I don't Own any of these characters!!!

Ok, this is my nod to Kristen. Who was not only great in Twilight, but in every other movie she's been in... In case you haven't seen her in anything else, check out SPEAK, IN THE LAND OF WOMEN, INTO THE WILD, THE MESSANGERS, UNDERTOW, and The Cake Eaters which is released to DVD on March 24th.

So this story is fowl and dirty and gritty. It does include some rape, but it is a back story, I will let you know when that scene comes up and you can choose to skip it if you wish. I will be doing a playlist for every chapter, some will have more songs than others, this is a club after all! Please enjoy and let me know what you think...This chapter is short, it's just to get you into it, and don't worry Edward will be here soon.

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THIS IS YOUR WARNING : IT IS BELLA'S BACKSTORY....I don't think it's graphic or anything, but some might disagree....

PLAYLIST:

Three Days Grace - Pain

Skillet - Whispers in the Dark

Kelly Clarkson - Addicted

ACDC - Pour Some Sugar on me

Chapter 3 – Pain and Nightmares

I flew the car into the driveway much faster than was necessary. I could feel it coming. I could feel the tears. I could feel the burning and tightening in my chest. The pain was coming and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I shoved the gear shifter into park and switched it off, yanking my keys from the ignition, fumbling with the door handle, not even bothering to lock the door or grab my shit in the back. I'd do it later, but now, now I had to get inside.

I shot myself up the steps and shoved my keys at the lock, jamming them repeatedly. It wouldn't go in and I was getting fucking frustrated. The sobs were coming and I couldn't hold them off much longer. I hit the door in frustration, swearing at it. Finally, the door opened and I flung myself in, slamming the door and promptly leaning against it, sliding down. Hard and furious the painful sobs escaped and the sound was deafening and there was no way I could control them

Here came the flashed as I closed my eyes and allowed them to take over.

My mother at my fifth birthday party as a scary clown tried to coax me out from behind her legs.

My first time riding a bike with no training wheels, my mother with her camera in hand, squealing with excitement and pride, that is until I fell off and broke my arm and had to stay in the hospital. Even then my mom was trying to make me laugh and I did.

At the pet store when I finally wore her down and I got my first goldfish.

Every Happy Birthday. Every Merry Christmas. Every other holiday in between, proceeded to assault my mind. Every single happy memory I had with her up until I was fourteen and it all came crashing down.

It was these memories that hurt the most because they were over and I'd never get them back. These ones were the pain. I could see her face so clearly in my mind. I wished I could cling to this face, the loving happy one instead of the one I knew would soon follow.

The next memories were coming now. I called them the nightmares. I would never wake up from these and they would always haunt me.

He grabbed my wrist. We were standing in my bedroom. He smelled like beer, as usual. "Where are you going?" He demanded. "I said, I want a kiss." He asked as I tried to push past. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, hoping it would placate him a little longer. It didn't.

"I want a real kiss." He crooned, not scary, but sickly sweet. He grabbed me by my hair, still holding onto my wrist roughly. He slammed his lips to mine, painfully, assaulting my mouth with his tongue.

He forced me backwards towards my bed, pushing me down. I knew what he was going to do and I fought to stay upright, to get away.

"Shh, you know you want it. Just relax."

I felt his hands all over me and I couldn't stop him. I was frozen. My "no's" and "please don'ts" had never worked when he was touching me or kissing me, why should they work now?

I just lay there on my bed waiting for it to be over. The pain was unimaginable. His kisses were all over and slobbery and disgusting. I just wanted to throw up.

He finished and got up. He told me it was our secret, that if I told anyone no one would believe me.

My sobs brought me back to the here and now and I prayed I could escape having to see her face. Just let this be it for now. Let it end here for once. But, of course it didn't.

My mothers face fought its way into my head. It was no longer happy and loving. No, it was filled with hurt and anger and hate.

Then it was her words. Those words were the ones I wanted to forget the most and the ones that were burned into my memory forever

"How could you? Get out! I never want to see you again. Just get out!" She screamed at me before slamming the door in my face.

My sobs over took me and I collapsed into a ball on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. I let the pain have me and I didn't think anymore after that,

I don't know how long I laid there on the floor. The pain had me and I must have passed out sometime from sheer exhaustion.

My eyes were tired and sore. My throat was raspy and raw. I pulled myself up off the floor and forced myself to put one foot in front of the other as I climbed the stairs. I stripped of my clothes and put the shower as hot as I could get it.

