Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter!
This third chapter takes place after Masood tells Christian about Amira's pregnancy.
Hope you like it!!
xoxoxo
Christian POV:
I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. All I knew was that I had to get out of the flat before the tears started to spill from my eyes. I grabbed my coat and rushed out before Masood could utter another word to me. Pregnant. Amira was pregnant. With Syed's baby. It was all over. The happy life that we'd always dreamt of was crashing down around me. Because I was fine with everyone calling me a marriage wrecker, I really was. But I would not be called a home wrecker. I could not allow myself to tear apart Syed's new family, to leave an unborn baby without his father. I couldn't ask Syed to do that for me. I could ask him to leave his wife for me, but not his child. Never his child. I had barely even registered the fact that I was moving until I found myself outside of my flat. I let myself in eagerly; this was the one place which felt like home, now that Syed had came into my life. Part of me wished that I'd never came to Walford, that I'd never set eyes on the face of my soul mate. But another part, a larger part, was so thankful that I had no matter what had happened, or what was going to happen, I was glad that I had been able to spend those few precious moments with my soul mate. I was glad that I had been able to give my heart and soul to the man they belonged to, no matter how much it would tear me up inside to watch him bringing up a child with another. I collapsed onto the floor as the door closed behind me, bringing my knees up and hugging them to my chest as I let the tears which had threatened me at Syed's flat wash over me. It was then that I noticed the crumpled up notes in my hand, and started to go back over the things that Masood has said to me.
The way he had talked about the feelings that Syed would have for his child.
"The lengths you'd go to, to protect them...even when you know they're weak"
The way he had talked about Syed being weak.
"His mother could never see it. But I did..."
The way he had asked me if I had a problem with Amira's pregnancy.
The way he had tried to convince me to leave.
"Maybe you've got a friend somewhere, or your mother would like a visit?"
The way he had banned me from the flat warming.
The way he had told me that I needed a holiday.
"Just, go away..."
The way he got defensive when I told him I hadn't finished at the flat yet.
"Oh no, you've done enough already..."
The way that he had insisted that I take his money and take a break.
All of his words were spinning around in my head, along with the way he had reacted when he saw me getting upset. He knew. Masood knew about us, and he was trying to get me to leave so that his son could have a chance at a happy life with his wife and child. He thought that I was going to take his son away from his family, away from his child. No doubt he thought that I was going to have my way with Syed and then leave him out in the cold, and was trying to intice me into leaving by paying me off. The tears stopped abruptly as the realisation set in. I was angry now. I was angry that this man thought he knew anything about the way I felt about his son. I was angry that this man thought to presume that I would leave the love of my life, my soul mate, for a couple of hundred quid. I looked down at the notes which were still crumpled in my hand. Perhaps it was best that I leave. Perhaps it was what we both needed; some time apart, so that we could get over one another. Because we could never be together, not properly. He'd always come close to telling his family, but something would always come up to stop him. Amira would be having a bad day, and he wouldn't want to make it even worse. His mother would warn him of the state that his family's reputation would be in if our secret came out. His father would always be there, trying to pay my off. And then, when his child came along, there'd always be something happening with the child to prevent him from leaving. His first steps. His first day of school. His first girlfriend.
Before I could change my mind, I headed into the flat and grabbed my suitcase, starting to fill it when I heard a key turn in the door of my flat. Syed had come, and I knew that, when I saw him, my plan to leave would be shot down before it had even got off the ground.
"What happened to no more yo-yo-ing?" Syed had come in and found me packing. He had been hysterical, and it had taken him a good few moments to calm down. Despite myself, I held him as his hysterics washed over the both of us, desperate to feel his warmth and closeness.
"What happened to honesty?" It was below the belt, but I couldn't help the betrayal that I felt. Syed had known that Amira was pregnant, and yet he had still wound me round his little finger, so that I was desperate to make love to him.
"Amira told you?" Realisation hit him as he realised that I knew about his unborn child. I didn't look at him, even though I could feel his eyes burning into my back as I continued to pack. I almost laughed at his shocked voice.
"You're having a baby, Sy."
