THE WEEK BEFORE THE CAPTURE
Levi shut himself in his room after dinner. He had a lot to think about.
It was a bit awkward with Eren after the massage. The youth would keep on staring at him and just seemed to snap out of it when Levi broke the eye contact and reached out for his boots. He had to admit that the massage numbed his senses, in a good way, but Eren's expression overall also had a lot to do with his numbness.
He wanted to know what Eren had in mind as he tied the stick once again to Levi's leg. When he finished it, the gleam in his eyes was almost all gone and they silently left the dungeon, heading the saloon for dinner. Levi led the way with Eren on his heels, carrying the tray. They didn't talk at all after that or during dinner. The boy looked anxious for a good deal of time and would often shoot him a puzzled look, after failing to engage into conversation with the corporal.
The black-haired man fell heavily on his bed, resting on his stomach, and groaned. Just how clueless was Eren after all? He sure could be young and inexperienced at a great deal of social interactions, but he was definitely sending Levi a message back then. However, he did not discard the possibility that Eren could not know for sure what he was getting into and was just following his instinct. He shivered at this thought. Thinking of Eren's rapturous instinct instantly made him remember the first time they talked and how it thrilled him. That look on Eren's eyes this evening didn't fail to thrill him again – he definitely looked quite the predator.
He shook his head. He couldn't believe it. The more he thought about it, the less innocent Eren looked.
He flipped on his back and sat up, slowly removing the harness and the cravat, and then placing them on a chair by his desk. Lazy fingers unbuttoned his shirt as he gazed outside the window, breathing in the fresh nightly breeze. He climbed on his bed again after hanging his shirt behind the chair and leaned on his side. His mind pulled him back into thinking of Eren as he felt his legs. Even now he could feel Eren's fingers.
What Eren had in his heart, he couldn't tell for sure, but at least his own feelings he had to figure. He could not deny that he felt attached to the boy, even though he tried not to get too close. He could also not deny that he did look at Eren with more than simple interest for his existence. Putting himself together upon the expedition, he found himself thinking of Eren in ways that he shouldn't – those smiles, those words he spoke and those eyes loaded with untold feelings. Levi sighed deeply. He knew what it was.
Levi awoke before the sun was up. He decided he had to find out what were Eren's intentions. What he would do about them, he wasn't completely sure; but somehow he came to hope that they were thinking alike.
He cursed the timing for this to happen. They had such little time. He had yet to hear from Erwin what they had to do in order to keep things as they should be. The man realised he had to make a choice. He couldn't foresee what would happen to them, and even though he promised Eren he wouldn't let him get killed, he couldn't selfishly sacrifice the most powerful soldier for the sake of a man commonly seen as a threat. But then again, what could he expect from the humanity, if in their irrational fear they chose to dispose of a soldier who had devoted his existence to destroying their enemy? Was it really worth it throwing away his heart for these undeserving people?
He took a deep breath. Prior to thinking such things, he should focus again on what he could do before the grand finale. He wanted to make sure Eren had had a good life under his care and that if the worst happened, he wouldn't go with regrets. He was thinking of himself too, because after all, he would be left behind to regret too, and it would haunt him until the end of his days.
I have successfully come up with a plan. Just trusted soldiers will be involved.
Wait up for me tomorrow night with Eren.
This world isn't safe even within the walls, Levi. Much discretion is never enough.
Erwin
Levi felt bitterness building up in his chest while he burned the edges of the letter in the flames of his oil lamp. Humans were such disgusting creatures. Even facing the risk of extinction they would betray their own kind.
"Why…?" he whispered, his fists clenched with anger.
The man left his room and marched towards the dungeon, aiming to release Eren from the shackles and take the opportunity to tell him about the plan in a private and secured place. He pushed his previous resolve to the back of his mind – he was actually scared to find out what was in Eren's heart and end up losing control. It was a moment of crisis and he couldn't let anything cloud his judgement or distract him. Maybe it would be prudent to tell Eren to do the same.
When he entered the dungeon, Eren was sat on his bed, fiddling with his fingers on his lap. He looked miserable, but when he saw Levi walking towards him to free his arms from the shackles, his face lit up as usual.
"Good morning Levi heichou" he greeted warmly.
"Good morning, Eren" the man replied, sitting on the edge of the bed after releasing the youth.
He watched as Eren quickly jumped from the bed and enjoyed stretching his muscles, then kneeled on a corner that had a stool with a water basin. He held the edges and sunk his head inside, pulling his head out quickly afterwards, shaking the water away from his hair and then pulling a towel that was placed under the basin. Humming softly, he quickly got on his feet and fetched his harness, bouncing back to sit beside Levi and placing the straps between them. He started to pick them one by one to wear.