I stepped under the spray washing it all away. The pain, the shame, the hurt and the greatest betrayal anyone could ever face. I washed it all away. I just wanted to be whole, to be like I was before we even met him.

Trying to force myself to think of something, anything, else, I thought of the beautiful stranger, the green eyed Edward from last night. I felt a stab of pain knowing that I could never be normal. I was broken. I could never be the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to be able to kiss him, to feel his soft lips on mine, caressing me slowly, gently. But, it would never happen and there was no point in thinking about it. I'd never even see him again.

I hoped to God I wouldn't be in trouble when I returned to work tonight. I needed this job. The last thing I needed was to get fired.

When the hot water had finally started to run out I shut it off, stepped out and dried off. I threw on a tank top and a pair of baby pink velour track pants and found my purse at the door. I checked for messages. None from the club, thankfully, but there was a text from Rosalie.

Hey! Where r u? Hope u r ok. Msg me. 3 Rose

Fine. C u 2night.

I texted back, flipping my phone shit and remembering my shit in the car. Shit, I hoped everything was still fucking there. I threw the door open and ran down the steps to my car. At least God was being merciful with this one thing; everything was fine and still there.

I bustled around my house for the day, trying to improve my even worse mood then usual. I threw on loud music and tried to drown out my thoughts.

Edward popped into my mind when I did dished. He appeared when I did laundry. He crept up as I made my bed. I was starting to get frustrated when I was packing more underwear in my big black duffle back as I was getting ready for work, when he made another appearance.

"Forget him!" I yelled. "He's gone!" Back to the old and the ugly. Back to no feelings, just they way I liked it. I didn't want him if this was what he was going to do to me.

I threw my shit in the car and started to drive, enjoying from nice ACDC on my radio.

Mike was there again at the back of the club. Just like last night, I pulled out another smoke, light it and took a long, slow drag, letting it fill my lungs and play with my head. Leaning against my car door I watched as Mike strood over to me, looking concerned.

"Hey's Bells. You feeling alright?"

"Yea Mike. I'm fine. Bad night, you know, sob stories and shit. It's all good."

He was right behind me as I walked to the door. "And stop staring at my fucking ass, alright?"

"But it's such a great fucking ass." He said slapping it playfully.

"Well you'll never get it. So you can keep dreaming."

"Come on, Bells. I bet I'm better than those guys you fuck in there."

"Probably. But, you're in the friend zone now, bitch. You missed your window." I said walking through the door her held open for me.

"Shit. I'm a fucking idiot." I heard him moan behind me. I threw him a backward glance and a sexy wave and he groaned. Good ole Mike, I liked flirting with him. Mostly, because I knew I drove him crazy and we both knew he'd never have me.

I looked at my name on the boards and it was blank. Shit, that was a bad sign. I walked straight to the manager's office wondering what the fuck I was in for when I got there. The words "You're fired", resonated in my mind and I was almost sick.

I knocked and entered. "Hey James." I said seeing him behind his cluttered desk. "I noticed I'm not one the schedule for tonight. Is everything okay" I asked feeling my throat go suddenly dry.

"Bella! Just the girl I've been waiting for! Everything is great! You have been requested for a private night."

"Oh, okay. How long?" This still didn't explain why my name didn't have any stage time at all. I didn't feel like sucking a while bunch of different cocks tonight.

"The whole night, 9-2, full five hours." He said with a grin. "He's paid a lot of money for you. You'd better be fucking awesome tonight." He said coming over to me, running his fingers slowly down my bare arm and my skin crawled. I hated when he touched me. He was one of those creepy guys I tended to try and avoid. "You better look utterly fuckible. He gets what he wants, anything he wants. Ten thousand fucking dollars for five hours of your time. You fucking understand me? Whatever he wants. Got it?

Holy shit! Ten thousand fucking dollars! For me! For five hours! I raised my eyes in surprise, and was suddenly uncomfortable.

"Did he ask for anything specific?" I asked worried what ten thousand bucks would end up costing me in return. I suddenly hoped it didn't involve any S&M crap, with, like, whips and chains and shit. I'd be okay if I was the Dom but I really fucking hated being the sub.

"Nope, nothing. Just wanted you. Ten thousand bucks from the start to the end of your shift."

"Okay. I guess I'd better go get ready then." I said wishing I had something more to go on then that. How the hell was I supposed to prepare, know what to wear for him if I had no idea what he wanted.

I made my way to the dressing room and Rose was sitting there, naked again. God, what did she have against clothes anyway?

