XX "James?" she whispered, horror meeting her sight as she entered his tent.
There was sign of a struggle, that much was obvious; everything thrown around the room, broken, and there was something that looked suspiciously like a blood stain on the wall.
He walked up right behind her. "Yes?"
"James...oh my god..." she said, oblivious to his presence, as she bent down to examine the room
"I'm right here, freckles, don't worry," he said, noticing her concern.
She started to cry. "Jack!" she screamed, running right towards him.
"Woah..easy babe, no need to get your boyfriend, I'm right here!" he joked, trying to get her to calm down.
But she didn't stop, she ran at him, and as he braced himself for the impact she ran right through.
"What the..." he said, staring at himself.
"Kate?" asked Jack, coming over to meet her.
"He's gone! Jack, he's..." she broke off, half screaming, half sobbing.
"Freckles! I'm right here! Can't you see me? Babe, I'm here!" he yelled hoarsely. XX
"Right here, freckles, I'm here," he mumbled, frowning in his sleep at the nightmare. His opened his eyes groggily, his mind trying to process what had just happened.
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
"A dream. A fucking dream," he mumbled, rolling over on his side. As if it would ever happen he thought, scowling. Sassafras would probably run off with Jack-o and leave me to die.
"How do you know, John?" the shouting woke Sawyer up from his thoughts.
"Why do you always have to trust everyone?" the other man yelled, his tone matching the other man's, filled with the same anger and determination. Yet John Locke remained calm as Jack Shepeard couldn't hold back the rage he held at this man.
"Why do you always have to see the worst in everyone?" Jack replied, advancing on Locke.
"How can you trust them, Jack?"
"How can I trust you? How do I know you won't pull out a gun on one of us in the middle of the night and kill us like you killed Naomi? Killing our way out?"
"I don't know what they're here for, but it isn't us," Locke responded.
So if you're asking me, I want you to know
Groaning, Sawyer got to his feet, walking out to the battle scene with a sarcastic grin on his face. "Morning Pa, Ma," he acknowledged. Jack narrowed his eyes, noticing the "Ma" was directed at him.
"Not now, James," Locke replied.
"I know, I know. Momma and Daddy are having a grown-up talk."
"Shut up, Sawyer," Jack said annoyed. He turned back to Locke. Look, we can't go on like this. I'm not letting you screw up our last chance at getting off this island, and murdering anyone who comes to save us."
"Then let me stay."
"What?"
By this time everyone was awake, staring at the shouting match between the two.
"Let me stay on the island," Locke replied calmly. "You don't bother me, I won't bother you...but if you cross us, there will be punishment."
"Us? Who exactly are we talking about?"
"Come on Jack, do you really think everyone's as dumb as you? That they'll follow you like sheep regardless of the consequences? Charlie's death not a big enough sign for you? Want to send out another nameless soul to die and them to disregard it as an accident?"
"Shut up!" Jack shouted.
Locke smiled; he had hit a nerve.
"Alright, Locke. If you want to, you can leave," Jack said calmly, regaining his composure. "But who exactly do you think will come with you?
"I don't know. Let's see," he said, turning to address the whole group. "Who wants to come with me?"
And the group split up.
Sawyer stared at his options. What was there to go back to? He glanced at Kate, watched her stumble uncertainly to Jack's side. Of course she chose him. She always chose him. Tightening his jaw, he walked over to Locke.
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Kate watched Sawyer slowly walk away from her. Her heart wanted her to rush over to Sawyer's side, her brain told her to stay by Jack, to trust Jack. He's always right. She grabbed Sawyer's wrist. "What are you doing?"
He looked back at her. "Same thing I've always done, Kate. Surviving." he turned away, not wanting to look at her heartbroken eyes anymore, not wanting her to see the emotion in his. He felt her let go of his wrist, giving up on him. She chose Jack, she always did. Well, if she wanted to die, it was her decision.
Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you
But he knew, if she died, so would he.
And he vowed to himself that when he walked away, he wouldn't look back. He could feel her stare on him, and it took all his self-control to stop from looking back at her, from running over to her and telling her he wanted her, that he could take care of her so much better than Jack.
But he knew it wasn't true. Jack was a doctor, he reasoned. He wasn't selfish, he was reliable, well-grounded. The perfect person to keep her safe.
So if you're asking me, I want you to know
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
What was he? Lowlife. Scum. With him she'd always be on the run, living a life of crime. She didn't need more of that. If she got off the island, if she got off free, she could stay with Jack. She could live the wholesome life she always wanted. Maybe even have little Docs and little Freckles running around the house. He grimaced; the thought of a little freckles made him smile, but the thought of the Jackass mad him scowl.
He couldn't keep pretending he'd changed. He'd vowed, right after killing the wrong man in Australia, that he would change. And yet he had killed again.
He couldn't change. Not even for her, even though he loved her. It was better this way.
Forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending, someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
"Kate..." he whispered, closing his eyes as he pictured her face.
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
XX
Kate didn't know what had happened. But she wasn't going to run after him. With all of his moods, she was never sure who she was with; James or Sawyer. And after the whole 'pregnant' ordeal...
She didn't know what she was doing here. Going back surely meant life imprisonment. But if there was a way, an escape...she just didn't know if she could trust herself with Sawyer anymore. He was surely going to break her.
Forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending, someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
She allowed a tear to drop and let it trickle down before wiping it away. The last thing she needed was an overly-helpful Jack to make her completely break down.
Jack...why couldn't she be like him? She had slept with Sawyer and she was sure Jack loved her, but he hadn't broken down. He had been steady and reliable as ever.
No, she was more like Sawyer. A criminal.
But he wasn't all bad, was he? There were those times, those rare times, when he would give everything up for her. He had laid down his life for her so many times...
And even after that she had still used him out of jealousy. What was she? A killer. A heartless killer.
Screw Jack she thought, sighing in exasperation, I'll cry if I fucking want to.
I can't be who you are
A/N: Hope you life! Sorry for the wait, but I think the chapter is longer than the others so hopefully it makes up for it. I keep getting amazed by how many songs can relate to this story, and to the whole show in general. Anyways, the song was "Leave out all the Rest" by Linkin Park, really good band and song, and I might use another LP song later. I'll try to update soon, next chapter will be Sawyer-centric :).