Absent-mindedly, the older man collected the leather pieces and attached the straps to them, handing them over to Eren each time he finished wrapping one around his body. "I've got news from Erwin" he finally spilled out, in a whisper.
Eren halted his movements, but slowly moved on as he waited for Levi to talk more about it.
"He is coming tomorrow night before the military police escorts arrive to take us to the capital, and then we will learn about our roles." They both kept on looking down, Levi at the straps he held and Eren at the wrapping task. The boy nodded silently as he reached out to take a strap from Levi's grip. He could have simply pulled it, but he chose to touch the dark-haired man's hand in the process. Before the boy's hand slipped away, Levi tried to capture Eren's fingertips with his own, and when he succeeded, he gazed deeply into those green eyes. "We can't completely trust anyone, Eren" he continued, his voice as quiet as a whisper "but surely the people Erwin designed for this mission are on our side. And on your side too", he quickly added.
Eren didn't reply, but he gently squeezed Levi's fingertips before pulling the strap away from the man's grip and focusing on wearing the harness. Levi realised how this topic was depressing for Eren. Maybe he had many doubts and regrets still holding him down. Maybe he still hadn't healed from his choice back in the woods.
Levi sighed heavily as he lifted the last piece the boy had to wear and hooked it himself at Eren's belt and across his shoulder. He took the opportunity to lean in close to the boy's ear.
"Don't hesitate anymore, Eren."
Levi left the room as soon as he could see the resolve in the emerald eyes. He then safely assumed that Eren had understood his words. Indeed, if the boy wanted to do his best, hesitating would do nothing on his favour. The corporal could tell that originally, hesitating wasn't in Eren's personality, but the situation in which humanity pushed him into, forced him to think over a thousand times before he needed to take a critical decision, which meant becoming a monster for the sake of the home he wanted to protect.
He drank his morning tea alone, as there was no sign of Eren. Levi thought maybe he was getting prepared psychologically. Staring at the seat the boy occupied on the day before, he partially rejoiced that Eren was taking this very seriously, but at the same time, his heart beat painfully, in anguish at the thought that in the end he wouldn't get to sit beside Eren anymore.
The corporal decided to go on a cleaning duty afterwards. Some of the furniture on the second floor needed major dusting. He sighed as he realised how big was that castle without so many of his men.
He put down the wet cloth after cleaning the glass from a window, worry slowly creeping into his chest. He couldn't help getting nervous with the upcoming mission. But when he was nervous, the best was to clean something up to put his thoughts in order and regain his cool. He leaned against the window seat and watched as the unmistakeable shiny brown hair emerged from the woods, bouncing perkily towards the hole he made a couple days ago, while attempting to sweep the dry leaves. He squatted; doing something Levi couldn't see due to the angle he was placed. He tried to figure from the boy's movements what was it he was so busy with, but he was clueless, so he just watched until Eren was done. To Levi's luck, soon the boy was done and he could see he planted something small, awkwardly being supported by a stick, with small stones placed on a circle around it. The man wondered why planting something in the middle of the path, and as if being able to hear his thoughts, Eren turned around and searched through the windows until he spotted Levi looking at him. The boy waved at him happily.
Intrigued by his behaviour, he slowly beckoned Eren with a finger and sighed as the boy rushed back into the castle.
Sooner than he would have expected, Eren appeared by the doorsill puffing from the quick run, with a silly smile all over his face. Levi frowned when he looked at the boy's hands.
"Your hands are filthy,"
"I'm sorry sir, I didn't want to make you wait" he smiled sheepishly.
Levi appreciated the gesture. Nodding silently, he reached for a bucket filled with clear water and placed it on the table. "Come here," he ordered, lowering the cloth that covered his mouth. The boy walked towards him obediently, and as soon as he was within Levi's grasp, he took Eren's hands and pulled them into the bucket, handling the task of scrubbing the boy's hands clean himself.
Eren's hands were very warm. The back hand was soft, but the palm was lightly rough, as expected from a young man used to rough tasks. He expertly rubbed between Eren's fingers as he started talking again. "So what was it that you planted in the middle of the path?" He asked softly.
The boy smiled, quite proudly of his deed. "It's a tea plant, sir." The man raised an eyebrow.
"Why did you plant it there?" he asked again, focusing on scrubbing the nails.
"Well, I said I would do something about the grass I killed, and I thought heichou would appreciate if he could get fresh leaves for his tea."