She jumped out of her chair when I entered the room and thrust my black corset with baby blue ribbon accents at me, along with the matching g-string and black silk stalkings.

"You have to wear this for your private tonight! You are such a fucking lucky ass bitch!"

"Yeah, wait to see how lucky I am. He could be ninety or a total perv." I said taking my outfit from her and walking to my chair.

"Yeah, but that's a shit load of money!" I whipped around and feigned shock.

"Rose! Potty mouth!" I gasped knowing of her distain for swear words. She just waved me off.

"So, what happened to you yesterday? You totally disappeared." She asked as she got herself ready.

"Nothing. I just had something to take care of." I lied trying to change the subject quickly. "So you were with that big guy last night, everything go okay?" I knew I could get the topic off my whereabouts if we could just start talking about her for a while.

"Oh. My. God! It was…amazing! He really knows how to fuck and he's HUGE! Not to mention he tips awesome!" I got ready and only half listened, only enough to not get myself into trouble.

"I gotta go. Good luck tonight." She said as she exited the room. It was almost nine o'clock; he should be here any minute, unless he wanted to check out a few of the shows first.

I crossed the room to the full length mirror, appraising myself, hoping I looked "utterly fuckible".

My dark hair cascaded long and wavy down my back. My eyes looked big and bright under the black eye shadow and mascara. My lips were pink and glistening. The sparkles at the corners of my eyes shimmered in the light. My eyes traveled down to my cleavage which was pushed up and together, my waist was clenched in and my hips jutted out slightly, all thanks to the corset. The attached garter belt and stalkings completed the image. I turned seeing the small string of my g-string slipping into my ass crack, leaving my cheeks bare.

Well, I'd do me, I thought, slipping on a pair of stiletto ankle boots.

I paced a little while before a waitress came in to tell me my client was here. She walked me to the room and wished me luck.

I took a deep breath and fluffed my hair. I put my hand on the door knob and opened the door, putting on my sexiest smile. I didn't take my eyes from the door as I entered, closing it behind me. "Hi, baby. I'm-" I started before the familiar voice made me freeze.

"Roxy, I know." He smirked. I gasped and turned to the green eyed God staring at me. I reached for the door handle instinctively before he called out to me.

"No, wait, Bella, I'm sorry, please. Please just give me a minute, then you can go, if you want."

I jerked my head to him staring in disbelief. "What did you call me?" I asked incredulous.

"Bella, that's your name, isn't it?" He asked with a cautious smile.

"How the hell do you know my name?" I asked, the terror of the situation building in me. I had been careless and now this stranger knew who I was.

"I heard that bouncer call you when you were on your way to your car."

"You…you followed me?" My worst…ok, second worst nightmares were coming true. He could be some psycho stalker for all I knew.

"Don't worry, I'm not a psycho stalker. I was on my way to my car. I didn't follow you, I promise." He said and it was so sincere I had to believe him.

"What…what're you doing here?" I asked.

"I wanted to apologize, for last night, you know, for all of it. I didn't mean to frighten you, or hurt you. I'm just…I'm sorry and I wanted you to know."

"You paid ten thousand dollars to say a five hour apology?"

"Well I hoped you would forgive me and maybe not be so eager to leave." He said honestly. "I'm not expecting anything. But I do have to tell you, you look beautiful." Absolutely breath taking."

"Thank you." I said, unconsciously wrapping my arms around myself, feeling suddenly very exposed. "And I can't leave anyway."

"Why is that?"

"Because you paid for me. If I walk out of here, I'll get fired."

"Would that be such a bad thing."

"I need this job."

"Bella, you can leave here anytime you want. I'm not keeping you here. If you want to go, that's fine. I won't tell. I got what I came for."

I turned to the door and reached for the handle. I sighed knowing that I couldn't walk out. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay here with him. I let my hand drop from the door handle and glanced at him. He looked hopeful and I decided there was no way I was going anywhere. Maybe this time could be different.

"Well Edward," I said, sauntering over to him slowly, my hips swaying seductively. "Maybe there is something I can do for you tonight." I reached to him and spread my hands on his sculpted chest.

He gulped and his breaths quickened as my fingers slowly undid all of the buttons on his black dress shirt. My fingers pushed the material to the side and I gasped remembering his rock hard abs. So beautiful. I bit my bottom lip as I traced the abs before me, feather light my touches made him sigh and his breathes deepened. My fingers ran up his body, up his shoulders and grabbed his hair pulling him backwards giving me access to his next. I trailed soft kisses up and down his neck, his shoulder, his collar bone; biting and licking and sucking in between. He grabbed my wait and pushed me into him making us both gasp and groan together.