"I only found out yesterday!" The day that he had enticed me back to his flat. The day that we had made love for hours on end, and I had felt sure that, this time, it would all be different. That, this time, he would be able to stand up and do the right thing, tell his family the truth about us. I had been wrong, yet again.
"What, and that makes it any better?"
"Oh, for God's sake, Christian!" I continued to pack as he finally stood up from the sofa. "You can't be surprised. You knew what I was - " He couldn't bring himself to say it. To say that he was sleeping with Amira. That he was betraying his heart and soul. Betraying me. "It was only a matter of time, wasn't it? What did you expect? What did you expect me to do?" I turned to face him then, all of my anger and the feelings of betrayal, which had been eating away at me since Masood had told me, were finally starting to surface, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"The right thing!" It was all I ever expected him to do, but every time, he let me down. Every time I thought we were getting somewhere, something would come along and shoot me down again. And I was getting tired of it. "Finally." All I had ever been hoping for since the day of our first kiss was that, one day, he would be able to stand up for our relationship. "This is new life. Brand new." He held my gaze, and all I wanted to do was to be able to hold him and call him mine. But now, I would never be able to do that. Because, now, there was a person in his life who was even more important than his soul mate. His unborn child. "Now we do the good, decent, honest thing. For everyone." I went back to my packing, but he put a hand out to stop me.
"No!" He was getting angry now as well. I sighed, attempting to finish what I had started, but failing as my own anger bubbled back up to the surface.
"Look, what do you expect me to do?! Watch you and your children grow older through a window?! Do you want to lie to your son? Daughter?" He was looking me in the eyes again, and my resolve to leave almost wavered. I knew that, he would only have to say those three little words to me, and I would stay. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't live my life watching the man I loved above all others give his love to someone else. I couldn't watch him with his wife and child, day after day. It would kill me.
"You know I care about you." His voice was desperate now. He was as desperate not to lose me was I was not to lose him. But I had punished myself for long enough. I had hurt myself by waiting too many times. It was time for me to try to move on, to try to get over Syed.
"Yeah, last! You care about me last! And I'm never gonna stop moving down the list." I had to make him understand why I was doing this. Why I was leaving him. I had finally finished my packing, and was about to lift my case to the floor.
"I - I wanna hold your hand - " Syed's voice was a mixture of frustration and pain. I knew that he was frustrated that he couldn't make himself stand up and fight for me, and I knew that it pained him to see me hurting this way.
"Well you can't!" I was on the brink of losing it, and I knew that, if I did, with Syed here, I would never be able to make myself leave. I blinked back the tears as I faced him. "I know now, you can't." He had tried to make me see things from his side for so long, and now, I finally could. I could see the love in his eyes, warring with the frustration in his voice. He broke away from my gaze, and reached down and took my hand in his. I felt the surge of electricity pass through my body, and I was home. He met my eyes again, and realisation finally dawned on his face.
"I'm sorry..." He looked down at our joined hands, and I followed his gaze. They fit together perfectly, like they had been made for each other. I had. I had been made for Syed.
"I'm not." He met my gaze again, and this time, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "But it's enough now." I had been through enough for this man. My heart had broken so many times that I was surprised that it was still beating. Before I'd met Syed, I had never known what it had felt like to nurse a broken heart. But now, since he had walked into my life, I was nursing one every day. Just when I thought it was almost repaired, something would happen to make it break all over again. I couldn't take it any more. "For both of us." I knew that his heart had been breaking as much as mine had. And it was time that both of us allowed our hearts to mend, as best they could when they were away from their owners.
"No..." He looked despearte as I took my hand from his and made to grab my suitcase.
"Enough." I was tired. I was tired of being the only one who was willing to stand up and fight for our relationship. I was tired of being the one who fell the furthest every time we tried to be with one another and failed. I grabbed my case and made to leave, Syed still standing where I had left him. I didn't fight the tears as I walked away from my soul mate. I was done with fighting.
"Christian..." I could hear the tears in his words, and I felt my resolve starting to weaken. I sighed, placing my bag on the ground and turned to look at him. Sure enough, he had tears in his eyes, and was giving me such a look of desperation that I couldn't bare to leave him like this.