He felt heat faintly rising to his cheeks and twitched the corner of his lips into a quick smile. He saw that Eren didn't miss it, even if he was facing downwards cleaning the boy's hands.
"There, your hands are clean", he said quietly, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and drying Eren's hands. He did the same to his afterwards and pulled the piece of cloth away beside the bucket. He saw when Eren closed the distance between them, and instinctively, the black-haired man stepped back, feeling the window seat against his thighs.
Eren was looking at him with those eyes again when he placed his hands on each side of Levi, against the cold stone, successfully trapping him. His heart speeded up by the seconds and he couldn't bring himself to move when Eren leaned into him and stopped a few millimetres from touching their lips. He could feel Eren's hot breath caressing his lips as those eyes pierced into his, closer than ever, shinier than ever; filled with passion.
Levi parted his lips slightly when Eren's touched his, and sucked the air from his mouth. Their eyes half closed as they tilted their heads, locking their lips together. Eren pushed his tongue inside, sucking Levi's vigorously. The older man fell backwards slightly, half sitting on the window seat, grasping the boy's shirt as he pulled Eren closer and tangled their legs. Eren's height made him face upwards, yet the hunger of that kiss forced him downwards. He couldn't stop the shivering as Eren's hands cupped his cheeks, breaking the kiss for a second and licking Levi's swollen lips before kissing deeply again.
The corporal slowly wrapped his arms around Eren's neck, completely unable to think. He could feel the younger man's heart beating angrily against his and the hands dropping from his cheek to his sides, the strong grip on his thighs, lifting him and forcing him into sitting properly on the stone, swiftly spreading Levi's legs and sliding between them.
The moan that escaped their lips when their crotches rubbed against each other seemed to bring them back to their senses and their eyes snapped open. The kiss ceased but their lips didn't move one inch away.
Eren was shaking against him and Levi's head suddenly felt too heavy for his shoulders as he let it fall backwards, resting against the glass. He closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath as his arms slid from Eren's shoulders and his back slumped heavily against the window.
He wanted it. He wanted it. So bad. He couldn't believe it how much he wanted it; how much his body ached for it; how much his heart pleaded for it.
He wanted Eren. He wanted Eren to touch him, to kiss him, to crush him into his arms. He didn't want to let him go. He didn't want Eren to be taken away from him.
It would hurt too much.
He would break.
Levi stared into Eren's eyes. The gleam was still there, silently waiting for him, watching over him, eating him alive. He knew once he gave in he wouldn't be able to part with it anymore.
Finding the strength to lift his arms again, Levi placed his hands on Eren's chest, slowly pushing him away. He saw when Eren frowned in confusion, and refused to move as the corporal's hands pushed him.
"Move," ordered the man, the voice hoarse from his parched throat and heart aching from the angry look Eren was shooting at him. He wanted to reach out and caress his cheek, stroke his unruly hair and kiss the frown away from his forehead, but he had to be firm. However, Eren read this moment of weakness and leaned in, softly kissing Levi's lips. The man gave in on the first seconds and kissed back, but soon he recovered from this moment and broke the kiss, slapping Eren across the face. "Don't you dare to disobey me again," he said, unable to stare into the boy's hurt expression.
Levi walked away from the room as fast as he could, seeking refuge in his bedroom and locking himself in. He leaned against the door and slid against it. He felt like his heart would jump from his mouth anytime. His limbs felt numb, his head hurt painfully. His body was protesting against his decision, but he couldn't allow that body to memorise Eren's touch and then have no more of it if they failed the mission.
He still couldn't tell which decision he would regret less if the worst happened, but he swore that if the mission was a success, he wouldn't let Eren go anymore. Just as he decided that, he heard footsteps outside his door and a noise of cloth rustling against it. It was probably Eren, sitting in the same manner as him, sulking as he waited for Levi to come out and talk. Yet, the older man wouldn't dare to look into Eren's face anytime soon. He was afraid he would betray his resolve and be left with just a bitter-sweet memory.
They sat there for a long time until Levi heard one of his subordinates talk to Eren and take him away for cooking duty. He could feel the floor vibrating as Eren dragged his feet.
Not much longer afterwards, he heard the sound of metal and ceramic clinking on the floor, right behind him. There was a soft knock.
"Heichou," It was Eren speaking softly, almost as if he knew Levi was right behind the door. "I have brought you dinner," he said, waiting for any response, but there wasn't any. "I will leave it here. Good night, sir."
Levi's heart broke a little as he heard Eren's sad tone, and opened the door shortly after he distinguished steps walking away. He saw the tray on the floor and picked it up quickly, locking the door behind him.
He wanted tomorrow to come faster.