Chapter 3: Puke
Puke. Its the first thing I have seen every morning for the past week. And maybe I'm just in terrible awful denial but there are tons of alternatives. Like food poisoning. Or maybe I've got an ulcer; I had one last year when studying for the O.W.L.S. perhaps it just came back? Oh, or maybe it's cancer I'm not exactly a brand of health, it could totally be cancer (I hope it's cancer). Needless to say, I'm not feeling too great, and this whole bloody 'friendship' bollocks is quite stressful. Trying to forge a friendship with someone you only know through a single encounter isn't exactly realistic. I'm trying to pretend like nothing has happened, like we've always known each other. I don't know why we can't just pretend to still be strangers. He's always waving at me, and smiling at me, and just generally being awful. I haven't been so frustrated in my entire life.
Last week, he sat next to me in potions. He made fun of me when I added fish scales instead of mermaid scales, and ended up covered in a layer of thick green goo. He laughed, I laughed, and then I left and screamed into a pillow for 5 minutes straight. On Wednesday he found an eyelash on my cheek, plucked it off and had me blow on it to make a wish, later that evening I snapped at Dom and called her a twat. And yesterday he gave me that look he gives me, unintentionally, where his eyes turn just a little bit darker and his lips look fuller then usual and I can feel the heat radiating off him, and so naturally I ran off to my bed for an afternoon wank. I hate him. I hate his perfect blonde hair, I hate his ridiculously witty and enticing conversation, and his piercing icy blue eyes and-and,
"Rose, you awake?!" I turn to look at the boy sitting next to me, he's staring at me with an amused smile plastered across his face.
"Yeah…Sorry, just thinking." I say removing the quill I had been worriedly chewing from my mouth.
"About what? You seemed pretty gone there. You fail a test or something?" I frown at him.
"Bugger off, I do actually have a life outside of school. Maybe you should ask me about it once in a while." I quip back.
"Scorpius, Rose! Pay attention!" Says Professor Longbottom, he looks concerned. Very very concerned and I know why. I'm talking to a Malfoy. You'd think that anybody who has been through the war would realize how bonkers any prejudice is, how you should never judge someone because of their name. But somehow there's still judgment, I suppose some things never change. I sigh and look back down at the plant in front of me. I don't know what it is. I suppose he's told us the name of it during the lecture I was ignoring. I peak over at Scorpious' notes trying to see what he has written down. He taps his wand on the parchment, making a duplicate and slides me a copy without looking away from the front of the class. I mutter a 'thank you' and turn back toward the plant on front of me, cursing Scorpious and his good nature.
Its ugly and a dark earthy purple color, and it smells like curdled cheese...and something else, feet maybe? Merlin the thought of feet is probably the worst thing in the world right now. I gulp and a sick look overcomes my face. I stand up and step back from the thing taking a deep steadying breath. Oh merlin I've inhaled the putrid smell again. Scorpious shoots me a quizzical look.
I look at Scorpius and gulp again as my mouth waters and my stomach churns. I look at the door and back at Professor Longbottom and then back at the plant. Its too much. I rush out of the greenhouse to the outside world and throw up all my hopes and dreams of maintaining a decent social standing. With each gag I feel my life ending a little more completely, and then of course, naturally (because what else would happen) I hear footsteps behind me.
"Rose?" I try to turn around to meet whoever it is coming up to me and blurrily spot blonde hair and big round blue eyes. Kim?
I grumble and steady myself as I feel another surge of sick coming on, I bend back over and the rest of the contents from my stomach burst forth in a colorful display onto the grass. I feel Kim's hand on my back and another one holding back my hair and I swear to Merlin, Godric, and even bloody Salazar that if I wasn't in the midst of spewing my brains out I'd turn around and have a go at her for daring to sneak up on me in my vulnerable state. I stay bent over for a few moments longer catching my breath and spitting the taste of vomit out of my mouth, before sitting back onto my heels and wiping my mouth on my sleeve. Kim mutteers a quiet 'scourgify' on the heap of vomit splattered on the ground and there it goes, my sick disappearing into some dirty scourgified netherworld.
"Are you alright?"
"Oh yeah absolutely just, you know, peachy."
"Do you want me to take you to the hospital wing?"
"No…I'm fine...just a bit hungover is all." I mutter avoiding her eyes at any and all costs. I stand up to go but not before swooning and tumbling sideways into the garden wall.
"You just said you weren't fine. C'mon love, maybe some crackers to settle your stomach yeah?" She extends her hand to steady me, and to my surprise…I take it. She walks me through the castle without a word and I am completely grateful. If I talk I will vomit. If she talks I will vomit. The only thing that holds me together is the familiar pine smell of the castle and the sound of our shoes clicking against stone.
