning!"
I try to smile at them. "Morning." Ever since the mutts, I haven't felt like myself too much. Maybe because I knew what pain was. Maybe it was because I have hardly seen Peeta since we left the arena.
I ruffle the bed sheets by my ear and hear the rustling. I smile. I can hear out of my left ear again!
Octavia pulls me off of bed gently. I wobble as I stand. "I'll send in Cinna." Effie walks out the room.
Soon Cinna comes in, carrying a small dress carrier, after my body hair has been removed and my nails filed back into perfect ovals. He puts a robe around me before he hugs me.
"I'm still betting on you." He says then unzips the bag. He pulls out a sunset orange dress with small darker orange flames across the waist and chest.
I look at my body while I am still half naked. My hips have seemed to widen and my breasts have swelled considerably. My stomach has sunken in to give me a slimmer look than when I first joined the arena. My hands go to my chest and I sigh.
"Sorry, Katniss." Cinna's voice is apologetic. "They had to remove the. . . They had to remove the excess and just applied it to certain areas."
I don't know whether to laugh at his formality or cry at how different my body looks. He helps me into the dress and I see that if I was ever reaped into the games again, I could take the interview and appear sexy. I grimace self consciously at the thought.
But despite that, the dress hugs my new figure. Cinna helps me into orange small heels that match the fire patterns. Before he releases me, he braids my hair into my traditional braid. I marvel at the end of it, it has reached my lower back now.
"Cinna?" I ask him, and Cinna looks at me, brown eyes curious.
"Hm?"
"What you said just now. . ." I turn to him, peeling my eyes from my new reflection. "Is that even possible?"
Cinna shrugs. "No idea. I'm not a surgeon at the Capitol, good thing, too. All I would be doing would be making sketches of those awful gowns they make." I try to laugh, but I can only make a smile move my lips.
"Walk around. You haven't been on your feet in days." Cinna says, switching topics and dropping my hand. I take my first step forward and feel sick. An echo of pain from my legs as me wincing. I try to ignore it and walk around a bit more. I wave my arms in the air and twirl slowly.
"I can do this." I encourage myself.
A ding by the door followed by a bored voice has us walking to the door. "Is victor Katniss Everdeen ready, Cinna?"
Cinna actually looks at me before he answers. I nod at him. He presses a button on the intercom. "Victor Katniss Everdeen is ready." Cinna wiggles his eyebrows at me so I have to supress giggles when I see his face.
"Send her in."
Cinna takes my hand, supporting me, and takes me to the elevator. He presses a button and we go down a floor. Exiting the elevator, I become momentarily blinded by flashing lights. Loud voices yell at me, deafening me. I clutch Cinna's hand tightly since two of my senses are blocked.
A booming voice over the others stops the flashing and some of the voices quiet. "Katniss Everdeen has arrived, we may now begin the interviews." It's Casear's voice.
I widen my eyes and blink quickly to clear the flashes. I look at Cinna's golden eye lashes in fear. My voice is small. "Cinna."
He gives me a hug. "Don't forget to look at me." He smiles at me before he walks toward the audience, where many fans stretch out their arms to touch him. Haymitch comes up behind me. I smell him before I see him. He smells a little like whiskey, but not as choking as usual. He wraps me in a bear hug.
"President Snow is mad about the berries, sweetheart. You showed them up and made them the joke of Panem. They hate to be laughed at." Haymitch whispers urgently in my ear. "You and Peeta did it because you were madly in love."
I nod slowly and look at the stage. Haymitch lets me go. I don't see why I have to pretend to be in love with Peeta. Maybe feelings have changed under pressure. I sigh quietly and try to wobble with dignity over to the stage. After I make it to the stairs, I feel dizzy and slightly light headed. My eyes flash to the screens and I see that I look a light green.
Once I make it to the top stair, I finally see Peeta and Casear. Peeta's dashing in a black suit and with sunset orange patterns on the sleeves with a dark orange primrose in the pocket. Casear's powdery blue hair and eyebrows are raised high as he stares at me. No doubt he's staring because of my new figure. The room quiets as everyone, including Casear and Peeta, take in my appearance.
I pause for a moment, the dizziness a bit overwhelming. Casear gets up quickly and wraps me in a hug before the pause becomes uncomfortable. "Hello, Katniss."
Peeta hovers nearby, watching me. Casear releases me. I make a beeline for Peeta and hug him tightly.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to start our interviews of the victors from District Twelve, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mallerk." Casear announces. I settle down on the plush orange loveseat with Peeta holding my hand. Casear sits on his stool.
I stare out into the audience, looking for. . . Who?
"Katniss!" I look over to Casear, momentarily dizzy. He has to repeat the question several times before I hear it. "How are you feeling?"
"Good." I say, hoping I looked like I felt good. "A bit brand new actually."
Casear chuckles with the audience. He turns to Peeta. "And you?"
"Well," Peeta says, looking into my eyes. "I got my ally back." He looks into the audience and pauses as the crowd screams my name. "No, she's mine." His voice sounds hollow and rehearsed. Has he been having nightmares? However, the audience applauds when he pulls me into a kiss.
Casear and Peeta go back into their rose charade. "Roses are my best friends these days." Casear laughs. I try to get into it and smell Peeta.
"You do smell like roses, Peeta." I giggle, wishing I felt half of what I should: happy, pleased to be here, inspired by the Capitol. "Do I smell like roses?"