"Come here." I sighed, moving over to him and pulling him into my arms. Even after all that we'd gone through, no matter how much my heart pleaded me not to, I still cared about Syed. He needed me to be there for him right now, and I needed him just as much. I pulled him down so that we were sitting on the bed and held him while the tears flowed, both his and mine.
Somehow, the conversation had turned onto what would have happened if Syed hadn't married Amira all those months ago. If he had had the courage to stand up to his mother and fight for our relationship. Even though I knew that my heart would break once again, I liked to hear what we could have been; it made me realise that he loved me just as much as I loved him.
"Brighton's nice." Syed was sitting with his head on my shoulder, no other parts of our bodies touching. With him this close, I could feel the electricity between us, and I longed to close the gap between my body and his. "Or Yorkshire. What's that place?" I smiled, turning to look at him.
"Hebden Bridge." He smiled back at me, imagining the life that we could have had, as I was.
"We could get a dog. Wear too short shorts." I laughed, picturing everything he was saying. "Buy a bungalow and call it 'Done Lying' - "
"No," I interrupted him. I couldn't hear him talk like this anymore. My heart couldn't take it. It was a fantasy that was never going to be reality, and it was only going to hurt me more the more it went on. We sat in companionable silence for a few moments
"Leave me a bit of space, I could still come with you tonight." There he was, doing it again. Filling my head with more fantasies that would never become a reality. Because we could never have a normal life together. I knew that Syed would always pine for the family he had given up, the child he had never gotten to know. And that would kill me more than losing him; seeing him in so much pain.
"You'd never forgive me." I looked him in the eyes, and saw the truth of what I was saying reflected in them. He knew that I was right. I raised my hand and brushed some of his hair out of his face. It was getting too long again, just the way I liked it. "You know you wouldn't. You can't run away from your baby." He sighed, knowing that I was right. I put my arm around him and starting rubbing his back to comfort him; his eyes were beginning to get watery again, and I didn't think I could stand to see him in any more pain tonight.
"No." That one word killed any little piece of hope that had remained within my stubborn heart. I knew then that I had lost him, for good this time. "I have to tell them, don't I?" I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't want to influence his decision to tell his family; not directly, at least. "I'm gonna be a dad, Christian..." Hearing him say those words was like a dagger to my heart. I didn't see how I was going to survive this time. "Dads are brave. They're grown up, and they know the answers." I looked at him, not wanting to believe him, but coming so close to hoping again. He was trying to say that he was ready, that he was finally brave enough to accept who he was, to embrace it, even. Or, at least, I hoped he was. "I can't spend my whole life scared. My family love me, they can't want me to be unhappy!" I snorted. Zainab certainly could. She was the one who had forced him to marry Amira, even though he had admitted that he loved me. Masood was willing to pay me to leave the country, to leave my soul mate. Of course they could want him to be unhappy, for the sake of their pride, honour and family name!
"Can't they?" He looked at me, that familiar look of love in his eyes, and I had to make myself look away. I was on the verge of hoping, and if I did that, then I would only pay for it later.
"I'm gonna do it, Christian." He had said it so many times, that it was like it was just being said out of habit. Why should I believe that this time was going to be any different to the other times before it? I turned my head, daring to look at him, and saw the honesty and conviction in his words. Maybe this time it would be different. Maybe this time, he would follow through, and tell everyone the truth. He caught my gaze, and took my hand in his. I gave myself to him willingly, hoping that, this time, I wasn't going to get my heart broken again. "I'm gonna tell my family the truth."
I couldn't tear my gaze away from his. It was like some unearthly force was keeping my eyes locked onto his, and I believed him. I believed every word that he had said. Maybe it was because I wanted to believe that this was really going to happen, that I was finally going to get my happy ending with the man I loved more than anything else in the world. He leaned his lips in to mine, and in the moment that our lips met, everything was right in the world again.
A/N: So, what did you think? Do you guys want me to throw a little sexy time into the mix, or do you want me to continue with the rest of the story? Or do you just want me to give up and quit writing it now? Let me know, the future of this story is in your hands!!