I felt him hard and solid against me. "Does that mean you are enjoying me, Edward?" I purred.

"Shit, yes." He groaned pulling me impossibly closer as I bit him particularly hard.

My fingers reluctantly left his hair and traced his muscled arms reaching his hands and then his hips. My fingers grasped at his belt buckle, removing it quickly and throwing it to the floor. "Step out." I ordered. He kicked off his pants and I ran my fingers down his hips, around to his ass.

I grabbed his firm, toned ass and lowered myself down his body. My face was right in front of his hidden throbbing cock and I needed to feel it, see it, taste it. It was straining against the material of his boxer briefs and I just couldn't wait anymore.

My fingers ran from his ass around to his front. I let them trail to his thighs as I licked and kissed his treasure line down to my reward. I stuck my index fingers in the waistband of his underwear and started to pull. I didn't get very far before his strong hands grabbed my arms and pulled me up to him, staring his beautiful intense green eyes into mine.

"I'm sorry, was I not doing something right?" I asked confused and a little pissed off. I was so close and he pulled me away, again.

His breaths were deep and fast. "No it was perfect. Please, Bella. Please, just kiss me, just this once?" He begged and I wrenched away from him, throwing myself as far against the other wall as I could get.

"Fuck, Edward. I told you." I shouted, trying to control the growing pain in my chest.

"I know, you don't kiss. But please, please Bella. I just – please Bella."

"What the fuck do you want from me Edward?" I said, tears of rage filling my eyes.

"Well, I want a kiss. But, barring that, I want an explanation. " He said trying to lighten the mood, seeing my distress.

"You want an explanation? You want to know, do you?" I seethed and he nodded. I think that's when he realized I didn't have some idealized vision of Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" going on. He was genuinely concerned and for some reason it made me madder.

"Fine! Fine! You want to hear about the two years of shit I had to go through? You want to hear of every time my step father put his hands on me, asking for kisses? How about all the times he fucked me and made me kiss him? Is that what you want to hear? What about every time he made me suck his cock and then kiss him? How about the time he was kissing me, undressing me and my mother walked in and blamed me, then threw me out of her house because I was the whore who fucked her husband? Is that it, Edward? Is that what you wanted to know?" My words were sharp and fast and hysterical.

I let my knees give out but before I could hit the ground Edward was there and he caught me and pulled me to him.

"Shh, Bella. I'm so sorry. You're okay. Just let it out." He chanted over and over again as I sobbed and choked into his shoulder. He just held me. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but it was a long time. He just stood there stroking my hair and my cheeks and just fucking holding me.

When I finally composed myself I realized what I'd done. I'd never told anyone and now I was telling this gorgeous stranger, a customer who had paid a lot of money for me and I was falling to pieces. I gasped and pushed him away.

"I'm, I'm sorry." I whispered. I immediately changed, allowing Roxy to take over. "You paid a lot for me. Let me give you what you paid for." I lunged for him but he caught my wrists and held tightly.

"No, Bella. I'm getting what I paid for. I'm getting you. Please, please just tell me what happened to you."

"You already know. This isn't much else to tell."

"Your mother, she didn't know what was happening to you?" He looked into my eyes and he seemed to be staring into my soul, begging for me to just talk to him, to open myself to him. For whatever reason, I did.

"I don't know. She taught in a high school. She stayed late to tutor kids. Phil was a minor leaguer baseball player, but he got hurt so he was home all the time."

"And it last two years? You never told anyone?"

"He told me no one would ever believe me. And when she found out, she didn't."

"What did she do when she caught him?"

"She asked him what was going on. He told her it was me, I came onto him and he just couldn't help himself. He tried to hold me off, but he had a moment of weakness. He said I had pursued him the entire time. I tried…I tried to tell her. I tried, but she didn't believe me. She hit me and threw me out. She said she never wanted to see me again."

"What did you do after that? He asked, still holding my gaze.

"I left. I moved around, from city to city, sleeping in shelters or parks or anything really. I met a girl on the street and she told me about club she worked in when she needed extra money. I started working there too. Eventually I got tired and moved on. Place after place, town after town. I'd just work in different clubs, making enough to eat. Then I ended up here. It's the best ones I've worked in, much cleaner, safer. So, I just stayed."

We stood for a while and he stroked my hair before moving us to the couch. He pulled me close and allowed me to put my head on his shoulder.