It used to be a coveted secret, the entrance to the kitchens that is, but now with the castle overrun by the grandchildren of the 'marauders' it's a well known fact that all you have to do to enter is tickle the pear and the door will swing open revealing the castles best food (literally) on a silver platter. We walk through the round opening ducking our heads slightly as we go, and when we look back up there's a crowd of house-elves eagerly standing in a row napkins thrown over their wrists.
"Oh!" Kim exclaims when a little house-elf bows before her.
"How can we help Mistress Miller?" The elf questions.
"I think some crackers and soda water will do, thank you." She says with a smirk.
"And some pudding." I mutter before the elf can walk away. In a matter of seconds we are being pushed into armchairs and a plate of crackers, a cup for soda water, and a lovely cabinet pudding are delivered and deposited onto a little coffee table.
"Are you sure you can handle that pudding? Doesn't look like it'd feel very nice after barfing your brains out."
I shoot her a look before taking the largest bite of that pudding that my mouth will allow.
"I guess you can." She mumbles at my enthusiasm as I take another bite. "That does look rather good, is that a chancellor pudding?" She asks scooting a bit closer toward me. My stomach lurches at the taste of the overly sweet desert.
"You wouldn't mind if I-?" She asks and I feel like there's some joke here I'm missing out on. I give her a sideways glance, my mouth still completely full. She takes my spoon from the bowl and takes a bite letting out a little sound of joy as it reaches her lips.
"You know what…" I mutter after swallowing, "Why don't you just take it."
"Oh you don't have to do that. I just wanted a bite."
"No really please." I say a sheen of sweat glistening on my forehead at the thought of having to take another bite. She raises one eyebrow and I nod to her with a little wave of my hands signalling it really is okay. I truly cannot think of a better description for our situation, she's taking my pudding and eating it too. She takes the platter from me and enthusiastically shovels another bite into her mouth.
"So...what were you doing down by the greenhouses anyway?" I ask on the end of a sigh.
"Oh I have a free day…so I was just going to go study in the gardens while Scorpious finished up, we planned to go down to the lake when he was finished, but I'm sure he'll understand it was more important to take care of you." I imagine the two of them sitting in the open sunlight feeding each other strawberries, she kisses his cheek and he looks at her in that way that same way that he's always looking at me. "What were you doing behind the green houses? There's a perfectly good waste basket inside you know."
"Do you like being sick on front of the whole school?"
"Oh, you don't think you're really sick do you? I just realized I had your spoon in my mouth." I chuckle a bit. Her fault.
"I think I have ulcers. I got 'em last year during OWLs too."
"Oh yeah ulcers ouch…" She nods and awkwardly shifts her vision away from me. We sit there a moment and it's completely silent. She takes a deep breath and lets it out of her nose slowly and I try not to let it bother me. I find myself extremely put off by the silence, I wish she'd just let me be now I'm all safe and warm again. I'm sure I have a scowl on my face but I try and relax it, reminding myself that we're both victims here, that she's not at fault, that really we should just string Scorpius up and hack his bollocks.
"You don't like me very much do you, Rose?" She says after a while.
My ears turn red at having been caught in my very-no-good-thoughts and sputter out
"N-." but she interrupts me and plows on, "You never really talk to me when I sit with James, and you don't ever say 'hello' in the halls or anything, and I understand you're sick but I can feel you're bothered…I mean really the silence is palpable...I just I don't know" She trails off her hands fidgeting in her lap. I sigh and try not to look too guilty.
"No it's not...it's not that. I'm just having a rough go of it is all. Really, you're fantastic. Clever, beautiful, you take care of James and you fed me." I'm trying to find the good, because it's there. I suppose that's what makes this so difficult, she really is amazing I don't see how anyone could dislike her. "I just...I'm going through a lot," A sympathetic 'oh' escapes her, "And I really don't want to talk about that, but yes, short answer yes, I do like you."
"Thanks Rose. That means a lot, girls don't usually take well to me. I tend to make friends mostly with boys. Then again things always seem to go sour there as well, try to get in my pants and that. I'm sure you know how that is." I actually do, it's not easy being a girl in a patriarchal society. She sighs dreamily "Scorpius was one of the only people that tried to be my friend, you know? I pursued him, he's a gentleman really." I inwardly guffaw, "I'm glad I've made friends with James too, he's really nice and never pushes it." I try my best not to snort but I feel a little tug at the corner of my mouth. "I hope this doesn't come off trite, but I'd really like it if we could be friends." She says it calmly and her eyes slowly sweep from the floor to meet mine. Am I intimidating or something? She seems nervous. I look back at her trying to hide the slew of emotions and clash of thoughts running through my head. Something breaks in me and I see through all the cloudy murky shit that I have created for myself. I see a good, fun, interesting human reaching out to me. I muster up a smile and take her hand.
