All his life, Matt felt like he belonged to someone else. Like he had no control. People always made the decisions for him, and he just had to go along with it. For the most part, he was okay with it, especially when Mello made the decisions. Other times, he didn't want to be so compliant, like when he was nine, and people forced him to hack for them. And by forced, he meant beat until he did it. He didn't like that so much.
Matt had always been a lonely soul. Always denied the love he craved, whether it was from his parents, or the people who kidnapped him, or Mello. He had to be strong though. He had to be strong so no one saw his pain. Because, pain was a weakness, and he couldn't be weak. Too many people depended on him…
Stripes, in Matt's world, weren't just a fashion statement. They were to signify how trapped – like a prisoner- he felt. For someone to notice that though, he was sure they had to be smarter than L, Near and Mello put together. He knew this because, he seemed happy. Hidden behind goggles, video games and a cocky smirk, he seemed like the happiest guy out of all of them.
It hurt, but he had to do it. To hold Mello together. If Mello one day realized how unhappy he was, how used he felt, how much he just wanted to be loved back, he would break. And it wasn't worth seeing Mello to break. That was just plain selfish, and Matt was everything but selfish.
In his last moments, when he knew he wouldn't be able to beat those cars, he nearly smiled. When he put his hands up in front of all those policemen, he almost thanked them. When he fell, in his last breath, he almost cried for joy.
Because finally, it was over, and he wouldn't be around to see Mello break.