I regret it as soon as I ask it because soon Casear and Peeta are sniffing my arms, jerking me this way and that. Eventually, my arms hurt so much to the point that my eyes are watering ferociously.
Peeta gasps, seeing the tears. "Are we hurting you?"
I giggle and try not to groan. "Roses are so lovely." The audience laughs as I wipe my eyes. I look at Casear and Peeta. "They. . . Remind me of Prim and they make me. . . Cry." I remember that I'm not supposed to seem weak so I add. "I kept remembering that I swore to win for her."
Casear looks casually perplexed and I remind him. "She wanted me to win, before we left."
Peeta gives me a gentle hug. "And we're both here. I wasn't a part of the mission so good job."
Casear gets down to business. He asks us questions. "When you found him in that . . ." He pauses and seems to search for words. "Mud puddle," Peeta laughs as Casear continues. "How did you feel?"
"You mean after I drained all of that . . . Injury fluid?" I don't say pus. "Very relieved actually." I pause while the audience gives whole hearted laughs. "I felt happy to see him."
"What about you, Peeta? How did you feel when she found you?" Peeta pauses for a long moment. "I felt hurt."
I blink in confusion. Casear looks pained for a moment and motions for him to go on.
"I felt so glad to see her, it hurt." Peeta explains, looking at my face. "The sword wound wasn't helping much."
Casear and I laugh with the audience. I question myself. How can he do that? He can turn something so serious like how he was dying in the bank to a joke.
"Let's watch a few clips." Casear says, gesturing for us to turn to the big screen at the wall. The audience quiets as we watch. We watch clips of Peeta and me in the cave, a clip of us running after Cato, a clip of Peeta and me being on the hovercraft.
I watch in fascination of how dirty we looked and yet despite Effie and Octavia trying to shush us, telling us that we're okay, we try hard to stay together.
We were allies. I think. Even when it was over. The clips however, change back to us in the Cornucopia. In the clip, I look up with undiluted horror once I see that Peeta is trapped in Cato's headlock. I hurl myself at Cato, who screams something incoherent as we go down. The mutts are on us in seconds after we hit the ground. Cato and I wrestle with the mutant dogs, screaming and yelling as the mutts tear at us. My eyes are dull and almost lifeless as I looked at the lightening sky. The sword slash across my chest is bright red and pulsing blood.
I risk a glance at Casear and Peeta and see that Casear looks agonized, as if he could feel Cato's and my pain. Peeta's face looks pale, and I realize that he might not have really seen what happened to us. Eventually, the cameras swerve to Peeta trying to shoot at the mutts with my bow and arrows, still yelling my name. A stray mutt perks its ears, its mouth buried in my side and releases its grip, then dives after Peeta. It jumps up against the horn and before Peeta can react, it sinks its mouth into Peeta's leg. Peeta yells out and draws his knife from the belt on his waist. He stabs at it with vicious accuracy, pain flashing in his eyes. It lets go of his leg and screams its death cry before it falls off the horn, going limp.
I realize while we're watching that I'm whispering to myself and playing with my hands fretfully. Peeta and Casear are trying to keep their concerned whispers quiet, along with the audience. I feel many eyes on me, watching my nervous behavior.
"Turn it off." Casear says. The screen goes black right before we see Peeta's eyes illuminated by the bright dawn light. I blink once the clips are off the screen, I feel myself put my head down in my lap.
"Katniss." Casear's soft voice helps bring me back from my last few hours of pain from the arena. "Which is worse? Watching it or experiencing it?"
I pause for a long moment while I try to think of an answer. I try to come up with an answer but my mind keeps going back to the pain. Snapping. Tearing. Pieces of me being ripped away. I pull my head from my lap and wipe away wetness from my face.
"I-I can't say." I speak, looking out into the audience. I think I feel myself murmur. "Don't make me go back there." Peeta gasps and goes still. Casear raises his powdery blue eyebrows at us and takes a deep breath. His eyes are glittering with an unreadable emotion as he looks into the audience. Casear checks his small hand watch that I have just noticed after watching him interview tributes for years.
"Katniss, when you pulled out those berries, my heart stopped." Casear says, turning back to us. "What was going on in your mind?"
I feel hundreds of ears listening for my answer, Haymitch's included.
Haymitch!
We were supposed to be madly in love, to explain our actions with the nightlock. I winced slightly and fake a smile. "I just couldn't bear to live without Peeta." I realize that this is slowly becoming true.
I have fallen for the boy with the bread.
"Peeta?" Casear turns to him.
Peeta nods. "That goes for me as well."
Casear nods and pauses. He looks out into the audience, I do as well, and look for Haymitch. He gives me a subtle thumbs up though his eyes are wary. I feel mild alarm. Did something go wrong?
"I think we have time for one more question." Casear says, turning back to us, his tone cheerful despite the uncomfortable silence in the large room. I begin to wonder whether the audience has fallen asleep.
Peeta nods. "Shoot."
"It's for both of you actually." Casear says. I sit up straighter and wipe at my eyes for stray tears. "What's planned for you now?"
Peeta and I blink. "I'm not sure we follow you." Peeta says as I grab his hand.
The buzzer goes off before Casear can explain. Peeta and I kiss. I sigh, thinking of the strings attached to Haymitch's and my charade. I stand up quickly, feeling a surge of dizziness trying to come on, and give Casear a hug as he slides off his stool.
"May the odds be in your favor." Casear whispers in my ear.