"Why do you do this, Bella? You are so much more than this." He said bringing his hand to stroke my cheek. It felt nice, safe, something I've never felt before.

I shrugged against his shoulder. "It's the only thing I know. I've been doing it since I was sixteen. And, I'm good at it, aren't I?" I asked innocently putting a hand on his still bare thigh, realizing he was still in just his underwear.

"Oh, god, Edward! I'm sorry! I can still dance for you, if you want. I mean if you still want me. I know that having a whore crying on your shoulder all night doesn't constitute a good night. Please, let me do something, anything foe you."

"First, don't call yourself that, ever. Second, do you mean that?"

"Yes, of course."

"Don't freak out, but really all I want is to kiss you. Just one quick peck. Nothing scary or intimidating or rough. Just one innocent peck." He looked so honest and sincere and I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Then another thing started to stir in my stomach. I had never done this before, I had never kissed back.

"Edward…I just…I can't. I've never just kissed anyone before. All of the kisses I've had have been taken from me. I don't know how to kiss back." I said embarrassed by my own admission, I was twenty-four years old and I'd never been probably kissed, that was pathetic.

"That's not true. You kissed that girl." He pointed out.

"That's different. She's Rose. She's my friend…kind of."

"I could be your friend."

"Rose and I kiss for a few seconds on stage. It's non-threatening."

"I could be non-threatening."

"Rose is a girl."

"I could be…wait, okay so I couldn't be a girl, but Bella, I promise, I won't hurt you. I promise."

"I…I…" I had run out of excuses. So all I could do was stare at him silently. "Quick peck. No forcing. We stop when I want."

"Quick peck. Absolutely no forcing. And we will definitely stop when you want. I promise, Bella." He said shifting me so I was sitting beside him, facing each other. "Ready?"

"No." I answered too quickly.

"Bella…" he said rolling his eyes.

"Okay, okay I'm ready." I licked my lips and closed my eyes, squinting as if expecting something horrible.

He sighed at my expression and I felt his soft strong hand snake around the back of my neck. "Relax, Bella." He said and pulled me close to him. My breath accelerated and he stroked my neck gently with his thumb, soothing me. Suddenly his lips were soft and gentle on mine. One quick peck lasted less than a second. He pulled his face away from me and I tried to follow him, wanting more.

"How was that?" He asked.

"Good." I said honestly.

"More?" He asked and I could hear a smirk on his face when he spoke.

"Yes." I breathed.

He leaned in again and his soft lips were back on mine, longer this time, still gentle. He pulled away too soon again.

"And that?" He asked, his voice growing husky.

"Very good."

"Again?"

"Please."

He leaned in once more and it was the same as before, at first. Soon enough I felt his wet, soft tongue flick lightly at my lip. The panic started to rise slowly, but I did my best to push it back down. His tongue flicked at my lips again, asking permission. I fought the internal war within me and won. I slowly, carefully opened my mouth slightly.

I felt his tongue enter my mouth and he was not urgent or forceful. I whimpered quietly into his mouth and felt the corners of it curl up into a smirk, but I didn't care just then. I just enjoyed out tongues dancing together and his sweet taste.

Suddenly I wanted more, I wanted to feel him want me in his kisses. I wrapped my hands in his hair and pulled him closer, rougher into my lips. He groaned and deepened the kiss, urgent now, but still careful, still restrained.

He pulled back and we were both panting a little, more for the need we felt for each other than for the actual act itself.

"Easy Bella. We don't want to overwhelm you."

"No, no, we want to overwhelm me. Keep going." I breathed launching myself at him.

"No, Bella. You've been through a trauma, we need to take it slow."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I growled in frustration.

"If we move too fast you could have another melt down like yesterday. I don't want to ever see you look at me like I'm a monster, not ever again."

"Oh, okay. Sorry." I said because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

We cuddled into the couch and were quiet for a while before I broke the silence." I'm sorry you wasted all that money."

"Best investment I ever made." He said simply. I was going to question him but he continued. "You aren't ready to give this up yet, are you? To give it all up?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry Edward. I can't. It's all I know. Don't try to save me. I'm stuck here, this is my life."

He placed a kiss on the top of my head and it felt like heaven, just being here with him, just like this in each others arms, it was just… heaven.

"You aren't stuck here and I won't save you, you'll save yourself. And I'll be here everyday for as long as it takes until you're ready. I will never give up on you."

NOTE - Please do let me know what you think! Reviews help me get chapters out faster! Thanks for reading!