"I'd like that." I say softly. "And while we're at it if any man tries to bother you, and that includes my cousin, you just come to me and I'll curse him to oblivion and back." She smiles and laughs at the thought. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze of comfort before standing and stretching her arms above her head. "Well…I'd better go meet Scorpious. Are you sure you don't want to go to the Hospital Wing?"
"No, no I'm fine, and anyway I really shouldn't miss anymore arithmancy."
"Do you mind if I walk you?" I smile and respond by inclining my head towards the door.
After an excruciating hour of numbers and me dozing off in my hands I walk to the Great Hall for lunch, my mind on this strange social dynamic I've accidentally created. I know Kim won't sit with us for more than five minutes, she just comes over to say 'hello' to James and spends the rest of her lunch with Scorpious, I assume she has no idea we're friends, she never brings him to sit with us. So I can sit in peace, I can eat in peace, no waves of guilt when I look up and see him staring at me across the hall, Kim with her back turned. I walk in and my stomach flip-flops anyway at the sight of the two of them laughing at some inside joke.
I sit down next to Dom as usual and lay my head on the table dramatically.
"Are you alright? You don't look so good." Dom exclaims.
"Just bloody fantastic." She puts a hand on the back of my neck and frowns.
"You're not warm or anything."
"Yeah…ulcers don't cause fevers do they?"
"Ulcers? Rose, please don't tell me you're on about that again."
"What do you mean 'on about'? Last year I had them, they're real. Remember? I couldn't eat anything. And anyway I'm probably just dying from dragon pox it's fine"
"You didn't eat because you wouldn't leave the common room for two weeks up to our OWLs. Every time I tried to bring you something you said it looked like a distraction and had me throw it out. And you don't have bloody dragon pox you tart."
"I said that?" I say sitting up, "Really when has food ever been anything other then necessary as often as possible?" Dom laughs and throws a chip at me, giggling even harder when I bat it away lazily and throw my head back down onto the table.
"Hello Rose." I hear the cheerful voice of Kim ring through my head. It hurts. Her voice literally hurts my ears. I let out a groan and pout up at her. "Still feeling sick then, I see." She says and pats my back gently.
"Kim!" James exclaims turning her around and scooping her into a hug. I pull my head off the table and turn to look at Scorpius from across the room and he's looking at James. I think I even see him puff out his chest a little. Jealous Mr. Malfoy? I can't help it. I smile a little bit, such petty revenge..
"Want my soup? Might make you feel a little better." Dom offers.
"Ugh absolutely not." My hand quivers even as I look at it. I reach out a shaky hand and take a sip of pumpkin juice trying not to gag.
"Rosie…can I talk to you a moment?"
"Do I have a choice?" I frown as she stands and takes my hand pulling me to my feet and dragging me away from the tables.
"Don't take this the wrong way," She says stepping out the doors to the great hall "but...you couldn't be...y'know...up the duff could you?" She asks.
"'Up the duff', I've always enjoyed that phrase, so eloquent." I say crossing my arms over my chest avoiding the question.
"Rose. I'm serious here."
"I know, I know. I don't think so, I'm just I don't know...eternally hungover, I drank so much that night of the quidditch game. Probably just messed up my stomach or something."
"Could be...y'know that happened to me once, shared two bottles of firewhiskey with your brother actually, sick for a week." I smack her arm lightly.
"You did not feed my baby brother alcohol! You're a terrible influence."
"Oh don't be fooled the urchin knicked it straight from our liquor cabinet."
"Something really should be done about that boy." I say sarcastically, in actuality I'm glowing with sisterly pride. "Anyway, I'm fine, it's fine, we're all happy and fine." I insist wiping the glean of sweat from my forehead. She notices and frowns but takes my hand anyway when I offer it, pulling her back into the Great Hall. Kim is sitting back with Scorpius his arms wrapped sickeningly around her waist and his lips on her neck. Didn't take him for the public display type but godric if he doesn't look happy. It's stupid but I find myself imagining myself wrapped up in his arms, him kissing my cheek, and me giggling back with that same proud grin. I stare at him from across the hall as I walk back and just when I think I've had enough he turns away from Kim, sees me and he smiles.
Authors note: I never thought I'd use my talents on describing the feeling of vomiting so often. Sorry about that buy essential to the story yada yada.